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By Aiza Living in the same house with the same people for years makes you accustomed to that life. Even the slightest change can be exciting or even unnerving. Take guests coming over for example, when you’ve lived in a small house of 4 people, an added individual seems like a major shift in the daily routine. But this is about a person coming into the house, it can bring joy and a positive change into the house for the short time they are visiting. How do you make someone leaving the house feel normal though?
When you’ve lived with someone for the most part of your life and now they’re leaving to make their own life, it feels as if a part of your life has been removed from existence. It’s how I felt when my only sibling, my older sister, left for university in another city. Even though she wasn’t going too far and we did visit each other as much as we could, there was still an emptiness that nobody else could fill. It could be small things like walking by her room and not seeing her sitting inside with loud music blaring or not being able to have dinner cooked by her on Friday evenings. These were considered the most mundane things when she lived at home but just these things made her absence feel like a void. It has taken a while to grow used to it but I have come to terms with the fact that she is out there, living her best life. No matter where she is, she will always be a part of my life. Yes, her leaving was an emotional time but I am so very happy for her, watching her grow up and grow into the world independently. With that said, I know my time will come and even if it’s as sad as it was to watch her leave, I am looking forward to my life in the adult world.
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By Camille How are you? A very common question with a very common answer. Most of the time, when people ask how you are doing, it is out of politeness and to create small talk. It is not necessarily an opening to share how you are truly doing. That was fine by me because I never really knew how I was doing.
The issue of me not being in touch with my emotions did not become apparent until I had a teacher that asked me how I was doing but expected an actual answer. When I realized that, I immediately became freaked out and a bit defensive because I did not know the answer myself. Emotions never came easy to me, I have always avoided wearing my heart on my sleeve. I never took the time to ask myself how I am actually feeling. And because of this inability to even be true to myself, I cannot express my feelings to those around me. This is also a reason why I have not been to therapy. Whenever the doctors would ask me if I have ever felt anxiety, depression, or anything of the like, I would always lie and say I was doing fine. Whenever the topic of how I am truly feeling presented itself, I was very quick on how fine I was and seemed very adamant about changing the subject. Ever since I joined TWE, I have found ways to cope with many of the hardships I face in life. Being in such a wonderful organization has given me a lead way on being able to truly reflect on myself and figure out what I am feeling in the moment. I have found that one of my most important steps to coping or recovery is to start from day 1 and look for potential reasons for why I have these issues. Below, I have compiled a list of possible reasons why I have not been able to properly express my emotions.
Compiling this list when I first began to work on expressing emotions, I had an easier time targeting these causes and challenging them. As of today, I am doing much better in terms of how I am feeling. While I am not able to express my emotions to others, being in touch with myself is a fantastic start. As always, problems do not solve on their own. It is up to us to figure out how to solve them. Below, I have compiled a list of ways I was able to be more true to myself about my feelings.
Although it took me years to realize I should have emotions, being able to locate the issues and fix them has made me feel better about myself. Emotions are not an easy thing to recognize and express, but I am slowly learning on becoming more in touch with myself. I hope this article inspires others to seek out their emotions more and express them in a healthy manner. Below is a list of helplines in case you are feeling down. SAMHSA’s National Helpline NAMI Helpline MentalHealth.gov By Christa I hated my job. By hate, I mean more than waking up and uttering, “Oh no! It’s Monday again! I wish I had a better job,” it’s more like waking up and shouting, “Oh no! Can’t I live in a universe with no Mondays, Fridays, or weekends? What am I doing with my life?” (We will talk about the noise complaints in another article.) I could spend paragraphs talking about what was so bad about my job during the start of Covid-19; instead, we will focus on how it impacted me.
The stress, the unmet expectations, and the occasional grouchy customer were not the worst part. What impacted me the most was the feeling of being stuck and forced to watch how mediocre my situation was. While self-blame, anxiety, and feelings of despair were rushing in me like tardy customers on Black Friday, I made the worst mistake. I chose to bottle up the feelings inside. Sometimes I decided to ignore the pain. Other times I decided to minimize it. Either way, the emotions were locked inside of me. I realized my approach was more toxic than I thought after I read an article from Eric Ravenscraft published in the New York Times. According to it, a research from Southern Methodist University suggested that writing about traumatic experiences or undergoing talk therapy had a positive impact on a patient’s health and immune system. It explains how holding back thoughts and emotions is stressful. The negative feelings will be present either way, but it is up to the person to repress them. That can cost the brain and body, making it more susceptible to get sick. After finding myself one tear away from a breakdown, I had no other choice. I called my brother. In a few minutes, I shared the agony of months of struggle and frustrations with him. Venting is more complex than it sounds, but the process I chose brought positive results. First, I gathered both the courage and the humility it takes to open up by reminding myself that everyone goes through hard times and has someone who cares about them. Then, I narrow my focus to one issue. Of course, I felt like the whole world had nothing better to do but to be against me; however, I chose to ignore that and focus on what bothered me the most: feeling powerless. Finally, as much as I wanted to narrate every impromptu roasting contest that I witnessed, it was more helpful to express my feelings than countless details. Yes, facts are facts, but my reaction towards them mattered the most. After hours of laughter, advice, and more laughter, I felt like I vanquished gravity. I felt hope and control sprinkled with joy. He helped me processed my feelings and even offer support that would allow me to leave the job. With my spirit raised, I felt a bizarre urge to crown myself with a dunce cap. I couldn’t believe that I suffered in silence for months when the answer to my problem was one phone call away. From this day on, I tried to vent early enough. By NJ So I just did a quick google (well bing but like, Google sounds better.) search and found that the internet was exploding with articles and videos on how to do this (I was really hoping this might be at least a semi-original Idea but okay I guess.). I mean we all know that feeling when you are ready to go to bed but then you are on the very verge of succumbing to sleep and then some memory about how you yelled at Steven in the school hallway dramatically as a 10 year old pops up into your mind and then you can’t sleep. It's mortifying and makes you wanna dig a hole and bury yourself.
Well I am what the French would call dramatique. Well actually it's just the word dramatic in french so I could also say - I am what the Germans would call dramatisch - but that doesn’t sound quite as dramatic. Cool? Ok. But anyhow, I have always been a little hyperactive and often act without thinking. So I can write a six part book series about my embarrassing memories and there would still be some left. All of this results in me often getting lost in my own head but then remembering something so horrific that I am thrown back into reality. It will take hours for me to stop cringing at myself. It is the actual worst. And ofcourse, me being me, I will re-play that memory in my head for the next week, picking apart every little detail until I can play out that scene in my head perfectly. Why? I have no clue. I don’t have a time machine and I absolutely cannot reverse this moment in time but my mind feels the need to do this. I have a theory that this is born more out of a need to make sure that I didn’t humiliate myself thoroughly as opposed to my mind being so traumatized by something that it finds the need to replay it in order to process it. But this becomes a problem when that's all your mind can focus on. I have lost weeks of my life simply because of some memory I couldn’t put to rest. At first I just sort of tried to ignore it. I mean what else could I do. It was in the past and there was nothing I could do. But as most of you could already guess, that just made it worse. I still have this problem mind you, but there are these brief moments of clarity I have sometimes where my mind completely accepts whatever embarrassing memory I have dug and just goes “Oh well. Whatever it was, it's a done deal. So just move on.”. I feel this odd feeling of comfort and happiness spread through me. It's one of those moments of unconditional acceptance of oneself that makes you happy. But over time I have found ways to induce that sense of acceptance rather than wait for it. Everyone has done dumb things - Yep. We all have. No one, no matter how suave, can claim to have been born perfect. We have all done things that we would like to erase from memory. People pay far less attention to their surroundings than they should - We see and experience a million things on a daily basis but we often retain only a fraction of it. This means no one actually saw that embarrassing thing you think they saw you do. And even if they did, they will forget it within minutes. We are all the protagonists in our own story so we don’t actually see and retain everything that everyone else does around us. People see what they want to see - Going to competitions involving speaking and a LOT of people has some perks. One being that you are around a lot of people who you have never met. However, it's a valuable opportunity to learn to give off the confident vibe. People naturally cluster around people who are confident. Even if they don’t actually make any sense. I have presented things and made a painfully dumb mistakes like reading a word wrong or stumbling. Did I die of mortification inside? Yeah. But did I shrug it off later on and pretend as if everything is ok? Absolutely. Thing is if you are self assured, people won’t actually fight against you too much. Bullying is a completely different thing. But as far as jokes and people bringing up embarrassing memories go, if you appear indifferent (even if you aren’t) people won’t try to embarrass you. They’ll back off. Honestly...it's fine to do dumb things - Seriously though it’s perfectly fine to do stupid things no matter how old you are (within reason that is….stupid and dangerous is not a great mix). Having a light hearted attitude towards life is often something that is incredibly useful. Being comfortable in your own skin is the first step to being confident. So breathe. It's fine. You're doing great. Basically the takeaway is that things don’t actually matter as much as we think they do. Be your own self and if people tell you that you are too immature or carefree, well too bad because that's their opinion. And people’s opinions are not a standard you are expected to meet. By N.J Now, I am, generally speaking, a pretty temperamental person. I have learned to control my mood and temper over the years and now do fairly well. But that doesn’t mean I am infallible. Anger is often seen in my society as a dangerous and unhealthy emotion. I am from a place where people often value bottling your emotions up and being some sort of saint. Well, I’ll tell you now (From far too much personal experience) that all it leads to is you eventually exploding and causing more destruction that you could possibly ever have caused had you not bottled up your emotions (As a HUGE Star Wars nerd I always say, remember Vader.). Anger often gets shunned aside by society as the ‘Bad emotion that causes nothing but trouble’ and ‘The emotion only overly emotional people or people who don’t know how to control their emotions feel’.
But In this article I hope to address at least some of these societal barriers. First I want to go over some of the most common opinions people have about anger and the way we express it.
As for controlling anger, It's hard to ever give a one size fits all answer. Your anger is often a very complex emotion, stemming from a multitude of environmental and mental reasons which can be hard to explain or decipher. But I can try my best to explain what has helped me over the years (Although it should probably be mentioned that my family still drives me up the wall and makes me say things I don’t mean. So do as I say, not as I do).
So these are the tips I have for everyone out there struggling with anger issues. Know that what you are experiencing is normal. I know these are easy to say but harder to do. Know that I am still bad at controlling my volatile temper despite my best efforts. Keep at it, and you’ll get to a place where you are comfortable. By Cody Anger is an extremely strong emotion that can destroy a person from inside out. This can be portrayed by several symptoms such as, acting out, hitting/throwing objects amongst other physical and emotional symptoms. Everyone you meet has experienced anger before, it’s how you deal with your anger that affects your emotional state, relationships and environment.
Often in the movies, TV shows and books, anger is portrayed by someone lashing out, (typically the ‘villain’), or being abusive towards another person. But of course, as most Hollywood films like to push that stereotype forward, those who do experience anger are often shunned by society and can perceive themselves as a bad person - this is certainly not the case. If you ever find yourself putting yourself down for feeling angry, please put yourself at rest, everyone has these feelings! It’s how we deal with them that makes us a good person. If you’re anything like me, you often let anger build up and take it out on yourself while others aren’t around, instead of hurting another person. But there are many healthier ways to let out your feelings, which can help you and others around you. I personally like to read and write down my feelings, this in itself is a great way of letting go of your feelings, it can give you a similar feeling of when you rant to others around you - but instead of sharing with others, you share with yourself and your journal. Now, I know this isn’t for everyone, but it really does work for those of you who need to get in touch with your feelings. Though if that isn’t a great coping technique, there are plenty more:
Finding your own technique is vital to understanding how to overcome your anger, the sooner your put in the work to find peace within your anger the easier life can be, especially if it effects your relationships and your own emotional or physical health. If you struggle to help yourself, there are many different ways that medical professional can help you, please find the following links about anger: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/anger/ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control Emotions are a confusing thing. There are so many emotions you can feel and they all make you feel differently and act differently and sometimes can make your life downright difficult. If they weren’t confusing as it is, they can also be overwhelming and that makes it even worse. Not only have you got one emotion to deal with, but many, and not one at a time, but all at one. How on earth are you supposed to do that?
I get that it’s hard. I do, I’ve been there, I promise you. I’ve had my fair share, and probably more than my share, of confusing overwhelming emotions. I've felt sad and happy at the same time, I've felt confused yet with this sense of clarity and I've wanted to cry and scream and laugh all at once. Feelings are hard to negotiate and if you're overwhelmed, it can feel impossible. So you need a way to deal with it. I've been where you are so I've picked up some little tips for dealing with those crazy old things we call 'feelings.' One thing I have learnt about emotions is that you have to let yourself feel. It's no good if you try to push your emotions down and cover it up. This will just lead to them building up and one day, you will explode. It is only healthy that you let yourself hurt and feel your feelings. It sounds cliche but I've been where you are. Those feelings are important and it's important to acknowledge them. As well as feeling them, it's important to talk about them. Keeping them to yourself is equally as unhealthy as not letting yourself feel. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. People will want to help you so don't be scared to talk to them. A third thing which can really help when you're feeling overwhelmed is to write your thoughts and feelings down. Write everything down - it doesn't matter if things are spelt wrong or if you're writing full sentences or if it makes any sense whatsoever - just write everything down on a piece of paper. Once you've done that, rip it up, or burn it, or screw it up - whatever it is, just get rid of it. Those feelings and thoughts are now out of your brain and out in the world. It sounds so stupid but it works. Yes, they are confusing and yes, they are hard but they aren't impossible. You can deal with them and you will deal with them. People will help you and remember - you've got this. Kenzie “I don’t believe that you should be friends with these girls anymore, you are a bad influence on them”. My Head of Year told me that when I was 13. I was told that I was something bad, that should be removed- like I was some kind of infection. And over the past couple of years, it had been hard to not feel that way, that by being myself I am a bad influence on people and should therefore shut myself away before I affect them. I was so convinced that you could only give what people wanted to see and nothing else, because anything ‘you’ wasn’t good enough. Bubbly, hard-working, social, reserved- anything you wanted I would have it. Sounds perfect right? Make yourself the perfect friend, they will want you...right? Put those parts away that you don’t like and let yourself become what they want you to be. With the startling benefit of hindsight, I can sit here and tell you that ‘fake it until you make it’ is a terrible phrase. Because the moment that people believe the mask that you put is when you will truly start to fall apart. I look back at that person that I was- not in pity or spite, rather to know that I’m not that person anymore. Maybe I don’t have as many friends as I did back then, but this journey of trying to break down my own barriers, has left me with the most kind and genuine people that I know. I feel loved, and supported, and able to let down parts of myself. Be vulnerable. So from now on I will not allow someone to say that I need to ‘get over’ my mental health. I will not allow someone to say that ‘they do not recognise this sad side of me’. There is not a single person on this earth that is entitled to tell you that you need to take a step back from self improvement- whatever form it may take. For me, it was letting myself feel because I was tired. So tired. Tired of pulling up a mask that I didn’t truly believe in and tired of numbing my emotions so that I wouldn’t confront how terrible I was feeling. This lack of energy comes and goes in waves, but it is no longer a tsunami. Whoever told you that the real you wasn’t good enough- your parents, your friends, your teachers, yourself- they are so undeniably wrong. I know I’m making it really simple, but the moment that I looked in the mirror and realised that I didn’t recognise the person in front of me was when I started to make progress. When I started to make change. Not for anyone else. For me. That is the most crucial detail. In whatever way you find comfortable, make changes that satisfy your goals and the person you want to be. Personal change and goals are the most empowering, which also makes them the most rewarding. When the sentence changes from “I should” to “I am” is when you are doing you. I can now look in the mirror. After years of being too afraid of seeing how broken and unfamiliar I had become to that 13 year old that had so much hope and love in her heart. I can now look in the mirror and can recognise that I’m not perfect, but that doesn’t mean I’m an infection or a ‘bad influence’. It is a journey and a process that you can only pursue if you trust that you will come out the other end. So my advice to you is that today, you will do something for yourself. To start that journey, to make that first step. Look in the mirror, or release it into the universe: “I am me. And I am enough.” Have faith in yourself, and receive the love you deserve.
I have always felt lonely in my life as I find it hard to make friends in school and other places. I did have friends at school, but I never had any best friends and none of the friends I did have understood me well. I am passionate about science subjects so I used to study during the stopgaps when my classmates used to have fun or just talk. As I am passionate and curious to learn about Science, I spend most of my time reading books. As a result, my friends see me as a nerd and used to stay away from me most of the time except when asking for help. I have always wanted to talk about interesting facts about Science I learned when reading books or watching educational videos. I wanted to share my thoughts and interests with my friends but they always think that I want to talk about studying only. I refrain from expressing my thoughts and feelings of loneliness or other issues I face to my classmates. I am afraid that they may judge me or probably never talk to me thinking I am emotional. I have been hurt by some friends previously when I shared how sad I was when my grandma died. They did not comfort me; rather, they stopped talking to me. Probably they thought it's not good to talk with me then as I was emotionally weak or a little depressed. From that day, I never tried explaining my situation to my present friends as I am afraid they would desert me too. That is why I try to keep myself occupied with other work so that I don’t feel lonely anymore. I had some phases of loneliness and little depression during the pandemic. But I overcame this phase because of online volunteering. I kept myself busy, found new friends with the same interests, and contributed to society too. TWE gave me a community where I feel supported and a feeling of belonging. I think being a part of TWE made me a better person and increased my confidence too. Here are some tips to deal with loneliness-
And last but not least, you can join virtual volunteering! It will improve your skills, increase your self-confidence and you can learn new skills like time management, communication or team cooperation.
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |