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In 2020, easily one of the most stressful years of our lives, we have had our share of mental exhaustion and burnout. Burnout, as defined by the Free Medical Dictionary, is, “emotional and physical exhaustion resulting from a combination of exposure to environmental and internal stressors and inadequate coping and adaptive skills.”
With a lot of things going on such as the Black Lives Matter movement, COVID-19, presidential elections, protests and riots, as well as even our own personal and mental health issues, it can be hard to remember to take care of ourselves. Staying informed and being active parts of our community while quarantining has made life much harder to handle. And that’s okay; it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, tired, sad/depressed, anxious, or any other way you feel because of everything going on in the world right now. Your feelings and emotions are valid, yours, and exist. Nevertheless, we need to take care of ourselves, especially in these hard times. Personally, as a nonblack person who lives in the U.S., I have had to keep up with educating myself on the rampant racism in my country, the protests and riots, the BLM movement, and even making sure to undo the internalized racism I have grown up with. That, topped with personal and life issues, COVID-19 still being an active problem in the U.S., and everything else happening in the world such as Poland’s abortion issues, SARS, etc., it’s been hard dealing with everything and staying on top of it all. I’ve gotten overwhelmed with all the horrible news, trying to inform others of their own internalized racism, and trying to stay on top of my own personal situation. It’s hard to juggle life issues on a global, local, and personal level. And it’s even harder to do that during quarantine. Not to mention taking care of myself. So I find it important to remind you that it’s okay to take a break from the news and current events. It’s okay to focus on immediate problems for you, like family issues, personal safety, homelessness, etc. You are not absolved of your responsibility to your global community, but one of your biggest responsibilities is to yourself. Without you, the world is short of another life, another activist, another change-maker. We have a responsibility to ourselves to enact self care so we can get back out there and fight the good fight. So here are some self care tips:
You’re gonna be okay. Things will get better. Just make sure to take care of yourself :) Keep your head up, the sun still rises Mercury (Merc) Neon Helplines:
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Coming out is usually stated as some rite of passage into becoming a “full-fledged gay” and truly embracing your identities. However, just as everyone’s experience is important, unique, and special, so is coming out.
Elaborating on the aforementioned, coming out is even said to be a “mass or public event” by this Wikipedia article. But is that our reality? If you reference my article, Coming Out, Babey, I talk about how coming out isn’t a one time event, but multiple moments that happen in our lives. Coming out can be one big event, or even a small realization of yourself. It can be a whole party, an important conversation, or a casual “hi, I’m <name> and my pronouns are…” Coming out, for me, is a series of multiple events. Here are some of the ways I’ve experienced coming out:
So coming out isn’t necessarily a big or small thing--or even a medium thing. Coming out is what you define it to be. If you want to go above and beyond, go for it. If you want to just mention it and leave it be then that’s valid. And if you don’t even want to come out, that’s fair too. It’s okay to not want to do something big or even come out because that’s your business and your choice. You don’t owe anyone a coming out, that’s for you. And you’re spectacular. Keep your head up, the sun still rises Mercury (Merc) Neon Helplines:
The queer community is quite the collossus when it comes to the number of identities and orientations that exist. It’s a show on how the monolith we have created (that will be covered under a future article called Cishetallo Norms) that is being cisgendered (identifying with your gender you were assigned to at birth), heterosexual and heteromantic (being sexually and romantically attraced to the opposite gender--respectively), and allosexual and alloromantic (experiencing sexual and romantic attraction--respectively). But who would have known that that world is even bigger than many already know? That’s where MOGAI comes in.
So what in the world is MOGAI? MOGAI stands for Marginalized Orientations Genders Alignments and Intersex. It’s two things:
Personally I identify as under the MOGAI umbrella for having the identity of Diamoric! It means my attraction is affected by my nonbinary gender--my gender being agender (the prefix a- meaning “no” so no gender)! What this means for me is that my disconnection with gender causes a confusion for me as to why gender should impact attraction. I personally don’t understand how gender should impact my attraction! MOGAI is a beautiful cluster of identities and orientations that really opens up the possibility of self expression. Some of our experiences are so complex and specific that just saying “bi” or “nonbinary” isn’t enough. Sometimes you’re lithromantic, neptunic, sapphic, achillean, lunarian, diamoric, or fall under a xenogender--a gender that doesn’t fall under androgyny, masculinity, femininity, outherinity, or agenrity. It helps to sometimes find something more specific than the more popular options to explain your experience. All identities are valid, popular or not, and yours deserves respect if it falls under MOGAI, if it doesn’t, or if it’s a mix of both. MOGAI, because it’s not as simple or well known as the acronym LGBTQIA+ faces a lot of oppression and resistance even within the queer community. Some find that things like xenogenders and neurogenders are invalid or not real. But as someone who doesn’t have a connection with gender and doesn’t understand it, it doesn’t mean that gender doesn’t exist for others or makes sense to others. Sure, gender is a social construct, but it truly matters for many people and exists as an experience for them. So who are we to say these experiences do not exist? Keep your head up, the sun still rises Mercury (Merc) Neon Helplines:
Virginity = sucks
Virginity = unrealistic Virginity = doesn’t exist Virginity is generally more harmful than helpful to people. It is seen as a rite of passage but it generally just makes people feel awful. But either way, it’s not up to me, it’s up to you. Virginity is something we define. It’s not just penetrative sex. For one thing, the former idea is largely harmful to people in queer relationships or of the queer community. Especially those that don’t have penises and/or haven’t engaged with people who do. Virginity can thus be seen as something more personal. Was it:
It’s really up to you. It’s what feels right to you. It’s seen as a rite of passage and I can understand that, but sex isn’t everything and it’s definitely not what makes you an adult. There are people that:
It’s okay to say you’ve never lost it despite the fifty times you’ve had a sexual moment. It’s okay if that time you lost it was a time when you were alone and by yourself. It’s okay if you never have it. Your experience is still valid and important. You’re still valid and important. So no matter however many sexual encounters you have or haven’t had doesn’t define your worth as a person. So feel free to never put any consideration to the thought of virginity--or defining that for yourself. If it’s important to you though, then that’s also okay. Make sure you mark it as something that’s meaningful for you. It can be negative, positive, neutral, or however the experience was. Whatever it is you choose will be the best decision because it was made by you. Keep Your Head Up, the Sun Still Rises, Mercury (?) Neon In the queer community, coming out can be seen as a huge rite of passage: it seems almost vital to the queer experience. It can seem to be the main bonding moment of queer life, whether disastrous in every way possible- or miraculous beyond belief.
Coming out is described as being the first moment you tell someone (and maybe others) that you are queer, whether it be your gender identity, sexual orientation, and/or romantic orientation that makes you so. But is coming out really such a one time thing? You might say yes, as it’s one big event that frees you and, if so, you probably think of it as being to your family or friends. All this said, in my experience, coming out is a repetitive process. I came out when I:
Coming out isn’t just one shot. It’s revealing yourself to whoever you trust with such special and important information about you. It’s an act of trust. It can very well affect your safety. Some people have the privilege to come out to their friends, family, and be out in their own environment while others can’t afford to. But there’s another key that’s vitally important. Coming out to ourselves. Just as much as coming out can be important when it comes to telling others your identities, so is coming out to yourself, acknowledging your own experiences and how you live your life. Some people never do that for themselves, and some of us are constantly coming out every day as we learn about ourselves. Coming out is such a hard topic to talk about because it can be incredibly sensitive and even involve horror stories. But that’s not what it’s just about. It’s little things like introducing yourself with your chosen name, explaining your pronouns,binary or not, and discovering yourself for yourself. So give yourself a little credit. :) Keep your head up, the sun still rises Mercury (Merc) Neon *Neopronouns are pronouns that do not follow she/her/hers, he/him/his, or they/them/theirs. Examples are zhe/zhir/zhirs, neb/nebs/nebself, and (my pronouns) hu/hume/humes. Helplines:
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Mercury (Merc)I write articles to give the wisdom I’ve earned to you—so you don’t have to learn the way I did. |
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Teenagers With Experience is an organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people. You can contact us via email, social media or our contact form found on our home page.
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