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By Eloise TW: Bullying
Dear Diary, Something has been happening, and I feel like you’re the only one I can tell, so here goes. At first, it was only sometimes. I was walking back from school, and I was wearing my new rucksack, the one with these pretty red and yellow birds on it. Hazel was walking next to me, and we were texting Meadow, Freda and Natalie on our group chat. She kept waving her phone at me and sending videos of us walking through the high street, pulling faces. I could feel my cheeks squeezing happy and Hazel was laughing so much she almost fell over. And then I felt something wet hit the back of my neck, and I turned around instinctively, reaching my arm up to feel where it had landed. My hand came away with a brown splodge. “Look, look, she’s touching it, ew, she’s so disgusting.” “Look, oh my- she’s looking at us, you got a problem?” “You want a fight?” My cheeks grew hotter and hotter, and I watched Hazel bow her head next to me. She looked away. As the crowds of people behind me became louder, I felt my throat closing smaller and smaller until my breath caught in the fragment of air I had left. The next day, we walked home and it was fine again, but a couple of days later, one of Natalie’s popular friends told me I was a nerd and grabbed the pen out of my hand. I fell silent, watching Natalie shrug her shoulders at me as if she didn’t know what to say. Later, when it was just me, Natalie and Freda in History, Natalie turned to me and said she was sorry. “I didn’t know what to do,” she said, and bit her lip, opening up her pencil case. She drew out a black biro and handed it to me. “Here,” she added, smiling slightly. I took it from her silently. “What happened?” Freda demanded, running a hand through her scarlet hair and tying it back into a ponytail. I looked at Natalie and let her recount what happened. Freda shook her head at both of us. “You need to defend yourself, Ella. Nobody will ever respect you otherwise,” she said, and she gave Natalie a look, “And you, come on, be a better friend.” Freda was right, and I wanted to follow her advice so much. But diary, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like my throat closes up and I can’t say anything. And I haven’t really spoken since. It’s like all the words have fallen out of my mouth. Each day I keep going to school, and each day I can hear people in the corridors whispering ‘nerd’ and ‘weirdo’, and I look up, hoping they’re talking to each other, but their eyes are always lingering on me. I keep showering as soon as I get home because the walk home is never milkshake-free anymore, and my neck is beginning to develop a bruise. Yesterday, my mum asked me if I was okay, and I told her I hated her and ran upstairs to my room. I don’t know why. I don’t really hate her. Freda said it’s something called ‘projecting’. She knows all these fancy psychological terms because she reads all these thick books from the library. She said I need to tell my mum about what’s happening at school. I don’t know, diary, what if it gets worse? Lots of hugs, Ella xxx Dear Diary, I told my mum today. I drew up a chair and sat by my mum in the kitchen. She asked me if I was okay, and I felt tears spring in the corners of my eyes. She enveloped me in a big hug, and I let myself cry properly. “What’s wrong, honey?” she asked, and she wiped the tears from my cheeks. As she did, I felt the last couple of weeks pour out of me and waited to hear what she thought. It sat in the middle of the room, uncomfortably. Mum finally spoke, “I’m going to have a word.” I begged her not to, and I started to cry again. I could sort it out myself, please, please. But she said nothing more. Lots of nervous hugs, Ella Dear Diary, Today was a good day! For a couple of weeks after my mum went into school, I was really nervous they were going to start again. But I think the teachers had a word with the people doing it because I’ve walked home every day and my neck has stayed milkshake-free. I know Natalie’s friend likes me even less now, but I can live with that. Today, Meadow and I went into town to get Hazel’s birthday present, and we were laughing so much the whole time. Meadow kept losing her phone and her keys, and her water bottle. She is always losing her things! Anyway, Freda is really proud of me, and I think Natalie might be secretly too. Lots of hugs as always! Ella xxx
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By Ve Dear C,
It’s been a while, 5 years to be exact. I think- rather, I hoped that I would have forgotten about you by now. A mindless thought really; I completely forgot we were mutuals on social media. Completely forgot to block you too, lol. It’s been half a decade- 5 years of mental health issues, but also 5 years of healing. Being the only POC in class wasn’t easy. Being a fresh transfer student wasn’t easy either. Being a freshman in high school wasn’t easy either. I want to laugh at this coincidence honestly, but you really chose the worst time to pick at me. I also have half a mind to thank you. After all, if you hadn’t insulted my traditions, when would I have learned to appreciate them? Growing up in a foreign land really messes up your sense of cultural identity. For the longest time, I harbored some resentment toward my ethnicity. The words you said though… for the first time in my life, I felt like it was something worth defending. Of course, it was a gradual process- these things don’t happen overnight. The initiative was still there though- thanks to you- so I’ll give you that. I still don’t understand though, why had you turned to bullying at the time? I totally did not stalk you, but you genuinely seem like a better person now so something must have happened. Never mind though, I’m not looking for actual answers; perhaps I just want a sense of closure. I’ll just attribute the change in heart to growing up and growing old. School years are wacky and hormonal; now that we’re in college, I’ve seen how people can grow. Anyways, there’s no way you’re going to read this- that’s why I have the courage to write this out. I don’t think I want to forget about you though. Yes, you made my life rather miserable for a while, however, I think I’m ready to move on. Perhaps if we talk again someday, I’ll have the courage to say these words out loud. From Ve. International Mental Health Helplines: https://unitedgmh.org/mental-health-support Online Support by Topics: https://www.themix.org.uk/ I spend my day wondering what goes through people's minds when they say such horrible things to other people just to bring them down. Some idiots think that if they make someone upset by saying a mean comment, it makes them the bigger person when really, it's the complete opposite. If you say something hurtful to someone, you don't realise how much that could actually affect them. Did you know almost 1 out of every four students report being bullied and that's just the ones who have the guts to admit it. You have no idea what goes on outside of school, what happens in their life, what their family is like. Some people think it's funny to make fun of someone because of what clothes they wear or their facial features or what size they are or their height. What exactly do all them have anything to do with what's on the inside? I have been called mean things in the past and it has really upset me and I know what it's like to be constantly picked on. But now I don't care, I am happy with who I am and how I look. I don't need random people who I don’t know and vice versa picking on me for the way I look because I honestly don’t care.. If you have a problem with that then don't bother with me because I don't need someone in my life that will make me feel upset or down all the time. How would you like it if it was you? How would you like it if you were constantly picked on over something silly, like what shoes you wear? There is never a reason to bully someone, just be kind and you might have a happier, easier and friendlier life. If you have ever said something mean to someone, apologise to them and maybe you'll make a new friend and find out that they aren't that bad of a person in the end. The fact that it is 2019 and it's still going on is ridiculous. It's not about what you look like or what you wear, it's about their personality and how they are as a person. Do you honestly think that their clothes make them who they are or the colour of their hair/skin defines the rest of them? If we all wore the same, and looked the same, the world would be boring. There would be nowhere to express your individuality and you couldn't be yourself because you would be the exact same as everyone else. Nobody is perfect, not even celebrities or royalty. Stop Bullying. It’s not worth it. It's pathetic.
It’s the third grade. I go out for a break and come back to my bag upside down and lunch stolen. This was just the beginning of a never-ending cycle. The next six months of my life became pure torture. I, who loved going to school, started to beg my mother to let me stay home. I did change schools eventually but the trauma of bullying stayed with me and still affects me to date. People deal with bullying in different ways; there is no one way to overcome the feeling of helplessness that comes from being attacked by another person. Some people ignore or fight back while others continue to suffer in silence. This way of coping does not make them weak but it can have an awful, long-lasting effect on their mental health. As a teenager, one may not want to involve adults in the situation, I know I did not but at one point, it became crucial. According to an article on stopbulling.gov, social anxiety is in the top three effects of bullying that bystanders may face in their lives. Some people think social anxiety refers to being shy when approaching new people or having a fear of public speaking. However, it runs way deeper than that. Social anxiety could be feeling nervous or scared in a situation one has faced a million times before or over analysing every little detail in a conversation with a good friend. Some significant psychological outcomes of bullying that I still face today include not being able to make long term friends. This is usually one of two reasons; the fear of annoying them by texting too much or wondering if they really want to hang out with me out of school. I tend to cancel plans a day or sometimes even a few hours before going by overthinking hypothetical situations that never happen. This includes plans I was genuinely excited for whether it be a friend’s birthday or just going for coffee. However, when the sudden fear of being overbearing hits me, this leads me to canceling the plan. A major setback I suffer from every single day is having to attend school. For me, except for the actual virus of course, COVID was a blessing in disguise. I could sit at home and take my classes in the comfort of my room. That is, until the teachers began to pick on students to answer questions over Zoom. This would always end with me disconnecting the Wi-Fi right after I get called on. My psychological symptoms definitely outweigh my physical symptoms. The only few physical symptoms I sometimes suffer from include sudden increased heart rate, trembling hands or legs and difficulty speaking. It was obviously not easy growing up with a mental health problem but I tried my best to not let it stop me from living my life. After learning about social anxiety by reading up on it and talking to professionals (objectively), I decided to start by giving myself space and not beating myself up every time I cancelled a plan or mumbled in front of a new person. Secondly, I began to focus on positive things in my interactions with people instead of continually overthinking a bad joke I might have cracked. However, what may have worked for me might not work for others. Therefore, my advice is to a therapist if you feel like you suffer from a similar situation. Another individual’s triggers may be different than mine since bullying is not the only cause. Social anxiety is not black and white- there is no right way to overcome it and suffering from it does not make one weak. It can be overwhelming at times and make one feel like something is wrong with them. At times, an individual may have the realization that their fear is irrational but despite knowing, they may not be able to control their thoughts and actions during the situation. Just always remember, there is nothing wrong with having social anxiety and seeking help when you need it.
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |