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Disclaimer if you need help please contact someone e.g. kid’s helpline, suicide helpline, family helpline. Please be safe. Self-esteem is a fragile thing it is easily destroyed not so easy to re-build and yourself and other people around you are the ones who destroy your self-esteem, now I have self-esteem issues and I would love to change a few things about me but most of those things I can’t change or will cost me thousands to change and to be honest I would prefer to put that money towards and house or car and in 5 or 6 years when I finally have the money for these changes I most likely will love these things about me. I personally have compared myself to others and I would say things like her hairs butter then mine she has a slim face why don’t I and those thoughts are not healthy either is judging other at times e.g. let’s say I see a girl in all black and her hair across her face and I would think cruel things in my head such as she’s just emo or she’s probably ugly or my initial reaction eww and if you are emo or wear all black with your hair draped in front of your face I’m not here to pick on you because every single person on this earth is beautiful and I might not be to your liking and some people aren’t to my liking but anyways so many people suffer from low self-esteem. Statistics 74% of girls say they are under pressure to please everyone. 92% of teen girls say they want to change something about the way they look. 90% of adult women say they want to change something about the way they look. 40% of teen boys in middle and high school want to change something about their body. 7 in 10 girls have some kind of self-esteem problem. Common low self-esteem engagement activities include:
Way to cope with low self-esteem:
Chantel
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In the run-up to my post-A-levels summer, I always planned to work full time. I knew I had to do it since I’d put aside no money for university and I’m notoriously bad with spending. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to do it, and when I actually finished my exams I was slightly stumped. This was it. Time to swap out the revision cards for the world of work. There were a few problems at first - I couldn’t go full time at my current job at Primark, I had no way of getting there and perhaps the most prominent issue: I had absolutely no motivation to do it.
Why would I? I’d spent the last two years tirelessly working for my exams, finding a balance between writing, my part-time job and all of the other problems life was pummelling at me. Summer was meant to me my time to relax and finally take a breath. I handed in my notice at Primark with the promise to myself that I would find a full-time job, made a few half-arsed applications on Indeed and kicked my feet up, indulging in Netflix and doing absolutely nothing. However, when I did, I had a nagging voice in the back of my head. You’re not doing enough. You should be doing more. I felt guilty. I posted a message in a Facebook group for employees of the coffee chain I’d worked to prior to Primark, simply asking if anyone needed a new member. I already had contacts within the company as I’d worked in several stores for them and it wasn’t long before I’d signed a 30-hour contract at a local store. I was excited to be back at first, but after a few shifts that wore off. Rude customers, lunch rushes and running out of stock was not something I had missed. However, I knew I had to do it. I needed the money and I needed something to do over the summer. I passed my driving test by that point but a car was useless if I couldn’t afford the petrol or insurance. Again, I felt guilty for not working; I knew this was a better chance than any to earn some money and it would benefit me in the long run.
Jazz I think there’s something about certain TV show characters.
I’ve binged a lot of shows in my life -sitcoms, romcoms, dramas, everything. I’ve found myself getting lost in TV characters and their stories. There’s something about being invested in them that makes me hit that dreaded next episode button. Heck, I’ve even found myself watching fan edits and reading fan-fiction about some characters. When you become invested in their story, they can become a big part of your life. The first show I watched properly and intensely was the Big Bang Theory. I haven’t shied away from criticising the show in my previous articles, but that doesn’t make it any less important. I started watching it with my dad in when it first aired in 2007, and even though I felt the show and its comedic elements went downhill, I still tuned in a few months ago for the series finale. It felt like part of my childhood was ending - the show had been in my life for eleven years. Another show that really pulled at my heartstrings was How I Met Your Mother. The show captures the lives of five friends in the big city - which is the pretence for every sitcom ever - but somehow, each individual character makes you feel different things. It follows issues such as break-ups, cheating, losing people close to you, infertility and absent parents. I’ve dealt with some of those things in my own life and seeing it reflected on-screen did something to me. The thing about TV characters is that they’re always there. They’re constant - things around you might change rapidly but your favourite show will always be there to watch when you need it. The sense of community that you get from a sitcom or the feeling of warmth from an amazing series finale can brighten your day. I’ve found inspiration in them as well. When there’s an epic love story, it influences my own writing. When there’s heartbreak, I’ve translated the angst that worked in the show into my own work. There are real people behind the characters and words and feelings and that can easily hit home for you. For example, I’ve been watching Jane the Virgin since it aired in 2014. I recently got around to watch the series finale and it made me cry - in fact, it wasn’t crying. It was ugly howling and blubbering and weeping. The show made me feel something. I felt like I was saying goodbye to an old friend. It’s so easy to get invested in them. For me, I love the feeling of being involved. After watching ten seasons of Friends, I felt like I was a member of their group. After bingeing Orange Is the New Black, I felt passionate about seeing where the women in the show went. It’s okay to let yourself be uplifted by a TV show. Sometimes, it can be a distraction or even a coping mechanism to help you deal with things going on in your own life. Never be embarrassed to embrace your love of TV shows and the characters within them. The people on screen can be our heroes - I’m not afraid to let myself be inspired by them. Jazz The Good Place is an American sitcom with an unexpected depth. The basic idea is that Eleanor Shelstrop (played by Kristen Bell) wakes up after dying in a heaven-like utopia called The Good Place. She quickly realises that she has been mixed up with a human rights lawyer of the same name and doesn't deserve to be there. As you can imagine what follows is a journey of near misses that will keep you glued to the screen. The plot is skilfully woven with new revelations and a particularly clever twist at the end of the first season.
However, the characters are what kept me addicted to the show. Chidi, Eleanor's supposed soul mate, is a well-intentioned Philosophy professor with crippling indecision. His application of various famous Philosophical ideas to the situations he finds himself in are mind-bending and educational in the most interesting way. Perhaps what I most like about him is the solidity of his integrity, something I find refreshing when self-centred characters with subjective morals are so common. Eleanor somehow has a personality worth binge-watching. She's witty enough to be quote-worthy and her interactions with the others will have you rolling with laughter. She begins as a self-obsessed character but fights to stay in a good place with a stubborn persistence that will leave you cheering for her anyway. Gradually the connection she forms with the other characters changes her and the unlikely four friends navigate whatever is thrown at them. The other two main characters are Tahini Al-Jamil and Jason Mendoza. I can't say much about Jason without spoiling it if you haven't seen the first few episodes. But trust me you'll love him in his own special way. Tahini is a "sexy skyscraper" in the words of Eleanor (who is equally attractive) and there's certainly some queer baiting going on. Eleanor is clear about being attracted to her. (Three cheers for a show that normalises queer characters so much that no one mentions it). There's even a hint in one scene that Tahini could be Eleanor's soul mate (can't say more without spoiling it) which was almost certainly thrown in there so the fanfic world could go crazy. Appearance and attraction aside, Tahini is a character with her own quirks and insecurities. Her posh British accent and snobby ways often rubbing up hilariously against the others. As well as being a light-hearted and relaxing show it deals with bigger questions. Should we all get rated as good or bad people based on what we do? What makes us good or bad? If we did loads of good things but with the wrong intentions do they count? Or if like Chidi we buy a blueberry muffin instead of a chocolate one not knowing that the migrant workers picking the blueberries are being mistreated are we guilty? Who would actually be counted as good if we do all get tallied up? Should there be an average place for the average person? All these questions might not be your cup of tea but for me, it was certainly a delightful watch. Enjoy! ~Hannah With results day creeping up emotions will be running high. You may be feeling excited, nauseated, scared, worried or you might be in denial. However, whatever you are feeling is justified. These results might be important, but they aren’t the end of the world. If you tried your best in the exam everything will be okay.
If you are like me you have completely disregarded your post-exam feelings which made you feel happy about the exam you have just taken and are now feeling like you have failed all your exams, failed life and contemplating marrying rich. However, just remember you are your own worse critic. My mum once told me to try and not envision stressful or scary events. This is because it makes you live through it twice. In addition, you always envision it worse than it really is. You might be wondering; how do I deal with these feelings? Well, there are many coping mechanisms that can help you. One way which I am sure many of you do is relax and watch Netflix. Watching Netflix or tv can help you switch off your brain. Another way is reading a book. Personally, when I am stressed, I read Harry Potter as I love envisioning myself learning spells at Hogwarts or playing Quidditch alongside Harry. Things like movies and books help you escape your reality and envision yourself elsewhere. However, sometimes trying to escape doesn’t work or becomes an unhealthy habit. Ways to deal with your feelings are keeping a journal specifically for emotion and mental health. I have personally filled many journals over the years with my feelings as a way for me to get them out without verbally speaking them. However, some people prefer talking to people. You might want to talk to a family member, friend or someone who specialises in talking about mental health. In conclusion, you should try to enjoy your summer. You have earned it! You will feel so much better creating memories with friends or admiring the sunsets. Results day is inevitable, there is no way to prevent so you should try your hardest not to obsess about it. I know it is hard but no matter what your results are you will feel happy that you didn’t waste most of your summer fretting about something you had no longer any control over. Erika Phases of Sexuality
As people grow and gain more knowledge of themselves and the world around them, it is perfectly normal to begin to question aspects of yourself you may have considered constants, such as your gender identity or sexuality. I’m going to focus on the latter for this particular discussion. One of the most common pieces of casual homophobia I have seen and experienced is others assuming that a person’s sexuality is just a ‘phase’, and something that will be grown out of and ‘corrected’ with time. Often, this is not the case, and the identity a person decide fits them doesn’t change much (or at all) as they grow as a person. However, sometimes this does change, and that is okay. You are allowed to grow and discover who you are at whatever pace suits you, and it’s absolutely okay if you didn’t know your identity as a young child. Personally, I always had a feeling I wasn’t entirely straight, but I have several friends who only realized once they hit adolescence that they might not be heterosexual or cisgender. You might also feel like a label (different to the one you previously identified with) suits you better, and that’s also absolutely fine. I personally am bisexual, but it’s a little more complicated than this, so I simply like to identify myself as ‘queer’, as there’s no specifics in that and it does fit my orientation. I know people that use very specific labels and intensely dislike being referred to as anything other than those labels, and I also know people that don’t like to use labels at all, even if one particular identity fits them perfectly. However, there have been some cases of people realising that the identity of belonging to the LGBTQ+ community no longer fits them, and that being LGBTQ+ was not a long-lasting identity. That is also absolutely fine. What is not okay is somebody using one person’s experience to justify the ludicrous idea that sexuality is something a person can pick and choose. In an interview in 2011, singer-songwriter Jessie J stated that she had “dated girls and boys”. However, in 2014, she renounced the label ‘bisexual’, saying that, for her, it was “a phase”, but explicitly argued that she was “not saying bisexuality is a phase for everybody.” She came under fire for her use of the word ‘phase’ to describe her period of experimenting with her sexuality, because of its history of being used to disregard the LGBTQ+ community. Despite this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding one sexual or romantic preference is not what you want any more. Ultimately, it’s important to remember that your sexuality or gender identity is yours and yours alone. Frankly, it’s not really anybody else’s business how you identify or how you label yourself. All that matters is that you are comfortable in your own skin, and screw what anybody else thinks. If somebody disagrees with you, that doesn’t matter. It’s not their identity to dictate. If you have any issues, questions or queries regarding your sexuality or gender identity, one of us at TWE will be more than happy to chat with you. Thank you for reading, Lauren x Dropping Out of University
Choosing whether or not to go to university is a massive step in life, no matter whether it’s a decision you make as a teenager or later in life. For some people, university simply isn’t for them, and it takes them actually going there to realise that. On average, 1 in 10 university undergraduates will withdraw from their studies before the second year of their degree, and it is certainly nothing to be ashamed of. I dropped out of my university as my New Year’s present to myself, and I do not regret my decision one bit. Don’t get me wrong, I did really try to stick it out. I realised as soon as I pressed ‘accept offer’ on my UCAS profile (the UK’s method of applying for universities) that I had made the wrong decision, but I did commit to my studies and work really hard for the first semester. I studied BSc Psychology, and I averaged 62% across all of my assessments. For someone with poor mental health who didn’t want to study psychology in the first place, this outcome wasn’t too bad. I left university for a multitude of reasons; the course wasn’t focused on a subject I would want to pursue a career in, I didn’t like the area, I had to commute to the campus (2 hours in total on public transport per day, which was exhausting), my mental health was declining massively and I didn’t enjoy the lectures one bit. If you are considering leaving university and have already attempted to continue with your studies in the hope that it will get better, or if you have already left university, please consider the following points. You don’t have to jump into something else: if going into another form of education, such as a BTEC course or an apprenticeship, is something you would want to do in the future, please don’t feel as though you have to make a decision straight away. Allow yourself some time off, to break out of the habit of being a student and spend some time looking after yourself, figuring out what you might want from a future career and nurturing your hobbies and interests. The same goes for jobs: unless you absolutely must get a job to remain financially stable, please don’t feel as though you must be on the go all the time. Don’t worry about the debt: in the UK, student debt is not a loan that must be paid back in full, it should instead be considered like a tax. Once you start earning over £21,000 per year, you begin to pay back this loan in tiny monthly installments in relation to your income. This debt is not a debt that could get you into any major financial trouble; instead, it is simply an amount that the government would like you to pay off whenever you are able to do so. It is nothing to be worried about, and it is something that will not affect your daily life in any way. And, most importantly, You are not a failure: being a ‘drop-out’ after previously being a straight-A student is a tough thing to deal with, but it does not make you unintelligent or weak to leave higher education if it is not for you. If it does not make you happy, and you can’t see it being beneficial to you in any way, you have every right to leave that situation. Speak to your friends about it; like in any other situation, if they are true friends, they will completely support your decision without judgement. My friends have been my rock throughout the past few months, and they were thrilled when I told them I had dropped out (as were my parents) because they could see how unhappy university was making me. If anything, dropping out because university is simply not for you is a massive display of strength, demonstrating that whilst you still had the resilience to try and persevere through something that was making you unhappy, you eventually accepted when you had fought enough and realised that it was time to walk away. If you have any questions, concerns or points about this article that you’d like to raise, please don’t hesitate to contact a member of the TWE team or leave a comment below. Thank you for reading! Lauren xxx Acts of Kindness at Easter
Easter is quickly approaching, and for those who celebrate Easter, it can be a really fun time. In my town, my local farm hosts an Easter egg hunt for the young children, and I know of several churches in my area hosting fêtes, raffles and small parties for adults and children alike. I personally am not religious, but being born on Easter Sunday, I feel a strong connection to the holiday and I like to spread a bit of cheer over the Easter weekend. Here’s a few things you can do for your friends, family or community at Easter time that cost next to nothing and will really brighten up somebody’s day. Send cards to your local church: One thing that I am planning to do is send a small card to all of the churches in my town, wishing them a happy Easter. Easter cards can be bought very cheaply, or even made if you want to put in that extra bit of effort. I promise you, it will make them all very happy. Even if Easter doesn’t mean a lot to you, someone acknowledging that Easter is a special time for Christians will really make their day. Bake cakes for your friends or family: Something I used to do with my Nan is make simple cupcakes, cover them with yellow icing and sprinkle flaked chocolate around the edges of the cake so they’d look like chick nests. This is a cute, simple way to mark the occasion If you’re not particularly religious, and they give your friends and family an excuse to eat cake! Organise an Easter egg hunt: If you are somebody that has younger siblings, or works with a group of young children, Easter egg hunts are always an adorable idea to get the children active and engaged with the holidays, but also encouraging teamwork. And, of course, sharing out all the chocolate afterwards is never a bad thing! Donate: Easter is all about being charitable, and giving back to the community, so this is a better time than any to donate something to charity. If you can’t donate money, having a spring clean would also give you the opportunity to find old clothes, books and other items you no longer need and drop them to your local charity shop. An extra cute idea is donating Easter eggs to a local primary school’s raffle or spring fête, or buying a few food items (Easter-related or not) to your local food bank. This is also your opportunity to take a much-needed break from whatever is going on in your life, whether it’s work, school or other commitments. Don’t feel guilty for eating a few chocolate eggs, they really won’t hurt you at all. Thank you for reading, and have a lovely Easter! Lauren x Phases of Sexuality
As people grow and gain more knowledge of themselves and the world around them, it is perfectly normal to begin to question aspects of yourself you may have considered constants, such as your gender identity or sexuality. I’m going to focus on the latter for this particular discussion. One of the most common pieces of casual homophobia I have seen and experienced is others assuming that a person’s sexuality is just a ‘phase’, and something that will be grown out of and ‘corrected’ with time. Often, this is not the case, and the identity a person decide fits them doesn’t change much (or at all) as they grow as a person. However, sometimes this does change, and that is okay. You are allowed to grow and discover who you are at whatever pace suits you, and it’s absolutely okay if you didn’t know your identity as a young child. Personally, I always had a feeling I wasn’t entirely straight, but I have several friends who only realized once they hit adolescence that they might not be heterosexual or cisgender. You might also feel like a label (different to the one you previously identified with) suits you better, and that’s also absolutely fine. I personally am bisexual, but it’s a little more complicated than this, so I simply like to identify myself as ‘queer’, as there’s no specifics in that and it does fit my orientation. I know people that use very specific labels and intensely dislike being referred to as anything other than those labels, and I also know people that don’t like to use labels at all, even if one particular identity fits them perfectly. However, there have been some cases of people realising that the identity of belonging to the LGBTQ+ community no longer fits them, and that being LGBTQ+ was not a long-lasting identity. That is also absolutely fine. What is not okay is somebody using one person’s experience to justify the ludicrous idea that sexuality is something a person can pick and choose. In an interview in 2011, singer-songwriter Jessie J stated that she had “dated girls and boys”. However, in 2014, she renounced the label ‘bisexual’, saying that, for her, it was “a phase”, but explicitly argued that she was “not saying bisexuality is a phase for everybody.” She came under fire for her use of the word ‘phase’ to describe her period of experimenting with her sexuality, because of its history of being used to disregard the LGBTQ+ community. Despite this, there is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding one sexual or romantic preference is not what you want any more. Ultimately, it’s important to remember that your sexuality or gender identity is yours and yours alone. Frankly, it’s not really anybody else’s business how you identify or how you label yourself. All that matters is that you are comfortable in your own skin, and screw what anybody else thinks. If somebody disagrees with you, that doesn’t matter. It’s not their identity to dictate. If you have any issues, questions or queries regarding your sexuality or gender identity, one of us at TWE will be more than happy to chat with you. Thank you for reading, Lauren x Whether you are a child or a teenager or let’s say you’re an adult. Stress is something which does not look at your age and grabs you by your throat. Situations, environments, and problems are not equal for everybody. Some of us may have faced great tragedies in our early stage of life, whereas there are also people in their 30s who have no idea what a life struggle is. Well, stress is like cancer that will eat away at you slowly without your knowledge. And as we have figured out the cure for cancer, we also have a solution for stress as well.
