When I decided that I liked both girls and boys back in 2015, I finally accepted who I truly was! That was such an amazing feeling, it felt like there were fireworks going off in my heart.
But recently, I have been questioning my sexuality again, thinking ‘Am I lesbian’. The reason I’ve been questioning myself is because I haven’t been in a relationship for over two years now and that relationship was with one of my high school friends.
I didn’t see that relationship as a proper one if that makes sense. I saw him as my best friend but when it came to anything sexual I straight away tried to dodge the subject as I didn’t feel comfortable with doing that.
Since that relationship, I have been more interested in women. I have never been in a relationship with a girl and I’m quite scared about what it would be like!
I have been on some dates with girls but they haven’t been taken any further. The last date I went on was on New Year’s Eve with a irish girl who really caught my eye and her accent was just something else!
Let’s just say the date didn’t end well because I ended up having a seizure in front of the girl and went back home. This was so embarrassing for me, the next day after I recovered and I messaged her to apologise however, since then we haven’t spoken so I guess I’m back to square one.
Since this date, I have really been thinking about my sexuality and how parts from my past have affected me. I just ask myself ‘Do I need to label myself’.
A part of my past that popped up in my mind was when my best friend’s partner at the time was being really homophobic towards me. He would say things like, “I shouldn’t leave you alone with her you might hit on her”. That was my best friend he was talking about and it really made me feel so unwanted and ashamed.
After this situation, I didn’t see my best friend for months, all because of her ex partner. I’ve just started to see her again and one of those times was at her wee girl’s second birthday party. I was so scared about going because he was going to be there.
I did go in the end and everything was fine! We put the past behind us, but if this ever happens again I know I need to stand my ground.
So with the whole labeling sexuality I don’t think you need to broadcast yourself to the world to accept yourself. However, If you feel like this would help you in accepting yourself then go for it! You should be proud of who you are, regardless of your sexuality.
Here are some other articles that helped me accept myself for who I am from our team; https://teenagerswithexperience.weebly.com/jazzs-articles/labels