being the heartbreaker
As much as it’s important to talk about being the heartbreakee in a breakup, it is also important about being the heartbreaker. Sometimes we get wrapped up in a relationship that starts to make us unhappy, and we have to find a way to get out of it. It can be hard knowing that you’re going to be breaking someone’s heart, but you need to do what’s best for you. If you’re not happy, then you need to do something about it.
Nobody who is a decent person likes being the heartbreaker. Especially if you’ve fallen in love with someone else, and know that you are going to move on faster than the person you used to love. But sometimes, it needs to be done, especially if you are in a toxic relationship. If you’re unsure of how to actually break up with someone, here are a few pointers to help steer you in the right direction:
Firstly, do not feel guilty about wanting to leave someone. Sometimes, our situations change and we end up not having as strong feelings for a person compared to when we first got with them. Worrying about their reaction is only normal, and it shows that you are a good person who doesn’t want to hurt them. But worrying about their reaction should not stop you from doing what is best for you. If ending the relationship is the best thing for you, then it is something that needs to be done, no matter how much it hurts at the time.
Secondly, do not allow the person to manipulate you into staying with them. If they try to tell you that they’re going to harm themselves if you don’t stay with them, leave anyway. If they’re going to do something, they will, and that will never be your fault. Chances are they were going to do it at some point or another, and it was their decision to do so. You have no part in that decision. It will never be your fault.
Sometimes, people will try and turn their behaviour on you too in an attempt to make your stay with them. They could say that they ‘knew this was coming’ because ‘you’ve been different recently.’ Or, they could say that they’ve been acting in a certain way lately as a reaction to how you’ve been. Do not listen to this. If you know full well that you have not been emotionally abusive or manipulative in the relationship, then what they’re saying to you is wrong. Stick to your guns, and go with your gut. Don’t let them manipulate you.
Thirdly, don’t tell them that you love them. You may want to, you may still be in love with them, but you shouldn’t say this. It might give them hope that you will return to them one day when you haven’t found the same love for anyone else. You shouldn’t be giving them hope. If you want to leave, then leave. But you need to be sure that it’s the right thing that you’re doing. You need to be sure that you’re leaving them for good.
Lastly, be tentative. Make sure that you break the news with the greatest care, especially if they were a good partner. If they haven’t done anything wrong, then don’t make them feel like they have. Just tell them that you need to focus on yourself and that you hope they find what they’re looking for. Don’t offer to be friends, because, in most cases, that doesn’t work out, especially if feelings are still present between you both. Part on the best terms you can. They may not like it, they may cry, and you will too, but it will get better. You will both heal again, and you have good memories with each other to look back on that will stay with you forever.
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The articles here are written by guest writers or previous TWE members.