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Coming to terms with imperfection is a difficult task that often seems impossible. Thanks to the internet, social media, and celebrity culture, we live in a world where success, high achievement and perfection surround our daily lives in a way unparalleled in all of human history. Growing up, we are supposed to learn about ourselves and how to grow into a more mature being, but how can we do that when we are surrounded by unattainable standards and are constantly blaming ourselves for not living up to them? Ever since early childhood, I was always ahead of the curve in everything I did. I was top of my class in school, consistently excelled in dance exams and competitions (allowing me to be the youngest founding member of my dance studio’s pre-professional dance company), and quickly became one of the fastest swimmers in my swim team even though I never swam full time. I had college-level reading and writing by fifth grade, according to national standardized tests. My entire life I was constantly reminded of my potential for achievement: what I had done in the past and what I could do in the future so long as I kept working hard. I was a “gifted child” and I had no idea what to do with it. Life is a series of choices, and the opportunities missed will always be greater than the ones taken. The problem is, I always wanted to take every opportunity. I never focused on one thing at a time; I’ve always pursued multiple interests and never fully committed to one thing. That was fine for most of my life. Elementary was easy. Middle school was harder, but I decided to stop swimming and focus on ballet, and I went through those three years without anything lower than an A-. Then high school hit. Everything got harder, my mental health began to shake, and my body began to change. I kept hitting walls with ballet, unable to get more flexible or move in the way I had to. My grades started to fall as the standards for my performance in every aspect of my life grew with no sign of stopping. I kept wondering where I went wrong. I felt like I wasn’t living up to my past self; that I was letting the whole world down. I held such a high standard for myself and, when I couldn’t meet it, all I could see was the gap between me and perfection: that gap was what I perceived as failure. As my mental health deteriorated, I started to see I had completely lost focus on what matters in life and that I was beating myself up over things I could never control. I changed my life in my junior year. I decided to stop ballet at my studio and instead dance through my school and start swimming again. Overall, that gave me more time to focus on academics, less pressure for perfection in my extracurriculars, and a chance to better take care of my mental health. The difference came slowly, but it showed. The summer before my senior year, I went on a 26-day backpacking trip for my school (I went to a private school and we had some unique traditions), and halfway through I sprained my ankle. I almost went home, but I figured out how to tape my ankle in such a way as to support two more weeks of walking on it. I had to adjust: I couldn’t carry as much weight and, once we arrived at our campsites each night, I couldn’t help the way I had before. A year before I would’ve held these setbacks against myself but, instead, I remembered that my best will always look different depending on the day. I quickly found which chores I could do that would allow me to rest my ankle, and by the end of the trip some of my group mates had forgotten I was injured - not because they did not care, but because I learned how to get around it. Finding this mental acceptance is difficult, so hopefully some of the following suggestions can help:
I am a critical perfectionist by nature, so none of what I recommend comes easily to me. It’s alright to struggle, it’s alright to make mistakes, and it’s alright to mess up where in the past you’ve succeeded. We are constantly bombarded with standards that are far beyond our reach, not because we are not capable of greatness but because sometimes, we just want to live. So, do good, and live your life. -Chandler / Ina cHANDLER/INA
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It all started on the good old app known as ‘Tinder’. During the pandemic, I decided to download the app and see what it could bring into my life. At first, I did it for a laugh but turns out it was to become more. This person who I matched with became my best friend in the space of a few weeks. She listened to me, she wanted to know how I was doing, and most of all she accepted me. I told her about my seizures and I was expecting her to run away then, unmatch me and be done with it. But I was totally wrong; it didn’t phase her at all. She accepted it and I hadn’t even met her yet. I’ll be honest, she was the total opposite of me but we connected through different things I never thought anyone would like about me. We started to talk every day then one month on, we decided to meet. We did meet during the safe time before the pandemic when people were allowed to travel. The safe way to meet people now during these tough times is to research the rules of the pandemic in your country, don’t risk getting a fine! But also, please make yourself aware of ‘stranger danger’. The reason I met this girl was before I had face-timed her and I got to know her first before arranging anything. Make sure if you are going to meet someone you’ve never met before, it’s in an open space with lots of people around. I was scared, so scared that I was finally meeting this girl in person. I wanted to make a good impression, not mess up and most importantly not have a seizure. So, I was nervous but it took it easy. I got ready, did my makeup and then I was on the train to go and meet this girl who had been putting a smile on my face each morning just by seeing her face. I realised that in the space of a month, she made me come out of my shell and I started to accept myself which I haven’t done for years. This was something different, something new that I’d never experienced before, but I liked it! On the train, I was shaking but my intentions were excited. To finally put a face on this girl who can change your day just by smiling. The time had come, I got off the train and I was walking to the main station where I would meet her. I was standing there shaking still and I couldn’t find her. My first thought was, ‘Oh my, has she stood me up?’ But no, she didn’t. That’s when she came up behind me and hugged me. She was tall but her shoes did add to it! I remember just seeing this girl who went from Tinder to Snapchat to finally seeing her in person. I couldn’t stop smiling and I didn’t want to let go of her because just at that moment I felt like nothing could hurt me. I felt safe, I felt protected. I felt loved. And most of all I felt accepted because we were both expressing our personality through how we looked! That’s when we left the station and we went to good old ‘Weatherspoons’ for our date. We stayed there for a while just getting to know each other more and just enjoying each other’s company. Then it was shopping time! I went all out and just spent my money like there was no tomorrow but I have no regrets. We both enjoyed our time together and that’s what mattered most. But saying goodbye was another matter. I didn’t want this day to end it was so perfect and fun, it felt like my own fairytale. But we did plan to meet again so I was looking forward to that! It’s true when they say, ‘Someone you met two weeks ago can have better intentions than someone you met 2 years ago, don’t let them fool you’. This quote really stuck with me since then and I live by it now. This girl has helped me realise that I am worth more than what people have been treating me like the past few years, like rubbish. It’s time to take the wheel and live my own life instead of fixing others, and I believe it starts here, with her. -Mel mELFriendships can end for many reasons, in many ways. Sometimes, it’s a big argument, resulting in all ties being torn apart in a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes there are constant disagreements causing too much stress on both people. Whether calm or explosive, the end of a friendship hurts, but what is not often talked about is when, rather than going up in an explosion of emotion, the comforting, warm fire seems to have gone out leaving behind a cold void.
So how can you handle it when the elastic of your friendship seems to have stretched too far to ever go back to how it once was? For the duration of primary school I had a very close friend andwe had known each other since we were toddlers. We were the type of best friends who would make up handshakes, secret languages, and trade friendship bracelets. In our second to last year I made the decision to take the exam for grammar school. She was very supportive of this, but didn’t want to take it herself. When I passed the exam, we remained very close and promised we would meet up each week. We were willing to put in the effort to remain best friends, even at different schools. This worked for some time, but I began to notice how different we and our interests had become, sometimes it felt as if we were having two completely different conversations. Missing one meet up became missing two and so on. Before I knew it, we hadn’t seen each other in a year. Earlier this year we ran into each other after three years; it was an odd interaction to say the least. Where we would once barely be able to talk because we were laughing too much, now every word felt forced. Our conversation went as far as asking how school was and what GCSE options we picked, and then silence. Although a sad situation there are ways of dealing with growing apart that can make the process a little easier for everyone involved: Acknowledge the friendship for what it was – Whilst it can be sad to remember what a friendship was compared to what it may have become, you should acknowledge that it was once good. It is okay to feel upset over the loss of that, but you can be happy that you did experience such a great friendship at one point and enjoy those memories. Accept that it is not in your control – Everyone changes as they grow up, and that cannot be prevented; growing apart is out of your control and there is nobody to blame. For this reason, the first step to feeling better about it is to accept that change is constant and not something that can be stopped. Rather than looking back, look forward and have excitement for positive changes that may soon take place in your life. Appreciate what you have – When saddened by the loss of a friendship, think of your other friendships and appreciate how amazing they are, appreciate that since that friendship was once so great the chances are you will have other amazing friendships! Forgive – If you have grown apart from someone it can be easy to slip into a feeling of anger and resentment towards them or even yourself. Carrying such a negative weight with you can take its toll, and it is better for everyone involved if you accept and forgive, that way moving on will feel easier. Losing any friendship is extremely difficult, especially when it is out of your control. Often a friendship ending in an argument is easier to handle as there is someone to blame, and an obvious reason, but when it feels like your friendship is a burnt out candle, no gust of wind to be angry at, and no way of saving the wax from melting, it is difficult to get over. Hopefully, this article helps to ease the process of growing apart.
