Rather than beat around the bush and find the right euphemism in order to be politically correct, let's just be honest for once. Grief is incredibly difficult. It is an overwhelming but empty emotion that sits in the very pit of your stomach.
Maybe that's why we're reluctant to talk about the reality of it. The encompassing nature that surrounds you in sorrow. It makes people uncomfortable to hear about because they aren't quite sure how to respond. Some people like to talk about the loved one they have lost whilst others would rather hide away for a few days. Some attend funerals, some do not. Some want to keep the memories alive from when they weren't sick (if that was the case) whilst others want to talk through the situation of watching someone you love decline. Some like to keep busy, keep distracted and "move on" with their lives whilst others need a few days or weeks to process what has just happened to them.
I want to make it clear right now that there is no "correct" way to handle grief. Everyone is different and every situation is tailored to you. Depending on who people lose may impact how much time they require or how they want to proceed but nobody should ever be told to “stop grieving” or “you’re grieving incorrectly”. If you chose to go to the funeral remember it’s okay to cry and it’s okay not to. Often funerals are portrayed as places where you have to be sobbing your heart out but for some people that makes them uncomfortable and they’d far rather just sit in silence and quietly remember the loved one they lost. If you can’t face the funeral, be prepared for your families reaction. They might be hurt or confused that you don’t want to go. Sit them down, calmly explain your reasons and at the end of the day remember it’s how you feel that’s most important. If you’d feel so uncomfortable you’d end up leaving the funeral parlour anyway, don’t force yourself to go.
I wish this was an article I could fill with advice on coping with grief but I don’t have a magic cure. All I can do is give you hints and tips that helped me through some of the most challenging losses in my life.
Guess what….they’ll never stop loving you either.
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The articles here are written by guest writers or previous TWE members.