Bi-Curiosity at its Finest

In recent years, there has been a surge of acceptance and support for the LGBTQ+ community, almost as if it were a trend. However, it seems as though those who identify as bisexual are sorely underrepresented and often regarded as not a part of the community. The stigma around bisexuals correlates with the idea that they can’t choose between being gay or straight, or the worry that they’re making a pitstop on the road to identifying as gay. Needless to say, neither is ever the case. Bisexuality means being able to enjoy both males and females and certainly doesn’t mean being part gay and part straight... I’ve heard that one too many times.

Personally, I have never known what sexual orientation I belong to. I have had experiences with both genders, but am still stuck. From a young age, I had my curiosity, as all kids do. I would see lesbians on television shows or my friends would call each other gay while trying to be funny and I would end up searching it up online (which, you might’ve guessed, couldn’t have gone well). Since I’m in high school, at this point I’ve experimented a bit. In fact, my first sexual encounter was with a girl. I’ve played Spin the bottle, seven minutes in heaven, and anything horny or bored teenagers play when they’re with each other. I always doubted liking anything, though. “She’s just a good kisser,” I would say. “I was probably imagining a guy doing it.” “It’s my puberty talking. Anything would feel good right now.” The excuses I would make up for myself were endless. Sadly, I still kind of believe there might be some truth to them. I was also coerced into only liking guys at school. God forbid anyone tell kids it’s okay to be gay (sarcasm if you can’t tell). My entire family on either side is straight, with the exception of maybe 2 or 3 cousins. Taking into account how massive my family is, that’s about 5% or less. On top of that, being that we’re Hispanic, most of us grew up in homophobic households. I recall an instance where I tried to hint at the likelihood of me not being straight, and my father tried convincing me that people aren’t actually gay; that it’s just the hormones from the processed food they consume confusing them. He then proceeded to ask, “You’re not gay, are you,” as if it would be such a tragedy. 

The lack of support from society obviously doesn’t help, either. The LGBTQ+ community is not exactly portrayed as something you want to be a part of. Members are twice as likely to be bullied and more than twice as likely to stay home or skip school to avoid violent abuse from other students. Additionally, they’re 4 times as likely to attempt suicide than straight kids. The community is also highly fetishized in such a way that it almost looks as though it’s not possible to actually be gay. For example, straight guys think it’s “hot” to see two girls kissing. Or how being gay is sometimes depicted as wrong; taboo, if you will, making it appear, so to speak, that gay sex is something you aren’t supposed to do. In other words, making it as if it were sexy for the sole reason of it being a forbidden act, which brings it back to it being fetishized. 

With that being said, I still don’t know if I’m straight or bisexual. I feel like I might never know. I don’t understand why others make it look so easy to just know what they like. If you are in the same boat as me, here is the advice I’ve been giving myself: Don’t go off of labels. It shouldn’t even matter if you’re gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, etc. Just go with the flow. Do what makes you happy. If being with a certain female that makes you feel amazing helps you be happy, then go for it (and vice versa). If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. However, if talking to someone about it would make you feel better, here are some helplines:

• US LGBTQ+ Helplines: Text 678-678 or call (888) 843-4564.
• UK LGBTQ+ Helplines: Call 0300-330-0630
• US Suicide Helplines: Text 741-741 or call 1-800-273-8255
• UK Suicide Helplines: Text 0786-003-9967 or call 116-123
  
  -Katelyn

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Katelyn