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By Heidy Compared to the general population, people with SAD tend to struggle with developing and maintaining friendships. Support groups are an opportunity to meet new people facing similar challenges; the key benefit is realizing you're not alone in your mental health journey. Support groups are not group therapy; they can be led by a professional therapist or by anyone with SAD and a desire to create a community of other SAD folks. Support groups provide opportunities for individuals to share how social anxiety affects their lives, ask and receive feedback, hear about others’ experiences, or discuss anything related or unrelated to SAD. People can exchange advice on how they overcame a fear or obstacle, like tips on how to succeed at small talk or how to make friends.
Social anxiety is characterized as a fear of embarrassment, humiliation, and being criticized or judged. Fundamentally, it’s a tendency towards extreme distress in social situations that can result in social avoidance and hinder individuals from developing interpersonal relationships. Not surprisingly, this social avoidance can cause people with SAD to live without any kind of support system. Avoiding social situations can impair your day-to-day life. According to a 2000 study, people with social anxiety have fewer interpersonal relationships in their lives than the general population. We find it hard to develop and maintain close relationships. Avoiding social situations can relax your nerves in the moment, but your anxiety increases over time if you keep avoiding the situation you're afraid of. What triggers our avoidance strategy is fear that people will notice how much of a nervous wreck we are and make judgments that we're weird, abnormal, or stuck up because we're too quiet. I couldn't see myself ever joining a support group. It seemed like the scariest thing ever: getting together with a group of new people who are just as quiet as I am. My biggest fear was being in groups. I forget I even have social anxiety until I find myself in a group, and then it all comes crashing down. Even being in a room with three people can make me feel panicky. I feel as though something is holding my throat that keeps me from speaking up. I find myself getting irritable in these types of social situations because I'm frustrated that I can't just turn on a switch and speak. In February 2021, I started attending a social anxiety support group after I started mental health therapy. I wanted to do more outside of therapy to overcome social anxiety. The internet hands you access to hundreds of social anxiety support groups around the world. I live in a small town with very few options, so I searched for support groups in the nearest cities and found one through a website called Meet Up. Due to the COVID-19 restrictions, joining a support group was easy because all I had to do was enter a Zoom call; if it went awry, I could quickly exit out. I don't even have to have my camera on, I could just do a voice call. As hard as it was to put myself out there at first, I’m so glad I joined my support group. The people are so kind! I can see that they were struggling with social anxiety, too. The awkward moments help reduce the pressure to be socially competent and perfect. No one is perfect. My social anxiety support group lasts for 2 hours but I have left early. These meetings can take place once a week or once every two weeks or once a month. Take advantage of these online support groups! My support group helped me feel less alone. When you find people with shared experiences, it’s reassuring to know that everyone in the room or video conference call is just as terrified as you are. Hearing how someone overcame their social anxiety is motivating. It's one of the only settings where you don't have to explain why you're so quiet or have it pointed out. Almost everyone feels anxious, too. An online support group is a safe space to experiment, learn to put yourself out there, and reach for those small goals. You might not feel like talking in your first meeting, or the third or fifteenth meeting. Give yourself some time to take that leap and jump into the conversation. I noticed that I didn't need to say anything brilliant to contribute to the conversation. In one meeting, there was a moment of silence and I gathered the courage to ask, "Hey, so what are everyone's plans for this spring?" I felt extremely proud of myself. A few people responded back and then I made a brief comment about how satisfying spring cleaning can be. You can say a quick remark and then step back and listen to others. That's progress! When I'm in the meetings, my goal is usually to just say something, aside from the introductions, and I don't always accomplish that. I'm more scared or insecure on some days than others. Online support groups are beneficial as exposure practice and can encourage others to seek other types of support like therapy. Going to an online support group is a HUGE step towards overcoming your fear of social settings. The biggest fear that fuels my social anxiety is looking dumb in front of a group of people. At the start of each group meeting, attendees introduce themselves: their name, where they're from, their experience with SAD, and their interests. People always have the option to not introduce themselves. I'm usually always tense and nervous when my name comes around and I'm asked if I would like to make an introduction. I would think that I had to be 100% ready to speak up, but I was never 100% ready. When I’m distressed, I’m rarely certain what I’m going to say. However, after saying my name and letting people know a little about me, I feel more confident to speak up and more connected to the group. Just saying it, however imperfect it comes out, is an achievement. To calm your nerves, you can create a relaxing environment at home. Have your pet keep you company while you're in the video call. Light a candle or turn on a diffuser for a soothing aroma. Take an hour beforehand to do anything that is enjoyable for you like reading, exercising, playing video games, or listening to music. The more you expose yourself to frightening, anxiety-inducing social situations, the less anxiety you will experience over time, little by little. The body cannot be under a permanent state of fight-or-flight response; eventually, your body will realize that you're still safe and alive after joining a support group meeting, and you’ll be able to relax. It will take time. Support groups are beneficial because you will be able to relate to others who are experiencing the exact same anxieties. Video calls are an easy way to dip your toes in the water and begin confronting your fears about new people. In the beginning, just listening in on the conversations and being an observer is progress. Please do not feel that you’re not gaining anything from the group if you do not speak. No one is perfect, and you’re not as weird as your inner critic makes you feel. Joining a support group can help you see yourself in a more self-loving way. Support Group Resources:
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By Sydney Shy, that’s the word a lot of people associate with me. When I was little it was cute, but now that I’m an adult it’s seen as a nuisance. They don’t know that I genuinely want to participate in a conversation, that I want to connect with people and make friends, that I can’t get out of my head long enough to say what I want to say. It’s taken a year of therapy and research and forcing myself to talk to people for me to make any sort of progress. In this article, I hope to share my experience with social anxiety and what I’ve done to lessen the effects.
