friends

I've never really had friends, all my life I've maybe had one friend, but I moved away and I lost that one friend I had. Middle school I had a group but, they were those friends that, pretended they liked you. Since they didn't want to be mean and now I'm in high school and all I have is my boyfriend.  I'm not complaining, it's just... It's lonely sometimes. Sitting in class, and no ones talking to you, sitting at a table alone.
Hoping someone would come up and talk to me, but that never happens. Part of me is happy, cause I'm not well when it comes to talking in conversations.

I just, don't know how to get rid of this empty feeling. If I lose my boyfriend, everything in my whole world is gone. We've been together over a year, but .. What if that doesn't last? I'll have to get used to being alone.  

Having friends is just something that makes most people happy.  All my life I never had birthday parties where friends came over, or sleepovers. All that stuff I just wasn't ever invited to. 
And everyone told me about how they didn't want me there. Or they snuck around me and invited everyone else.

I'm not sure what I did to anyone, but I guess my looks just weren't ever up to par with everyone else.  I had glasses, ginger hair, I had to wear a patch on my eye, cause I had a lazy eye.
I was literally a clown pirate. And I was extremely slow in class, and accident prone outside of class.
I guess it's just lonely, knowing that everyone around just .. Doesn't like you. And that's gonna happen. Not everyone will like you in life. Even my internet "friends" don't like me.

And it's so obvious..  No one even tries to go out of their way to talk to me each day.
I have no one, except my boyfriend.
And yah I could tell him everything and all. But I'm just so insecure, that what if he leaves me for someone else again. That was absolute hell last year.

But anyways, sorry about all the mumbling, what I'm saying is. If you're in elementary school, middle school, high school, talk to someone who you see sitting alone. I know it seems weird. But not all of us have as many friends as others. And some of us just need someone to talk to. Don't just, walk away and pretend everything's fine, when you see someone sitting alone, or crying.

​Try having an everyday conversation with someone who you never thought you'd even talk to. You never know, that's how a lot of people meet their best friend. I had one, but, she left a long time ago due to my boyfriend. That's why I was left alone. Remember this, those who you see alone now, a lot of the time have so many more friends in the future, it's just, they weren't in the right place to find any they think actually liked them. <3 Talk to someone new, make a new friend.
​
Abby