Emotions are a confusing thing. There are so many emotions you can feel and they all make you feel differently and act differently and sometimes can make your life downright difficult. If they weren’t confusing as it is, they can also be overwhelming and that makes it even worse. Not only have you got one emotion to deal with, but many, and not one at a time, but all at one. How on earth are you supposed to do that?
I get that it’s hard. I do, I’ve been there, I promise you. I’ve had my fair share, and probably more than my share, of confusing overwhelming emotions. I've felt sad and happy at the same time, I've felt confused yet with this sense of clarity and I've wanted to cry and scream and laugh all at once. Feelings are hard to negotiate and if you're overwhelmed, it can feel impossible. So you need a way to deal with it. I've been where you are so I've picked up some little tips for dealing with those crazy old things we call 'feelings.' One thing I have learnt about emotions is that you have to let yourself feel. It's no good if you try to push your emotions down and cover it up. This will just lead to them building up and one day, you will explode. It is only healthy that you let yourself hurt and feel your feelings. It sounds cliche but I've been where you are. Those feelings are important and it's important to acknowledge them. As well as feeling them, it's important to talk about them. Keeping them to yourself is equally as unhealthy as not letting yourself feel. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. People will want to help you so don't be scared to talk to them. A third thing which can really help when you're feeling overwhelmed is to write your thoughts and feelings down. Write everything down - it doesn't matter if things are spelt wrong or if you're writing full sentences or if it makes any sense whatsoever - just write everything down on a piece of paper. Once you've done that, rip it up, or burn it, or screw it up - whatever it is, just get rid of it. Those feelings and thoughts are now out of your brain and out in the world. It sounds so stupid but it works. Yes, they are confusing and yes, they are hard but they aren't impossible. You can deal with them and you will deal with them. People will help you and remember - you've got this. Kenzie My friend I’ve known for many years now has been very open with me, talking about her past and how it affects her to this day. She has also given me permission to share her story with TWE!
Me and my friend met over social media a few years ago, we started talking because of our love for the twins known as Jedward. She saw how much I got to travel to see the twins so she wanted to get to know me but what I didn’t know was her life was very restricted. My friend has a past with mental health and she’s been in and out of hospital since the age of 13. That to me is really hard for a teenager, she was telling me how she didn’t get to go to school to get an education because she was just so ill to even attend school. One other reason she reached out to me was because she saw I started a Youtube channel where I share my story with mental health. She told me that she really found me inspiring and brave to be that open about my past. So, that’s how we formed a friendship by sharing our stories with each other! When she started to go into detail about her story I could really see how much it affected her and how she’s still here fighting each day! But she told me about her restricted life and how she wasn’t allowed to have her own freedom, no mobile phone, no social media. It had to be one-on-one, so that meant she was watched all the time with everything she did. Just hearing that was really heartbreaking for me because I couldn’t imagine not being able to have my own personal time. Being watched with every move I made, it’s really unbelievable at first but I knew she was still feeling that pain. This meant she was monitored when taking her medication and people had to make sure she was safe. She continued to tell me what it was like there in the secured unit, people really paranoid and just crying all the time because they felt like they were in a prison. Hearing her story really made me think that I should appreciate how lucky I was and am to have my freedom and own time. But also to have gained an education too when she didn’t really does make you think her childhood and teenage years were taken away from her. I know it was the best for her and her own health going into that place but to hear her own words about her experience was really life changing. We connected on so many levels with our mental health and we talked about how depression affected us both. Now, she lives in her own flat that is a part of supported living, so there is 24/7 support for her. She has come a very long way in her life and I’m proud to call her one of my friends! This time last year, she was still in hospital but now she does have her own flat with her own personal time. Plus, she wasn’t allowed out by herself unless she was accompanied by staff. But this past Monday she made a huge step in her recovery and was allowed to travel by herself to come and visit me. I truly do admire her strength and passion for sharing her story! But just goes to show how much you should really appreciate your freedom in life! Some advice I learnt from my friend was not to put your life on hold for one person, you should live your life to the fullest! Always put your needs before others because you are the one who needs the strength and energy to care for others. If you would like to check out my youtube channel click here; https://www.youtube.com/c/MelissaGrimes Mel Love. Trust. Respect. Attention. Communication.
These five points have been revisited again and again by psychologists and unofficially claimed as the five bases of a good relationship. Without these it can be almost impossible to build a strong one (either platonic or romantic) which will last. However, many relationships turn sour and bitter, and abusive or broken relationships can lead to extreme mental upheaval, in some cases leading to depression, anxiety and trust issues. Usually, when a relationship turns negative it can feel sudden or surprising, and we may not even notice a change at all until it takes a toll on our own mental state. Regularly we can feel like asking “how did I not notice this sooner?” and even blaming ourselves. The true question is, what makes a good relationship? And how can we tell the difference between a positive and a negative one? Psychologists believe that humans need seven things to stay mentally healthy. These seven things are known as The Seven Human Basic Needs. One of these is connection and love. You’d think that we would all follow these basic guidelines as they’re the equivalent to a fast-track pass to happiness, however, in this day and age many of these needs aren’t met, and can seem almost impossible to reach - especially for teenagers. In the modern world it can be easy to feel lonely, unnoticed and unloved. In fact, all of these feelings are extremely common in people with severe depression and loneliness, highlighting further the importance of connection and love to the human psyche. Upon hearing the word “relationship” our minds probably travel to the idea of a life partner, however, close friendships are just as important as a significant other. Close relationships can be formed within your family, or with school, college, uni or work friends - you may even form them online! Having people who you can rely on to be there for you - even when you don’t even want to be there for yourself - can be the most relieving thing, and even help you to manage and understand yourself better. I’ve been through my own fair share of bad friendships, but one has always stood out to me as a primary example of a problematic one, riddled with ‘red flags’ that I can now recognise as ‘Problem Points’, and have used to recognise bad friendships ever since. These Problem Points started off small at first, little things such as questionable compliments - “well, you look... nice?” - or ‘constructive’ criticism - such as “I mean this in the best way possible, but I don’t think that shirt was a good idea” . These are harmless enough, but a bad friendship will progress past this point, moving into the ‘negative comments’ phase - with “You talk a lot, could you just be quiet?” or “Your shoes look like a pair my dad used to own.” - which on their own are easily ignored, but when repeated can slowly chip away at your self-confidence, and lead you to rely on their praise to make you feel better, leading into the next Problem Point. The next is recommending their own ‘fixes’ to your ‘less desirable’ traits or aspects, such as changing your style through “oh, but this would look so much better on you” or “smile with your mouth closed, it looks better on you”, and after going through the negative comments you’ll end up craving their praise, so slowly your style, traits and even your personality may shift to accommodate them. I didn’t even notice that I was really changing, it was only my mum’s comments on how ‘different’ I looked and ‘odd’ I was acting that made me aware of the changes I was putting myself through. After this phase of ‘praise’, the negative comments come back in force, and this is normally the stage where family and friends start saying things such as “why are you letting them treat you like that?” ect. These negative comments can be things such as “are you TRYING to embarrass me? Is that your aim?” or “be quiet, I’m speaking now” or “what did we say about smiling?” If the friendship reaches this point, then either the ‘friend’ moves on and leaves you, or a family member or friend may intervene. However, very rarely will family or friends intervene if you don’t reach out first. When I went through this I ended up extremely depressed, anxious and socially withdrawn. Whilst being friends with this person a lot of family issues had also kicked off, so when I came out the end of it, everything hit me like a tonne of bricks, and I was in a very dangerous state. However, I’d been lucky enough to have one of my closest friends stand by me through the whole situation, and she helped manage to carry me through. I was also lucky to have a mum and dad I could confide in, so even though I felt alone I wasn’t. The best thing for you after coming out of a friendship like that, or even when trying to get out of a bad friendship, is to lean on your family and friends who are concerned for you. They care. And even though you’ll feel like you can’t trust anyone, they’ll be there for you. If you’re still stuck and want more advice, here’s a few websites I recommend you have a look at: For identifying an abusive friendship - https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-recognize-abusive-friendships#2 For getting out of one - https://www.canadianliving.com/life-and-relationships/relationships/article/6-steps-to-ending-a-toxic-friendship Esme I am currently facetiming one of my closest friends who just so happens to be a guy. I know, shock horror.
Yes, these relationships do exist! And no, I have no feelings of any kind towards this guy sitting eating edible paper in front of me. This is a friend who I can laugh with about inappropriate subjects and act goofy around without any fear of judgement. We understand each other and constantly make fun of each other. This is why our friendship is so strong. I know, however, that these relationships can be ridiculed and judged by others. In the past, I have been ‘shipped’ with my ‘guy friends’. People made fun of how close we were and said we should date. I naively thought that they were being genuine, instead of just ‘funny’, and dated these boys. Shockingly enough, none of these relationships lasted too long. This was simply because we just weren’t meant to be any more than friends. The worse thing was that, after the relationships fell apart, so did our friendships. You need to understand what you are risking before you get into a relationship with someone. However, sometimes it is difficult to tell whether you like someone as more than friends or not. You don’t want to ruin your friendship, but they seem to make you happier than anyone else and you can’t wait to see them. There are a few ‘tells’ which help me when deciding whether or not I like someone as more than a friend. Firstly, do you find them attractive? I know this sounds shallow, but it actually isn’t. A relationship is largely based on physical attraction. Of course, you have to like their personality, but if that’s all you like, then they may be more suited as a friend. Second, are they easy to talk to? This doesn’t mean you can talk for hours and hours on end, because that’s practically impossible. However, if you feel awkward or uncomfortable around them, this might be a sign that they aren’t right for you. Also, please remember that people can behave very differently over text, so make sure you have talked to someone face-to-face to truly know if your personalities are compatible. Thirdly, do they show any signs of wanting more. It would be pretty disappointing if you work yourself up about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone when they aren’t thinking the same thing. If you catch them staring at you or making an effort to spend more time with you (preferably alone), then it is possible they do, which means you may be more suited for a relationship. If none of these apply to your ‘guy friend’, then you probably aren’t ‘meant to be’. Remember, this isn’t a bad thing! In fact, being friends with people of the opposite gender can be very rewarding. They can give you insight into life on the ‘other side’ and you can talk about things that might not be appropriate in a relationship. They may even help you find ‘the one’! Chloë A dynamic truth! A fair judgment to be done! And just another level of stupidity! In fact, it's an indirect one… The time we spend on things we love is way too little than the time we spend on social media. Oooh no! Let me check what Peter has posted this week on Instagram. Or perhaps, it will be so cool and so nice to check on what Mary posted on Tik Tok… But, time still counts, “Tick tock tick tock" And death comes like Boom! We then become addicted to our so-called social life partners. Old days seem more astonishing than the current days… Just to be more precise, the difficulties in doing things made people intelligent and hardworking. But, right now right here, you light up a house with one click on the switch then on it goes! The lights! Such a thing, demanded several trials on a log rubbed smoothly but roughly just to create fire. Sounds interesting right? But, what do we learn from the many trial and errors that gave us a lesson every single time? It actually gave our elders the ability not to give up. It actually made them understand that the world was full of trial and errors which later led to better infrastructures like The Egyptian Pyramids. But come on… wait first! What was Elon Musk's latest post on his newly bought-possession Twitter? Ooh no! Why am I still obsessed with what I am just criticizing? I don't know for real… To be honest, I have had this experience where we are just bonded or perhaps married to a wife or husband named “Social Media” with a full-amazing-gold ring. This might sound harsh but it's actually a truth we have to tolerate. The life principle, which I actually don't know about, tells us that the only people we will be bonded to a lot are our life partners. Ha ha, just kidding! The depth of its effect is far higher than the depth of its advantages which leaves us with an understanding that probably we might be expecting divorces from our life partners. That is what will happen when social media platforms get banished due to the effects it will have caused. We might find ourselves in a drastic confusion of what to do after getting the divorce from these social media platforms. A question just popped up in my mind, actually it's a question I have seen before, which says "What would you do when the internet gets off to replace the time you spend on it?" Huh? Is this a stupid joke or just a mere example of how the crazy people prank the intelligent people? You know, it's actually a thought from someone who might be crazy or just insane enough to speak such bullshit. But, the reality remains that these kinds of people are the most intelligent ones because they realize the depth of the disadvantage. They realize that these platforms which tend to connect people are the same platforms which destroy the role of humanity on earth. Just a simple question, how many people feel absolutely comfortable speaking with people physically than online? Probably very few… But why? It's mainly due to the drastic push we get from our so-called "Life Partners" or let's just say "Destructive Life Partners" named Social Media. Boom! So this is what I have learnt from the Social Media platforms: Well, like lightning it strikes and brings terrifying effects on earth through the breaking rumors it gives out. Like sun rays it gives us the pretendence-like heat unless the ozone layer is tempered through fake-true news it offers. We still survive knowing that we have more to face but unlikely knowing its effects. We live, we survive and we still spend time with our so-called-partners named Social Media. Did I just say something about time? Ooooh no! Wooohooo! Here comes the worst part! Just relax ok? I took time and spared some to check my screen time. I was puzzled and actually surprised with what I saw. Like seriously!!! Did I just spend 6 hours only on Instagram? Ooh come one! Was I stupid to spend 7 hours on ticktock? Mmmh! This sounds fun but how come more than half of my day is just spent on social media? It's magic right? Huh? Still sounds sarcastic… Anyway, let me check what Elon has posted on Twitter this time. Ladies and gents, or let's say online-addicted ladies and gents, I have learnt that the physical contact we spend with our physical friends is far too little than the enormous-high-quality-comfortable time we spend on social media. And actually, my imagination leads me to thinking that we might make a movement on Heaven just to be spared some minutes to check out on our friends in hell and at least check their progress. Just kidding though, the reality is, we really need to look at the future we are destined to go through and at least think if our so-called-life-partners will be advantageous to that destiny. Are we really ready to sacrifice our futures just to waste time on our so-called Life partners or will we be ready to sacrifice the social media and spend more time to nourish our physical world. I am having a feeling that probably Prince EA has posted something today on Instagram. But, do I really have to check it out? You know, this thing is quite tempting and at times it's apparently impossible to just quit it out of the blues and get outdated. Who wants to be outdated? Who? Actually it's fairly no one. It's just not that easy to forget everything and have no information about the world out there. It's quite depressing at times and far away beyond impossible. But, I do have a feeling that there is a way to change and get back to the old days when physical life was much more interesting that the online life. I have this feeling that probably we could have learnt less than what we learn today but actually accurate, true and educative knowledge. We would actively gain knowledge rather than the drastic mixture of lies and truths we get now leading us to an awesome confusion. And who knows, probably we might be able to live a life we all enjoy, live in peace and love and get the natural beauty of our beautiful planet earth. A lot has been happening to the online-addicted ladies and gents. I have been wondering how social media has made us not see the beautiful environment around us. It sounds even awkward that people selfie themselves at funerals these days. But, how long are we going to be torturing our eyes with contents from social media and still get nothing from it? This sounds ridiculous! I cannot stop writing because I feel like the devil we always speak of is actually our so-called life partners named Social Media. They come as a sheep but it's just a skin and when removed there comes a tiger and actually a Mongolian Tiger. It's fierce enough to strike the moment we fully believe it's a sheep. And yes! We have done that already and now we only have to wait for the ambush. Down within the narrow paths towards our destinies, we will be snatched like a chicken. With no one to hear our cries, we will be tortured like a roasted fish. And finally, with none to blame, we will be enslaved and killed mercilessly and Boom! Deal done! Oooh my social media, what have you done to me? - Andreaa Helpline: Be cautious with your social media platforms. Make good use of them and don’t let them exploit you more than how you exploit them. Be cautious! https://www.makeuseof.com/how-to-quit-social-media/ AndreaaDefinition of ‘LOVE’; an intense feeling of deep affection. Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure. But what if Love can turn out to be a curse? What happens when it takes over your mind and you have no clear way of thinking? Is it just the process of a breakup or is it just your mind playing tricks on you? To explore this question, I’m going to share a recent experience that happened to me where I was stuck in between two loves, by that I mean being in a current relationship but wanting to be in another. Now, that may sound awful but hear me out. I was in a ten-month relationship with my now (Ex) and I was struggling with intimacy, my sexuality and above all just being comfortable around him during the ‘fun times’ A few months ago, it occurred to me that it wasn’t him who was the problem, it was me. I didn’t know what I wanted as I was so confused and was staying in a relationship to please other people, not myself. Now, that’s when I put a stop to this relationship because I knew it was wrong of me to continue dating him if I didn’t have any feelings for him anymore, what kind of person would I be? Now, onto the other relationship I wanted. I met this other person a few years before my ex. We used to work together, we got on like there were no worries in the world. We shared likes, we shared dislikes it was just an amazing feeling to be around them. They say, if a person gives you butterflies, that’s the one for you. And well, I didn’t believe back then, but now I truly believe in that statement. As they did give me butterflies and they still do every time their name pops up in a conversation I just feel like I’m on cloud nine. Sounds like a ‘teenage romance’ right? But, that’s the way I can only describe it as I felt this was the right decision to make. I was finally putting myself first for once because usually, it’s the opposite way around. Now, in the aftermath of breaking up with my ex, I knew what was coming. My family would be questioning why I ended the relationship. And of course the actual partner at the time. But you know what I did? I just said it as it was; “I’m sorry but I don’t have any feelings for you anymore and I feel this is the right thing to do as I don’t want to use you”. Because I wanted him to be happy, and get into a relationship where he was loved truly as he does deserve that. But it just wasn’t me who could do that for him. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, what would you have done if you were in a similar situation as me? - Mel MEL
Everyone has that moment in their life when they are given some advice by someone who cares about them and then they completely ignore that advice, only to regret it months later when it turns out to be exactly what they needed. Lord knows I've been there. So I've decided to compile some of the most amazing advice I've ever been given (and may or may not have ignored) in the hopes that it might help some of you. No.1 - You can stop anytime. What I mean by this is that you are never bound to a situation for the rest of your life. You are free to change your mind, make new decisions or stop doing something that makes you unhappy. Giving yourself permission to stop and take a step back is important to see the bigger picture and make the right decision for you. Stopping is not failing. Quitting is not a weakness. You are the one in control here and you are free to stop whenever you feel the time is right. You haven’t failed because you have stopped, you have just stopped and stopping means that you may start up again when the time is right. But it can also mean that this chapter of your life is over and you have stopped for good - but that’s okay too. No.2 - The only way to guarantee failure is by not trying at all. Everyone's a little bit scared of failure. I know I am. One of the reasons I hated maths lessons in school was because I wasn't necessarily the best at it and so I was scared of getting the answer wrong, or failing. But one thing that I have learnt is that getting something wrong does not equal failure, but giving up and not even giving it a try does. If you don't try, then you are guaranteed to fail. If you at least give it a go, there is a chance that you will get it right and even if you don't, you tried and that is the most important thing. Don't let fear stop you from succeeding because there is always a chance as long as you try. No.3 - Don't stress about what you cannot change. I can tell you 100% that I am the worst person in the world when it comes to stressing myself out and panicking about things. Not only that, but I have a persistent habit of stressing about things which absolutely are not worth stressing about. This doesn't help anyone. You can't control everything so if you are going to stress about anything, you should only stress about things you can control and things you can change, rather than things you cannot. Don't stress about if it's going to rain on your friend's wedding day - if it rains, it's going to rain and you can't change the weather. Don't stress about if there is going to be traffic on the way to school - if you're worried, just set off a little earlier. The point is that stress is pointless if you can't control the thing which you're stressed about. It won't change anything and will only harm you in the end. The saying ‘keep calm and carry on’ truly does apply in this situation. Control what you can and carry on with what you can’t. No.4 - If people don't like you for you, don't change to make them like you. Every human has an insatiable need to fit in and be liked. I'm a total people pleaser so I avoid confrontation at all costs and lie about stupid things just so that I fit in. For example, I used to tell people that I watched shows like Coronation Street or Eastenders because everybody else did and I thought it would be weird if I didn't watch those shows too. Truth is, I hate Coronation Street and Eastenders with a passion and have never watched an episode in my life and would be more than happy to never watch an episode. I used to think that lying about these things would make people like me but these lies meant that they wouldn't have liked me, but instead liked the version of me that I had created and that's not fair. You should be able to surround yourself with people who like you for being the real you and allow you to be your most authentic self. If people don't like you because of who you are, then they aren't worth it. Don't change to fit other people's perfect view. You are a pretty perfect version of what you are already. No.5 - Celebrate even the smallest achievements. One thing that I have always struggled with is thinking that something I have achieved is insignificant and unimportant or not meaningful enough to deserve celebrations or congratulations. But the truth is that even the smallest achievements are worth celebrating if it is something you have done well or something that was difficult for you to do. For example, on my hardest days when I’m feeling really down and unmotivated, it can be almost impossible to do everyday things like get out of bed, brush my hair, clean my teeth etc. These seem like easy things to everyone else, but to me, on that day, they’re near impossible. Even doing little things like that deserves to be celebrated because it was difficult for me to do, and though they’re small to everyone else, they’re big things to me. Something doesn’t have to be huge or life-changing to be recognised and acknowledged as an achievement. Anything can deserve a commemoration if it is important to you. No.6 - Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. I absolutely love this quote with every inch of my being, so much so that I have multiple plaques dotted around my house all saying the same thing; life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. What this essentially means is that you can’t spend your life waiting for the right time or the perfect time to do something because you would be waiting forever. There is never a perfect time or a right time. However, there is value in making the most of a bad situation i.e. dancing in the rain. You need to learn to take the best from a bad situation and turn it around instead of waiting for everything to get better before moving on. Life is filled with challenges and always will be. When you are facing these challenges and these difficult decisions I want you to remember that, despite everything, you can still be happy and things can still be pretty good overall. If I wanted you to take one piece of advice from this article, I think this would be my recommended one because it has helped me throughout some of the hardest times in my life. No.7 - People are far more focused on themselves than they are on you. As humans, we have this notion that everyone around us is watching us all the time and are focused on what we are doing and what we are wearing and are scrutinising our every move. One thing to remember is that they are humans too and so they are thinking the exact same things that you are thinking but about you and about themselves. They generally don’t care what you’re wearing, they’re too busy focusing on what they’re wearing to take up brain space criticising and scrutinising your fashion sense and believe me, this goes for pretty much everything. In reality, most people do not really care for you on a deep and meaningful level. They care for themselves and how other people perceive them. Honestly, humans are fairly selfish beings, even if only on a minute scale. When you live a life truly on your own terms and know that no one really cares that much about what you are doing, you will be able to enjoy your life secure in the knowledge that what you are achieving is what is important to you regardless of what you once thought others were thinking. No.8 - You don't need to have a plan. I think that school and society have perpetuated this idea that you have to know what you want to do at 16 and that you have to have a plan for the rest of your life. Actually, I don’t think this is true at all. I don’t see how you can be expected to have a plan for everything and for your future when you are so young. I did and, to be blunt, my plan went completely pear-shaped and I am now doing something which is completely off-piste to that plan I had at 16 years old. A plan can be useful and necessary for some things, like a birthday party or what you’re going to cook for dinner, but you absolutely do not need a plan for everything and you should not be expected to have a plan for everything either. Sometimes, being spontaneous and just following the path that life takes you can be the best thing to do for your mental health and well-being. So let the river run. No.9 - Your best is all that you can do. Here we go with yet another cliche piece of advice. I promise that there is a reason that this advice is cliche though and that’s because it is 110% true and there is no way you can deny it. If you have done your best and there was absolutely nothing more you could have done or said, then that is all you can do and you can’t blame yourself for what happens afterwards. Recently, I had a job interview for a job that I was super excited about. I really really REALLY wanted this job - and I didn’t get it. However, when I had that interview, I gave it my all. I put my best foot forward, made it insanely obvious how passionate I was about the role, gave them an extensive list of all my skills, related everything I said to a specific experience in my life and made sure to interact as much as possible with the interviewers. There was nothing more I could have done in that interview that would have made them give me the job. I gave them everything I had and came out feeling positive and knowing that I couldn’t do any more and what will be will be. Sadly, what ended up was a rejection but as I say, I did all that I could. If you do all that you can, then that’s all that anybody can ask of you and you can hold your head up high regardless of what comes next. No.10 - Push your limits but not too far. It is important to push your limits and take yourself out of your comfort zone every now and again. You won’t progress if you stay comfortable because you won’t learn to cope with the things that you aren’t comfortable with and the things which challenge you and scare you. This is something that everyone always says. But a very wise person once added something to this well-known piece of advice. Make sure to take yourself out of your comfort zone but know your limits. Whilst it is great to move away from where you feel safe and comfortable, don’t push yourself so far that it is damaging to you. There is such a thing as going too far out of your comfort zone and when you get to that place, then it is a good time to stop and turn back before you hurt yourself and end up doing more damage and causing more pain than good. Keep an eye on yourself and your limits and don't burn out. I’m sure there are lots more pieces of helpful advice out there but these are just ten of the ones which I have found to help me the most. You are now free to do with them as you please. What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given? Please make sure to let us know in the comments and share your wisdom with the community. If it only helps one person, it’s worth it. ~ Kenzie KenzieLet’s start off with the childhood dream; Once upon a time, I was fascinated with vampires, and that intrigued me and I wanted to become one. So, the adventure started there, and that’s when I researched Vlad The Impaler ( Dracula ). From that, I've always had a love for vampires whilst growing up, and to now actually visit Vlad’s castle where he lived was beyond a childhood dream coming true. The emotions that I was experiencing whilst walking up to the castle were running through my head it was kind of hard to walk. But I managed to get to the top and in we went. Exploring the rooms of the castle, seeing the artwork there that was once Vlad’s. Next, we got to my favourite part of the castle, the courtyard. It was beyond beautiful and it even had a well for people to throw their money into! But the thing I liked about this area was when you stood on the pebbled stone and looked up at the castle roof. It was a sight I’ll never forget. Now, onto the second bit of this article. The reason I’ve included two subjects in this article is that it was experienced on the same day so I thought it would just be suitable. So, how is love “just a dream?” Well, for me it was happening over several years I just didn’t realize it. See, the person I travelled with to Dracula’s castle was a good friend of mine that I used to work with, but due to circumstances, they had to move back to their hometown. This meant that I couldn’t see them, but also we lost contact for a while. Within the time period, we worked together we both grew close and didn’t realize we actually liked each other. Sucks right? So, after 4-5 years we got back in touch and decided to meet up and make a trip out of it and from there we just became closer and closer. Actually realizing what we had both been missing over the years. After having two trips together, we both came to the terms of, yes we do like each other but we didn’t want to ask each other as we were both anxious about the outcome. So, that’s when we went on our trip to Dracula’s castle. The week of the trip I had been giving a few hints to my friend about how I really liked him and how I would love for him to ask me out. But, it just wasn’t getting through to them. The day finally came, we talked and they explained the reasons for waiting for so long to ask me and it seemed reasonable and I understood where they were coming from. So, when they finally asked me, I was like “Is this too good to be true?” I hesitated due to the reasons they gave me but overall, I knew that this was what I’d been wanting for, those 4-5 years of being clueless. I just wanted to say to them, FINALLY! But, deep down it was like my heart stopped and everything paused for a few minutes. I was happy that all this happened within one day, who would believe it? Was it all just a dream?
MelI thought I had it all sorted out; I would live with my friends, we would have a blast at university together, and nothing could possibly go wrong. I was wrong. People are not the same when you have to share the same space for extended periods of time. Living with friends can seem like a really fun idea, probably one that you’ve been planning with them for a long time. However, it’s not always pretty. You never really know the habits of your friends as you have never had to experience what they’re like at home for a long time. I’ve had multiple experiences with living with friends after I moved out for university. You want to be comfortable with the people you’re living with and the easiest way to do that is to live with someone you know. However, it all changes when you’re in the same space. You start to notice a lot more problems that you wouldn’t have if you weren’t sharing the same space. In my first year of university, I lived in university halls and had made friends with my flatmates prior to meeting them. They were a great bunch of people, extremely friendly, sociable and accommodating. As I stayed in that space more I started to realise that they were quite messy, loud and quite dramatic. I tried to keep to my own space but they constantly pushed boundaries and invaded that space. I eventually ended up cutting ties with all those people that I initially lived with as I could not get along with them at all. From there I realised something important - we don’t have the same upbringing. The type of habits and characters that they have in their living space was greatly influenced by the way they were brought up. What would be normal to me would not have necessarily been normal to them, so really I didn’t need to take everything personally. However, it was affecting my mental health and comfort so I need to find people who would respect the boundaries I had and I would do the same for them. One of the first steps to living with friends is having boundaries and also respecting their own. There may be things that you’ll let slide but remember you’re living together and it is a shared space at the end of the day. Just because they’re your friend doesn’t mean you should feel uncomfortable in your home. If you are upset one day they should either know how to navigate that or respect that you might just want your own space. I am lucky enough to live with people who respect that I have off days and we can communicate that with each other so that we don’t offend one another. Another tip is to prepare yourself for uncomfortable conversations. These types of difficult conversations and conflicts usually arise in friendship when having to share the same space. You begin to see another side of them that you might not have had a chance to explore when you weren’t living together. It’s okay to have these conversations and you don’t always have to agree. In fact, it makes your friendship stronger because you’re understanding your differences better. Living with friends always sounds like the better option than living with strangers. In most cases it is. However, the fear of losing a good friendship can hold you back from making that decision in case you can’t live comfortably with them. It’s understandable to have these fears, but always recognise that in most friendships, you’re in there because you value this person and they value you. Therefore differences you may face can be overcome.
TabithaI have recently lost my best friend. It was something I cried about for an entire night, but something that I woke up the next morning and realized was necessary. As tough as it is to lose your friend, sometimes it’s what’s needed. We hadn’t grown apart, but I had changed, and my friend had stayed the same. Sometimes this happens, and it doesn’t make someone bad or good, it just means that the relationship has changed. Sometimes we feel that we need a good reason to leave a relationship. Whether that be because it is abusive, toxic, due to hatred or dislike, and many other negative things--but we don’t need a reason like that. Sometimes you lose a relationship because you’ve grown apart, or you’ve grown out of it. Sometimes we change--for the better at that--and the relationship just doesn’t help you anymore. Maybe it actually hurts you because you argue more or disagree more, and many other things. Sometimes it is better to let go. This can be painful, and that’s okay. This can be freeing, and that’s okay. Whatever you feel is valid and real. So remember that you’re doing your best and that your best is enough. Keep your head up, the sun still rises! Helplines:
MercuryYou’re either a cat person or a dog person. I am a hundred per cent a dog person. These balls of fluff are known for their loyalty and as a pet parent to two little doggos I know how true that is, as they are there following me all the time. It can even be a little creepy at times! But it is nice to know that there is someone there. However, if you’re not a hundred per cent sold on getting a dog (or if you’re trying to convince someone to get a dog),here are my reasons: They give you a reason to get up in the morning. It is so easy to just stay in bed all day and binge Netflix. But when you’ve got a dog, you need to get up. For things such as letting them out for a wee or feeding them. Also, they get you out and about. For a daily walk, which is really important for your dog’s health but also your health. So, do some stretches, lace up your trainers and grab your lead,and head out there! Remember, how I said they’re always there. Well, that is what makes them such great company. They will go for those walks, they will play in the garden with you and they’ll even cuddle up on the couch with you. If you do let your dog sit on the couch I recommend putting a blanket down for them so that they don't scratch the furniture. The reason that I got my dog is because my Mum had gotten ill with cancer. As she was at home all day and wanted some company. So, my dog Nala (named after the Lion King and not Zoe Sugg's pug!) was there for my Mum throughout the day to go on walks with, watch TV with and even to talk to. Then after my Mum passed away, Nala was there to hug whenever I felt down and gave me a reason to get up in the mornings. She also missed my Mum and would sit on the couch in my Mum's spot. But be prepared that if you do decide to get a dog they aren’t all cuddles and fluff. There is lots of hard work that goes into caring for them, such as those daily walks, trips to the vets and picking up poop. So remember with great power comes great responsibility. JoshHave you ever wondered why the majority of people in our society have become so captivated by various social media sites? It has become a habit for many to check it constantly, worrying about what is trending or what people think of them. Social media is a great source of communication, for the most part, but the impact on mental health can be severe. We must emphasise why it does not have to control your life and how you can, in fact, control it yourself. Be honest with yourself and answer this: how long do you actually spend on social media per day? What do you turn to when you have completed your daily routine and need to wind down? Is it fair to say that your mobile phone may be holding you back? It is not a negative thing to be socially active on the Internet, but as a teenager, you may find it refreshing to take a step back. I know that may sound cliché but I have found that it is true and it is surprising how much productivity increases when you take more breaks. Thinking back to a few years ago, I remember coming home from school, sitting down with my phone and spending so long on it until the battery was practically dead. Some days I would even sit there until it was 7 PM and it was time for dinner. Honestly, I can’t comprehend how I coped with homework and my mental well-being. Perhaps I did find some enjoyment in scrolling through Instagram and Twitter, but now I have come to realise how consuming that lifestyle really was. Now, when I come home from school, I don’t even think about going on my phone for hours. I have learned to adopt the mindset that allows me to stay motivated and complete tasks, not just because they’re necessary, but also because I want to. I read somewhere that “humans will do more to avoid pain than find pleasure.” Therefore, procrastinating becomes second nature, because we have trained our minds to think this provides us with an escape from pain. But, what if we can find pleasure in being productive instead? Think of an essay you need to write and instead of thinking “I have to write an essay”, think “I get to write an essay”. It is a great feeling reminding yourself of the reward of finishing homework, or the result of spending time revising for a test. So, that’s what I focus on instead. So, by focusing on what is good for you, you are already reducing the hold social media has on you. I honestly feel it is so refreshing. My advice to readers would, therefore, be to control social media and prevent it from controlling you. Trust me, scrolling through Instagram for 30 minutes a day is so much more interesting than scrolling mindlessly for 3 hours, desperately searching for new content. It can be quite scary to think about the future but preparing for it productively will provide you with much more satisfaction than social media ever can. To remove the habit of checking your phone, the most obvious way would be to put it in a drawer in the other room. However, there are other options:
To summarise, reducing your time on social media is not only beneficial to your mental health in the short term but helps you in the long term. After learning to stop checking it, I have found that my life has become much more productive and I feel happier as a result. Removing it from your life completely is not always necessary but taking a break can be crucial! Remember that social media does NOT control you if you do not allow it to. Be your own master! Apps/websites that can help you stay off social media: Self-control- an extension for your computer and an app that stops you from checking customised websites that you add yourself Pomodoro tomato timer- allows you to spend 25 minutes working and then 5 minutes on a break on a loop. This means that you manage the amount of time you concentrate and it allows you to enjoy time away from your work without sacrificing precious time! I also love the to-do list feature so you can know exactly what you need to do. Hold- an app that times the amount of work you do and grows a tree while you do it- this is quite satisfying! POSITIVES:
TO IMPROVE:
- Nicole NicoleOkay, so a lot of people have their own viewpoints on what autism actually is, and a lot of these opinions are media based. Autism Spectrum Disorder is a developmental disorder, and has many different factors, including but not limited to, social interaction, communication (both verbal and non-verbal), intellectual capacity and repetitive behaviours. When people hear autism, they typically think of Rainman, Sheldon Cooper, or the highly intelligent, quiet person at school that is socially awkward. That is autism, but that isn’t solely what it is. I was diagnosed a few months ago with high-functioning autism. This basically means that I’m able to communicate to a degree, although I find it difficult, and I struggle picking up on a lot of different social cues, and struggle in some social situations. I do have a higher IQ than a lot of people my age, and I have some extreme obsessions, namely with music. It’s my strongest passion. Mention George Ezra or Lewis Capaldi and I could talk for hours with no issues. It took 17 years for me to actually be diagnosed, because first of all, I’m a girl. There are so many differences between boys and girls being diagnosed. Boys display autism differently from girls. It’s so much harder to receive a correct diagnosis as a girl, often being told that it’s “typical girl behaviour” because of our obsessions, or social awkwardness and that all girls do it. I showed behaviours from a young age, but was told “I’ll grow out of it.” I didn’t. Fast forward to age 15, I was receiving some help for my anxiety when I was asked about my thoughts on Autism, and if I thought I maybe had it. At first, I was in denial, going off the stereotypes. I did some research, and deliberated for a while. It makes so much sense. I went through a test called an ADOS, which is used to help diagnose autism in children and young people, and a week later I was given a diagnosis. I’ve found over the past few months, when I tell people about autism, or have seen other things on social media, there are a lot of misconceptions and people jump to conclusions. I want to address a few of these. “You don’t look autistic.” This is probably one of the worst things that you can say to someone who has been diagnosed. There isn’t a set look when you’re autistic, it’s not like we have 3 eyes or a horn coming out of our heads. “Oh my god you must be so smart can you do my homework?” No. I’m not doing your maths homework. Or your science homework. I’m hopeless at both, they’re not my thing at all. “Are you sure you’re autistic? You don’t act like it?” This is one of the more annoying ones, where people look taken aback because you’re actually able to engage in conversation. “Don’t you have those ear defenders things?” Nope, I like to joke about it with close friends, but I can actually process a lot of sensory things. They’re helpful, but I’m not reliant on them. Now this one is even more annoying, but people try to compare me to another autistic person they know. “Oh but my friend's cousin's sister is autistic and she’s non-verbal.” Okay? It’s called a SPECTRUM. Where everyone is completely different. This also means it isn’t just a straight line, with non-verbals at one end, and high functioning, maths geniuses at the other. It’s so much more complex than that. No two autistics are the same. So, I hope I helped with some of the misconceptions. For any autistics, or those waiting to be diagnosed, if you ever want help, I’d highly recommend looking at the National Autistic Society’s website. They have a lot of information, and in some areas, they even have support groups, which I personally think could be brilliant! -Alicia Alicia
PLEASE NOTE: You must be 18 or over to legally use a dating website or app so please bear that in mind. Online dating has become increasingly popular in recent years and it looks like that trend is only going to continue. Gone are the days of meeting someone in a bar or through a mutual friend. It's easy to see why people turn to websites like Tinder, or Match.com. It is so easy to create a profile and it allows you to meet single people outside your circles who you may not have otherwise given a second look. But online dating is also scary. With an estimated 323.9 million people using dating apps (source: Cloudwards.net) it can be really difficult to decide who to 'swipe left' or 'swipe right', so to speak. Not everyone on a dating site is going to be trustworthy and who they say they are and, certainly for women, unsolicited pictures (colloquially known as 'dick pics') are a common occurrence. But it’s not just women. Men can also feel concerned for their safety as women online can also be inclined to lie or make omissions about who they are and their life. So do the pros of online dating outweigh the cons and if so, how can you keep yourself safe? I am extremely inexperienced when it comes to dating. My first and only serious relationship was when I was 15/16 years old and it really didn't end well. I had briefly considered online dating before but I had always been scared as all I’ve ever known is the horror stories you hear about catfishes and dick pics and people just looking for sex. I knew I didn’t want that so I was very reluctant to go online, despite my godmother insisting that I needed to get out there again and give dating a chance. But, despite my reservations, I have recently taken the leap and decided to try Facebook Dating. It’s been an interesting endeavour, to say the least. I was decidedly optimistic about online dating and thought I’d met ‘the one’ the first time I matched and spoke with someone. That was my first encounter with what I call ‘the bullshitter.’ He told me he’d never met anyone like me, never felt this way about anyone and he was falling in love with me (this was all on the first date, two days after we’d started talking, can I add.) He kept saying how he couldn’t wait to put a ring on my finger and spend his life with me. Cue two weeks later, two days before our second date, he messaged me to tell me he was getting back with his ex-girlfriend… who was also pregnant with his baby. I mean - what, wow. What am I meant to do with that? Understandably, I was pretty cautious and nervous after that about getting too invested in anyone. I didn’t want to be let down yet again. In the past month or so, I have matched with many people and spoken with roughly half of them. Half of those I’ve clicked with and half of them either didn’t work out or didn’t even reply. I’ve been ghosted, sent unsolicited dirty messages and blocked for no reason at all among other strange interactions. I honestly considered deactivating my profile and just giving up again. Roughly two weeks ago, I met one of the sweetest guys I've ever encountered. He has one young daughter which is a bit scary for a 22 year old, but he is so kind and makes me feel pretty damn special - not in the way the bullshitter did though, but in a genuine way. He’s made it very clear that he’s fine with me needing to slow down and he won’t pressure me into anything that I’m not ready for or completely 100% comfortable with. It’s early days but we’ve been on three dates so far and thanks to him, I’ve regained a little bit of hope and faith in online dating. Just because I have met some horrible people doesn’t mean that everyone is horrible. There are some genuinely nice guys online, as proven by the latest guy I’ve met. Online dating is scary and yes, it can be really difficult to navigate like some kind of unsolvable puzzle. But I don't want you to write it off just because of the prospect of meeting someone horrible. So here are some tips from personal experience on how to keep yourself safe and enjoy the experience.
So whilst I encourage you to enjoy the experience of online dating if you decide to try it, I’ll leave you with this thought: be careful and stay safe. ~ Kenzie x
Hi my name is Josh and I’m new to TWE. Seeing as I love writing and my dogs I thought why not put the two together and help you find the perfect pet pal!! Also, as this was a collaborative piece it was a great opportunity for me to meet other members of TWE and their furry friends. These two are Tiger Lily and Nala!! They're my dogs Nala (on the right) is a Shitpoo and Lily (the happy one on the left) is a Cavapoo. As these two are both quite small and fluffy dogs they are perfect for cuddling up on the sofa with.  This is Menna's dog. He is a Cocker Spaniel. These dogs are very social, however if you don’t train them properly they can become very fearful. Proper training is important for all types of pets to ensure they live a happy life.  This is Alex. He is a German Shepherd and he belongs to Weronika. These are large dogs typically associated with the idea of being police dogs, despite their ability to get on great within the home.  This is Ebony's partner's Cockapoo called Charlie. Not only is he adorable but cockapoos are highly energetic dogs so they will need lots of mental and physical activities, to keep them constantly occupied.  Kenzie has a cat who is also called Nala!! Unlike dogs, cats like their independence and so caring for one won’t be as demanding but they won’t say no to a belly rub.  And lastly we have Sid the bunny who belongs to Katie. Due to their small size these adorable balls of fluff will need to be kept in a pen whilst you’re away to make sure that they don’t escape!!  Choosing the correct pet is a big decision that requires lots of patience and lots of thought. But after all that work you will have found yourself a friend for life!!
- Josh Already, there’s probably some of you thinking, what IS a young carer? Without directly quoting Google, a young carer is a child, or young person who looks after someone with a physical, or mental disability. This is an umbrella term, because a lot of people think young carer and see the stereotype of looking after a parent, often in a wheelchair or with another physical disability. It’s so much more. There’s mental disabilities, there’s substance abuse, there’s so many different things to being a young carer. And they can also care for other family members, even siblings. It doesn’t just have to be a parent.
There are hundreds of thousands of young carers in the United Kingdom alone, and so many more worldwide. It’s a tiresome battle, but they’re not alone. With the support of friends, family, school and work, that’s half the battle. Being a young carer myself, if I could give any words of wisdom to people on what to do in order to help, all I would ask is to listen. We need someone to talk to, and sometimes things at home can get a bit too much. A rant, a listening ear. And compassion from work and teaching staff. Although there is some understanding, they should all be aware. Although there are negatives, in the last 5 years, so much awareness has been raised about young carers, in Scotland there’s even a grant for those between 16-18 with a caring responsibility. If you actually are a young carer, there are loads of online forums that are helpful, teachers and bosses can help, and there are Young Carers support groups, not as cliche as it sounds. My group changed my life for the better. Just remember, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And if you aren’t actually a young carer, just try your best to support us. It goes a long way. Alicia Have you ever looked around you at your "friends", family members or celebrities and felt like you were being left behind? As if they were all achieving so many goals that you start to wonder: "Hey, when is it going to be my turn? Or better yet, will this ever happen to me too?" I suffered through this complex for a better part of my junior and senior year of high school when I realized a lot of my friends got into Ivy League schools all the way in the US, or that they were taking a gap year to work. It seemed as if everyone was finally going to experience their college dreams abroad while I was in Tanzania, with barely having anything figured out. I had fear and anxiety growing inside me every day because of this. Maybe it was because I was so used to having things planned out for me instead. I had, and if I am being honest, still have these overwhelming thoughts that I’m probably going to just be another extra or another background character to all of my friends' stories. All of this stemmed just from seeing a few of my friends already looking successful. Some had become small but growing influencers on social media, another had started a YouTube channel, and the girl I sat next to in class had started an online business that is taking off. As proud as I am of them, I just couldn’t help but feed the hungry thought that maybe I'd never be as impressive as they were. Like where was my shining moment? When will it happen to me? This ate me up to the point where even posting something on Instagram became hard for me and I always hit the discard button. That annoying and degrading voice in my head would taunt me and remind me of how anything I do would ever be good enough. There were so many people out there with better content than me, so why even try? Fast forward to a few months later, I finally understood that I had a comparison complex. I constantly used to compare every single detail about my social life with people I idolized even my closest friends. I understand they would never rub it in my face to taunt me but the insecurity that I was being left behind became an obsession. So what I did was that I decided to spend less time on the apps that I believed just added salt to the wound such as Instagram. I went from spending half my day on there to just mainly opening it at night. With Snapchat, I stopped doing streaks which ultimately led to me rarely opening it to check out peoples' stories. This small action helped immensely in building my self confidence. If I wasn’t seeing the things that triggered me negatively, like a classmate posting their new college jersey, I wouldn't compare myself to them as much. I also reduced talking to some of the friends that brought out these insecurities in me. Not out of hate or envy, but I needed to focus more myself. To build the person I wanted to turn into rather than compare my current state to the picture of my best friend in Australia. Just to be clear, I celebrate my friends' accomplishments but putting distance between them and me was my way of learning how to celebrate myself instead. Now I know that a comparison complex can be triggered by other things, which might not necessarily be the need to be successful like mine was; but here’s a few tips I hope will help you through this phase the same way they helped me:
Now I want to end with this quote; “ You’re so busy doubting yourself, while others are intimidated by your potential”. This quote reminded me daily that the way I was thinking about how all my classmates were moving forward was the same way that some of them might view me. Someone could be looking up to you and you wouldn’t even know it! I hope this helped you. I want you to know that It will get better. It will take time but it will. Try channelling that obsession with comparing yourself with others to comparing yourself with who you were yesterday and who you want to be tomorrow.
Fighting could be over anything; a meet up gone wrong to losing something valuable. Sometimes it could be about feeling neglected by the other, or feeling misunderstood. Whatever the reason, fights happen. As toxic as it may sound, disagreements are inevitable. It's because we all constantly grow mentally and sometimes you don't always have to agree with what the other person does because it doesn't align with who you are anymore. Fights tend to end up with someone leaving with their feelings hurt, regretful of what they may or may not have said, and sometimes and as much as we dont want to admit it; fights might bring an end to a friendship you thought would last forever...that's what hurts the most. A fight recently happened between me and a close friend of mine. We had a fight about something I had said, which to be honest it was an insensitive comment on religion, I later realized and the aftermath of that comment resulted in her cutting me off, completely, and I felt terrible. Especially when it wouldn’t matter what i’d try to say to her, she just wouldn't respond to me, and some of the things she said made me feel like complete rubbish, this went on for days. Overthinking about how I should have directed the conversation so it wouldn’t turn out the way it did, to regret over what i said, then eventually the anger set in; she could cut me off that easily? Like our friendship was really that disposable to her? It wasn't until days later when I asked her about it that I found out it wasn’t even the real problem. She was mad and cut me off because she felt like I was making fun of her over something she was explaining to me before and my religious comment was kind of the tip of the iceberg for her, which was why it made her cut me off in the first place. Point is, I would have never even known she felt that way if I didn’t tell her how she made me feel. And even though we made up now, there's things I wish I did that could have helped avoid the swarm of emotions the aftermath of that fight had on me, and I made a few suggestions on what to do after having a fight with someone you care about, both for you and for the other person.
For me I thought I was angry at my friend for just cutting me off and making me feel irritated at the fact that if i said something to try and solve it, she wouldn't listen to me. But as the days went on with us not talking, I realised that I was more angry at the thought that she could get rid of me that easily and the thought that maybe she didn't value this friendship the same way I did. And with a lot more thinking, I realised that I felt this way because of an insecurity I have. Well, we all have insecurities, fact, but for me it’s more to do with the thought that I wasn’t good enough of a person to be around, that I wasn’t as interesting as other people were.
Also, even after doing all of this, it's good to keep in mind that, as sad as it may be, not all friendships last forever. A lot of the time people outgrow each other, you both stopped liking the same things and maybe the other person doesn’t align with who you're becoming anymore ( hopefully for the better)/ So I would say don’t beat yourself up about it, it hurts but maybe it's for the better. Theres alot of toxic people out there, and if this fight showed who you were dealing with the whole time. Think of it this way, the friendship you just lost shows you the kind of people you might not want in your life in the future. Whatever happens remember to be kind to yourself; even if you're in the wrong or right. Cause your friend(s) might leave, but you’ll always have you.
I, like many people, love animals; I always have. Because of this, I’ve always loved having pets and obviously, I’m not unique because of that. Millions and millions of people around the world have a pet, the most common being dogs and cats. But, sometimes people rush into buying a pet that they aren’t ready for, and this can be really harmful. It’s important to do your research when buying any animal. Realize that it’s a commitment, and although your pet will just be a part of your life, to your pet, you are their entire life. This is especially true for animals that show more affection and need attention. I have had experiences with a wide variety of animals, but before I comment on my experience, please remember that every animal is different and unique. They are all individual lives that have personalities formed by both their natural disposition as well as the experiences they’ve had. Please also note that I’m from the United States, and this means that the pets available to me are different than what may be available in other countries. Okay, so now that all the disclaimers are done, Let’s get to it! Dogs: Dogs are very popular pets, and for good reason. If the dog was raised right, they’ll be loving and even protective of their owner. There are a lot of different breeds and mixes, making them have some very unique looks and personalities. It’s the dream of many children to get their very own dog, but there’s plenty of responsibilities to consider.
Cats: Cats are also very popular pets and, like dogs, they have a wide variety of personalities. Some are very cuddly, and some are very playful! Cats are different than dogs, however, in that they don’t always want to be with you. They tend to have more of their own will, and if you aren’t prepared to respect their wishes, you probably shouldn’t get a cat. It can be said that cats are like an exercise in consent, because they’ll make it clear when they feel that you’re being overbearing. As I mentioned earlier, they have a wide variety of personalities, so if you want a cat to cuddle with, make sure to meet different cats and find the best fit. Responsibilities for cats and dogs can be very similar, but there are some key differences as well.
With both cats and dogs, adopting from a shelter could give a home to an animal that really needs one. And, although you may be tempted to get a cute puppy or kitten, getting an adult animal means that you already know their personality and you’re adopting a slightly less adoptable animal. The same goes for cats and dogs with disabilities. These animals will almost always make just as wonderful a companion as abled animals, but they aren’t adopted as often and go large parts of life without a loving home. With all this in mind- knowing your goals, knowing the responsibilities, and being ready to give a home to a cat or dog- I’m sure you can make the right choice.
As humans, we all need the comfort of people from time to time. Often, it’s not just those we always confide in but also the people in the background; the people we smile and nod to at family gatherings, the people who accompany us during vacations. We seemingly disregard them because on the surface, we don’t need them; they aren’t the people we celebrate our achieved goals with or those we unburden ourselves to. No, they’re simply just there. Through the good and the bad. They’re always just there and it provides us with a sort of unspoken security to remind ourselves of that. But what happens when they aren’t there anymore? Grief in itself is a complicated concept to come to terms with especially since it’s disturbing to think that someone’s complete life history can be reduced to a package of memories within a split second. Nevertheless, it is difficult to confront complex emotions forming over the loss of a loved one to whom you were never close to. Perhaps, you had held onto the hope of forming a relationship with that person and now they’ve died, you’re grieving the loss of a bond you could have had; the longing for what could have been. ‘I’ve got some important exams this week so I’ll be sure to call the hospital and check up on him in a few days.’ Then we’re left helpless; standing in silence at their funeral, with the final lingering thought being, ‘I could have done more.’ I was awoken by the cries of my mum. To some extent, I already knew why but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even know what to think. I just lay in my bed, staring at my ceiling. But I still can’t register what exactly his last words to me were. He was in pain. I could feel his voice shaking as he talked to me through the phone. It took me back to the moments where he’d sit under the comfort of the same bristly chair, amused by the actions of counterparts in black and white movies. He’d sit there day in and day out, occasionally checking the lottery results. We didn’t always talk but when he knew I’d be around, he’d boil broccoli and leave several out on the table for me. I’m struggling to find the words to describe him. I never really understood him and I’m not sure if I ever will. Yet he will always remain a wonderful man to me, my granddad. Grief and guilt, love and loss; they’re all feelings. Feelings need to be validated and although it will be hard, we need to find ways to accept and move forward with these feelings. You need to acknowledge that it is completely natural to feel grief for not only those closest to us but also those we wish we could have been closer to. After all, we are only humans yearning for love. R.I.P. Ponnampalam Sellaiah, 1953-2021 Helplines: SANE Emotional support, information and guidance for people affected by mental illness, their families and carers. Textcare: comfort and care via text message, sent when the person needs it most: www.sane.org.uk/textcare Peer support forum: www.sane.org.uk/supportforum Website: www.sane.org.uk/support Mind Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems. Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm) Website: www.mind.org.uk CALM CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably. A charity providing a mental health helpline and webchat. Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight) Website: www.thecalmzone.net
I spend my day wondering what goes through people's minds when they say such horrible things to other people just to bring them down. Some idiots think that if they make someone upset by saying a mean comment, it makes them the bigger person when really, it's the complete opposite. If you say something hurtful to someone, you don't realise how much that could actually affect them. Did you know almost 1 out of every four students report being bullied and that's just the ones who have the guts to admit it. You have no idea what goes on outside of school, what happens in their life, what their family is like. Some people think it's funny to make fun of someone because of what clothes they wear or their facial features or what size they are or their height. What exactly do all them have anything to do with what's on the inside? I have been called mean things in the past and it has really upset me and I know what it's like to be constantly picked on. But now I don't care, I am happy with who I am and how I look. I don't need random people who I don’t know and vice versa picking on me for the way I look because I honestly don’t care.. If you have a problem with that then don't bother with me because I don't need someone in my life that will make me feel upset or down all the time. How would you like it if it was you? How would you like it if you were constantly picked on over something silly, like what shoes you wear? There is never a reason to bully someone, just be kind and you might have a happier, easier and friendlier life. If you have ever said something mean to someone, apologise to them and maybe you'll make a new friend and find out that they aren't that bad of a person in the end. The fact that it is 2019 and it's still going on is ridiculous. It's not about what you look like or what you wear, it's about their personality and how they are as a person. Do you honestly think that their clothes make them who they are or the colour of their hair/skin defines the rest of them? If we all wore the same, and looked the same, the world would be boring. There would be nowhere to express your individuality and you couldn't be yourself because you would be the exact same as everyone else. Nobody is perfect, not even celebrities or royalty. Stop Bullying. It’s not worth it. It's pathetic.
Being in a relationship is great, especially when you love the person so much that you want to spend every minute of every day with them. It can also be hard work and it can also get in the way of things such as school, family, friends and sometimes the time you need for yourself. Sometimes a little break is what you need in a relationship, so you can take time for yourself and think and focus on important things such as your family, friends and school work. This is an alternative from actually breaking up properly. A break can last as long as a year or as little as a couple of weeks. Sometimes when everything gets a bit too much in your relationship and you can’t take any more, a break is the best solution to the problem because it can give you and your partner time to think about what you want from each other. It also gives you time to take a breather and have some time to focus on yourself. There are no specific rules on how a break works, it’s down for you and your partner to set down rules on how you want things to work out. For example, if you or your partner could see other people during this break or if you should stay in contact or not. This is why communication is vital, because otherwise, your partner may not understand where you're coming from. How are they supposed to know what you want from them if you don't tell them? You can’t get mad at someone for doing something that they didn't know they weren't allowed to do. A break is another great way for taking time for school. Sometimes your schoolwork is so much more important than a relationship, especially if you're taking your exams/finals. You don't want your relationship to get in the way of the grades that you need for your future. Now I'm not saying to break off your relationship completely and if you don't you will fail at school. What I'm saying is, sometimes you just need some time apart to study and focus on getting the grade you need. For example, I’ve been in the same relationship for 2 years and it just so happens that this year is my final year of school which means I have my GCSE exams coming up and these grades affect the rest of my life. They are extremely important and I need to study extremely hard for them. This means that I'm going to have to take a break from seeing my boyfriend so much. This doesn’t mean that I'm going to not see him at all, it just means that I will be seeing him a lot less than I used to. I know that it might be hard not seeing your partner as often, but it makes the moments you do spend together more memorable and I always remember the saying “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.”
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people. You can contact us via email, social media or our contact form.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |