Identifying toxic relationships

It can be really difficult sometimes to identify whether or not you are in a toxic relationship. For me, I didn't realise how bad things were until I had broken up with the person. I ignored all the red flags! So many of my friends would try and get me to see how much damage he was doing, but I refused to believe it because I thought it was love. Despite my experience being in a toxic relationship, even friendships can be toxic 
It's really important to remember how vital it is you do what's best for you. Looking after yourself should always be your first priority. I kept wanting to make him happy, which is why I never realised I was getting hurt and needed to leave. Here are some tips I had to use to get myself out that toxic situation.

1. Confide in someone
Discuss the problem with someone you know and trust. This can be a friend, family member, teacher, anyone. Tell them what's been going on, and try to explain how that has been making you feel. This person will be able to provide you advice tailored to the situation you're in, and it's always nice to know someone is there for you through all this. As well as this, we at TWE are always available to help with situations such as this. Feel free to message us on our social media platforms, or write to us using the anonymous advice section.

2. Talk to the person
If you feel comfortable enough to do so, speak to the person you're in the relationship with. Understandably, you may not be comfortable discussing this topic with them. However, it is important to realise that attempting to help them understand how you feel may help the situation change. Even if it doesn't, discussing your feelings gives you an opportunity to take the relationship where ever you want it to go.

3. Identify what could change
Look at your relationship, and assess which aspects may seem toxic. For me, this was the control my partner had over me and the lack of trust. I wasn't allowed to go many places without him. At the time I saw this as him caring, but actually it's vital you look at these aspects from another angle and think about how else it could be seen.

4. Make sure you're safe
If you are debating getting yourself out this relationship, make sure you are safe when doing so. I had to do it through text at home to ensure I was in a safe place where they couldn't do much to hurt me physically. Yes words can still hurt, but making sure you're safe in these situations is so important. You could go to a friend, be there with someone else or do it via text.

5. Do not feel pressured
In toxic relationships it is normal to feel like you have to stay due to how the person treats you. However, this isn't the case. I was so scared to leave and it left me feeling pressured to stay. You can leave. You have that choice, it is simply a case of making sure you feel comfortable and safe to do so.

I really hope these tips help you if you are struggling with a toxic relationship. You're very important, and taking care of yourself is vital!

Thank you very much for reading.
Katie Lou

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