Over my 15 years of existence, I have heard many absent-minded, borderline homophobic statements in my time, many still occurring commonly today. The most common being:
'But you don't look gay.'
Oh crap, I left my rainbow at home again! I'll bring it tomorrow, I promise.
Honestly though, what a ridiculous phrase. Saying someone doesn't look gay or any other sexuality is the most ignorant sentence I have ever heard. The next time someone says this to you, please reply with
"Well, you don't look like an ignorant arsehole, but look where we are."
As well as that, there are tonnes of other questions or statements that anyone that isn't heterosexual gets constantly, and I feel like it's time to set the record straight (if you'll excuse the pun). Here's a little collection of the ones I hear most often, and I'd like to start a discussion. Have you ever been asked any of these?
"You're gay? Well I'm not, please don't come onto me."
Oh don't worry, we have higher standards.
There is a 99.9% chance that, if someone is attracted to members of your gender but you're not attracted to members of theirs, they most certainly know and, for that reason, won't try and initiate a relationship with you. If you tell someone not to come onto you, it's most likely going to make you look like even more of an arsehole than you actually are.
"You're [insert sexuality here]? Oh wow, so's my friend! I'll have to hook you two up."
No. No, you don't.
I once heard someone say this to their friend. Their friend had just told them they were asexual. 'Hooking up' was exactly what their friend was trying to avoid. Please, please don't say this. Unless both participants are willing, as otherwise it will get awkward very very quickly.
"So you're pansexual? Does that mean you basically want to screw everyone?"
No. No, it doesn't. Please don't make assumptions about a person's sexuality, ever.
"So pansexual is the same as bisexual, seeing as there's only two genders?"
1. There are multiple genders, and I'm sure an article has already been posted on the matter. If not, expect one very soon!
2. Pansexuality; the sexual attraction to members of all genders on the gender spectrum.
Bisexuality; the sexual attraction to members of two genders, most often being male and female.
"You're bisexual? So you're essentially half gay?"
No, I'm not.
As well as other sexualities, bisexuality is on a spectrum. Imagine a number line of sexual attraction, 0-100, with 0 being 100% entirely heterosexual, and 100 being 100% entirely homosexual. Anything in between those two numbers is bisexuality, whether it's 10% attraction to males and 90% to females, 45% male and 55% female, or 30% male and 70% female. You catch my drift.
Lastly, in my opinion, the most important answer of all:
"Heterosexuality is normal."
Yes, it is. And so is every other sexuality on the planet.
Just because heterosexuality is common and reproduction between XX and XY gametes produces offspring doesn't mean that every other sexuality is unnatural or not normal. At the end of the day, love is love, and there's nothing more natural than that.
I hope you all had a wonderful festive season, and I'm always here if anyone wants to talk.
Until next time,
Lauren out xxx
Teenagers With Experience is an organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people. You can contact us via email, social media or our contact form found on our home page.