dysphoria: how it feels and how to deal with it

Gender Dysphoria: the feeling of discomfort or distress due to a mismatch between a person's biological sex and gender identity. For people who experience this, it can be both stressful and upsetting, it can make you feel extremely uncomfortable and there really is no other sensation like it to compare it to, but I will do my best to describe how it feels to me. For me it feels like everything about my body is wrong, or like I’m trapped in a body that isnt my own and there’s no escape

There are some days when dysphoria is so bad that it can get in the way of my plans for the day, or, if I’m in in school, it can make it hard for me to focus for the rest of that day, meaning I can end up being behind on work, and having to try and catch up. Some days it makes me feel anxious and self conscious about how I look, but one of the most common feelings for me is anger or frustration towards myself or others around me and I tend to lash out at people for it

There can be many different factors that contribute to making dysphoria worse and make it harder to deal with, these are a few main ones for me:

• Being misgendered; I’m gender fluid and use they/them pronouns and I’m not out the many people, so this happens frequently and is one of the main factors that affect me
• People questioning me on my gender identity, more specifically people asking invalidating questions such as “are you sure it’s not just a phase?” or “we all have days where we wish we weren’t the gender that we are, you might just be having a few of those days” or, a personal pet peeve of mine, “you can’t be a girl one day, a boy another and then neither another, how is that possible?”
• Being unable to dress in the way you feel comfortable. This is another one that impacts me often, due to me being in school. I was privileged enough to be able to get go to an all girls’ private school, however they have a strict uniform policy and we have to wear skirts all year round so when I’m having a more masculine or neutral day, this can affect me in quite a negative way.

    There are other factors that also contribute but these are but few of the main ones for me.

So, dealing with it. For those of you who experience dysphoria, you’ll know how hard it is to ease it. So here are some little tips and tricks to help ease it

1. Dress the way you feel comfortable. This is the most obvious and most effective one. Feeling masculine? Dress in a masculine way. Feeling more feminine? Dress in a feminine way. In between? Dress in a neutral way. This is important because you don't want to feel uncomfortable in the clothes you are wearing if you can help it, and wearing the clothes you feel the most comfortable in can really boost your self esteem and confidence levels.
2. (FTM/Non binary/genderfluid identities) Bind your chest (safely) it may not be possible for some people to get an actual binder,because they aren't out or they’re too expensive and there are some ways to bind safely without a binder, but they aren’t as effective as an actual binder, but they may help. I’ll be writing an article on binding in general and safe binding methods soon, so look out for that if you want to give it a read!
3. Listen to music or play an instrument (I say this in a few articles, but it really does help with a lot of things). This is a good way to distract yourself and destress, allowing yourself to relax.
4. Point out the stuff you like about yourself, whether that be your personality, your ability to do a certain thing or a certain facial feature/body part. This tends to help me to block out the negative things about myself and focus on the positives. Remind yourself that your body doesn’t define your gender and that you don’t need to get certain surgeries/procedures for your gender identity to be valid. You are valid as you are no matter what anyone says and remind yourself of that whenever you feel invalid.
5. Read a book, watch a film or watch a few episodes of your favourite show. This really does help to distract you and it gives you a chance to escape the real world and relax, even if it is just temporarily, and even though it doesn't seem like it will beforehand, it can really boost your mood and if you couldn't stay focused beforehand, it may help you to regain focus on other tasks, such as homework or revision. (I am in no way saying that you should do this instead of the tasks that you need to do, you still need to do them, but half an hour of reading or doing something you enjoy may help you to stay on task afterwards)
6. Allow yourself to be upset. You may feel like you have no valid reason to be upset, but trust me on this, anything you feel in this situation is one hundred percent valid, after all, everyone reacts to situations differently, so let your emotions out, it’s okay to cry, if you feel comfortable to, talk to a friend or family member (or even a pet, they’re great listeners!) about how you’re feeling, or if you don’t feel comfortable with that, write about it, just get your feelings out in the healthiest way possible.
7. If you feel more comfortable talking to people online, try to make internet friends and talk to them. Personally, I have a close group of people who understand exactly what I’m going through so I can always talk to them if needed and that really helps, if you feel like you won’t be able to find anyone for any reason, remember you can always talk to us on our social media accounts, or you can talk to me directly on Twitter or Instagram (both @dodie_trash_ )
8. Do some self care. I know, this sounds extremely cliché but it’s important to take a step back and make sure you’re looking after yourself. Make sure you’ve had a at least one glass of water that day and you’ve had something to eat. Also, if you feel like it, do some light exercise, but make sure that if you are binding, that you take off the binder beforehand, because it isn’t safe to exercise in a binder as it may restrict your breathing.
9. Have hope. Remember that what you’re feeling can and will pass and in the end, this feeling won’t last forever and there will be a day where you will eventually be comfortable in your own skin, and when you are everything you’ve been through will be worth it and until then, have faith that it will happen and stay strong.

I hope that my advice helps you in some way, shape or form, if it did, let me know, and if not let me know, any constructive criticism is always welcome! If you want to talk to me about anything I’ve said or want more advice, you can pm me on Instagram or Twitter or write it in the comments, and just remember, you are valid no matter what, anyone else says, and you aren’t alone in this, just do your best to stay strong, you will get through this, I believe in you! ~Alex ❤️