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By Jazz Living alone for the first time is easily one of the most terrifying things I, and probably any other young person has done thus far in my life. I first moved out for university when I was 18; although that was the first time I’d done it, it was such a universal experience amongst everyone else in my accomodation that it took the edge off a little bit. So what if I couldn’t cook for myself? Neither could my flat mates. We were all alone in it together and after a few weeks, I felt completely fine. Same for the next two years of university; every time I felt like a dumb-ass for something, my house mates were always there to make me feel better. We were young adults. University students. No one expected us to know what we were doing. If anything, that was sort of the main point of that period of our lives.
Then, as all good things do, university came to an end. It’s only been a few months for me but as soon as I hit submit on my final paper and went to a uni party for the last time, it felt like a safety blanket had been ripped away from me. I wasn’t a student anymore. I was a whole-ass adult now, and as someone who went to university essentially solely to push back being a functional person in the real world, I’d never felt more scared in my life. Those next steps are scary and although a lot of people choose to move back in with their parents - which is a very valid and also sensible optional - I chose to stay in my university town. There was a lot of reasons; I like it here, I had a good job in a pub that would take me on full time now I was done with college, and my boyfriend and all my close friends were staying too. That meant finding somewhere to live and there are plenty of options; getting a flat with a friend or two, moving in with family nearby, or finding a room in a house share. Me, though? I decided I wanted to try living alone for the first time in my life. The process of finding a place warrants a whole other article, but these have been my main takeaways in the first two months. 1. Put aside more money than you’ll need for rent, bills and utilities. If you think you’ll need £30 for bills, put away £40. I can’t do this all the time, solely because it’s not always financially viable but when I have a little extra at the end of the month, I’ll put it into my bills or rent account. With the cost of living constantly going up, it’s hard to predict exactly what your outgoings will be, and having that little bit of extra allowance just cushions the blow a little when you try to be prepared for it. Plus, it’s always a comfort knowing you’re on top of bills and rent. 2. Learn to cook for one. Every damn recipe on the internet seems to serve at least three people; that’s all well and good for leftovers, but I don’t want to eat the same thing three nights in a row just to avoid it all going to waste. Portion sizing is a little bit of a challenge but after a few weeks, you’ll get to know what you do and don’t need to buy. I find buying dry stuff - tinned food, pasta, anything that can sit in the cupboard long term really - is ideal. Fresher stuff like fruit and veg can be brought loose or as individuals. It’s a strange thing I didn’t think I’d ever have to think about, but it’s something you come to learn after a few weeks. 3. Keep the space clean for you. Beforehand, I would always do my washing up or keep common spaces clean out of respect for my flat mates. Now, I have no one to please but myself, so if I leave my pans soaking for four days or my shoes thrown across the floor, who’s going to be mad but me? It was nice at first, but it sort of became a curse after a few weeks because I would end up having a very messy space purely because I had no motivation to tidy it. I try to give my whole flat a bit of a deep clean at least once a week now, just so it’s nice to come home after work. 4. Learn the difference between alone and feeling lonely. I’ve always been someone that enjoys my alone time but if I have two days off in a row and no plans, the chances of me leaving my flat are low. That means no social interaction for two straight days and I do find myself getting lonely, especially after three years of having housemates around. Knowing when you need to get out or invite people over is always good. 5. It’s not for everyone. Like any living situation, it has its pros and cons. I’ve been really enjoying living alone for the first time ever, but that might wear off in a month or two, or it might continue. Still, if you do come to the conclusion that you don’t enjoy it, or that it’s not the best option financially or mentally, there is no shame in moving back home or choosing to have housemates again.
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By Madeline Hey Future,
It feels a little odd thinking about you as something that I can write, address, and send a letter to, but I think it may help. It can feel like you’re this distant intangible thing at times but then at others, it can feel like you’re rushing toward me at full speed with no way to stop you. So, yeah, maybe imagining you as a person or at least a solid, tangible thing may help. I have high hopes for you, Future. I like to think that you’ll be good, full of enough highs to balance out the lows that will no doubt occur. The end of one era of my life is ending soon, so naturally, I’m in one of those phases where it feels like you’re hurtling toward me with no brakes. Like every day feels almost like I’m in a tunnel being blasted by a strong wind threatening to whisk me away from everything I know. You seem so close lately too like I could reach out and snag a piece of you. I’m ready for what’s in store for me, Future, but at the same time, I want to make sure that I don’t forget about Present. The Here and Now. I don’t want to get too caught up in you that I miss out on what’s around me right now. I’m excited for my future, Future. But don’t come too fast. Let me live in the Now, taking pictures and having laughs, eating good food, and making memories that I’ll be able to look back on when the Now becomes the Then. I’m excited for you, Future. But slow down a little and let me savor the last few bits of everything. By Lana Do you ever imagine that you are on an adventure, exploring life as if it was a single-player game? Oftentimes, the opportunity to have quality time with yourself to explore is refreshing. Self-exploration allows the chance for you to see how you fit yourself in your surroundings and grow from it. While it is a source of independence, we all are preoccupied with duties and responsibilities in our everyday lives making it easy to not prioritize any time for ourselves. Yet, being able to set time aside for your enjoyment can be incredibly fulfilling, especially during times of stress.
I’ve had my fair share of times where I was too focused on school that it felt like a torturous cycle, and I did not know how to escape it. Whenever I looked at my workload and was only focusing on it, doing my tasks felt like a chore. It prolonged to a point where I did not recognize myself - I did not look forward to anything exciting, nor did I feel as if I was mentally and emotionally growing as an individual. It seems difficult to realize this especially when you naturally begin to compare yourself to others, where their goals seem drastically difficult from yours. However, there is no such thing as it being too late to discover yourself. The idea of reflecting on who you are can be done by prioritizing quality time with yourself, particularly by doing what you enjoy. Here are some starters and ideas on what you can do: Block out your days Make some space within your days to have time to rest! These “time slots” should go beyond the bare necessities of taking care of yourself (such as eating or showering). Even if you have a busy schedule, it is good to make boundaries on when you should start doing what brings you enjoyment! For instance, maybe you can say that the time between supper and bedtime will be when you can destress and enjoy a show or do your hobby. This helps you rest your mind while enjoying time by yourself. Interact with the environment Whenever I feel stressed or gloomy, I like to take spontaneous walks to calm myself down. Being outside feels liberating, where it makes me feel like I am not trapped in a box. Having this opportunity allows you to ease up your mind, and also sort your thoughts and priorities when you have to go back to the “real world.” You can also find enjoyment out of it! I like to ride my bike, but you can also observe plants or take long walks. You can also track your movement, so you feel as if you did something on that particular day. Try out some hobbies that encourage imagination There are numerous hobbies that allow you to be imaginative. Whether it is doing an arts and crafts project, taking pictures, or reading, having a hobby allows you to find the things that you enjoy. I would personally consider cooking as a good hobby because it allows you to be resourceful yet imaginative through the ingredients you are able to gather to make a meal. It is also beneficial, as it helps you develop good lifeskills as well. Take personalized quizzes I like to take certain quizzes or personality tests to help me understand who I am at the bare minimum. Particular tests, especially the Myers-Briggs test, allow me to reflect on questions that are based on my experiences, morals, and beliefs in order to gather information on what personality type I am best suited for. It brings up topics that you would usually overlook and not think about when you try to reflect on who you are as a person. I believe that this is good for self-discovery by being used as a good starting point on how you would want to approach the world. Here is the link if you are interested in taking it: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test Overall, the journey of independence and self-discovery is a long one. Don’t feel compelled to completely figure out who you are over the next few months, as discovering yourself is based on the circumstances you experience throughout your whole lifetime. The tips I provided may just be ideas on brainstorming the idea of who you are, as I’ve certainly dealt with the question myself. I hope that these tips may help you! By Lana What does it mean to be mature? As there doesn’t seem to be a checklist to check off as you age, nor is there a quiz that you can take to identify your maturity level, it is incredibly frustrating as a teenager to understand the word. Thus, it is natural to compare ourselves with our environment and peers. While this could help with forming an idea about what maturity means, it may cause some people to feel insecure about themselves. While you may ask yourself, “why can't I be or look more mature,” it may just be that you are a late bloomer.
To understand this term, let's first go through several broad ideas surrounding the word “maturity.” Physical maturity This kind of maturity is particularly focused on the physiological changes that you may go through during puberty. With spiraling hormones and sudden physical changes, some may consider this the first step to maturing. However, being “physically mature” can also deal with how you observe your peers finding their own identity. As a teenager, this is common where you can explore your looks through clothing, hair, and makeup and make yourself feel more confident and mature as a person. Emotional maturity Based on the experiences you go through as you grow older, you will constantly develop ways to deal with emotions during conflicting and difficult times. This may be shown through characteristics such as self control, calmness, confidence, and perseverance. Of course, building emotional maturity is not limited to a certain time period. Everyone’s experiences are unique, allowing them to continuously build their emotional development. Cognitive maturity This refers to the information you retain that builds up your thought process. Through experiences, such as school or life events, it allows you to create your own set of beliefs and morals, alongside the ways to rationally approach them. This may also include skills being developed as you get older through jobs and hobbies. Of course, being a late bloomer may make you feel frustrated as you observe other people and pinpoint the certain qualities that they have which you may not. As appealing as it seems, it makes you feel left behind and underdeveloped as an individual. As a late bloomer myself, I have questioned why I look 4 years younger than my actual age, causing me to feel undermined as a person. I have heard classmates believe that I was way younger than I was, which would make me feel out of place. My voice can sometimes be high and pitchy, making me believe that I sound child-like and incredibly young. For cognitive maturity, I am aware that my speaking and socializing skills are not great compared to others, as I prefer observing and quietly analyzing. I am also indecisive, causing me to question my beliefs and ultimately make me not know what career path I want to pursue in the future. At this moment, I don’t know how to find success in multiple areas of my life but I am currently discovering my own individuality and confidence as a person. I do not know if I am “mature.” If you are a late bloomer, I want you to realize that the three ideas of maturity that I listed can be experienced throughout your entire life, not only within a certain time period. Here are some ideas that I have used that may help you discover your own path to maturity as well: In order to get rid of my worries and learn how to accept myself, I have set myself a few tips such as:
I would advise you to come up with a small list of tips for yourself to pace your thought process. It makes you feel in control of your goals through your own expectations. I would also advise you to think about the positive attributes when you knit and pick at your constraints. If you have any particular interests, try them out! It may be an additional skill that certainly makes you feel in touch with your life and experiences, and even make you discover more about your successes! Don’t be too caught up about the idea of “firsts” and do not feel too pressured to pursue something if you are not comfortable, as it will naturally occur in the future once you feel ready to do anything. As much as discovering yourself is a unique experience, don't be concerned if you are a late bloomer. Everything will happen at a particularly different time for everyone. Although you may encounter moments of insecurity and unsureness, remember that maturity is a lifelong process. I hope that these tips help you continue your journey of self-discovery! By Syifa I never expected that all of sudden, I would doubt my goals. What is my dream? Why am I anxious? and what can I do about it?
After a two-month break from TWE, I finally came back with a new step in my life. Life after graduating. Actually, I’m not graduating yet. I still have 2 months before the graduation ceremony. However, I finally got through my thesis defense. 23rd July. That was when I officially got my bachelor’s degree. I felt relieved and anxious at the same time. I envisaged my future and asked, “ok, what next?”. Day by day, the anxiety increased and consumed me. Consequently, I became numb and sensed a loss of identity. What is my purpose in life? What is my passion? Master degree or just find a job? and other existential questions. Besides that, colleagues of my age have already started their careers. I compared myself to them while I have zero motivation to even gather my life together. The other thing is, in this pandemic situation, it is hard to reach support from friends. We already knew that support is very important to most aspects of life. Then I started to think, “ok first, let’s just get more money”. Then I realized, this is not the right thinking. I mean, everyone wants money but the difference is some people are happy with the process of gaining them instead of being a slave of money lust. These past months, I felt a drawback from the level I was before. Long before my thesis defence, I had purpose. I know ‘me’ and I am confident enough to pursue my career. However, it was gone after the thesis defence. I couldn’t plan my future and thought that I’m not ready to enter the workforce. Things I enjoyed before are not enjoyable anymore. Is it because I’m anxious? I think so. I try to break my feelings down to the Anxieties' characteristics by Barlow (2004). There are factors to define anxious apprehension.
Those factors help me define why I feel anxious. Therefore, I could decide action toward the negative and intrusive thoughts and build more constructive mindsets. There is a model I know that can be applied to reduce anxiety, depression, and fear. It is called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It assumes that our beliefs about situations influence how we act and eventually the consequences. It’s focusing on reconstructing negative thoughts and beliefs. For example, if I believe that I am worthy and skilful enough to enter employment, then I’d focus on improving myself. We can also question the negative thoughts by asking “is that rational?”, ”is this thought helpful?”, etc. The results: no time wasted on intrusive thoughts and unproductive days. I think that’s all I could say about post-graduation life. Yet I’m still working on discard any irrational beliefs about myself. I know that I’m not alone to feel this way, so I hope this article would help anyone who feels the same. By Arya Growing up is something that everyone has to go through and deal with. Though at times it may not be extremely enjoyable, it is a part of life and many good lessons come with it. However, so many responsibilities come with growing up, some of them may be fun responsibilities, and others – well, not so much.
I would say that my favorite thing about growing up, or at least turning 16, is that I was able to get my driver’s license. Getting my license was an extremely exciting step for me because it allowed me to gain so much more freedom. Now, because I have my license, I can go wherever I want, whenever I want, well of course with my parent’s permission. Being able to have the freedom to go places alone and just do what I want has truly been amazing and so fun. It also takes a lot of stress off my parent’s backs, knowing that they don’t have to worry about taking me anywhere anymore. However, driving comes with a lot of responsibility, like being safe and making good decisions is a huge part of driving, which has definitely been a learning experience for me. Another big responsibility that one gets at a certain age is getting a debit card. Now, although I did get my debit card a few months before I was 16, it is still something that comes with growing up. Although you don’t have to pay off a debit card every month, like a credit card, you still have to be responsible with it: making sure you have enough money in it, making sure to put money in it, spending a responsible amount of money, and making sure to still save your money. Since you control the money that comes into your debit card and not your parents, it is your responsibility to keep yourself accounted for how much you are spending and saving. Furthermore, a lot changes as you grow up, and during your high school years. For many people, we have to worry about college and getting into college. This means getting good grades, doing lots of extracurriculars, getting a good score on standardized exams, for me the ACT or SAT, and so much more. Doing all of this in just a few years means being responsible and holding yourself accountable for getting everything done. Some ways I keep everything balanced and get everything done include:
Essentially, growing up drastically changes your life, in good ways and stressful ways, but they are all important and significant events that will help you learn and grow. I am both excited and nervous to continue growing up because of all the vast unknown opportunities in life that could lead to amazing things. But remembering your responsibilities and making sure you are accountable for them is always important. By Mel Alcohol can seem like one of those things we all want to try and can’t wait to do so. But, for me, it wasn’t the case. I was more into getting out into the world traveling and having my own freedom.
But, sooner or later you get introduced to alcohol. My first drink was in London during my travels in Camden, a place called The Hawley Arms. And for my first drink, it was a classic Camden Bells pint which was pretty good! But then, after that everything changed, I lost control, and I started to drink various different drinks but mostly gins. I love fruity and strong flavors so this was perfect for me. Too perfect to the point where I would be on the floor in a pool of my own vomit. Not nice right? Well, what I didn’t realize was years from that moment it would be totally different. My friends would be no more, I would be unhealthy and above all, I wouldn’t be happy within myself. The reason I lost my friends was that throughout the years on many occasions i would get off my face and I wouldn’t be the true self that everyone loved. People would say they couldn't recognize me because I acted so differently. So then the time came one night when I managed to make it to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and really looked at myself and thought, “What am I doing to myself?” I saw a version of myself that I was horrified and ashamed of. That’s when I realized I was digging a very dark hole for myself. I was losing who I was, I was losing Mel. It’s been a long time coming but I can say I’ve been nearly a year free of alcohol, not just because of that night but because of the health conditions that came with it. I started to have seizures and they went on for many years, didn’t know what was causing them. I was tested for epilepsy but it wasn’t that. I was tested for nonepileptic seizures and the final result was defined as PNES. But of course, there was no medication for that, so I was on my own with finding a way through, what was causing these seizures how can I move on with my life without living in fear? Well, that’s when it came down to my mental health, my drinking, and the way I dealt with things. When things got dark in my mind I would turn to drink so I could block it all out for a while, then when I would sober up again I would find myself back with the alcohol. So, when I finally pinpointed how my seizures were occurring I decided to take action because I’d had enough. It wasn’t just the drinking it was a mixture of my mental health, and not having a proper diet but the drinking, didn’t help at all. Yes, today I still find it hard to make friends, and yes I still find it hard to see others going out having a good time and drinking with their friends. But in my mind, I will rather be spending my money on traveling and doing what I love other than going out every weekend to get off my face and not remembering a single thing. That’s my reason for putting a stop to my drinking. I lost a lot of people in my life, but I also met the true ones in my life too. One year on, I’m in a new job with children, and I’m still suffering from seizures, but not as frequent as they used to be. Things do change, you just got to put in the hard work. But alcohol can also be enjoyed! It’s not all doom and gloom! If you’re sensible about it, then it can be used as a sociable gathering. Invite friends, and family along to celebrate the fun times! Change is daunting. Always.
In this article I don’t mean to belittle your experiences or dictate your emotions. You are allowed to feel and wallow in your emotions. You are allowed to not want to adopt a glass half-full mindset. This article is just for you to read so that, a few months down the line, when you are neck-deep in this new situation, you can re-evaluate your choices. Personally, I don’t think it’s always healthy to adopt a new situation and adapt immediately. Resistance is what builds grit - it helps you determine the core of your character: what you are willing to compromise on and what you choose to fight for. It is better to really immerse yourself in emotions rather than brush them off because you are important and what you are feeling is a valid response to the situation, no matter what others might say. I’ve been to seven different schools in three wildly different countries. Making friends is difficult: finding the courage is hard; finding the motivation is even harder. Culture takes a while to get used to, making the choice to retain some freedoms and exposing yourself to public judgement takes even longer to get used to. Having stable mental health is a challenge; achieving a state open to happiness is more challenging. I know this. Let me help you through it. I’ll detail my personal plan and you can adapt it to suit your particular case. Your initial reaction is (or was - depending on when you chance upon this article) not random. You need to credit yourself as a rational being capable of complex thought. If this change saddens you, try and pinpoint the reason why - however trivial it might seem it means a lot to you so don’t bury it. If there is one person you can trust it is yourself, so be honest to yourself. You don’t have to share it, just acknowledge that it’s there.
Don’t feel pressured into adopting a happy countenance if that’s not what reflects your true feelings. You deserve to feel; to be human. I know it’s cliche, but as with everything else in life: this too shall pass. I’ll see you on the other side.
Have you ever put on a mask to hide who you really were? To forget the past and hopefully gain a new name for yourself? That’s what I did for many years until I realised it was damaging for myself.
I’ve heard many personal stories on how people looked back on their past and realised how they should have spoken to someone sooner about their problems or situations that they were going through. Many people like to use their past to teach a lesson for others so they don’t make the same mistake as they did. One of those people who I admire for sharing their story is ‘Melanie Martinez’. Melanie used to get bullied in school for having a gap in her front two teeth. But from this, she grew to write about her past and turn these songs into number one hits worldwide. Touring to different countries sharing her passion for spreading awareness on bullying. I hid from a lot of my past. I didn’t speak up about it when I should have I suffered in silence for many years until I broke. I didn’t visit the area that this all happened in for a decade because I was afraid of all the bad nightmares coming back. Those nightmares consisted of being with a group of so-called ‘friends’ in a country park. We all went down to the river which was so beautiful but it turned out to be the exact opposite for me after what happened. A decade on and we’re in lockdown, so daily walks are the only thing that I can really do. Myself and my mammy went for one of our daily walks and she wanted to go through that country park where I had not been for years. I’ll be honest, I was so scared that I would see those people again even though it was years ago, it still haunts me. But, I faced my fears of the past and jumped straight into the deep end. Walking through the country park I was picking out the areas where things happened and I felt good about it, especially being with my mammy too. I was explaining to my mammy what happened and when it happened, who it involved and that was the first time I ever came clean about everything. It’s like I faced a demon and a whole weight lifted off my shoulders. I still have some of those nightmares now, but I guess I wouldn’t be writing this article if I didn’t have them? Putting on a brave face for all those years was tough, but you can’t change the past of what happened. The one thing I’ve learnt is that you should never suffer in silence no matter what it is or what it consists of. You matter and you deserve to be heard. That’s why I’m working towards becoming a part of the mental health industry to help others who were/are in my situation be heard. I’ve dedicated my time after leaving high school to help others as that’s what my passion is. I joined TWE for the same reason - to help others worldwide be heard and be seen. So, if you have ever put on a mask to hide you really were, to forget the past and hopefully gain a new name for yourself - you matter and you deserve to be YOU! If you are experiencing bullying and you don’t know where to turn then these are some helplines and websites that can point you in the right direction of getting the help you deserve; National Bullying Helpline; 0845 22 55 787 Open 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday Bully Busters Helpline: 0800 169 6928 Shout Text Shout to 85258 Websites; https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/bullying/ http://www.bullybusters.org.uk/ https://www.childnet.com/young-people -Mel I have started to think about what I have learnt this year in the pandemic and that has led to me thinking about generally what else I have learnt in my 20 years on Earth. So I am going to give you the top 20 important things that I have learnt and maybe you'll be able to take something from my experience.
Not all friendships are going to last forever but the ones that do are the ones that matter. You may want to think otherwise but teenage friendships are complicated and chances are, you will lose people. While that hurts, try and remember the friends you still have and be grateful for the ones you carry into adulthood. I have lost a lot of friends in the past few years but I still have one best friend who has stuck by me throughout all the good and all the bad and I am so grateful - I don't know what I'd do without her. It doesn't matter what you're doing, all that matters is who you're doing it with. A lot of things have been cancelled this year because of the pandemic which has meant we haven't had the opportunity to do all the things we want to do. But it did teach me to treasure the moments I spend with people, whether we're just going for a walk or going to a theme park together. The people matter more than the activity so just treasure that time, whatever you're doing. If there is something you wish you could change and you can, then do. I got really down about my weight towards the end of this year because for me, 10st 5lb was the heaviest I'd ever been and I hated it. This is not to say you should hate it if you're that size or heavier but I wasn't happy and wished I could change it and lose some weight. I then realised I could by just doing a little bit of exercise everyday. Now, in the first week of December and the second week of exercise, I may still be the same weight but that weight is muscle, not fat, and I am already happier because people are noticing a difference and I know that, by sticking to this plan, I will get comfortable in my size. Your happiness should not be sacrificed for the happiness of others. Sometimes we can think that other people are more important than we are and that they deserve happiness more than we do, but that simply isn't true. You are important and deserve happiness just as much and if you are having to give up that happiness for someone else, then they aren't worth it. If you care about something, don't let anybody stop you from pursuing that. It is really important to have a passion in life and in work. Sometimes your passion can seem unrealistic and not viable but never let anybody tell you that you shouldn't do something for this reason or that reason or that you're wrong to like something. You make your own luck and I have learnt that the things that are important to me such as acting, singing, writing and photography are too important to give up. Sometimes the people around you do know what is best for you. As much as you may hate to admit it, you are sometimes wrong, whether it be people or things. The people who care about you most can often see what is wrong before you can and they will try to protect or warn you, whether you want to accept their help or not. I have had the wrong impression about a fair few people where my family have seen that the friendship wasn't healthy for me or I was being manipulated or whatever it may be. If I had listened, I may have spent a lot less time hurting and blaming myself. Not being where you want to be right now does not mean you have failed. When I was trying to find a job, I found it really difficult to be rejected from interviews constantly. It was only after speaking to a family friend that he said 'you're at the point where you're ready to move forward, but just because you're not moving right now does not mean you're stuck forever.' So just because I hadn't found a job yet didn't mean I had failed, and that's true because a month or so later I found a job that I loved and am still there now. Just because you're not quite where you want to be right now doesn't mean you're never going to get there. If your mental health is preventing you from being productive, it's okay to take a break. I think that our society can sometimes breed us to feel like we have to be working constantly. There is nothing wrong with hard work but there is a lot wrong with trying to force yourself to work hard when you aren't going to be productive. It isn't good for your mental health and it was only in this pandemic when I was really struggling that I realised it's okay to take a break and be kinder to yourself. By taking that break, you are much more likely to be more productive and get more done in the end once you've had that time to yourself. Getting enough vitamins is actually important. I know it sounds really dumb and cliche but I have learnt that vitamins are actually important, not just for you but for other people that you can help. I have tried to donate blood twice and have been unable to due to low levels of iron in my blood. So I started taking iron tablets and cod liver oil capsules and Vitamin D tablets to get my levels up and not only do these extra vitamins make me healthier and actually improve my mood, but they allow me to help others by donating my blood. I thought they were useless before and didn't really care but this year changed that. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Another cliche, yes, but often the cliches are the hardest things to learn for me. You can do anything you put your mind to and you are allowed to do whatever you want to do. When I first started learning to drive, I was told I would never pass. Three years later, I've passed and driving around like it's nobody's business. So no matter what people tell you, don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Spend more time outside when you are able to. As with the vitamins, I've realised that spending time outside is much more important than I ever thought before. I'm a very indoor person and don't like being outside but the fact that I had to stay inside so much this year made me really appreciate the outdoors. Appreciate the flowers, appreciate the sunlight, appreciate the leaves and trees. It's also great for your mental health which is always a bonus. You are happy, you are healthy, you are loved, you are successful. This is a mantra that I learnt from Carrie Hope Fletcher that she chanted before every show when she was in Les Miserables. We as humans spend a lot of time deprecating ourselves and thinking 'I could be better at this' or 'I'm not as thin as that person' or 'that person has more friends than me.' But what I've learnt from that mantra is does it matter if you could be better at that or you're not as thin or have as many friends as that person? If you are happy, healthy, loved and successful, then nothing else is important - and you are always loved. Your worth is not determined by anybody else. Due to being bullied as a child, my self worth has always been particularly low because I had allowed myself to believe what I'd been told by other people over the years. What they told me impacted how I saw myself and what I determined I was worth. But that is not right or okay. My worth is not determined by what somebody else thinks of me or says about me or how they view me. My worth is reliant on how I think of myself, what I say about myself and how I view myself. If I think positively about myself and talk to myself positively and view myself in a positive light, then that is all that matters. I am not worth what other people think I am worth but I am worth what I think I am worth. Books can't teach you everything. I love books, truly I do, with all my heart and I love to read. But you can't learn everything from a book. Books are good for learning facts or losing yourself in a story or picking up practical skills like how to DIY. But it can't teach you how to feel in a certain situation or what an experience in your life may be like. Books are good for some things but not for everything and you need to remember that there are some things you can only learn through actually living life. You don't need to know everything about everything. Sometimes it can feel like you need to know everything there is to know in order to be a successful functioning adult but that really isn't true. There are some important practical things you need to know like how to cook or how to change the batteries in your smoke alarm, but you don't need to know everything about the Cold War or the cause of the bubonic plague. That knowledge is useless to you and just taking up space in your brain and you are completely capable of functioning without it - there is not a single adult who knows absolutely everything. Experience can be more valuable than theoretical knowledge. A question I was asked a lot when I was applying for apprenticeships two years ago was 'why do you want an apprenticeship rather than going to university?' and the answer I always gave was 'I think experience is more important than knowledge.' Back then, I didn't fully believe or understand what I meant but now I definitely do. Sometimes there are things that you have to experience in order to learn most effectively and sometimes it is better to get that experience rather than having all the theoretical knowledge but no real life evidence to back it up. Feelings are important things to feel. Feelings are complicated things and they're not always pleasant so it's far too easy to try and bury them or forget about them to stop us from feeling. After 20 years of doing that, this year I have realised that it's important that you let yourself feel in order to process what you are feeling. If you hide them, you are stuck with these feelings and you can't move on while you're trying to ignore them because ignoring them won't make them go away. You can only let them go if you work through those feelings in time by allowing yourself to feel. Listen to the cliches and take your own advice. I've spoken a lot about cliches throughout this, saying this or that is a cliche. But the thing is, they are cliches for a reason, and that is because they are important or true. The cliches are often the hardest things to take on board, particularly for me. I often find myself giving people advice and using cliches in my advice because I think it will help them but when it comes to actually helping myself, I forget my own advice or I just ignore it. It's always easier to help somebody else than it is yourself but it has helped me this year to imagine my problems are someone else's because then I can deal with them in the way in which I'd help someone else deal with them. Your feelings and experiences are valid, regardless of what other people have been through. When I used to go to therapy, I found it really difficult to feel valid and to accept some of the things that had happened to me. I felt guilty over my emotions because I thought that I shouldn't or couldn't feel a certain way because people had it so much worse than I did. My therapist used to tell me that regardless of what anybody else had been through, my experiences and emotions still affected me and were valid. Despite her telling me this four years ago, it took me until now to truly believe it. Just because other people have been through worse does not mean that what I feel isn't valid and does not undermine or lessen my experience in any way. Don't take things for granted. This may seem like an obvious thing and you might not even realise you're doing it but it's important that you are grateful for everything you are given and everything you experience. You might take it for granted that you can go to work or see your friends or go to the pub but this year we've learned that these things aren't an automatic right and we should treasure the fact we get this opportunity. Please let me know if any of these pieces of advice help you or if you have anything that you've learnt that you'd like to share. I'd love to hear it! ~ Kenzie I was named Nathaniel by my parents on the day I was born. My dad’s name is Neal and my mom wanted something that was similarly related to it but not the name in its entirety. So Nathaniel was on the table. My dad suggested the names Jack, Wyatt, and Ian. Of course, these names fell through the cracks. But the way in which they did is ultimately hysterical.
I have two older siblings, my sister being eight years older than me and my brother being six years. Both of my siblings did folklórico, which is a traditional Mexican style of dance. They would go to practice, rehearse, and then of course, perform in competitions. One of these competitions just so happened to be at the Happiest Place on Earth, Disneyland. With my mom being nine months pregnant, she went to her doctor and asked if she would be ok with going to the famous amusement park. The doctor said she was cleared and good to go. Turns out, I was the one who was good to go. My siblings performed and after they changed, my parents surprised them by spending the rest of the day at the park. They didn’t know I was planning an even bigger surprise later on (10 pounds to be exact). My mom first felt like she was going into labour when she was in line for Pirates of the Caribbean. And instead of getting out of line, she decided she was going to go on it and see how she felt after. She’s a champ. After getting off the ride, my mom knew that she was definitely going through labor and because she was with my brother and sister, she knew that if she was to panic, so would they. So she guided them over to a bench and when they sat down, my mom tried to control her laboured breathing. My dad was off trying to get fast passes for Haunted Mansion and when he got back, my mom told him that it was time to go. All while this was going on, a worker was watching my mom and had called security and notified a couple of nurses about what was going on. My mom was put in a wheelchair and had her own mini parade down ‘Main Street USA’. The worker who helped my mom out of the park, his name was Nathaniel. The nurse, who was talking to my mom about her own son, was also named Nathaniel. It seemed evident enough to my parents that that’s what I was supposed to be named. Strangers call me Nathaniel. Anyone who calls me Nathaniel isn’t close to me on a personal basis. Maybe they’re my acquaintance but even then, not a very close one. Nathaniel has zero attachment. It's the base. The neutral. The grey. Not a good or terrible connotation. It’s just... there. Nothing else left about it. Which inherently isn’t a bad thing. It’s the norm. It’s a first impression. But it’s so- Boring. My name means Gift from God. My mom had two miscarriages in-between my brother’s birth and mine. So I was her gift. Granted, I know at some points that there are definitely times where I bet she wishes she kept that receipt, but that’s what happens when you have a ‘moody teen’ in high school. Especially when said high school is labeled to be prestigious. It’s hard to keep up. Not with the work, no, that for certain I’m able to compete in. More like. The weight of the name. The association. And that’s what it’s like to have your name mean Gift from God. I’ve always made friends with teachers. Something about ‘Me being such a mature young man for my age’. I don’t think that that's very true. I mean. I get the point of a kid being mature but in the end, is that what it's like to have conversations with a teacher? I think it’s more along the lines that, growing up, I never associated with kids my age. You can throw me in a room with a group of teens and I’ll make friends with ease, don’t get me wrong. It’s more of, teens are concerned with status and labels, and I’m not. I never have been. Anyways, the first teacher I ever made friends with was a woman named Miss Eno. She was a kind woman, my sister’s fourth grade teacher and, the funny thing was, she never actually taught me. I was just the cute little guy who liked candy. Which she would definitely use to dote on me. Now don’t hate me for this, but candy corn to me, at least growing up, was really good. And she always had a jar full, just for me. She was my ‘fun aunt’ for a while, until she left the school that my siblings were attending. But sometime before that, I can’t exactly pinpoint when it happened or when she started calling me this. But she started to call me Nateybugs. Nateybugs. A name that has been adopted by my family ever since. My mom started to use it at first and it moved to my dad, my sister and brother following. It’s definitely not something that I hear every day. It’s more of a loving and endearing term. I remember this one night in freshman year. I’m pretty sure I had just bombed a quiz or test or something along those lines. And the rest of the day was just bad. No other way to put it. And my parents know that I have anxiety so when I was extra jumpy at dinner that night and I didn’t really want to talk, they knew something was up. Later on that night my mom wanted to talk to me. And she called me Nateybugs. It’s not something that I was used to at this point because I was pretty sure that the name had died when we had thrown away all my old teddy bears. It warmed my heart. Nateybugs is a name reserved for family only. No one outside of my family can call me that and rightfully so. Even best friends know that it’s a family thing. I was quite the mumbler growing up. My brother would often actually shout the word at me if I ever did in front of him which honestly, didn’t really help with that. So when I couldn’t say Nathaniel, my parents decided to shorten my name to Nate. Nate is probably the thing I go by the most, which my mom is definitely not afraid to tell her she hates if you ask her. It’s simplistic. Not something that can have a double meaning. Most people call me this. People ranging from best friends to classmates to extended family members who I only see at Christmas time. They all call me Nate. I don’t know why, but I always wanted to change the status quo. Beat the norm. Because being the norm was what I lacked. Which probably explains why I was able to make friends with teachers. I wasn’t your typical kid in any format. Mostly because my personality is so wide and chaotic (in the best way, of course) that, when I was growing up, I didn’t understand certain things and most kids didn’t understand a lot of things about me. Because on the basis of just knowing somebody’s name. You don’t learn much. People who call me Nathaniel know my name, and physical traits. That’s about it. Nothing else, nothing more. People who call me Nateybugs know me the best. They are my family. They know my chaos, my intensity, my loving, my hope, my aspirations. People who call me Nate. Well, that’s where it gets spread out. Classmates who pass me in the hall and call me Nate aren’t much different than the people who call me Nathaniel. Other people who call me Nate can pick up on certain things about my personality. I’m a pretty energetic person and a lot of people can realize that by just holding a conversation with me. My best friends who call me Nate. They know everything. What inspires me, my comic book favorites, my movies, my love for Disney. And I know that a person knows me by what they call me. Earlier I mentioned I hate labels. It’s not for the usual ‘oh they’re rude’ or ‘oh they hurt my feelings’, no that’s not why. It’s because you can’t really encompass a person by just using one word. People can’t classify other people because people are complex. They have thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams. And using one word to decide that for them? And having that one word be harmful to that person especially. People can be self conscious of whatever you call them. In middle school, I was called plenty of things. But I owned them. I still do. I was called flamboyant, nerd, geek, sexuality slurs, and stuff like that. And to my credit, I owned it. I am flamboyant. I am a nerd. I am a geek. I am gay. But those things are only part of me. They don’t define me. Rather, they describe me. Labels don’t define your identity because a person’s identity is always changing and adapting and growing and it’s not a set list. You can’t point at someone and pinpoint an entire personality on them because they might not know exactly what their personality entails. Kids, teens, and even adults; we always get labeled for everything we do and those things stick to you. Life is always changing, identity is always adapting. The labels that we go by, have to be our own. We can choose who and what we want to be. And with that, what we want to be called. We set the guidelines. We set the labels. So I did. I set my labels into: Nathaniel, Nateybugs, Nate, etc. Everyone has that moment in their life when they are given some advice by someone who cares about them and then they completely ignore that advice, only to regret it months later when it turns out to be exactly what they needed. Lord knows I've been there. So I've decided to compile some of the most amazing advice I've ever been given (and may or may not have ignored) in the hopes that it might help some of you. No.1 - You can stop anytime. What I mean by this is that you are never bound to a situation for the rest of your life. You are free to change your mind, make new decisions or stop doing something that makes you unhappy. Giving yourself permission to stop and take a step back is important to see the bigger picture and make the right decision for you. Stopping is not failing. Quitting is not a weakness. You are the one in control here and you are free to stop whenever you feel the time is right. You haven’t failed because you have stopped, you have just stopped and stopping means that you may start up again when the time is right. But it can also mean that this chapter of your life is over and you have stopped for good - but that’s okay too. No.2 - The only way to guarantee failure is by not trying at all. Everyone's a little bit scared of failure. I know I am. One of the reasons I hated maths lessons in school was because I wasn't necessarily the best at it and so I was scared of getting the answer wrong, or failing. But one thing that I have learnt is that getting something wrong does not equal failure, but giving up and not even giving it a try does. If you don't try, then you are guaranteed to fail. If you at least give it a go, there is a chance that you will get it right and even if you don't, you tried and that is the most important thing. Don't let fear stop you from succeeding because there is always a chance as long as you try. No.3 - Don't stress about what you cannot change. I can tell you 100% that I am the worst person in the world when it comes to stressing myself out and panicking about things. Not only that, but I have a persistent habit of stressing about things which absolutely are not worth stressing about. This doesn't help anyone. You can't control everything so if you are going to stress about anything, you should only stress about things you can control and things you can change, rather than things you cannot. Don't stress about if it's going to rain on your friend's wedding day - if it rains, it's going to rain and you can't change the weather. Don't stress about if there is going to be traffic on the way to school - if you're worried, just set off a little earlier. The point is that stress is pointless if you can't control the thing which you're stressed about. It won't change anything and will only harm you in the end. The saying ‘keep calm and carry on’ truly does apply in this situation. Control what you can and carry on with what you can’t. No.4 - If people don't like you for you, don't change to make them like you. Every human has an insatiable need to fit in and be liked. I'm a total people pleaser so I avoid confrontation at all costs and lie about stupid things just so that I fit in. For example, I used to tell people that I watched shows like Coronation Street or Eastenders because everybody else did and I thought it would be weird if I didn't watch those shows too. Truth is, I hate Coronation Street and Eastenders with a passion and have never watched an episode in my life and would be more than happy to never watch an episode. I used to think that lying about these things would make people like me but these lies meant that they wouldn't have liked me, but instead liked the version of me that I had created and that's not fair. You should be able to surround yourself with people who like you for being the real you and allow you to be your most authentic self. If people don't like you because of who you are, then they aren't worth it. Don't change to fit other people's perfect view. You are a pretty perfect version of what you are already. No.5 - Celebrate even the smallest achievements. One thing that I have always struggled with is thinking that something I have achieved is insignificant and unimportant or not meaningful enough to deserve celebrations or congratulations. But the truth is that even the smallest achievements are worth celebrating if it is something you have done well or something that was difficult for you to do. For example, on my hardest days when I’m feeling really down and unmotivated, it can be almost impossible to do everyday things like get out of bed, brush my hair, clean my teeth etc. These seem like easy things to everyone else, but to me, on that day, they’re near impossible. Even doing little things like that deserves to be celebrated because it was difficult for me to do, and though they’re small to everyone else, they’re big things to me. Something doesn’t have to be huge or life-changing to be recognised and acknowledged as an achievement. Anything can deserve a commemoration if it is important to you. No.6 - Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. I absolutely love this quote with every inch of my being, so much so that I have multiple plaques dotted around my house all saying the same thing; life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. What this essentially means is that you can’t spend your life waiting for the right time or the perfect time to do something because you would be waiting forever. There is never a perfect time or a right time. However, there is value in making the most of a bad situation i.e. dancing in the rain. You need to learn to take the best from a bad situation and turn it around instead of waiting for everything to get better before moving on. Life is filled with challenges and always will be. When you are facing these challenges and these difficult decisions I want you to remember that, despite everything, you can still be happy and things can still be pretty good overall. If I wanted you to take one piece of advice from this article, I think this would be my recommended one because it has helped me throughout some of the hardest times in my life. No.7 - People are far more focused on themselves than they are on you. As humans, we have this notion that everyone around us is watching us all the time and are focused on what we are doing and what we are wearing and are scrutinising our every move. One thing to remember is that they are humans too and so they are thinking the exact same things that you are thinking but about you and about themselves. They generally don’t care what you’re wearing, they’re too busy focusing on what they’re wearing to take up brain space criticising and scrutinising your fashion sense and believe me, this goes for pretty much everything. In reality, most people do not really care for you on a deep and meaningful level. They care for themselves and how other people perceive them. Honestly, humans are fairly selfish beings, even if only on a minute scale. When you live a life truly on your own terms and know that no one really cares that much about what you are doing, you will be able to enjoy your life secure in the knowledge that what you are achieving is what is important to you regardless of what you once thought others were thinking. No.8 - You don't need to have a plan. I think that school and society have perpetuated this idea that you have to know what you want to do at 16 and that you have to have a plan for the rest of your life. Actually, I don’t think this is true at all. I don’t see how you can be expected to have a plan for everything and for your future when you are so young. I did and, to be blunt, my plan went completely pear-shaped and I am now doing something which is completely off-piste to that plan I had at 16 years old. A plan can be useful and necessary for some things, like a birthday party or what you’re going to cook for dinner, but you absolutely do not need a plan for everything and you should not be expected to have a plan for everything either. Sometimes, being spontaneous and just following the path that life takes you can be the best thing to do for your mental health and well-being. So let the river run. No.9 - Your best is all that you can do. Here we go with yet another cliche piece of advice. I promise that there is a reason that this advice is cliche though and that’s because it is 110% true and there is no way you can deny it. If you have done your best and there was absolutely nothing more you could have done or said, then that is all you can do and you can’t blame yourself for what happens afterwards. Recently, I had a job interview for a job that I was super excited about. I really really REALLY wanted this job - and I didn’t get it. However, when I had that interview, I gave it my all. I put my best foot forward, made it insanely obvious how passionate I was about the role, gave them an extensive list of all my skills, related everything I said to a specific experience in my life and made sure to interact as much as possible with the interviewers. There was nothing more I could have done in that interview that would have made them give me the job. I gave them everything I had and came out feeling positive and knowing that I couldn’t do any more and what will be will be. Sadly, what ended up was a rejection but as I say, I did all that I could. If you do all that you can, then that’s all that anybody can ask of you and you can hold your head up high regardless of what comes next. No.10 - Push your limits but not too far. It is important to push your limits and take yourself out of your comfort zone every now and again. You won’t progress if you stay comfortable because you won’t learn to cope with the things that you aren’t comfortable with and the things which challenge you and scare you. This is something that everyone always says. But a very wise person once added something to this well-known piece of advice. Make sure to take yourself out of your comfort zone but know your limits. Whilst it is great to move away from where you feel safe and comfortable, don’t push yourself so far that it is damaging to you. There is such a thing as going too far out of your comfort zone and when you get to that place, then it is a good time to stop and turn back before you hurt yourself and end up doing more damage and causing more pain than good. Keep an eye on yourself and your limits and don't burn out. I’m sure there are lots more pieces of helpful advice out there but these are just ten of the ones which I have found to help me the most. You are now free to do with them as you please. What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given? Please make sure to let us know in the comments and share your wisdom with the community. If it only helps one person, it’s worth it. ~ Kenzie Kenzie |
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |