Grief

Rather than beat around the bush and find the right euphemism in order to be politically correct, let's just be honest for once. Grief is incredibly difficult. It is an overwhelming but empty emotion that sits in the very pit of your stomach.
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Maybe that's why we're reluctant to talk about the reality of it. The encompassing nature that surrounds you in sorrow. It makes people uncomfortable to hear about because they aren't quite sure how to respond. Some people like to talk about the loved one they have lost whilst others would rather hide away for a few days. Some attend funerals, some do not. Some want to keep the memories alive from when they weren't sick (if that was the case) whilst others want to talk through the situation of watching someone you love decline. Some like to keep busy, keep distracted and "move on" with their lives whilst others need a few days or weeks to process what has just happened to them.


I want to make it clear right now that there is no "correct" way to handle grief. Everyone is different and every situation is tailored to you. Depending on who people lose may impact how much time they require or how they want to proceed but nobody should ever be told to “stop grieving” or “you’re grieving incorrectly”. If you chose to go to the funeral remember it’s okay to cry and it’s okay not to. Often funerals are portrayed as places where you have to be sobbing your heart out but for some people that makes them uncomfortable and they’d far rather just sit in silence and quietly remember the loved one they lost. If you can’t face the funeral, be prepared for your families reaction. They might be hurt or confused that you don’t want to go. Sit them down, calmly explain your reasons and at the end of the day remember it’s how you feel that’s most important. If you’d feel so uncomfortable you’d end up leaving the funeral parlour anyway, don’t force yourself to go.  


I wish this was an article I could fill with advice on coping with grief but I don’t have a magic cure. All I can do is give you hints and tips that helped me through some of the most challenging losses in my life. 

1. Don’t compare your grieving to someone else. Yes, they may act like they’re over it. Maybe they went back to school/work the very next day. Maybe they were able to continue as if nothing had happened. Don’t worry, that doesn’t mean you have to move on too. It’s okay to take a few days to recover. Similarly, if you’re the person who just wants to throw yourself back into everyday life, that’s okay too. Just be careful you’re not doing it to block out how you feel otherwise one day it’ll all come crashing down over something silly. (In my case I burst a packet of pasta in Asda)
   
   
   
2. Reach out for help. If you’re struggling to cope with the loss, talk to people. Talk to people who knew the person and share the good memories. Ask for help, even if that means taking up counselling. Don’t be ashamed.
   
   
   
3. Don’t isolate yourself. I know sometimes when you lose someone you love, the easiest thing to do is curl up in bed and binge watch Netflix for days on end. Although this is perfectly okay at first, if you seem to be stuck in a rut you can’t get out of, get out bed. Get up even with the goal to simply wash your hair. You’ll feel better seeing those around you.
   
   
   
4. Make a photo collage or a video or something else that helps you remember. I have a necklace from my Grandma that I wear everyday but it could be anything for you. A cushion? A shirt? Something as simple as a pen? If you don’t have any of these, what about putting up a photo on your wall? Make a DIY photo frame. Do something that’s a little bit of fun and will allow you to remember your loved one.
   
   
   
5. Finally, REMEMBER IT TAKES TIME AND THAT THAT IS OKAY. Losing someone who is such a huge part of your life will always be incredibly difficult. It’s often the little things like the smell of their hair or their goodnight texts that you miss. The pain passes eventually and then you can focus on all the good times – remember all the things that made your relationship special and unique. Write down things that made you laugh and read them when you feel that aching sense of loss in your stomach. It’s okay to continue living without them, chances are that’s what they’d want. It doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten them, you’ll never forget them. Why? Because you’ll never stop loving them. 

Guess what….they’ll never stop loving you either. 
​Anonymous