Unlike other children, I have had an unusual child life. Well, right now, I’m kind of blessed to have an unusual experience. Because those were the reason for which I have become what I’m now. I got my first job at the right age. I grew fully independent at the age of 18 and started living on my own. It’s not like that I have achieved everything in my life and totally happy the way I’m now. It's obvious you will feel stressed when you’re burdened with loads of official work at an age where other people your age are enjoying their life to the fullest. Within a time-span of one and a half year, I have changed to two companies. However, skipping to the exact topic, I left my second office last month. I’ve been a scholar student in my educational career, and I’m very good at catching things easily. But as now I look back, I can clearly see that in the last office I was just overloaded with work, for little pay. I have to write, manage social media profiles, design graphic posters for different clients and also had to handle a few clients. I have worked there for 1 year & for more than 10 months I’ve not taken a single leave. Instead, I had to do overtime to do all the works. My last 2 months were extremely tiring there. As I didn’t have a good leader, the things just got worse. My loyalty, my dedication and my hard work meant nothing to him. When I realized that I fell into depression and started having issues mentally, I decided to quit. I didn’t have back up for my future, but still, I was confident in getting a new good job. Luckily, I got an offer to be a creative writer at an education web portal. When I went for the interview, I decided to be strong and not let my guard down. I got the job, and my joining date was scheduled after 1 month (as I had to finish my notice period at the last post). I was so drained of energy that I was almost like a drunk person. I needed a vacation. A simple, peaceful long holiday. But I couldn’t take leave as I had to join the new company the next day I left the 2nd one. I joined the new company on the due date and found out that the atmosphere, the behavior of other employees is way better than the last one. I almost felt like coming back home. And to my surprise, on the first week of my new job, our team went on a vacation to a different state. This was my first time on such a long distance journey. I was thrilled and excited throughout the trip. We spent quality time there for two days and had one of the best memories of our lives. It’s just like God had heard my prayers, I got the long vacation with the perfect people around. On our last night there, we went to the sea. When we reached there, I became silent and went into another zone in my mind. Everybody was worried about me. I asked them to enjoy the sea and give me some alone time. I just sat there, looking at the sea feeling each particle of the fresh air. When everybody came back, we had a small gossip, well, more like a confession game. While talking to them, I let out all the things that were eating me inside in front of our team. After sharing with them, I felt unusually relaxed, and my mind was active again. I felt incredibly grateful to have such a supportive group. When you have so many things going on your life, it's obvious you will feel stressed. And also it's okay. Because when you see tough times, you can actually feel the real happiness. Not just materialistic happiness but also spiritual and eternal happiness. All you have to do is to make some time, choose the right person to share your valuable time with and go on a vacation far from your problems. Far from the noise, deep into the solitude. You know, there is a difference between solitude and loneliness. Loneliness is when alone you need someone to make you happy whereas solitude is all about enjoying your own company. Great people have also said that solitude can lead you to many more great opportunities. So enjoy your own company. Give yourself the first priority. Love yourself and explore the beautiful creation of God. There will be obstacles. There will be problems. But these are all the parts of the life cycle, and you have to accept it. Not with disheartened courage but with a brave & strong attitude. Feel free to share your story with us. If you know someone who is going through their tough phase of life, do give them support. And don’t forget, we’re always there for you. Som |
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