questioning your sexuality from a young age

Growing up I was never one for being open about my sexuality because I never really thought about it. I was just more interested in getting out and playing in the wildness, discovering new things and mainly just having fun with friends! One of my favourite memories as a child was when I used to get my scooter and walking up to the top of my road and just racing down the hill to the bottom. Little things like that really did make me smile like a Cheshire cat. 

I think it was around about when I just turned eleven that I started to question my sexuality. The reason being was every Saturday night me and my family would all sit down to watch Doctor Who. That’s when the character known as Rose Tyler came up on my screen and I instantly fell in love. The actress who was acting as Rose Tyler was named Billie Piper, but being an eleven-year-old you believe all these television series are real.

Rose Tyler was just a natural girl who was full of adventure and with every chance, she took she was exploring the universe with the doctor! That’s what I wanted my life to be full of when I was older, just exploring and experiencing new things! So, from then on I really looked up to Rose but what I didn’t realise was that I had a huge crush on her.

A few years later, now being thirteen/fourteen, it was the final episode of Doctor Who with Rose Tyler in it but at the time I didn’t realise. I was watching the episode and Rose was holding on for dear life to try and shut the time worth, which was like a zip on a pencil case to shut it. But she got shucked into the time worth and the whole thing just collapsed. The doctor was one end of the time worth and Rose was at the other, but the main question was would they ever see each other again?

 The doctor made a way for him to see Rose again and say a final goodbye to her but the only way he could do that is by opening up the wormhole for a few minutes. She couldn’t touch him or hug him goodbye as he was as a monitor. He explained all this to Rose but then as he was about to say “I love you”, he faded away as the time worth collapsed. 
That scene for me was one of the most upsetting and heartbreaking moments I have ever watched and till this day that still stands. With Rose not being in doctor who anymore I refused to watch it even though I adored David Tennent as the doctor but it was just too upsetting for me! 
   
So, that’s when I questioned my sexuality. Was I in love with an actress that was put in a television series with made-up storylines? Yes, I was. Billie Piper was my childhood crush and since then she still is. But she also made me realise it was okay to like the same gender as myself. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone else about how I felt towards other girls so I decided to keep a wee secret to myself until I was ready. 

When I left high school that’s when I decided to come out about my sexuality because I felt like the time was right too. Plus, the LGBTQ+ community had more of a voice and more notice than it did a few years back. It was great to be able to speak out about who I really was and that I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself. 
Yes, I was worried about the negative opinions that would come with being open about my sexuality. The first negative situation I faced was when one of my closest friend’s partners had to make a sly comment when I was out enjoying myself socializing. He made me feel like I was an outcast and that ‘my kind’ shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house. 
   At that moment in time, I felt like running away and never looking back. But I decided to just call it a night and being sensible I just booked a cab and went home. That’s where I just cried and then talked to a few friends about the situation. 

If you are planning on about coming out and don’t know how to or where to start, here a few helpful tips on how to feel relaxed and not pressured into doing so. Coming out is a personal choice, that should only be done because you feel like it's right for you

• Planning on how you are going to come out.
  For me, the best way of planning is to write things down. So that’s why I keep journals as at any time you feel the need to change your plan you can just jot it down and rearrange the plan of coming out. 
  
• Try dropping wee hints here and there when you’re out with friends or family. So what I mean by that is maybe ask them their opinion on an LGBT+ celebrity, holiday, or news event. Or when you see an LGBT+ flag make sure to point it out to them.
  
• How will you come out? This is when choosing a method is important and also helpful. There are many methods to choose from like e-mailing, writing a letter or even making a batch of cookies and putting the icing on them saying ‘I’m gay’ on it! 
  
• When coming out to friends if they have a negative reaction to it then I would personally distance yourself from them and realise that they weren't your real friends as they should accept you for being you. 
  
• Prepare for the questions that you will receive. If your family are religious they may ask you, ‘Will God be okay with all this’? The answer to that is yes he will as he states in the bible, ‘God loves all his children’. 
  

Most importantly choose the first person you are going to come out to. My first choice was my friends down in London as they are the most understanding and I believed that a huge weight would be lifted off my shoulders.
   And that’s exactly what happened! Now, I’m not saying everyone’s coming out experience is going to be that easy but it will make you feel less panicky and will give you a brief sight of what it will be like. I would make sure you come out to someone you can love and trust, that will help you through coming out to others and will support you through the tough times. 

• Mel