Is Love A Dangerous Curse?

Definition of ‘LOVE’; an intense feeling of deep affection.

Love encompasses a range of strong and positive emotional and mental states, from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest interpersonal affection, to the simplest pleasure.

But what if Love can turn out to be a curse? What happens when it takes over your mind and you have no clear way of thinking?

Is it just the process of a breakup or is it just your mind playing tricks on you?

To explore this question, I’m going to share a recent experience that happened to me where I was stuck in between two loves, by that I mean being in a current relationship but wanting to be in another.

Now, that may sound awful but hear me out. I was in a ten-month relationship with my now (Ex) and I was struggling with intimacy, my sexuality and above all just being comfortable around him during the ‘fun times’ 

A few months ago, it occurred to me that it wasn’t him who was the problem, it was me. I didn’t know what I wanted as I was so confused and was staying in a relationship to please other people, not myself.

Now, that’s when I put a stop to this relationship because I knew it was wrong of me to continue dating him if I didn’t have any feelings for him anymore, what kind of person would I be?

Now, onto the other relationship I wanted. I met this other person a few years before my ex. We used to work together, we got on like there were no worries in the world. We shared likes, we shared dislikes it was just an amazing feeling to be around them.

They say, if a person gives you butterflies, that’s the one for you. And well, I didn’t believe back then, but now I truly believe in that statement. As they did give me butterflies and they still do every time their name pops up in a conversation I just feel like I’m on cloud nine. 

Sounds like a ‘teenage romance’ right? But, that’s the way I can only describe it as I felt this was the right decision to make. I was finally putting myself first for once because usually, it’s the opposite way around.

Now, in the aftermath of breaking up with my ex, I knew what was coming. My family would be questioning why I ended the relationship. And of course the actual partner at the time. 

But you know what I did? I just said it as it was; “I’m sorry but I don’t have any feelings for you anymore and I feel this is the right thing to do as I don’t want to use you”.

Because I wanted him to be happy, and get into a relationship where he was loved truly as he does deserve that. But it just wasn’t me who could do that for him. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic, what would you have done if you were in a similar situation as me? 

- Mel

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MEL