TEENAGERS WITH EXPERIENCE

There. You did it. You’ve come out to your parents. You’ve said those magic words. Light or dark magic, it could go either way. You wait anxiously for the infinite yet instantaneous reaction your parents are bound to have. We might expect our parents and loved ones to react to extremes. They are either supportive and accepting, or they could make coming out seem like the biggest mistake of your life. I think that a lot of us think that there is no in-between because of the portrayal ‘coming out’ has on the media. But what if your loved ones’ reactions are somewhere in the middle of that spectrum? Neither completely accepting nor distraught. It can still sting to be in a situation like this. What do you do? Is there a way out of this?

I came out on a whim a few months ago. I was in the middle of one of my routinely ‘let’s complain about everything’ sessions with one of my friends, and I randomly wanted to come out to my mom. We were probably talking about how trapped we felt at home and how suffocating it felt to be in quarantine, which is what probably catalyzed my urge to come out. I knew that if I was going to come out to someone, it was going to be my mom. She and I are close and she’s not as religious as the rest of my family, so I knew that my only chance of being accepted by a family member was by my mom. So I left my friend waiting on facetime and approached my mom. Here’s a very brief summary of the conversation:

Me: Uhh, I’ve got something to tell you

Mom : *looks away from the TV and stares at me*

Me: I…... like girls

Mom: *stares harder*

My Brain: ohmygodohmygodohgod what did you do you are an idiot why in the world would you even you’ve made the dumbest move in the entire universe ahhhhHHHHHHHHhh

Mom: what?

Me: Yeah, it’s been on my mind for a long time.

Mom: I don’t know what to say; ignore it. It’s just a phase. 
   
      *end of conversation*

Ignore it. That was basically what my mother said. And then we both proceeded to act as nothing had happened. I was expecting a recreation of what I’d seen on TikTok. Happy hugs, relief, and joyful tears or the exact opposite. I wasn’t expecting to be left in the middle. It really stung to find out that my mom (and therefore the rest of my family) didn’t accept me. I never got my ‘I love you for who you are and everything will be fine’ hug. She told me that I should ignore any feelings about girls and just focus on school, and down the line I’d probably end up with a boy. I felt empty. Like I wasn’t a part of my family anymore. But I wasn’t abused or kicked out, and it could’ve been worse, but it still did hurt a lot.

Because of this turn of events, I’m in a position where I’m out to my parents, but my parents pretend it never happened. So I basically had to walk and sit back down in my closet. My foot was stuck at the door. I thought that coming out to my family would be liberating. I wanted to be myself at home, which was important at the time because of quarantine. I wanted to cut my hair really short and give in to my masculine side a bit more. I wanted to talk about the women I thought were gorgeous and not the men that should be on my mind. But I couldn’t. I still wanted to celebrate though. Coming out felt like a milestone to me and I wanted to treat myself. I wanted to buy myself a pride flag, get some pride apparel, or even just paint a little rainbow in my room. But each idea was shot down by my parents and I couldn’t do anything about it. 

I only made it out because of my friends. They listened to me whenever I needed them. They were the ones that kept reminding me that I was perfect and they never let me forget that they accepted me. I’m eternally grateful for them. They even offered to smuggle me a pride flag. But I’m no trained secret agent, so I obviously had to reject the offer.

Even after it being months since I’ve come out, at times I get frustrated and wound up because I can’t openly be queer. However, I’ve done a few things that have helped me feel less suffocated. Here are a few things you could try:

•  BUY “SECRET” LGBT+ MERCH

Like I’ve mentioned, I couldn’t get any pride-themed clothes or flags because they were quite bold, and my parents wanted to keep my “abnormal” sexuality all hushed up. So instead of letting go of what I wanted, I decided to buy stickers (secretly)! I got a few pride stickers and I’ve used them on my private notebooks and I’ve even got one on my guitar case (it’s hidden). Even though it’s a small gesture, every time I glance at it, a little bubble of joy pops up and it makes me feel not so alone. You could try to get stickers or anything that’s small like keychains, a mini flag or a wrist band. It’s something just for you to see.

