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By NJ I started being active on social media very, very late. It wasn’t until the pandemic started that I slowly started being active on the few social media accounts I had, and it wasn’t until a few days ago when writing this that I joined Instagram. While I now have Instagram, Reddit and Quora, it’s actually Tumblr that I use the most. And by that I mean daily. I am on it all day long. I have a decent follower count and some mutuals who are genuinely awesome and who I enjoy talking to. If anything I have had a positively delightful experience with Tumblr. Wonderful friends, not too many creepy DMs. It is basically perfect.
However, I have noticed that while generally sunny, the darker side here is that I had become afraid of how people might interpret what I say. And I mean that seriously. I have refrained from posting fairly innocent opinions because of how much I feared alienation. I have refrained from saying my opinions about innocent things like a tv show or movie I like because I feared attacks from people I disagreed with. Essentially, I had become a people pleaser without even realizing it. And as someone who started their social media journey on Quora, a site full of opinions, this was not only new but a terrifying reality for me. But what really raised the red flag however is when I got into a fairly mild disagreement with a mutual. The mutual in question was already far more confident, outspoken and all-around a better debater than I was. But adding to that I felt like saying anything that disagreed with them might cause them to hate me. That in order to maintain our friendship I had to agree with them even when I didn’t. The whole ordeal left me so mentally drained that I didn’t post or even engage much with anyone online for a few days. I felt exhausted. And a sense of impending doom settled over me whenever I would open Tumblr. What if they hated me? What if others attacked me? What if, even despite both of us apologizing to each other and privating the posts, they still hated me for my opinions? No matter how much I tried, this heavy cloud of regret hung around me. I genuinely felt like it would have been better had I kept quiet. Staying silent means that no one could come after me. I wouldn’t receive hate if I never expressed any strong opinions. This was bad for many reasons. One - this was not the me I knew. I had changed. Two - It was affecting me in real life. I was less productive, angrier and sough to be left alone. Three - I hated the fact that I couldn’t voice my opinions. I hated the fact that this invincible fear held so much control over me. I realized that I was trying to change my opinions to fit other people's opinions so that they would like me. And I hated it. It made me feel like a fake. And this wasn’t the end of these fears. Whenever I would have some helpful link or info to share, I would get really excited but then a small voice in my head would mutter “yeah but what if you accidentally mislead someone? or worse, hurt them in some way?”. It didn’t matter that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the link or info was safe. It didn’t matter that I would never hurt another person. The second the intrusive thought entered my mind, every other voice of reason was drowned out. Suddenly I was reduced to nothing but a bunch of doubts and fears I was weakly protesting against. I just felt so angry and frustrated at my own inability to stop these intrusive thoughts. And while this is usually the part where I offer some tips to cope, this time I really don’t have much except some generic things I have found to help me like - Change your environment when you feel the panic attacks coming - We know that feeling when the voices slowly start whispering in the back of our mind before the tidal wave of anxiety washes over you. Whenever I know it’s coming and that I simply have no better way of dealing with it, I just get out of that mental or sometimes physical environment quickly. Something as simple as looking at a different location or reading something sometimes helps me reset my mind. It’s not a solution. But still better than me helplessly panicking. Instead of trying to not think about the intrusive thought, let it pass through your mind - I hear it all the time, and yet I always end up trying and failing to ignore my intrusive thoughts. That’s it to be honest. And now for the most important advice - Seek help. You deserve it. Log off of socials for a bit. Maybe take a break from the friends who are stressing you out. Tell them they are stressing you out. Talk to your parents if their words hurt you. But more importantly, get professional help when you need it. International Suicide & Emergency Hotlines (opencounseling.com) - This is a list of suicide hotlines and other help lines and other resources to help you. But this is just the bare minimum and there are absolutely better help out there.
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Have you ever wondered why the majority of people in our society have become so captivated by various social media sites? It has become a habit for many to check it constantly, worrying about what is trending or what people think of them. Social media is a great source of communication, for the most part, but the impact on mental health can be severe. We must emphasise why it does not have to control your life and how you can, in fact, control it yourself. Be honest with yourself and answer this: how long do you actually spend on social media per day? What do you turn to when you have completed your daily routine and need to wind down? Is it fair to say that your mobile phone may be holding you back? It is not a negative thing to be socially active on the Internet, but as a teenager, you may find it refreshing to take a step back. I know that may sound cliché but I have found that it is true and it is surprising how much productivity increases when you take more breaks. Thinking back to a few years ago, I remember coming home from school, sitting down with my phone and spending so long on it until the battery was practically dead. Some days I would even sit there until it was 7 PM and it was time for dinner. Honestly, I can’t comprehend how I coped with homework and my mental well-being. Perhaps I did find some enjoyment in scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, but now I have come to realise how consuming that lifestyle really was. Now, when I come home from school, I don’t even think about going on my phone for hours. I have learned to adopt the mindset that allows me to stay motivated and complete tasks, not just because they’re necessary, but also because I want to. I read somewhere that “humans will do more to avoid pain than find pleasure.” Therefore, procrastinating becomes second nature, because we have trained our minds to think this provides us with an escape from pain. But, what if we can find pleasure in being productive instead? Think of an essay you need to write and instead of thinking “I have to write an essay”, think “I get to write an essay”. It is a great feeling reminding yourself of the reward of finishing homework, or the result of spending time revising for a test. So, that’s what I focus on instead. So, by focusing on what is good for you, you are already reducing the hold social media has on you. I honestly feel it is so refreshing. My advice to readers would, therefore, be to control social media and prevent it from controlling you. Trust me, scrolling through Instagram for 30 minutes a day is so much more interesting than scrolling mindlessly for 3 hours, desperately searching for new content. It can be quite scary to think about the future but preparing for it productively will provide you with much more satisfaction than social media ever can. To remove the habit of checking your phone, the most obvious way would be to put it in a drawer in the other room. However, there are other options:
To summarise, reducing your time on social media is not only beneficial to your mental health in the short term but helps you in the long term. After learning to stop checking it, I have found that my life has become much more productive and I feel happier as a result. Removing it from your life completely is not always necessary but taking a break can be crucial! Remember that social media does NOT control you if you do not allow it to. Be your own master! Apps/websites that can help you stay off social media: Self-control- an extension for your computer and an app that stops you from checking customised websites that you add yourself Pomodoro tomato timer- allows you to spend 25 minutes working and then 5 minutes on a break on a loop. This means that you manage the amount of time you concentrate and it allows you to enjoy time away from your work without sacrificing precious time! I also love the to-do list feature so you can know exactly what you need to do. Hold- an app that times the amount of work you do and grows a tree while you do it- this is quite satisfying! POSITIVES:
TO IMPROVE:
- Nicole Nicole |
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |