Let's talk about sex

Sex. Lots of people do it, but there is still a huge stigma surrounding it, particularly the idea of losing your virginity. I feel like this can present it as scary and unpleasant and as long as it is consensual and you are comfortable it shouldn’t be. Hopefully I can make you feel a little more comfortable about everything and be helpful in some way. First and foremost, you are allowed to decide what you believe amounts to sex, you should never feel pressured and you are ready when you’re ready, you should never feel like you have to do anything that you don’t want to, somebody else’s sexual experiences are not your responsibility.


You are ALWAYS allowed to say no even if you are in a long term relationship or have done it with the same person before, if you’re not into it or are even a little unsure then you can say no. You are not rude. Equally, you are not entitled to it and you shouldn’t make someone feel guilty about not waiting to engage in sexual acts even if you are doing them and they aren’t reciprocating because by making them feel guilty they could feel pressured and it is your choice to do those things. I would also like to emphasise that you are allowed to say no at any point before or during sex as long as the other person is aware of your decision.


So your first time... It can be great but it’s not going to be magical, it’s unlikely to be like something from a romantic movie or like fireworks at dawn. (I’m going to mainly focus on females having heterosexual sex because that is what I can draw experience from for advice.). It can be awkward and sweaty with you both a bit unsure of what you’re doing, fumbling around. This is okay though, most people experience this and with time and practice you can improve together. To get past this you’ve just got to make sure that you’re doing it with someone that you trust and are 100% comfortable with. Lots of people make a point of the fact that ‘losing your virginity will hurt and you will bleed but that doesn’t have to happen, you just have to prepare. So one thing I’m going to suggest is lube it up, this should help and if you’re not into it, it will hurt most likely hurt if you are having penetrative sex so foreplay is important and stopping feelings of anxiety or discomfort is essential for a good experience.


The issue is that people often put a lot of meaning on ‘losing your virginity’. But you’re not really losing anything and this idea is dumb. The concept of virginity is a made up social construct that perpetuates the idea that women are precious little flowers who are missing something and will be spoiled by a penis. If anything, you’re gaining an experience and no matter how you do this, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of this no matter when your first time was because you get to decide what time stands out to you and which felt the most special and that under no means has to be your first time.


The main thing I think is important is to stay safe and be happy, there are lots of methods of birth control although none are 100% effective against pregnancy. However, as long as you’re using one you should be relatively safe and not something you should actively be worrying about enough to let it ruin your experience and if this is difficult you could try doubling up e.g condoms and the pill. Condoms however are the only contraceptives that protect against STDs so you should ideally use these, particularly if you don’t know someone else or their sexual history. So stay safe and stay happy guys hope this lil pep talk helped in some way.
Mei x