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By Katherine Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which one or more individuals convince the victim to doubt reality, memories, and/or judgment. Although it may seem nearly impossible to convince someone that their reality is false, it is a common form of manipulation that is most often done by someone that the victim is close to. By trusting a loved one’s judgment and perception, the victim will doubt their own opinions and experiences. The gaslighter will mold the victim’s beliefs to fit their own and therefore be in control of the victim’s mind. This can lead to anxiety, trauma, depression, low self-esteem, and may cause the victim to feel as if they are “crazy.”
A gaslighter may be difficult to spot, especially if you are the victim of this form of manipulation. Do you feel as though someone close to you trivializes your issues? Do they often tell you that you are “overreacting” or are being “crazy”? Does their judgment go against the judgment of your loved ones? Do they attempt to convince you that your experiences are “all in your head” and not real? If any of these are true, you may in fact be the victim of gaslighting. Although there are other ways to tell if you are the victim of gaslighting, these are some clear signs. If someone is the victim of a gaslighter their behaviors and mentality will change. They may feel isolated, apologize often, blame themselves for everything, feel anxious, and attempt to convince themselves that they are overthinking or are being too sensitive. Although many cases of gaslighting occur in romantic relationships, they can come from other sources as well. I have dealt with being gaslighted by many individuals over the years. The people I was closest to would manipulate me through gaslighting and make me feel as though I was “crazy.” Although I have learned to spot it, the effects of past gaslighting still remain with me to this day. At times I doubt myself, my memories, my thoughts, and my life. Some days it is hard to know what is real and what is in my head. Because I was gaslighted for so long, it feels like a part of me. Even though those people are no longer a part of my life, their gaslighting behaviors remain within me, causing me to “gaslight myself” at times. Although I still suffer from the gaslighting I faced at an early age, it has been beneficial to distance myself from the gaslighters. It may seem challenging at first but to maintain one’s own mental and physical wellbeing, it must be done. There will always be more loving and honest individuals who will truly look out for their loved ones. It may be difficult to be aware if you are the victim of gaslighting but it is crucial to do research if there are any beliefs in your mind that you are being manipulated. Regardless of how these thoughts may seem trivial or small, they should not be ignored. It is also valuable to speak with other loved ones about the situation to gain their input. It may seem challenging to remove a gaslighter from your life, especially if they are a long term friend, significant other, family member, etc. This may be difficult at first, but must be done. It is important to know that gaslighting is used to weaken the victim and strengthen the manipulator, it is not in your best interest. With gaslighting being so common, it is important to make sure that you look out for signs of gaslighting. Make sure to reach out to others who you trust. Gaslighting can be difficult to spot which makes it all the more dangerous. Gaslighting can come from abusive relationships, friends, family members, etc. We tend to look more so at romantic relationships when learning about gaslighting but it is valuable to know that this is not the only way it can occur. Make sure to look out for yourself as well as loved ones and if you or them are a victim of gaslighting, seek help and give them support. Helplines: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/ The National Domestic Violence Helpline is available 24/7 via phone or chat to listen and provide support.
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By Mel Growing up, I wasn’t really much of a social person, I would just be my tomboy self hanging out with the boys, and playing football. But of course, that was looked down upon when I started high school.
The reason for that is when I got to high school people started questioning me and really judging me for what I liked to do, which was “boys' stuff”. I was a young girl growing up playing football and hockey, having a passion for sports. This is when I started to make ‘fake friends’ let me define that for you. It’s when you find yourself surrounded by so-called “friends” that actually don’t like you. They talk down to you, they find it funny to make jokes here and there about you and also they like to show you up. When I was in high school I thought I would change who I was just to get some more you know “girlfriends”. I changed my appearance and my love for sports, was no more. A classic example of “showing you up” is; When I made those changes to myself, that was when I was struck by lightning but in a way of friendship. I was in a friendship group that treated me like I was dirt, and walked all over me, that’s not a real friendship group. From there, I started to see people’s true colors, but then I fell back into the same hole a few years later. From the age of 15 - 21, I had tons of friends! Friends from around the world, friends I’d travel with and friends I thought I’d have for a lifetime. But I was wrong. When I hit the age of 21 things started to go downhill again with friendships. As I mentioned before I used to travel a lot with my friends but when I started to have seizures I learned who my true friends were. The people I thought loved and cared for me just vanished and left me. They didn’t want the responsibility of having a friend who has seizures. When going to concerts they didn’t want to miss the show due to a friend having to go to an ambulance to get checked. Like I can understand why and I understand it’s not their responsibility to do so, I’m not their child. But the thing that got me was when this happened, they didn’t want to be around me in general anymore which broke my heart. I thought the friendship group I had for several years was going well and it was a huge part of my life, it made me happy. But to then go from 100 - 0 in the space of a month.. Well, that was a big strike in the heart. So, going from 100 - 0 in the blink of an eye can happen at any point in your life, but that doesn’t mean you won’t make other friends along the way. Right now, I don’t really go out with friends as I don’t have any local ones but I do have online friends. These online friends are ones I can laugh with, I can go to if I need help the ones I really am blessed to have in my life right now. Even though I can’t physically go to them and just get a simple hug, ( which is needed from time to time ) it’s still nice to have someone who is supportive and well, just there to talk to. By Melody Having a best friend can change your life for the better. This doesn’t mean that everything is going to be perfect in that friendship. There will be many ups and downs, but how you deal with it can help affect the outcome of the entire situation. When you are close enough to someone you can begin to open up to that person. It is not the end of the world when you and your bestie get into an argument. Sometimes in order to become closer with someone, you might have to have different opinions on things or disagreements to become closer. It might not seem like it at the moment, but you will learn more about each other in the long run.
Best friends who have disagreements here and there are totally normal. The reason why this is not that uncommon is that you two can be 100% honest with each other and not be afraid of judging one another. Along with this, if you are too brutally honest it can cause someone to second guess what you have to say. In my experience, I have had many arguments or misunderstandings with my 2 best friends. It has ranged from slight fights to more immense ones over things that shouldn’t even be worth fighting for. One time my best friend and I fought because I embarrassed her in front of a boy she liked. I was trying to be comedic, but she thought otherwise. I didn't know what to do because I didn't see anything wrong in the moment, and all I wanted to do was prove that I was right no matter what. That is not at all what you want to do in this situation since you are not always right. It might feel like you are, but sometimes people do things out of anger and/or they don't see the other person’s opinion. Therefore that person might be right as well, but you are blindsided by your own perspective. The first step that has helped me is to understand what the other person is feeling. If you put yourself in their shoes you can see what they are trying to express to you. Another thing you have to realize is that they might not always want to talk to you, but communication is THE most important thing when arguing with friends. When my friends and I talked about how we both felt, we got to see a different perspective that was not clear to us in the beginning. So talk about how you can improve both sides of the friendship and your feelings. Other times, I never told them what I was thinking because I thought they already knew what was going on by somehow reading my mind. Another thing I find helpful is to give it time. In the heat of the moment, it might not be the best idea to say what is on your mind. After a couple of hours or a day, you had enough time to calm down and to reflect. This can lead to a more clear conversation with no impulsive arguing. A key takeaway that I learned from these types of situations is to understand we are still trying to learn how to be a better friend. This might take time but is totally worth the wait. All in all, best friends have ups and downs. Sometimes you may be in the wrong, but figuring out how to help yourself as well as others can be beneficial in any argument. By Zephyr “I really don’t know. Sometimes, I love my parents. Sometimes, I don’t. There are times when I want to stay in their arms forever and times when I just want to move out, far away from them.”
Shoutout to everyone who has mixed feelings about their parents, like me. It took me some time to understand that this mixed feeling is valid, and it is okay. I am very close to my parents. They are the first people I think of reaching out to with anything, from academic and future decisions to my sexuality and almost non-existent love/sex life. Our family trips are filled with playing games, me and my father judging someone, recreating pictures and a lot of fun! Mealtimes are filled with mature discussions, jokes, and funny childhood stories. I would not be lying if I say my father is a living meme! But in between all the rainbow and sunshine family life, sometimes my parents can get toxic towards me and this is a hard realization to come to, especially when you have grown up extremely close to them. Sometimes parents can love you but be toxic to you. Sometimes they can genuinely care for you, but lack emotional maturity. Sometimes they try their best to be good parents, like mine, but fall back into old behaviour and attitude. I vividly remember my mother calling me weak for being diagnosed with anxiety and accusing me of raising her blood pressure. She called me selfish, and said that she didn’t know how I would survive without being “strong”. It wasn’t the first time, but I was more hurt than ever. It felt like every little hope and happiness I had collected was being torn and thrown away. Imagine the pain you would feel when the person you first reach out to when you are in pain disregards your pain and calls you weak for going through it. I can assure you her words and attitude weren’t what hurt me, it was the person who it was coming from and it wasn’t the first time. She was the first one to understand anxiety, do some extra research, and take me for professional help. She would cuddle me to sleep when things get bad, she would take me out for long night drives and she would be there for me. Through all the breakdowns, thoughts, derealization and self-harm, I have understood that no matter what their reason is, this is not acceptable. It is okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. It is okay to display your emotions, and you don’t always need to forgive and forget. And, if you are in the same position as me, I want you to know that it is okay to protect yourself. It is okay to create a safe distance and form boundaries. It is okay to need some space. Creating safe emotional space and boundaries has been very difficult for me, one of the hardest things I have ever been through. But it was all worth it. You need to learn to protect yourself. Life throws a lot of things at your face and it will knock you out, but it’s upon you to face it. Creating emotional distance between parents can make you feel ungrateful or make you think you don’t love them anymore. You are not abandoning them or unloving them. You are standing up for yourself, for your health. Here are a few other tips to deal with this mixed feeling:
I know it is confusing in the colourless meadow of love, guilt, stress and anxiousness you are standing on. I have been there and still finding my way out. There are so many thoughts, emotions in your head and I just want to promise you, you are not alone. By Mel Over the years, we have all experienced the feeling like we are not there or not present in either friendships or relationships. It’s like being a ghost just hovering around the people you love.
Recently, I’ve been in the same situation and it got to the point where I didn’t realise how badly it was affecting me. I was punishing myself for someone else’s bad choices, keeping secrets from loved ones and involving me in their own relationships. It had taken me all these years to come to terms with what she was doing to me. It was like being brainwashed into being under their control. Whenever I was staying with that friend and they would invite someone else over, it changed! I was no longer present in that room, just them two. Now, many people would class this as being jealous but that’s it, I wasn’t jealous at all. I just wanted to be involved! After situations like this I would pack my things and go home and just sit in my bedroom, alone. I punish myself by my thoughts brainwashing me into believing no one loves me This was not good for my depression at all. I was staying in my room 24/7, never leaving the house because I felt like I just didn’t want to be here anymore. It was a dark time and I have been here many times over the years before too. I just wished to feel wanted just for once. So, now I’m doing the same, staying away from everyone and keeping myself to myself! I’ve been numb over the past few months since the incident, I can never really explain how I feel. Feeling stuck in between friendship and relationship can be hard, so hard that you have no idea what to do or where to turn. What’s helped me through every time is journaling! Recording what has happened down in a book so then it’s out of my mind into a locked book! Other ways that have helped pick up my mood is by thinking about places to travel! At the top of my travel list is Japan because I want to discover their culture. I also want to visit Ukraine to explore Chernobyl which was a disaster was a nuclear accident that occurred on Saturday 26 April 1986. How this happened was the reactor design flaws and breach of protocol during simulated power outage safety test. Making lists like places you want to visit or even a bucket list of what you want to achieve in your life can be really helpful as a distraction. Music playlists can be made for each mood like happy songs, motivational songs or even sad songs. But, finding that distraction to help prevent your mind from wandering into that dark hole is the most important thing to do! Feeling stuck in the middle or being the third wheel can be hard but you are worth more than that! By N.J Now, I am, generally speaking, a pretty temperamental person. I have learned to control my mood and temper over the years and now do fairly well. But that doesn’t mean I am infallible. Anger is often seen in my society as a dangerous and unhealthy emotion. I am from a place where people often value bottling your emotions up and being some sort of saint. Well, I’ll tell you now (From far too much personal experience) that all it leads to is you eventually exploding and causing more destruction that you could possibly ever have caused had you not bottled up your emotions (As a HUGE Star Wars nerd I always say, remember Vader.). Anger often gets shunned aside by society as the ‘Bad emotion that causes nothing but trouble’ and ‘The emotion only overly emotional people or people who don’t know how to control their emotions feel’.
But In this article I hope to address at least some of these societal barriers. First I want to go over some of the most common opinions people have about anger and the way we express it.
As for controlling anger, It's hard to ever give a one size fits all answer. Your anger is often a very complex emotion, stemming from a multitude of environmental and mental reasons which can be hard to explain or decipher. But I can try my best to explain what has helped me over the years (Although it should probably be mentioned that my family still drives me up the wall and makes me say things I don’t mean. So do as I say, not as I do).
So these are the tips I have for everyone out there struggling with anger issues. Know that what you are experiencing is normal. I know these are easy to say but harder to do. Know that I am still bad at controlling my volatile temper despite my best efforts. Keep at it, and you’ll get to a place where you are comfortable. By Chloë I told a girl I liked her. Yep, that’s right. I told her I liked her and even though she doesn’t feel the same way, I don’t regret doing it.
A few weeks ago I looked at her and it just clicked. It terrified me. I didn’t want to feel that way towards her, but as soon as the thought was in my mind, I couldn’t get it out. What was I going to do? This question resonated around my mind for the next week. Initially, I had intended on doing absolutely nothing, letting it pass, and moving on. But, when I began to second-guess every interaction, every word, every look… I knew I had to ask. I had to know where her head was at. I knew she didn’t like me, not like that. The vibes just weren’t there, but I still needed confirmation, and that’s okay. Of course, it took more than this to persuade me to tell her. And by ‘more than this’ I mean going over the conversation 50+ times in my head, messaging my friends multiple times, taking different stances and viewpoints everytime, before I even got close to a conclusive decision on my approach. So, how did I choose? How did I know that telling her was the right thing to do? If you are in a similar position to mine, I’d advise you to ask yourself the following questions: Will things really change if they don’t feel the same? Chances are, this person you have a crush on is someone you see daily, or is a big part of your life. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so worried to tell them in the first place. And so, if they are this big in your life, then you probably are in theirs. They probably won’t be willing to lose you over something like this and, if they are someone you can truly trust- which I’d assume they are if you have a crush on them-, then they’ll probably do their best to help you as much as they can. Yes, things may change, but if they are someone who cares for you, you can work together to adjust to this new situation. Are your feelings real? I’ll admit, at first I was dubious about whether I actually had feelings for her. She isn’t anything like my usual ‘type’ (not including the fact that she’s a she, of course), so I assumed it was just a glitch in my emotional radar. When trying to decide whether your feelings are real, try to analyse interactions a bit more; consider how they make you feel. Nervous? Flustered? If you are trying to present your best self to them, and are worried about doing so, chances are you do like them as more than a friend. What will happen if you don’t tell them? From my experience, here are the positives and negative outcomes regarding this question: Positives: You can’t get hurt. Things will stay the same. Negatives: You may feel guilty taking more from interactions than they might be. You won’t know if they feel the same. You may feel awkward or uncomfortable around them. And, ultimately, what led me to tell her was the final question of ‘What if…’, plus the knowledge that, whatever happens, I’d know I’d gone through worse before… I’d made it through worse before. And I could do it again. Okay, so she doesn’t like me back, but the experience and knowledge I gained from this was far better than any sadness I went through as a result. I realised that it’s okay to be truthful, it’s okay to have emotions and express them, and it’s okay to go through a rejection. It’s healthy. It doesn’t mean everyone hates you or that no one loves you. It just means they aren’t your person. Remember, you regret the things you don’t do in life more than the things you do. By Cody Anger is an extremely strong emotion that can destroy a person from inside out. This can be portrayed by several symptoms such as, acting out, hitting/throwing objects amongst other physical and emotional symptoms. Everyone you meet has experienced anger before, it’s how you deal with your anger that affects your emotional state, relationships and environment.
Often in the movies, TV shows and books, anger is portrayed by someone lashing out, (typically the ‘villain’), or being abusive towards another person. But of course, as most Hollywood films like to push that stereotype forward, those who do experience anger are often shunned by society and can perceive themselves as a bad person - this is certainly not the case. If you ever find yourself putting yourself down for feeling angry, please put yourself at rest, everyone has these feelings! It’s how we deal with them that makes us a good person. If you’re anything like me, you often let anger build up and take it out on yourself while others aren’t around, instead of hurting another person. But there are many healthier ways to let out your feelings, which can help you and others around you. I personally like to read and write down my feelings, this in itself is a great way of letting go of your feelings, it can give you a similar feeling of when you rant to others around you - but instead of sharing with others, you share with yourself and your journal. Now, I know this isn’t for everyone, but it really does work for those of you who need to get in touch with your feelings. Though if that isn’t a great coping technique, there are plenty more:
Finding your own technique is vital to understanding how to overcome your anger, the sooner your put in the work to find peace within your anger the easier life can be, especially if it effects your relationships and your own emotional or physical health. If you struggle to help yourself, there are many different ways that medical professional can help you, please find the following links about anger: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/anger/ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control By Mel Growing up, I saw all my friends have boyfriends and girlfriends. I saw my family grow into new relationships but also witnessed the heartbreaks to follow later on. Seeing all those relationships made me wonder if I was ever going to be in one.
The first time that I remember liking a person was my first year of high school. I was walking to my next lesson and this boy walked past me and I just got a sudden smile on my face. He looked back at me and he smiled too, ever since then throughout high school I just was so happy when I saw him. This boy was in the year above me and we began to grow closer together. We laughed at the same things and we even went around to each other’s houses to play videogames. As the years passed I guess we both started to like each other. When we both admitted to each other that we had feelings for one another, we did sleep together but after that our friendship was never the same again. I truly miss that friendship we once had but I’m glad my first time was with someone I trusted. Anyways, after that situation I didn't really experience a proper relationship until I met another boy a few years later. This relationship went on for a good year. It was a grand relationship and yes, I can say that I did love that boy. But as relationships go, we had an argument and it just came to an end. Since then, I haven’t been committed like I was in that relationship. I’ve been questioning my sexuality because I’ve always seen myself as a tomboy and I’ve had crushes on girls, but thought nothing of it. It’s the year of 2020 and it feels so grand to say that I am bisexual and not have to worry about what others think or if they will judge me! I’m proud to say I am bisexual and being a part of an understanding team has helped me so much! It’s been a few years since my last relationship and I’m not looking for one any time soon as I’m happy being single! Being in a relationship isn’t for everyone and why should it be? I plan on using the next few years on getting better in my mental health and travelling the world! I am hoping to achieve my dream of meeting Alice in Wonderland and the mad hatter too in Disneyland Paris! Also, I want to explore more abandoned places, especially in Japan! So, if I was in a relationship I feel like I would be tied down and not be able to achieve the goals I want to. Now, I’m not saying relationships are controlling but for me, it’s not the right time to start a new chapter and be committed to a specific someone. I’m still discovering myself as we speak! Never be afraid of who you are! By J.D CW/TW: death, autopsy, etc. Death is a painful topic, you can’t use it in a normal conversation without feeling sad or alone. It is a part of life, and everyone loses something or someone they love.
Some people say that death is final, but it isn’t. It is the part of life where you cherish and celebrate and reminisce about the past with said person. In my previous article, I wrote that there are coping mechanisms for stalking someone, and the same applies to everything, even death. In my years of life, I’ve seen death. From my family, pets, idols, and celebrities. For this article, I’m going to talk about one person in particular and it isn’t a person at all! It’s a… dolphin. Her name was Winter, she was the most known dolphin at Clearwater Marine Aquarium in Clearwater, Florida. She starred in Dolphin Tale 1 and Dolphin Tale 2. She gave a lot of people hope. Ironically enough, Hope also happened to be her friend’s name who was rescued exactly 5 years and a day after Winter. Winter’s story starts out on December 10, 2005. She was 2 months old at the time of this. It was a relatively cold morning in the state of Florida, with the highs around 70 degrees hitting in the afternoon. Winter ended up passing away at 16 years old due to intestinal abnormality (her intestines got twisted). Before her death, Winter inspired many people. Including me. I found out about Winter in 2013 in my second grade class. We had to research about animals and I came across a book with her on the cover. Fast forward to fourth grade and I was OBSESSED with her. Winter's death affected me because I never got to meet Winter, but even though her ashes are back home in the ocean, I will still continue to love her. Her memories will be remembered for years. Even though I never met Winter, I did find a few ways to get closer to her. I have dolphin fluke necklaces and stuffed dolphins named Winter (some of them are named after other animals at CMA). In the end, I got closer to Winter. It gave me a little bit of closure since then but nowadays, I still have days where I am sad and that I should've met her. I realized that even if you never met someone you had a deep regard for, you can still be close with them. Life is hard. I’ll tell you that, and everyone dies. It’s a part of the circle of life. You can sit and cry over it, or remember them the way they wanted to be remembered. There is a song called Safe by Westlife that was featured in the Dolphin Tale credits that I’ll remember as “Winter’s song” for the rest of my life. Rest in peace Winter (Oct. 10, 2005 - Nov. 11, 2021)
Exactly 8 years ago, I heard the words 'I love you’ from someone for the first time. Believe me when I say that I was never expecting that these words would mean so many different things to me in today's time. While I was remembering my first boyfriend, whom I dumped ruthlessly, I got a text from my current boyfriend. For a second, I got scared thinking, 'How on earth did he sense that I was thinking about some other guy?'
I opened his chat, and there it was. A picture on WhatsApp in 'one view.’ He was wearing a piece of jewellery that he bought and never mentioned. He tells me everything, and I know he left this one out on purpose. Now, how am I supposed to tell him that it doesn't suit him? Forget about suiting; it's looking ugly. What did I do about it? I didn't hurt him with my harsh judgement. I asked him to exchange it for another size. It was a chain that looked like a choker, and I asked him to get a bigger one (one that hides beneath his shirt) for his own sake. You must be thinking, how did I get to suggesting jewellery in the middle of celebrating 8 years of my first I love you. It's a simple circle. You treat the love of your life with kindness now because you understand how the little things hurt you so much 8 years ago.
I feel as though every woman has experienced this. The magical moment where Prince Charming turns into a caveman. Whether it’s a burp during dinner or a fart while watching a movie. For me, it was a bit more extreme. One Wednesday afternoon, while strolling down my neighbourhood with my boyfriend, he told me to wait a second. The next second, he was pulling down his trousers and rushing to the fields. My phone lights up, and it’s a text from him to go get baby wipes. You could not believe my disgust. He then went on to complain about how late I was. No wonder people say I’m a pushover. This was the moment I knew we were through.
All of us have experienced that moment. And then, there comes a time to wonder, are all men like this? Are there any men at all? Or do they all stay boys? Why is society tolerating men becoming more and more immature through the years while investigating our every flaw? Why are men expecting us to stay with them after that behavior? Believe me or not, I think whether you walk into a bar or a palace, you’ll still find a guy farting. Or picking his nose. It’s just that this behaviour has become so normalised that we’re all pretending to be okay with it. Men do exist, just not in the fantasy/romantic way we all want them. They might give you some fantasy moments, like a rose on Valentine’s Day or buying you dinner, but that's about it. There’s no prince on a white horse. Some men do stay boys forever. Peter Pan is not just a fairytale, ladies! Some boys believe it’s okay to comment on their girlfriend’s face or pout in public. The new trend on TikTok where men call their girlfriends “mommy” needs to be studied. Society will never stop tolerating men and their flaws. Society will always love the fact that they exist and treat others the way they do, just because society is made of them. The set of rules is made by and for them. Men expect us to stay with them because there’s this myth of the needy woman, of a girl who needs constant reassurance. A girl who would never run from a relationship, and that model is set in rom-coms. In conclusion, ladies, never settle. When someone is asking what you offer to the table, show them your manners. And don’t expect anything less. Expect chivalry or at least generosity. Not a caveman. By Alexis Streaming “Lover” by Taylor Swift while my hands hover above the keyboard trying to define an emotion that all of us felt one day.
If we want to define love scientifically, it’s a bunch of chemicals released in your body. If we want to define it as an emotion, love is this wild, beautiful spectrum of emotions—everything from those deep, soulful connections with others to the pure, simple joys that light up your day. According to social media, however, love is cheesy songs, expensive gifts, Instagram reels with “My Love is Mine all Mine” by Mitski playing in the background, perfect looking couples kissing under the rain, and some high school romance TV shows. For me, love was something I could never get. I don’t know why I felt like I wasn’t worthy of that flood of emotions where I’m emotionally attached to that one person who loves me unconditionally. Probably because I was too serious about long-lasting relationships while all the other teenagers just wanted to have fun. Playing “People Watching” by Conan Gray. A part of me knew that one day I’d feel it all, but for now, I’m only “people watching.” For now, all I have are eyes to witness all the lovers surrounding me, and a heart to ache for not being one of them. Taking my AirPods off. Throughout my journey of finding a potential lover, I found love. Apparently, love is not these badly edited Instagram reels, love is so much more. Love is my mum’s goodbyes from the window each time I leave home. Love is my friend Zi whom I don’t only share my passion for psychology, but also my laughter. Love is late night walks with my sister. It’s my long video calls with my cousins. However, love is not always a happy moment. Love also could manifest in our saddest moments. It’s the grief I felt attending my grandmother’s funeral. It’s the tears I cried saying goodbye to my cousins who moved abroad. Finally, love is missing all of my friends who are studying abroad even while texting them. Throughout my journey of finding love, I learned that loving oneself is even more important than being loved by a lover. I also learned that “love” is as adjustable as a play-dough, you can either shape it into that platonic emotion you experience daily with your favorite ones or confine it to a partner you long to have. By Meghna I want to introduce the topic of soulmates in friendships. Now,everyone is probably thinking how amazing their friends are and that they are all the best. But it’s always the little things that start to scab at us, and slowly you see the side that they were trying to hide.
In the novel “This Time it’s Real” by Ann Liang, the protagonist experiences the heartache of drifting apart from her once-dear friend Zoe. A seemingly minor act of renaming a playlist marks the beginning of their estrangement, highlighting the fragility of friendships and the weight of even the smallest gestures. Soulmate friendships are once in a lifetime. They are the friendships that always stay,till the end. No matter the distance, the time. is the second chance trope done, right. As you slowly start to believe that you have no one, this friend is the one holding you when you’re crying, the one laughing with you when you tell a joke, but what is more is that this person is always there for you no matter what. This goes beyond the category of best friends. Best friends are a position that people now give around to any friend that they’ve had but do you know if these people have your back? Because I personally feel that the “best friend” term is now meaningless and used for anyone and everyone. Still, the term “best friends” is something I would use with all of my closest friends, with people who hold my hair back when I’m throwing up, with people who make me soup when I’m sick, with people who constantly fight for me. They are my best friends. But the rank of soulmate seems even higher in my mind, someone who relentlessly is on my side, constantly waiting and making sure that I am all right. Although “best friends" is a wonderful term, I would like to meet that shining soulmate.hat “once in a lifetime person” whose main goal is to be there for me and my main goal is to be there for them. Someone who if I put in effort, they will put double that, I will put triple their effort, and we keep going back-and-forth until we reach infinity. That’s how deep our relationship would be. While soulmates are usually reserved for a significant other,I would like to use the soulmate term for my best friend, my friend who’s always been there for me, my friend who carries me on her back when I’m crying, my friend, who I put equal energy into maintaining and growing our relationship. Because when we are soulmate friends, there’s no stabbing each other’s backs. There’s only stabbing each other‘s hearts, because anything this person does to ruin our friendship breaks my heart. That’s the type of relationship I want. By Kavy Death is the inevitable truth and very often I find myself caught in the thought of what a soul feels or thinks when it's locked away in a casket. The thought of dying scares the shit out of people while I find it quite fascinating, how years of living (or maybe existing) ends in a matter of seconds. I wonder if there's an afterlife or if our soul is trapped in this world with eternal peace and tranquillity filled with regrets and remorse.
Here's my perspective on a soul locked in a casket: I look around and I see nothing but darkness, I stretch my hands to feel that I'm locked in a casket, I knock on the wood to realize that I'm all alone, I try to get up and my soul leaves me, My soul has left my body, I am dead. I can't believe it but I pass through the soil, I witness a bunch of anthills from the depths and I realize that nothing is how it appears to be. I rise through the soil looking at the roots of the trees wondering if I could have had such strong roots, I come up to the surface and I don't feel the raindrops on my face, I look around and see no one but my name on the grave, I wonder if they're sad, I wonder if my friend stayed after everyone left, I wonder if my parents are okay, I wonder if anyone will remember me, The rain fades away, the sunrays passing through the rainbow entangled within the clouds I wish I could have witnessed this, while I could still feel the light. Is this what being dead feels like, Being at peace while being trapped in regrets. The never-ending thought of whether or not I will be remembered, or did I even do something worth being remembered? I wish I could have been alive a little more, I wish I could have made my parents proud, I wish I could kiss her forehead for one last time, I wish I could have lived my life a little more, Well, I died early, I hope you live your life to the fullest in your own way. Life is unpredictable as hell, death could knock at your door at any moment. Find your way of living and make sure your soul rests in peace without being trapped in regrets. By Mel I never thought I'd be writing about this, about how I lost my grandad all of a sudden just a week ago. I can't explain the numbness I have experienced this past week. It feels like I'm stuck in a time warp. My partner told me about the stages of grief. I didn't want to accept the fact that I lost a loved one. Even one week on, I had to get away from reality, so I decided to stay with my friend in London. It's just what I needed to see my best friend and be in my happy place.
Reading through the stages of grief I wanted to talk through each one and how it's going to affect me but also how I'm going to confront it. Denial: Initially, there's a sense of disbelief or denial of the reality of the situation. When I first heard from the nurse of his passing I went straight to him and I lay with him, telling him repeatedly, “It should be me in that bed not you.” I told him, “I would take your place in a heartbeat if that meant you living your life.” My partner was there whilst I was in denial for a few days later, he told me to recognize that denial is a normal part of the grieving process. This was the starting process of confronting denial. After that, I went on letting my emotions out and not holding them back as this would build a big wall and it would come crumbling down if you kept on holding it back. Anger: As reality sets in, one can feel anger and frustration, often directed at oneself, others, or even the situation itself. A few days after his passing there was anger within the family against me after a post I put up about my grandad’s passing stating, “Rest in Peace Grandad.” Long story short, they were not happy with me putting it public. At that moment, I was full of anger, but now, looking back, I understand where they were coming from. That’s when I understood the root of the problem and how I could help manage it. Bargaining: This stage involves trying to negotiate or make deals in an attempt to change the outcome or alleviate the pain. This stage hit me hard, as I was experiencing suicidal thoughts. I went as far as planning my death when I went down to London. I planned to jump off London Bridge or jump in front of a train in the underground. Bargaining often focuses on past events or an imagined alternative outcome. So I do still believe I am at this stage or somewhat experiencing it. Depression: As the full weight of the loss or change is felt, sadness and depression can set in. This stage is about coming to terms with the reality of the situation. Coming to terms with what has happened was hard, very hard to the point where I felt like I was in a bubble for a good week. What I mean is, in my world “bubble” is where I was very gullible. I think the way I went about dealing with this was by taking that trip to London to distract myself. To be with my best friend in the city I love, getting away from reality for a while. At the time I felt selfish by doing it and leaving my family back at home, but it was what I needed and my family supported my decision. Acceptance: Finally, there's a stage of acceptance where there's a more peaceful understanding and acceptance of the new reality. I’m still experiencing this stage as it’s relatively new to me. I believe this won’t happen until his funeral and that’s not just for me, but also for my family to come to terms with his passing too. Confronting acceptance in grief is one of the hardest yet most healing parts of the process. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or being "okay" with the loss—it means acknowledging the reality and learning to live with it. The five stages of grief offer a framework that helps us understand and navigate the complex emotions that accompany loss. From denial to acceptance, each stage represents a vital part of the healing process, allowing individuals to gradually come to terms with their new reality. Coming to terms with imperfection is a difficult task that often seems impossible. Thanks to the internet, social media, and celebrity culture, we live in a world where success, high achievement and perfection surround our daily lives in a way unparalleled in all of human history. Growing up, we are supposed to learn about ourselves and how to grow into a more mature being, but how can we do that when we are surrounded by unattainable standards and are constantly blaming ourselves for not living up to them? Ever since early childhood, I was always ahead of the curve in everything I did. I was top of my class in school, consistently excelled in dance exams and competitions (allowing me to be the youngest founding member of my dance studio’s pre-professional dance company), and quickly became one of the fastest swimmers in my swim team even though I never swam full time. I had college-level reading and writing by fifth grade, according to national standardized tests. My entire life I was constantly reminded of my potential for achievement: what I had done in the past and what I could do in the future so long as I kept working hard. I was a “gifted child” and I had no idea what to do with it. Life is a series of choices, and the opportunities missed will always be greater than the ones taken. The problem is, I always wanted to take every opportunity. I never focused on one thing at a time; I’ve always pursued multiple interests and never fully committed to one thing. That was fine for most of my life. Elementary was easy. Middle school was harder, but I decided to stop swimming and focus on ballet, and I went through those three years without anything lower than an A-. Then high school hit. Everything got harder, my mental health began to shake, and my body began to change. I kept hitting walls with ballet, unable to get more flexible or move in the way I had to. My grades started to fall as the standards for my performance in every aspect of my life grew with no sign of stopping. I kept wondering where I went wrong. I felt like I wasn’t living up to my past self; that I was letting the whole world down. I held such a high standard for myself and, when I couldn’t meet it, all I could see was the gap between me and perfection: that gap was what I perceived as failure. As my mental health deteriorated, I started to see I had completely lost focus on what matters in life and that I was beating myself up over things I could never control. I changed my life in my junior year. I decided to stop ballet at my studio and instead dance through my school and start swimming again. Overall, that gave me more time to focus on academics, less pressure for perfection in my extracurriculars, and a chance to better take care of my mental health. The difference came slowly, but it showed. The summer before my senior year, I went on a 26-day backpacking trip for my school (I went to a private school and we had some unique traditions), and halfway through I sprained my ankle. I almost went home, but I figured out how to tape my ankle in such a way as to support two more weeks of walking on it. I had to adjust: I couldn’t carry as much weight and, once we arrived at our campsites each night, I couldn’t help the way I had before. A year before I would’ve held these setbacks against myself but, instead, I remembered that my best will always look different depending on the day. I quickly found which chores I could do that would allow me to rest my ankle, and by the end of the trip some of my group mates had forgotten I was injured - not because they did not care, but because I learned how to get around it. Finding this mental acceptance is difficult, so hopefully some of the following suggestions can help:
I am a critical perfectionist by nature, so none of what I recommend comes easily to me. It’s alright to struggle, it’s alright to make mistakes, and it’s alright to mess up where in the past you’ve succeeded. We are constantly bombarded with standards that are far beyond our reach, not because we are not capable of greatness but because sometimes, we just want to live. So, do good, and live your life. -Chandler / Ina cHANDLER/INAIt all started on the good old app known as ‘Tinder’. During the pandemic, I decided to download the app and see what it could bring into my life. At first, I did it for a laugh but turns out it was to become more. This person who I matched with became my best friend in the space of a few weeks. She listened to me, she wanted to know how I was doing, and most of all she accepted me. I told her about my seizures and I was expecting her to run away then, unmatch me and be done with it. But I was totally wrong; it didn’t phase her at all. She accepted it and I hadn’t even met her yet. I’ll be honest, she was the total opposite of me but we connected through different things I never thought anyone would like about me. We started to talk every day then one month on, we decided to meet. We did meet during the safe time before the pandemic when people were allowed to travel. The safe way to meet people now during these tough times is to research the rules of the pandemic in your country, don’t risk getting a fine! But also, please make yourself aware of ‘stranger danger’. The reason I met this girl was before I had face-timed her and I got to know her first before arranging anything. Make sure if you are going to meet someone you’ve never met before, it’s in an open space with lots of people around. I was scared, so scared that I was finally meeting this girl in person. I wanted to make a good impression, not mess up and most importantly not have a seizure. So, I was nervous but it took it easy. I got ready, did my makeup and then I was on the train to go and meet this girl who had been putting a smile on my face each morning just by seeing her face. I realised that in the space of a month, she made me come out of my shell and I started to accept myself which I haven’t done for years. This was something different, something new that I’d never experienced before, but I liked it! On the train, I was shaking but my intentions were excited. To finally put a face on this girl who can change your day just by smiling. The time had come, I got off the train and I was walking to the main station where I would meet her. I was standing there shaking still and I couldn’t find her. My first thought was, ‘Oh my, has she stood me up?’ But no, she didn’t. That’s when she came up behind me and hugged me. She was tall but her shoes did add to it! I remember just seeing this girl who went from Tinder to Snapchat to finally seeing her in person. I couldn’t stop smiling and I didn’t want to let go of her because just at that moment I felt like nothing could hurt me. I felt safe, I felt protected. I felt loved. And most of all I felt accepted because we were both expressing our personality through how we looked! That’s when we left the station and we went to good old ‘Weatherspoons’ for our date. We stayed there for a while just getting to know each other more and just enjoying each other’s company. Then it was shopping time! I went all out and just spent my money like there was no tomorrow but I have no regrets. We both enjoyed our time together and that’s what mattered most. But saying goodbye was another matter. I didn’t want this day to end it was so perfect and fun, it felt like my own fairytale. But we did plan to meet again so I was looking forward to that! It’s true when they say, ‘Someone you met two weeks ago can have better intentions than someone you met 2 years ago, don’t let them fool you’. This quote really stuck with me since then and I live by it now. This girl has helped me realise that I am worth more than what people have been treating me like the past few years, like rubbish. It’s time to take the wheel and live my own life instead of fixing others, and I believe it starts here, with her. -Mel mELFriendships can end for many reasons, in many ways. Sometimes, it’s a big argument, resulting in all ties being torn apart in a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes there are constant disagreements causing too much stress on both people. Whether calm or explosive, the end of a friendship hurts, but what is not often talked about is when, rather than going up in an explosion of emotion, the comforting, warm fire seems to have gone out leaving behind a cold void.
So how can you handle it when the elastic of your friendship seems to have stretched too far to ever go back to how it once was? For the duration of primary school I had a very close friend andwe had known each other since we were toddlers. We were the type of best friends who would make up handshakes, secret languages, and trade friendship bracelets. In our second to last year I made the decision to take the exam for grammar school. She was very supportive of this, but didn’t want to take it herself. When I passed the exam, we remained very close and promised we would meet up each week. We were willing to put in the effort to remain best friends, even at different schools. This worked for some time, but I began to notice how different we and our interests had become, sometimes it felt as if we were having two completely different conversations. Missing one meet up became missing two and so on. Before I knew it, we hadn’t seen each other in a year. Earlier this year we ran into each other after three years; it was an odd interaction to say the least. Where we would once barely be able to talk because we were laughing too much, now every word felt forced. Our conversation went as far as asking how school was and what GCSE options we picked, and then silence. Although a sad situation there are ways of dealing with growing apart that can make the process a little easier for everyone involved: Acknowledge the friendship for what it was – Whilst it can be sad to remember what a friendship was compared to what it may have become, you should acknowledge that it was once good. It is okay to feel upset over the loss of that, but you can be happy that you did experience such a great friendship at one point and enjoy those memories. Accept that it is not in your control – Everyone changes as they grow up, and that cannot be prevented; growing apart is out of your control and there is nobody to blame. For this reason, the first step to feeling better about it is to accept that change is constant and not something that can be stopped. Rather than looking back, look forward and have excitement for positive changes that may soon take place in your life. Appreciate what you have – When saddened by the loss of a friendship, think of your other friendships and appreciate how amazing they are, appreciate that since that friendship was once so great the chances are you will have other amazing friendships! Forgive – If you have grown apart from someone it can be easy to slip into a feeling of anger and resentment towards them or even yourself. Carrying such a negative weight with you can take its toll, and it is better for everyone involved if you accept and forgive, that way moving on will feel easier. Losing any friendship is extremely difficult, especially when it is out of your control. Often a friendship ending in an argument is easier to handle as there is someone to blame, and an obvious reason, but when it feels like your friendship is a burnt out candle, no gust of wind to be angry at, and no way of saving the wax from melting, it is difficult to get over. Hopefully, this article helps to ease the process of growing apart.
Emotions are a confusing thing. There are so many emotions you can feel and they all make you feel differently and act differently and sometimes can make your life downright difficult. If they weren’t confusing as it is, they can also be overwhelming and that makes it even worse. Not only have you got one emotion to deal with, but many, and not one at a time, but all at one. How on earth are you supposed to do that?
I get that it’s hard. I do, I’ve been there, I promise you. I’ve had my fair share, and probably more than my share, of confusing overwhelming emotions. I've felt sad and happy at the same time, I've felt confused yet with this sense of clarity and I've wanted to cry and scream and laugh all at once. Feelings are hard to negotiate and if you're overwhelmed, it can feel impossible. So you need a way to deal with it. I've been where you are so I've picked up some little tips for dealing with those crazy old things we call 'feelings.' One thing I have learnt about emotions is that you have to let yourself feel. It's no good if you try to push your emotions down and cover it up. This will just lead to them building up and one day, you will explode. It is only healthy that you let yourself hurt and feel your feelings. It sounds cliche but I've been where you are. Those feelings are important and it's important to acknowledge them. As well as feeling them, it's important to talk about them. Keeping them to yourself is equally as unhealthy as not letting yourself feel. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. People will want to help you so don't be scared to talk to them. A third thing which can really help when you're feeling overwhelmed is to write your thoughts and feelings down. Write everything down - it doesn't matter if things are spelt wrong or if you're writing full sentences or if it makes any sense whatsoever - just write everything down on a piece of paper. Once you've done that, rip it up, or burn it, or screw it up - whatever it is, just get rid of it. Those feelings and thoughts are now out of your brain and out in the world. It sounds so stupid but it works. Yes, they are confusing and yes, they are hard but they aren't impossible. You can deal with them and you will deal with them. People will help you and remember - you've got this. Kenzie My friend I’ve known for many years now has been very open with me, talking about her past and how it affects her to this day. She has also given me permission to share her story with TWE!
Me and my friend met over social media a few years ago, we started talking because of our love for the twins known as Jedward. She saw how much I got to travel to see the twins so she wanted to get to know me but what I didn’t know was her life was very restricted. My friend has a past with mental health and she’s been in and out of hospital since the age of 13. That to me is really hard for a teenager, she was telling me how she didn’t get to go to school to get an education because she was just so ill to even attend school. One other reason she reached out to me was because she saw I started a Youtube channel where I share my story with mental health. She told me that she really found me inspiring and brave to be that open about my past. So, that’s how we formed a friendship by sharing our stories with each other! When she started to go into detail about her story I could really see how much it affected her and how she’s still here fighting each day! But she told me about her restricted life and how she wasn’t allowed to have her own freedom, no mobile phone, no social media. It had to be one-on-one, so that meant she was watched all the time with everything she did. Just hearing that was really heartbreaking for me because I couldn’t imagine not being able to have my own personal time. Being watched with every move I made, it’s really unbelievable at first but I knew she was still feeling that pain. This meant she was monitored when taking her medication and people had to make sure she was safe. She continued to tell me what it was like there in the secured unit, people really paranoid and just crying all the time because they felt like they were in a prison. Hearing her story really made me think that I should appreciate how lucky I was and am to have my freedom and own time. But also to have gained an education too when she didn’t really does make you think her childhood and teenage years were taken away from her. I know it was the best for her and her own health going into that place but to hear her own words about her experience was really life changing. We connected on so many levels with our mental health and we talked about how depression affected us both. Now, she lives in her own flat that is a part of supported living, so there is 24/7 support for her. She has come a very long way in her life and I’m proud to call her one of my friends! This time last year, she was still in hospital but now she does have her own flat with her own personal time. Plus, she wasn’t allowed out by herself unless she was accompanied by staff. But this past Monday she made a huge step in her recovery and was allowed to travel by herself to come and visit me. I truly do admire her strength and passion for sharing her story! But just goes to show how much you should really appreciate your freedom in life! Some advice I learnt from my friend was not to put your life on hold for one person, you should live your life to the fullest! Always put your needs before others because you are the one who needs the strength and energy to care for others. If you would like to check out my youtube channel click here; https://www.youtube.com/c/MelissaGrimes Mel Love. Trust. Respect. Attention. Communication.
These five points have been revisited again and again by psychologists and unofficially claimed as the five bases of a good relationship. Without these it can be almost impossible to build a strong one (either platonic or romantic) which will last. However, many relationships turn sour and bitter, and abusive or broken relationships can lead to extreme mental upheaval, in some cases leading to depression, anxiety and trust issues. Usually, when a relationship turns negative it can feel sudden or surprising, and we may not even notice a change at all until it takes a toll on our own mental state. Regularly we can feel like asking “how did I not notice this sooner?” and even blaming ourselves. The true question is, what makes a good relationship? And how can we tell the difference between a positive and a negative one? Psychologists believe that humans need seven things to stay mentally healthy. These seven things are known as The Seven Human Basic Needs. One of these is connection and love. You’d think that we would all follow these basic guidelines as they’re the equivalent to a fast-track pass to happiness, however, in this day and age many of these needs aren’t met, and can seem almost impossible to reach - especially for teenagers. In the modern world it can be easy to feel lonely, unnoticed and unloved. In fact, all of these feelings are extremely common in people with severe depression and loneliness, highlighting further the importance of connection and love to the human psyche. Upon hearing the word “relationship” our minds probably travel to the idea of a life partner, however, close friendships are just as important as a significant other. Close relationships can be formed within your family, or with school, college, uni or work friends - you may even form them online! Having people who you can rely on to be there for you - even when you don’t even want to be there for yourself - can be the most relieving thing, and even help you to manage and understand yourself better. I’ve been through my own fair share of bad friendships, but one has always stood out to me as a primary example of a problematic one, riddled with ‘red flags’ that I can now recognise as ‘Problem Points’, and have used to recognise bad friendships ever since. These Problem Points started off small at first, little things such as questionable compliments - “well, you look... nice?” - or ‘constructive’ criticism - such as “I mean this in the best way possible, but I don’t think that shirt was a good idea” . These are harmless enough, but a bad friendship will progress past this point, moving into the ‘negative comments’ phase - with “You talk a lot, could you just be quiet?” or “Your shoes look like a pair my dad used to own.” - which on their own are easily ignored, but when repeated can slowly chip away at your self-confidence, and lead you to rely on their praise to make you feel better, leading into the next Problem Point. The next is recommending their own ‘fixes’ to your ‘less desirable’ traits or aspects, such as changing your style through “oh, but this would look so much better on you” or “smile with your mouth closed, it looks better on you”, and after going through the negative comments you’ll end up craving their praise, so slowly your style, traits and even your personality may shift to accommodate them. I didn’t even notice that I was really changing, it was only my mum’s comments on how ‘different’ I looked and ‘odd’ I was acting that made me aware of the changes I was putting myself through. After this phase of ‘praise’, the negative comments come back in force, and this is normally the stage where family and friends start saying things such as “why are you letting them treat you like that?” ect. These negative comments can be things such as “are you TRYING to embarrass me? Is that your aim?” or “be quiet, I’m speaking now” or “what did we say about smiling?” If the friendship reaches this point, then either the ‘friend’ moves on and leaves you, or a family member or friend may intervene. However, very rarely will family or friends intervene if you don’t reach out first. When I went through this I ended up extremely depressed, anxious and socially withdrawn. Whilst being friends with this person a lot of family issues had also kicked off, so when I came out the end of it, everything hit me like a tonne of bricks, and I was in a very dangerous state. However, I’d been lucky enough to have one of my closest friends stand by me through the whole situation, and she helped manage to carry me through. I was also lucky to have a mum and dad I could confide in, so even though I felt alone I wasn’t. The best thing for you after coming out of a friendship like that, or even when trying to get out of a bad friendship, is to lean on your family and friends who are concerned for you. They care. And even though you’ll feel like you can’t trust anyone, they’ll be there for you. If you’re still stuck and want more advice, here’s a few websites I recommend you have a look at: For identifying an abusive friendship - https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-recognize-abusive-friendships#2 For getting out of one - https://www.canadianliving.com/life-and-relationships/relationships/article/6-steps-to-ending-a-toxic-friendship Esme I am currently facetiming one of my closest friends who just so happens to be a guy. I know, shock horror.
Yes, these relationships do exist! And no, I have no feelings of any kind towards this guy sitting eating edible paper in front of me. This is a friend who I can laugh with about inappropriate subjects and act goofy around without any fear of judgement. We understand each other and constantly make fun of each other. This is why our friendship is so strong. I know, however, that these relationships can be ridiculed and judged by others. In the past, I have been ‘shipped’ with my ‘guy friends’. People made fun of how close we were and said we should date. I naively thought that they were being genuine, instead of just ‘funny’, and dated these boys. Shockingly enough, none of these relationships lasted too long. This was simply because we just weren’t meant to be any more than friends. The worse thing was that, after the relationships fell apart, so did our friendships. You need to understand what you are risking before you get into a relationship with someone. However, sometimes it is difficult to tell whether you like someone as more than friends or not. You don’t want to ruin your friendship, but they seem to make you happier than anyone else and you can’t wait to see them. There are a few ‘tells’ which help me when deciding whether or not I like someone as more than a friend. Firstly, do you find them attractive? I know this sounds shallow, but it actually isn’t. A relationship is largely based on physical attraction. Of course, you have to like their personality, but if that’s all you like, then they may be more suited as a friend. Second, are they easy to talk to? This doesn’t mean you can talk for hours and hours on end, because that’s practically impossible. However, if you feel awkward or uncomfortable around them, this might be a sign that they aren’t right for you. Also, please remember that people can behave very differently over text, so make sure you have talked to someone face-to-face to truly know if your personalities are compatible. Thirdly, do they show any signs of wanting more. It would be pretty disappointing if you work yourself up about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone when they aren’t thinking the same thing. If you catch them staring at you or making an effort to spend more time with you (preferably alone), then it is possible they do, which means you may be more suited for a relationship. If none of these apply to your ‘guy friend’, then you probably aren’t ‘meant to be’. Remember, this isn’t a bad thing! In fact, being friends with people of the opposite gender can be very rewarding. They can give you insight into life on the ‘other side’ and you can talk about things that might not be appropriate in a relationship. They may even help you find ‘the one’! Chloë A dynamic truth! A fair judgment to be done! And just another level of stupidity! In fact, it's an indirect one… The time we spend on things we love is way too little than the time we spend on social media. Oooh no! Let me check what Peter has posted this week on Instagram. Or perhaps, it will be so cool and so nice to check on what Mary posted on Tik Tok… But, time still counts, “Tick tock tick tock" And death comes like Boom! We then become addicted to our so-called social life partners. Old days seem more astonishing than the current days… Just to be more precise, the difficulties in doing things made people intelligent and hardworking. But, right now right here, you light up a house with one click on the switch then on it goes! The lights! Such a thing, demanded several trials on a log rubbed smoothly but roughly just to create fire. Sounds interesting right? But, what do we learn from the many trial and errors that gave us a lesson every single time? It actually gave our elders the ability not to give up. It actually made them understand that the world was full of trial and errors which later led to better infrastructures like The Egyptian Pyramids. But come on… wait first! What was Elon Musk's latest post on his newly bought-possession Twitter? Ooh no! Why am I still obsessed with what I am just criticizing? I don't know for real… To be honest, I have had this experience where we are just bonded or perhaps married to a wife or husband named “Social Media” with a full-amazing-gold ring. This might sound harsh but it's actually a truth we have to tolerate. The life principle, which I actually don't know about, tells us that the only people we will be bonded to a lot are our life partners. Ha ha, just kidding! The depth of its effect is far higher than the depth of its advantages which leaves us with an understanding that probably we might be expecting divorces from our life partners. That is what will happen when social media platforms get banished due to the effects it will have caused. We might find ourselves in a drastic confusion of what to do after getting the divorce from these social media platforms. A question just popped up in my mind, actually it's a question I have seen before, which says "What would you do when the internet gets off to replace the time you spend on it?" Huh? Is this a stupid joke or just a mere example of how the crazy people prank the intelligent people? You know, it's actually a thought from someone who might be crazy or just insane enough to speak such bullshit. But, the reality remains that these kinds of people are the most intelligent ones because they realize the depth of the disadvantage. They realize that these platforms which tend to connect people are the same platforms which destroy the role of humanity on earth. Just a simple question, how many people feel absolutely comfortable speaking with people physically than online? Probably very few… But why? It's mainly due to the drastic push we get from our so-called "Life Partners" or let's just say "Destructive Life Partners" named Social Media. Boom! So this is what I have learnt from the Social Media platforms: Well, like lightning it strikes and brings terrifying effects on earth through the breaking rumors it gives out. Like sun rays it gives us the pretendence-like heat unless the ozone layer is tempered through fake-true news it offers. We still survive knowing that we have more to face but unlikely knowing its effects. We live, we survive and we still spend time with our so-called-partners named Social Media. Did I just say something about time? Ooooh no! Wooohooo! Here comes the worst part! Just relax ok? I took time and spared some to check my screen time. I was puzzled and actually surprised with what I saw. Like seriously!!! Did I just spend 6 hours only on Instagram? Ooh come one! Was I stupid to spend 7 hours on ticktock? Mmmh! This sounds fun but how come more than half of my day is just spent on social media? It's magic right? Huh? Still sounds sarcastic… Anyway, let me check what Elon has posted on Twitter this time. Ladies and gents, or let's say online-addicted ladies and gents, I have learnt that the physical contact we spend with our physical friends is far too little than the enormous-high-quality-comfortable time we spend on social media. And actually, my imagination leads me to thinking that we might make a movement on Heaven just to be spared some minutes to check out on our friends in hell and at least check their progress. Just kidding though, the reality is, we really need to look at the future we are destined to go through and at least think if our so-called-life-partners will be advantageous to that destiny. Are we really ready to sacrifice our futures just to waste time on our so-called Life partners or will we be ready to sacrifice the social media and spend more time to nourish our physical world. I am having a feeling that probably Prince EA has posted something today on Instagram. But, do I really have to check it out? You know, this thing is quite tempting and at times it's apparently impossible to just quit it out of the blues and get outdated. Who wants to be outdated? Who? Actually it's fairly no one. It's just not that easy to forget everything and have no information about the world out there. It's quite depressing at times and far away beyond impossible. But, I do have a feeling that there is a way to change and get back to the old days when physical life was much more interesting that the online life. I have this feeling that probably we could have learnt less than what we learn today but actually accurate, true and educative knowledge. We would actively gain knowledge rather than the drastic mixture of lies and truths we get now leading us to an awesome confusion. And who knows, probably we might be able to live a life we all enjoy, live in peace and love and get the natural beauty of our beautiful planet earth. A lot has been happening to the online-addicted ladies and gents. I have been wondering how social media has made us not see the beautiful environment around us. It sounds even awkward that people selfie themselves at funerals these days. But, how long are we going to be torturing our eyes with contents from social media and still get nothing from it? This sounds ridiculous! I cannot stop writing because I feel like the devil we always speak of is actually our so-called life partners named Social Media. They come as a sheep but it's just a skin and when removed there comes a tiger and actually a Mongolian Tiger. It's fierce enough to strike the moment we fully believe it's a sheep. And yes! We have done that already and now we only have to wait for the ambush. Down within the narrow paths towards our destinies, we will be snatched like a chicken. With no one to hear our cries, we will be tortured like a roasted fish. And finally, with none to blame, we will be enslaved and killed mercilessly and Boom! Deal done! Oooh my social media, what have you done to me? - Andreaa Helpline: Be cautious with your social media platforms. Make good use of them and don’t let them exploit you more than how you exploit them. Be cautious! https://www.makeuseof.com/how-to-quit-social-media/ AndreaaDefinition of ‘LOVE’; an intense feeling of deep affection. Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure. But what if Love can turn out to be a curse? What happens when it takes over your mind and you have no clear way of thinking? Is it just the process of a breakup or is it just your mind playing tricks on you? To explore this question, I’m going to share a recent experience that happened to me where I was stuck in between two loves, by that I mean being in a current relationship but wanting to be in another. Now, that may sound awful but hear me out. I was in a ten-month relationship with my now (Ex) and I was struggling with intimacy, my sexuality and above all just being comfortable around him during the ‘fun times’ A few months ago, it occurred to me that it wasn’t him who was the problem, it was me. I didn’t know what I wanted as I was so confused and was staying in a relationship to please other people, not myself. Now, that’s when I put a stop to this relationship because I knew it was wrong of me to continue dating him if I didn’t have any feelings for him anymore, what kind of person would I be? Now, onto the other relationship I wanted. I met this other person a few years before my ex. We used to work together, we got on like there were no worries in the world. We shared likes, we shared dislikes it was just an amazing feeling to be around them. They say, if a person gives you butterflies, that’s the one for you. And well, I didn’t believe back then, but now I truly believe in that statement. As they did give me butterflies and they still do every time their name pops up in a conversation I just feel like I’m on cloud nine. Sounds like a ‘teenage romance’ right? But, that’s the way I can only describe it as I felt this was the right decision to make. I was finally putting myself first for once because usually, it’s the opposite way around. Now, in the aftermath of breaking up with my ex, I knew what was coming. My family would be questioning why I ended the relationship. And of course the actual partner at the time. But you know what I did? I just said it as it was; “I’m sorry but I don’t have any feelings for you anymore and I feel this is the right thing to do as I don’t want to use you”. Because I wanted him to be happy, and get into a relationship where he was loved truly as he does deserve that. But it just wasn’t me who could do that for him. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, what would you have done if you were in a similar situation as me? - Mel MEL
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |