Dealing with friendship break-ups
In 2014, my best friend told me she didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. I had no idea why, as she never told me, but she made me feel like it was my fault. We were as close as sisters, and suddenly she was leaving me for people who went to more parties and got into more fights than I did. I spent months afterwards feeling guilty, hurt, angry and extremely confused. I spent day after day wondering what I did wrong, and how I could solve it. So now, I’m going to give anyone going through that exact thing right now the advice I wish I’d heard.
1. Don’t think about it too much
I know it sounds silly, but overthinking is the worst thing you can possibly do when you’re already upset. Instead, concentrate on getting yourself over the rawness of the break up first, and then thinking about reasons when you can think logically and rationally again.
2. Throw yourself into things you love
If you can, distract yourself in any way possible by doing things you love, whether it’s reading, writing, playing or listening to music, art, sport or literally anything else. Sometimes this is hard, because the friend loved those activities too, but please try. Alternatively, try doing something you’ve never done before, like watch a TV show you’ve never seen, take up a new sport, or read that book series everyone’s talking about. The sense of productivity will make you feel much better until you’re finally happy again.
I know it may take a while, but acceptance is the most important thing. People move on, find new interests and meet new people they connect with, and this doesn’t make you any less of a good person or a good friend. You will get better, and you will make more amazing friends and meet brilliant new people. If my friend had never left me two years ago, I wouldn’t have become as close with my current best friends and I definitely wouldn’t have been as happy with my friends as I am now.
If you want to, have a think about why the friendship ended. Were you toxic to each other? Did you struggle to find things in common? Did you have different ambitions? No matter what the cause was, I always find it helps if the friendship ended on good terms. There’s nothing more awkward than one of you thinking the other hates them when they don’t. Give it some time, then, if you want to, get in touch and let them know you’re there for them. Apologise if you need to, or get some things out that you wanted to say to them before. This will give you a sense of closure as well as ensuring neither of you will have any regrets later on. Of course, don’t get in touch if the friend really was toxic, or had negative impacts on you. You don’t need or deserve that negativity in your life. You deserve to be happy.
If you’re struggling with anything, please don’t hesitate to email us. We’re always here for you!
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The articles here are written by guest writers or previous TWE members.