• BUILD YOUR OWN LGBT+ BUBBLE   

When being forced back into the closet, sometimes it feels even more suffocating than before. Try and build your own lgbt+ space on social media platforms. Surround yourself with LGBT+ Instagram and Twitter posts, change up your phone wallpaper to be more queer, add a pride flag in one of your profile pictures on one of your social media accounts (an account that the people who don’t accept you don’t see), listen to LGBT+ podcasts, or just binge LGBT+ tiktoks.  

• COMMUNICATION IS KEY

A major mistake I made along the way is just accepting the fact that my parents will never accept my sexuality. A huge reason why they just ignored my sexuality was that they didn’t understand. I never even tried to talk them around. Me backing down just let the problem remain stagnant. I was stuck in an uncomfortable situation, but I didn’t try to move into one that’s more comfortable. So from this, I’d advise you to just talk to your parents (or whoever doesn’t accept you) about it. Keep explaining what you’re feeling and always try to look at the situation from their perspective. Find out why they don’t seem to understand and accept you and act to change it. But please only do this if you know that the talk with your loved ones will remain civil. Do not do this if you think it could end in abuse. 
If you can’t turn your loved ones around, make sure you have a support team. This could be a group of friends, a school counselor or a public forum (make sure to not give out personal information on public forums). Anytime negative emotions start to crowd your mind, let them out as soon as possible. You can always leave an anonymous message right here, on the TWE website, and I can assure you that we’ll get back to you to help. 

I want you to remember that no matter how good or bad your coming out experience was, it takes a truckload of courage and confidence to do it, and I am so proud of you and my respect for you runs deep. Always know that if things aren’t the brightest right now, life is always changing and you will soon find a place in this world that is built for you, cares for you and loves you for who you are. 

Your true colors will always shine through in the end, and they are beautiful.

• Jahannavi :)

If you need someone to talk to : 

• https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
• https://www.glbthotline.org/national-hotline.html
• https://lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/support/hotlines

​As gender is a social concept, meaning it has been created by society to “categorize” people, it can be very difficult for people on the autistic spectrum to understand and use it. It has been observed that there is a higher rate of struggles with gender among autistic people. By struggle, I mean not identifying with the gender you have been assigned at birth.

Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects a large amount of people all over the world, regardless of their origin, sex, age (as it is a life-long condition). One of the characteristics of autism is a lack or struggle of understanding social cues. This is why gender can be even more problematic for autistic people, as it is impossible to grasp for their brain. 

From a very young age, I always struggled with gender, as I could wear anything “male” or “female” and feel good in it. I was supposed to wear pink and dresses with flowers because of what society expected, but anything felt right to me. When I discovered the LGBT+ community, I realized I could have a different gender. It then varied from genderfluid  (a person who doesn’t identify as having a fixed gender), to transgender man (a person that has a different gender to what they were assigned at birth, here, male), to non-binary (a person that identifies as neither man nor woman), and more, but I felt like nothing really was me. Now, I identify as agender, as it is the closest to what I feel, which is identifying to none gender. 

This article is mainly to raise awareness of the struggles with gender when you have autism, and tell my peers that it is okay if you don’t understand. And that no one can tell you that you have to look a certain way. 
Here are some tips to help you in your search for yourself:
(some are for everyone struggling with gender, not only autistic people)
Try different types of clothing, make-up, hairstyles, and see what suits you the best.
Look at the definitions of different genders and see which you feel more comfortable with. (You may find less-known genders that would suit you.)
Ask other people about how they perceive their gender, they may help you.
Remember, no one can tell you who you are. 

Also, I recently discovered autigender. 
Autigender is a gender that was specially created for autistic people who struggle with identifying as one or other gender (or who don’t care, or don’t understand). The definition is for someone whose autism “affects” their perception of gender. I don’t really like this definition, as it feels as if autism is a problem that prevents us from understanding it. In fact, it is more that society wants us to have a gender defined that is problematic. 
You can also identify as autigender, even if it is less known, it is a good representation of how many of us feel!

Be proud!

I hope this can help you.

If you need help, you can always contact a helpline. You may find the numbers for your country on the internet. In Switzerland, the number is 147. In France, it is 3114. Both are free. Overall, most of the countries possess a free helpline number. And if you are in immediate danger you can call the urgencies number.

Caterpie

​Growing up I was often unsure of who, or what I was supposed to be. I had a white grandmother, but dark skin. I was fluent in German, but couldn’t pronounce a single word in my mother tongue. During my primary school days, my coiled afro hair felt out of place, while at home my accent, which differed so much from the African tones of the people around me, made me feel like an outsider.

During many sleepless nights I would ask myself am I black enough? and after many more sleepless nights, I finally found my answer- There’s no such thing as “black enough.” My cells produce enough melanin pigment to turn my skin, eyes, and hair dark. End of story.

However, now that I’ve grown a bit, a new question plagues me: Am I queer enough? Sadly, this question can’t be answered using science, but now that I’m a little smarter and wiser, I realise that most of the things that create my insecurity regarding my queer identity are stereotypes.

For those of you who are unsure of the term, stereotypes are conventional and oversimplified images or ideas of a particular type of item or person. An example of a stereotype is: All men are bad at housework. It generalises men and makes it seem as if they are unable to do housework and should therefore not bother doing it. Stereotypes are often wrong, cruel, and demoralising.

For a long time, the LGBTQI+ community has been stereotyped and generalised. 
“Lesbians have short hair, Gay men are fashionable, Trans people are gay” and so many more stereotypes exist. As a cis femme woman people have often made me feel as if I didn’t deserve to be a part of the queer community. Simply because I didn’t “ look” queer. Or better said, because I didn't meet any of the stereotypes.

But as previously mentioned, stereotypes are often wrong and oversimplified. So I asked some people here at TWE a few questions regarding their thoughts on queer and gender identity.

Where on the LGBTQIA+ spectrum do you fall?

Melissa: “Bisexual.”
Caterpie: “Our whole system identifies as queer- two are agender, one is trans, another is demigirl, and so on… Sexuality is complicated.”
J.D: “Bisexual and Gender fluid.”
Astrum: “Panromantic, Asexual, Genderfluid.” 
J: “Transgender, Bisexual, and Asexual.”
Piper:  “Lesbian, Non-binary & Aroace (Aromantic Asexual).”

What does being a member/ an ally of the LGBTQIA+ community mean to you?

Melissa: “It means I have an identity & (that ) I can feel safe with my sexuality and not ashamed.”
Caterpie: “Being open-minded and supportive.”
J.D: “That I'm not afraid to be who I am.”
Astrum: “A community that will support me even when others may not.”
J: “(It) Means knowing I'm not alone in what I feel and go through.”
Piper: “It means being a part of a community in which I can express myself and feel a little less alone with how I feel and what I go through in regards to my sexuality and identity.”

How, if at all, do you represent your sexuality? 

Melissa: “I am very open about my sexuality, if anyone asks if I like girls etc. I will just say yes.” 
Caterpie: “Mess.”
J.D: “I'm open about my bisexuality.” 
Astrum: “I like to wear flags.”
J: “I'm very open and chat a lot about my experience being ace (asexual).”
Piper: “I'm quite open about my sexuality, depending on who I'm speaking to. I express it much more online than I do in person since it feels safer that way.”


How, if at all, do you represent your gender?

Melissa: “Just normal day-to-day things.”
Caterpie: “Mess.”
J.D: “I’m open about being gender fluid.”
Astrum:  “I like to wear flags.”
J: “I tell most people my preferred pronouns and ask theirs. I have a trans flag on my laptop and phone case.”
Piper: “I tend to represent and express my gender identity a lot more online, but I also like to do it through the way I dress and carry myself. I often associate my gender with certain styles or interests I have.”

Do you feel as if there’s a reason for your queerness?
​
Melissa: N/A
Caterpie: “We’re autistic so we don’t understand gender”
J.D:N/A
Astrum: “Gender”
J: “Yes, men and woman existing”
Piper: “I think the main reasons for my queerness are community and self-expression since those have always been a big part of my life. I also think that it allows me to support others through their journey by discovering who they love and how they identify.”

Do you feel a part of the LGBTQI+ community?

Melissa: “Yes, I do.”
Caterpie: “Yes.”
J.D: “Yes.”
Astrum: “Yes.”
J: “Yes.”
Piper: “Most of the time! There are moments where I see a lot of discourse and disagreements around my specific sexualities and those in correlation with my identity, which sucks. But finding the parts of the community in which people listen and accept one another is always so wonderful.”

These answers, just like the people who provided them, are diverse. Spanning all throughout the LGBTQI+ spectrum these answers highlight how complex and yet simple being queer can be. 
All of us don’t express ourselves in the same way, and neither do we need to. To answer the original question: No, you aren’t queer enough. Simply because it doesn’t give such a thing as queer enough. We’re all just people who despite our differences all feel a part of this wonderful rainbow community.

I hope that this article helped answer some of your questions, and if you’d like, you can answer some of the questions above and share your answers with the rest of us, through the comment section below.

We‘re all bigger than our labels (or lack thereof ).
Mona

If you ever need to talk to someone don’t hesitate to contact-
We’re here for you Now – The Trevor Project

If you’ve read any of the previous TWE chest binding articles then I’m sure you’re already aware of what binding is, but for those who are new to the website, ‘binding’ is when a transgender person (usually someone who identifies as a trans-male, genderfluid or non-binary) compresses their chest to minimise their body dysphoria. 

Binding isn’t only for people in the LGBT+ community, binders can be used for individuals who have Gynecomastia. This is a common condition in men which causes breast tissue to swell, Gynecomastia often occurs when a man has unbalanced hormones.

Binding is an excellent way of reducing body dysphoria and improving mental health. If you or someone you love is a part of the transgender community and don’t have a binder, it would be worth asking them if they require a binder. Body dysphoria can be distressing and uncomfortable, so the most beneficial thing you can do for someone who is experiencing this would be to acknowledge their preferred identification (for example, their pronouns) and understand how they’re feeling.

I started to bind at a very young age, I was around 13 years old and didn’t realise how dangerous binding can be. Then, I wasn’t out to my family and the opportunity to come out wasn’t there either so asking my family to help was not a choice that I could take. Thinking back, I see myself considerably lucky to have such amazing, supportive friends during secondary school because they would always buy me new binders when I needed them but the issue with that was they were cheap! Buying cheap binders is an absolute no go for a transgender person, please do not buy binders that are under £20. They can cause a lot of stress on your body and in bad cases, binding can send you to the hospital if not done correctly. As time went on for me, I was able to fully comprehend how poorly I used to bind and how much it had changed my body, this is when I decided to consult my doctor. Once I spoke to my doctor she informed me that she was unsure about what to do but kindly referred me to the GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) in London. From that day, I’ve only ordered binders from Underworks (not sponsored!) and I can finally breathe while maintaining a much smaller chest. I still look in the mirror and smile every day. Thankfully my family is now very supportive and helps me look for new binders online, Underworks seem to be the binders that work well for me. 

If you’re in a situation similar to my own then you’ve already had your first gender clinic appointment and are currently waiting to see either the NHS clinic or waiting to have your second appointment. For those of you who are still waiting for their initial appointment, I strongly recommend preparing yourself, they will do a physical examination of your chest area. This will feel daunting and uncomfortable but these examinations are necessary to ensure that you are staying healthy while binding.

Here's the fun! Choosing your binder. The most common websites to buy a binder is either gc2b.co or underworks.com, my personal favourite is Underworks but a lot of transgender people go to gc2b for their binders. The only difference between these two websites is that gc2b binders are specifically designed for trans people whereas Underworks is for those with Gynecomastia. GC2B has so many different styles and colours to choose from so take your time while browsing the online store, remember to use a tape measure to accurately measure your chest and get the correct sized binder. GC2B has lots of great advice on their website on how to measure properly. Please do not guess or get a size too small, this can cause major health issues, both short and long term but no not be scared off by this, just be safe. Binding is safe when done properly!

Tips on binding, I have scoured the internet for the best tips on chest binding so you don’t have to:

• When washing your binder, make sure to put it on a warm wash and a slow - medium cycle. Never put your binder in the tumble dryer, this will alter the size and can lead to improper binding.
• A clean binder is a happy binder. Make sure that you regularly wash your binder, you should do this for general hygiene, you don’t want to grow any nasty germs on your chest or back. This also helps prevent acne from forming on your chest and back too.
• Don’t wear your binder for more than 8 hours at a time. If you’re anything like, I work for more than 8 hours in a day and I don’t have a choice to remove it at work. Don’t fret, it is okay to wear your binder for more than 8 hours with regular breaks (I often go to the bathroom for 10 mins every few hours and take a breather) but this is NOT RECOMMENDED!
• After you take your binder off, cough. This might sound odd but it helps you get your breathing back to normal (if you’re naughty and are using the wrong sized binder).
• Stretch in your binder. Through the day you should stretch, you can do whatever stretches you like as long as you’re taking deep breaths.
• Never sleep in your binder! It will restrict your breathing in your sleep and will be very painful when you wake up. 
• Do not bind with ace bandages or duct tape. Just don’t do it.
• It’s best not to DIY your binders. Though this is cheaper, you may risk improper binding and could injure yourself.

If you wear a binder and you get nausea, bruising, panic attacks, claustrophobic feelings, sharp pains in the chest, very fast heart pace, not being able to breathe, dizziness or fainting take off your binder and consult a doctor. These are not normal so please don’t ignore it if you have any of those symptoms. Binders can make you a little sore and feel somewhat tight but that is completely normal as long as you’re wearing the correct sized binder. 

Remember to stay safe while binding and to discuss your options with a close family member or friend, this is so important as  you will have someone to talk to if you begin to have any issues with your transition. If you have any further questions about binding, feel free to get in contact by selecting ‘Contact Us’ at the top of the website.

Stay home and stay safe.

-Cody

Useful Links:

https://www.underworks.com/
https://www.gc2b.co/
https://www.ftmessentials.com/ (18+)
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/
https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/mens-health/what-is-gynaecomastia/
​

The LGBTQ+ Community has gained more attention and exposure over the past few years. An important part of this community which I find is still often misunderstood and is still discriminated against by many is the B: bisexual. 

I am a cisgender biseuxal woman. This means that I was born as a woman, identify as a woman, and am attracted to both men and women. For me, this also includes trans men and trans women as well as nonbinary people. This can be different for all bisexuals though. I have always known I am cisgender but I haven't always known I am bi. For around 12 years of my 21 year life, I thought I was 100% heterosexual. I found women pretty but I didn't recognise that as sexual romantic attraction to women. The first time I actually fancied a girl was in school when I was around 12/13 and I freaked out. I went through a phase of asking out every boy I found even remotely attractive just to make sure everyone thought I was straight and only attracted to boys. Of course that wasn't true, but I still didn't actually acknowledge that I was bisexual until I was 15. Now, at 21, I have no problem with my sexuality. I am happy with myself and who I am, as are most of the people I love. 

But I do notice that anyone who I tell tends to have questions. Sometimes they are personal questions like how did I know I was bisexual or have I ever been with a woman. Other times, they are general questions like what is bisexuality or what is the difference between bisexual and pansexual. I always try to educate people as much as I am able to when they have questions. So I thought I'd compile a list of some of the most Frequently Asked Questions I get about bisexuality and being bisexual and answer them for you, in case anyone reading this article is questioning their own sexuality or would like to find out more.

1) How do you know you are bisexual if you have never been with a women?
The way I always respond to this question is 'how do you know you're straight if you've never been with a member of the opposite sex?' The answers I often get include things like finding them attractive, fancying someone of that sex, feeling arousal towards certain people, fantasising about someone of that sex etc. etc. Well it is the same for bisexual people. We know we're bisexual because we find both sexes attractive. We fancy both sexes. We can feel aroused or fantasise about someone of either sex. The way you know you are straight is the same way we know we are bisexual.

2) Does this mean that you date men and women at the same time? 
No. Being bisexual doesn't mean that we date men and women at the same time or that we are likely to date more than one person at once. Bisexuality and polygamy are not synonymous with one another. Some bisexual people may be polygamous and date more than one person at any one time, but other bisexual people, such as myself, may be monogamous and only ever date one person at a time. It just means the person we date can identify as a man or a woman or none of the above.

3) What is the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality? 
The difference between the two is a topic which is quite widely debated and very misunderstood. Different people define it differently. One pansexual person I have spoken to said 'bisexuality is when you are mostly sexually attracted to two or more genders whilst pansexual is when you are attracted to people regardless of gender.' but another pansexual said 'pansexuality is a branch of bisexuality in which spans across all genders nonwithstanding and equally.' From my understanding, pansexuality is more about the personality than gender. So a pansexual is attracted to the personality of the person regardless of their genitals whereas a bisexual is attracted to the gender first and the personality second. 

4) Aren't you attracted to everyone then?
Again, no. Think of it this way. Because you are heterosexual, does this mean you are attracted to every single person of the opposite sex? No, of course not. The same goes for bisexual people. Though we can be attracted to any gender, we are still only attracted to certain people, regardless of them being a man or a woman or any other gender. We are attracted to those we find aesthetically or emotionally attractive, just like anyone else is. 

5) What do people mean when they talk about bi-erasure? Is it a real thing?
The term 'bi-erasure' refers to the act of ignoring, explaining away, or otherwise dismissing bisexuality in culture, media, or history. It can also relate to someone denying that bisexuality exists or saying it isn't real in its most extreme form. Unfortunately, it absolutely is a real thing and absolutely still exists today in modern society. Sometimes bi-erasure comes from heterosexual people but sometimes it even comes from other members of the LGBTQ+ Community. Bisexuality can be seen as being greedy, hiding somewhat so we can still enjoy 'heterosexual privilege', blurring the lines between gay and straight or trying to weaken the lesbian or gay movement. This just isn't true at all - we're just people looking for love and it's as simple as that to understand.

If there are any questions that you have which I haven't answered, please feel free to comment below or send me a message and I'll be happy to answer them for you. Please remember that being bisexual is completely okay. There is nothing wrong with it. It isn't weird. It isn't abnormal. You aren't wrong or abnormal either. You don't have to pretend.
You are perfect just the way you are - just be you.

If you would like to learn any more about bisexuality or anything addressed in this article or need any support, here are some useful websites:
Bisexual.org - https://bi.org/en
#StillBisexual - http://stillbisexual.com/
Stonewall - https://www.stonewall.org.uk/
The BeYou Project - https://thebeyouproject.co.uk
Bustle '5 Myths About Bisexuality Which Contribute To Bi-Erasure' - https://www.bustle.com/p/5-myths-about-bisexuality-that-contribute-to-bi-erasure-2418689

~ Kenzie x

If you are new to LGBTQ+ identities or queer theory, or you are struggling to label your own sexual or romantic orientation, this article is for you! I will go over several major LGB+ identities, beyond their dictionary definitions. Most of these terms are perceived as being black and white or having very strict definitions, but many are much looser than what people perceive, and none exclude or differentiate people based on whether or not they are transgender. If more information on any given label is desired, it is always best to look specifically to people who identify as such and are willing to talk with you about it. Many LGB+ accounts exist with admins who are more than willing to explain their identities and experiences with their sexualities and labels they use, or their posts about the same information may be enough.

A note before reading - for some people, their gender is not the same as their sex. Non-binary people and identities are real. The following definitions of sexual and romantic orientations are completely trans-friendly, regardless of whether an individual person who uses any of these labels is transphobic or not.