Social anxiety is characterized by avoidance or even an intense fear of socialization, especially in situations that are unfamiliar or when you think you will be judged for how you act. For me, I hate talking to people my age that I don’t know, it’s the circumstance that causes me the most fear. There are many different studies and research done on Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), which is its fancy name, which means there’s plenty of information on what can be done to lessen your anxiety. I’ll be going over some tricks I’ve personally used or know people that have had success using to lessen social anxiety. 1. Exposure therapy I would say that exposure therapy was the most effective of these steps for me, but everyone is different. I recently turned 18, meaning I have to start calling the doctors myself and doing everything my mom used to do for me. This often feels like I’m going to fight a war single handedly against the medical field. Forcing myself to make those calls has made it easier to handle phone calls, which used to be very stressful, in general. I started with one phone call day, and then two, and three, until I could make as many phone calls a day as needed. To handle my more prominent anxiety of talking to new people my age, going to college next year provided me with the perfect opportunity. I reached out to someone on the college’s Instagram account that said they couldn’t wait to attend next year. We started to talk and that day she added me to a massive group chat full of other people in our year that will be going to the same school. When I say massive, I mean over 60 people are in that chat. I made it a goal of mine to reach out separately to people I thought were cool. Thanks to this I found some amazing friends and even my roommate for next year! It’s important when using exposure therapy to set small, manageable goals and work your way up to your biggest stressor. If you hate being in a room full of lots of people, start with being in a room with two others. Once you can handle that, add two more. Continue adding people and gaining comfort until you no longer feel uncomfortable being in a crowded room. Never just jump into the deep end as it can cause unnecessary stress and even more anxiety. Start small and build your strength. 2. Breathe When you are in a stressful situation, it is important to remember to breathe. When you’re stressed and anxious, it’s easy to forget and you can hyperventilate or, in extreme situations, pass out. There have been a couple of times where I’ve been surrounded by people and needed to leave so I could catch my breath after unconsciously holding it. Anxiety can unfortunately make it difficult to remember basic human functions. Breathing can also help you calm down and help you get in a better head space. One tactic every therapist I’ve ever had has taught me is the 4-7-8 breathing method. What you do is breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, and breathe out for 8 seconds. Do this until your heart rate has lowered and you feel more in control. I do this whenever my anxiety gets to be too much and I need to take action to calm down. 3. Don’t be too hard on yourself It’s ok to need a break. It’s ok to not push yourself. It’s ok to not be ok. If a situation is too stressful, it’s ok to walk away from it. If you don’t have the energy to do exposure therapy, it’s ok to not do it. What is important is that you do what is right for you and tell yourself “I will get control of my social anxiety, but right now I need a day for myself.” As long as you are working to make yourself happy, you’re doing nothing wrong. Social anxiety is a very real and debilitating mental disorder. It can make socialization and conversation hard or even impossible. For years, I couldn’t talk to people my own age that I hadn’t met before. It took practice and tricks and fortitude for me to overcome my social anxiety and be able to make my own friends. There are still days where it’s hard, where I’m unable to talk to even my closest friends without overthinking and shutting down. But I’ve made progress. My social anxiety has gotten easier to handle and maybe someday it will be gone completely, but until then I will continue to use these three steps. Fear of missing out, commonly known as FOMO, is a perception that one might be having a much better life than you and the belief that there are important events being missed. It is closely tied to social anxiety, self doubts with self harm being one of the deadly end results. Every teenager has said this at least once,”I wish I was a part of that group” or “I feel like my friends don’t really want to include me in their group”. That is where the trouble begins . That sentence. While it’s completely okay to be insecure, it can be deadly. It decreases self esteem and has a great impact on your mental health. Grades 6-8 were a period in which I had a major Fear of missing out. I would constantly try to change myself to fit in with other girls in my class. I would cry myself to sleep at night. I was troubled. Soon, I started to read more about this condition and realised it was me who did this to myself. After a couple of months of self love, a journal ,meditation, and new and true friends, I finally did not feel alone anymore. I felt like I was worthy of my friends. It did not stop there. 9th grade was worse too. But now, I knew what I had to do. I had to focus on myself and reach out to people whenever I needed help. I realised that trying to fit in is never the solution. It is to be happy by yourself and surround people who will be happy for who you truly are. It is you yourself who can make you stronger than yesterday. You need to love yourself if you want others to love you. Everyone is amazing in their own way, they just have a hard time realizing it and you might be going through that phase right now. Reach out to a therapist or anyone you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with. Meditate everyday, journal your emotions and do things that make you happy. It’s never easy but you’ll get there. In the end, everything is going to be okay.
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |