Dealing with sexual assault

Sexual Assault is not something easy to deal with. It’s hard mentally and physically — especially on young people who have no fully developed the mental capacity to deal with such a terrible event.


 Although it may seem as if the event is the worst thing that can happen, it’s usually the mental torment that you go through afterwards — blaming yourself, thinking that if you had just done something else, flashbacks, complete inability to function normally again etc. It’s a terrible event and often get’s a little gasp when spoken about in places other than a therapists room. It can wound someone sexually and may become the even that triggers asexuality out of fear due to one experience. It’s no secret that this is horrifying difficult to deal with — I’m not going to sugar coat it but it shouldn’t ever be interpreted as something that defines you or something that you will never be able to get over. Yes, it’s difficult but yes, you will be okay in the end. Time heals all wounds and I’m hear to make the process go by quicker. 

I am 14 years old. I was sexually assaulted when I was 9. I was molested by a 13 year old. I am okay to admit these things — I’ve come far enough in my own journey to be able to understand how to deal with it and get by. Yes, some parts of my sexual identity may be affected by this experience but I’m okay now and I’m happy with myself. I’m taking my own personal demons and using them as an example to help you overcome your own. I know that person was bad and I know I didn’t deserve it. It took me a long long time but I got there and so can you. 

So here I want to address the usual problems encountered after being assaulted. Many find that after being assaulted, the first thing that they think is that they’ve lost their “purity”. Please remember that purity is only a concept that was pounded into your mind by adults obsessed with how you want to live — there’s no such thing as someone who’s more pure than others so please remember that because you got assaulted doesn’t mean you are now by default impure and you deserved it which is intact another misconception. You never deserve sexual assault. Ever. You may suffer from PTSD and remember thats completely normal and part of the healing process — you will be okay. Remember that those are just memories and not reality. You are not strange or bad, you are suffering and that’s what I want you to get out of the mindset of. I realize that there may be physical effects that serve as a constant reminder of your pain and it’s so important to understand that it isn’t a symbol of your pain, it’s a symbol of your survival. You made it through alive and you’re strong for being able to do that. 

• First I want you to sit down and admit that it did happen. It’s understandable that you want to ignore that it every happened but this is simply not a healthy way to deal with it — admit that it happened and admit that you are strong for getting through it. 
• Exactly what I said above! You are so strong for being able to get this far, alive. You are so powerful and have shown thus far that your inner demons have not gotten the best of you just yet. 
• Being on the asexual spectrum because of your experience is completely okay. It’s only understandable that you don’t want to experience anything similar to that again — don’t let anybody tell you that you have to do anything at all if you don’t want to do it.
• You are never at fault. Sexual assault or rape is never called for. Never provoked - no matter what you were doing. We are our hardest critics and don’t let a negative mindset get the better of you and you experience. 
• You are as pure as you were before. You didn’t ask for anything. You didn’t want it to happen to you so it will never count as a lost virginity or anything along those lines. You do something because you want to — not because you have to. 
• Tell someone. Yes, it may be very difficult to figure out the right person and find the motivation to speak about something so personal and private to your heart but it honestly does help. You will get those pitying looks but that will be over quickly and if they are a close friend, they will help you get out of this so you won’t have to be alone. 
• Your pain is valid. You have full right to be upset about this - don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to be angry. It’s OKAY to cry and be angry. 
• When all is done and over, life moves on. Don’t dwell on something so bad when you can you dwell on your happiest memories. I understand that they may be hard to find but but you will find one eventually. It’s so important to keep this mindset. 

In conclusion, I want you to remember that you’re okay. Even if it doesn’t feel like it now. Even if it doesn’t feel like it in 5 years. You will be okay and you are already so far along the healing process. I’m so proud that you got through the actual assault and you’re here now trying to find ways to heal. I love you. You’re strong. Stay safe my lovelies. 

​Lukas