being an outcast

This is something I'm very fond of.  That one student no one even remembers. Or the teachers even forget about you. This happens to me everyday. I'm that student.  I sit alone at tables, I walk alone in the hallways, I'm that student no one remembers.  Every now and then, they even forget my name. They don't hand out papers to me and I have to ask, and they say "oh sorry, didn't even see you there"  Like, thanks.  Or in the hallway walking and, no one even says hi to me, no one acknowledges me ever.  It's a cycle, everyday.  It just really sucks.  That feeling of being forgotten, that feeling you're really not good enough and you know you're not good enough. Because everyone around you tells you. In the hallway, no one sees me and I get rammed into lockers as class is transitioning to the next. No one says sorry, no one tries to help me as I'm getting trampled. Teachers now and then even make comments about me.  Being the outcast isn't anything to be proud of, you're all alone.  Yes I have my boyfriend .. But you have no idea what it was like last year. He didn't even acknowledge me in the hallway, or look at me. He just walked past with his friends. My ex best friend now, would say "I thought you two were together" and I would say, we are together, he's just in his own world sometimes.  Not even he would hangout with me. Everyone left me, everyone. It was such a dark place. Knowing I had no one.  But it's okay, because there's people to talk to. I had my therapist. Now, it's been 4 weeks. And I haven't seen her. She hasn't even wanted to see me. I'm not sure what I did.. But I haven't been able to talk to anyone about my problems, and I don't want to bother my boyfriend with them.  He has so many more people he talks to, and then there's me.. The loner.  There are ways to fix this though, try going out of your way to talk to others, you think would talk to you. I know this is hard, social anxiety makes it the worst time, but if you prefer not talking to anyone, like me most of the time, then it's fine. It's just an empty feeling you're going to have to deal with. Being forgotten is just, kinda awful. Especially since my parents have done it my whole life. It's pretty horrible. Being the middle child, I don't even live with them anymore and I'm only 16. Moral of the story is, try to go out of your comfort zone to get to know someone who you see is struggling to make friends. 

​-Abby <3