ASEXUAL: feeling no sexual attraction. Many people commonly believe that asexuality is the same as lacking a sex drive, but this is not true. Many asexual people, or “ace” people, do have sex drives, and may participate in solo, partnered, or group sexual activity. They simply do not feel sexual attraction to people. Asexuality is also commonly confused with AROMANTICISM, the lack of romantic attraction to people. Asexual people can be aromantic, or “aro,” but not all are, and same with aromantic people being asexual. Both identities are valid. A black ring on the right middle finger is often worn by aces to show their identity, and a white ring on the left middle finger by aromantics. 

ALLOSEXUAL/ALLOROMANTIC: a person who experiences sexual or romantic attraction. This term refers to anyone who is not ace or aro, and is commonly abbreviated as “allo.” On the ASEXUAL SPECTRUM, a concept that sexuality is experienced on a spectrum of strength, attraction, and drive, allo people would mark the opposite end of ace/aros. 

BISEXUAL/BIROMANTIC: feeling sexual and/or romantic attraction to two or more genders and sexes. Many people unfamiliar with LGBTQ+ identities often mistake bisexuality as meaning “male and female,” but that is simply not the case. Many bisexual people, throughout history, experience attraction to people of all genders or sexes. Bisexual does not exclude trans or non-binary people. This is also the most common non-straight orientation within the LGB+ community. 

DEMISEXUAL/DEMIROMANTIC: only feeling sexual or romantic attraction after forming a deep, emotional bond. These identities are often seen as being in the middle of the ace-spectrum.

GAY: a term to express same sex / gender attraction. Often perceived as homosexual male, many other LGBT+ people describe themselves as gay even if they do not fit that exact description. Some use it as an umbrella term to describe all forms of same-sex/gender attraction, although that usage sparks controversy within the community, especially concerning potentially negative effects of erasing bi identities and experiences. 

HETEROSEXUAL/HETEROROMANTIC: Attraction to the “opposite” sex or gender.

HOMOSEXUAL/HOMOROMANTIC: feeling sexual and/or romantic attraction to mainly or exclusively people of the same sex or gender. 

LESBIAN: a homosexual woman or person who is connected to womanhood, attracted to people who are connected to womanhood. A very common misconception is that a lesbian is strictly a cis-woman who is only attracted to other cis-women: this is both historically and practically inaccurate. Many GNC, non-binary, and trans people identify as lesbians, and lesbians often find themselves attracted to or in relationships with such people. 

OMNISEXUAL/OMNIROMANTIC: attraction to all genders / sexes. Many people who identify as omni describe that their attraction to a person is influenced by their gender, sex, and gender expression. Though this experience is not true for all, it is important to note as many use that experience to distinguish omni identities from other, similar identities that include attraction to more than one gender or sex. 

PANSEXUAL/PANROMANTIC: attraction to all genders / sexes, most commonly attraction without regard to gender or sex. This definition is not used by all people who identify as pan, and there is some overlap with other labels. Such flexibility with these definitions must be accepted. One cannot “diagnose” another person’s sexuality. 

POLYSEXUAL/POLYROMANTIC: attraction to many, but not all genders / sexes. 

QUEER: an umbrella term, of sorts, that is non-specific to sexuality or gender. Any person who is LGBTQ+ in some manner can use this label. The word, originally a slur, was reclaimed by the community in the 70s and 80s, and only recently has there been an increase in thought that using this label is homophobic in such manner. Take caution when describing others with this term, however. Some people do not want to be labelled as queer, and that wish should be respected. 

    
I hope that this short guide is able to provide some insight and help you better understand different sexual and romantic orientations, or help you understand your own. Years ago when I was questioning my own identity, I found that seeing these different labels and definitions layed out helped me get a better sense of what I experienced and what I did not, allowing me to get a better sense of what labels I most identified with. If you are questioning, feel free to try different labels to see what fits, or to not use a label at all. You are unique, and only you get to decide which label describes your experiences best.