a letter to my best friends

​I know that you’ve never believed in the ways of the universe, and how fate brings people together, but I do. I believe that life has a funny way of planting the people you need in your life right at the moment you’re in the depths of despair and unsure whether you’ll survive. I needed you much more than I thought; much more than I dare to imagine. 

Before I knew you, I had lost the meaning of friendship. I let past experience curl it’s gnarly fingers around my heart and let it turn cold to the touch. Ice wrapped itself around the vessels, disconnecting blood flow from the centre of all human emotion. I had lost my way, and Life seemed to have knocked me down for good this time. 

The hour I was brought to life was the hour I was on the brink of death. Water was filling my lungs as I squirmed in the confined space between two walls of fiberglass. My eyes had been open, but the more my heart pounded, the more I had the desire to close them. My body lay floating in the lukewarm water, and after the initial shock my life source had upon entering the water, it began to come to a gentle rest, to the point where it was at risk of ceasing to beat altogether. That was the aim, anyway. But, in that moment of despair, a strength that came from within pulled my body out of the water, because it knew that better things were ahead. She might have betrayed my trust, but the universe wasn’t ready to let me go, because you were on the way to me. 

My life is forever changed now that you’re in it. We have hundreds of inside jokes, thousands of memories, a lifetime of laughter to look back on the older we get. No matter what awaits in both our futures, I can look back on this period of my life and know that I was the best person I could have possibly been. And that is down to you. 

This is a thank you, I guess. 

Thank you for all the times you spent listening to me rant about something seemingly small to everyone else, but major to me. Thank you for being there for me, and actually meaning it. Thank you for keeping your phone on loud overnight, and for making me feel as though I could really talk to you at any time. Thank you for not being like her. Thank you for being good, and kind, and loving. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for the laughs we’ve had about big things, and small things. Thank you for showing me that not every friend is a bad one. Thank you for being straight up with me. Thank you for telling me when I’m being a sensitive idiot, and when I’m not. Thank you for understanding my mental illness. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for bringing true friendship in my life. Thank you for the random I love yous, and bouts of affection. Thank you for making me feel loved. Thank you for making me a better person. Thank you for seeing things as I do. Thank you for investing so much time and love into our friendship. Thank you for being the good in the world. And thank you for seeing the best in me, and for making me see the best in myself, too. 

​Tasha