Before my 18th birthday, I had seen 3 therapists, 4 psychologists, and 9 doctors. I had 3 procedures and tried more medicines than I can remember. I can recall the exact day my chronic pain began. It was November 2nd, 2016, and I thought I was having a heart attack. I remember almost passing out in my bed, waiting for an eternity in the emergency room, and all of my tests coming back with no answers. In the end, it was a simple blood test that shined some light on what was going on inside of my body. The test showed that I had an abnormally high level of C-reactive protein, which meant I was fighting inflammation somewhere internally. When this test result came in, my doctors finally gave me a diagnosis of costochondritis. Costochondritis is essentially chest pain with no apparent cause. It usually occurs in children and teenagers and most grow out of it within a few weeks, but there are the unlucky few whose pain stays. My costochondritis diagnosis lasted for three years. I had just turned 15 when my inflammation went away, but I was still experiencing the pain. Even though my body was physically better, my brain was not on the same page. It kept sending out pain signals because after three years it had gotten so used to doing so. Because there is no longer a physical cause, the pain has now linked itself to my mood and anxiety. When I’m stressed or anxious or depressed, the pain gets worse, which isn’t good when my genetics make it so I can’t make enough serotonin, the chemical that is in charge of depression. My brain had become my own worst enemy. Finding out that the inflammation was gone was heartbreaking. For three years, I had lived on anti-inflammatory medicines and diets, and I had been told that when the inflammation went away, so would the pain. There are no words to express how broken and depressed I felt when that was no longer the case. I got angry at myself and the world. I refused any new medicines or treatments because I had wasted so much of my life bouncing from doctor to doctor, just trying to feel normal again. Eventually, I started trying new medicines again, but these were aimed towards improving my mental state. My doctors thought that if I could get my anxiety and depression - the two things that worsened the pain the most - under control then maybe my pain would get more manageable or even disappear entirely. It took 8 months to find the right medicine and then COVID-19 hit. The pandemic hasn’t changed much for me. My pain had already kept me housebound, the only difference was that now my friends were stuck in their homes too. They finally got to see a sliver of what the previous four years had been like for me. It might seem weird, but I was happy they had to stay home because it meant they weren’t out having fun without me like in previous years. Last summer, I tried a new procedure. Its goal was to burn the nerves in my ribs that were transmitting the pain signals and force my brain to reboot. It was temporarily successful, but eventually, the nerves healed and the pain was back, but at a lower intensity. I still have the pain, but there are fewer intolerable days. I still can’t wear a bra regularly, and I need to take more time for myself to make sure my anxiety doesn’t reach extreme levels since it could trigger a pain flare-up, but I’m doing better. I wish I could say there was some magical cure that made my chronic pain disappear, but there wasn’t and there still isn’t. I still struggle with it and some days are worse than others. But managing my depression and anxiety has helped tremendously, and learning to not overwork myself and get too stressed has been key. In the last year, my battle with my pain has moved to the neurological side of things. The pain is no longer caused by my body, but by my brain. I’ve had to learn to take care of my brain to keep my pain in control. It’s been a long and slow journey, but I’m just taking it day by day, and maybe someday, I will have a pain-free life again. Links for people who want to learn more about inflammation and costochondritis: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=167&contentid=c_reactive_protein_serum#:~:text=The%20C%2Dreactive%20protein%20(CRP,of%20CRP%20in%20your%20blood. https://www.webmd.com/arthritis/about-inflammation https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/costochondritis/symptoms-causes/syc-20371175 https://www.healthline.com/health/costochondritis I hope you all enjoyed reading this article! Sydney Sydney
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A dynamic truth! A fair judgment to be done! And just another level of stupidity! In fact, it's an indirect one… The time we spend on things we love is way too little than the time we spend on social media. Oooh no! Let me check what Peter has posted this week on Instagram. Or perhaps, it will be so cool and so nice to check on what Mary posted on Tik Tok… But, time still counts, “Tick tock tick tock" And death comes like Boom! We then become addicted to our so-called social life partners. Old days seem more astonishing than the current days… Just to be more precise, the difficulties in doing things made people intelligent and hardworking. But, right now right here, you light up a house with one click on the switch then on it goes! The lights! Such a thing, demanded several trials on a log rubbed smoothly but roughly just to create fire. Sounds interesting right? But, what do we learn from the many trial and errors that gave us a lesson every single time? It actually gave our elders the ability not to give up. It actually made them understand that the world was full of trial and errors which later led to better infrastructures like The Egyptian Pyramids. But come on… wait first! What was Elon Musk's latest post on his newly bought-possession Twitter? Ooh no! Why am I still obsessed with what I am just criticizing? I don't know for real… To be honest, I have had this experience where we are just bonded or perhaps married to a wife or husband named “Social Media” with a full-amazing-gold ring. This might sound harsh but it's actually a truth we have to tolerate. The life principle, which I actually don't know about, tells us that the only people we will be bonded to a lot are our life partners. Ha ha, just kidding! The depth of its effect is far higher than the depth of its advantages which leaves us with an understanding that probably we might be expecting divorces from our life partners. That is what will happen when social media platforms get banished due to the effects it will have caused. We might find ourselves in a drastic confusion of what to do after getting the divorce from these social media platforms. A question just popped up in my mind, actually it's a question I have seen before, which says "What would you do when the internet gets off to replace the time you spend on it?" Huh? Is this a stupid joke or just a mere example of how the crazy people prank the intelligent people? You know, it's actually a thought from someone who might be crazy or just insane enough to speak such bullshit. But, the reality remains that these kinds of people are the most intelligent ones because they realize the depth of the disadvantage. They realize that these platforms which tend to connect people are the same platforms which destroy the role of humanity on earth. Just a simple question, how many people feel absolutely comfortable speaking with people physically than online? Probably very few… But why? It's mainly due to the drastic push we get from our so-called "Life Partners" or let's just say "Destructive Life Partners" named Social Media. Boom! So this is what I have learnt from the Social Media platforms: Well, like lightning it strikes and brings terrifying effects on earth through the breaking rumors it gives out. Like sun rays it gives us the pretendence-like heat unless the ozone layer is tempered through fake-true news it offers. We still survive knowing that we have more to face but unlikely knowing its effects. We live, we survive and we still spend time with our so-called-partners named Social Media. Did I just say something about time? Ooooh no! Wooohooo! Here comes the worst part! Just relax ok? I took time and spared some to check my screen time. I was puzzled and actually surprised with what I saw. Like seriously!!! Did I just spend 6 hours only on Instagram? Ooh come one! Was I stupid to spend 7 hours on ticktock? Mmmh! This sounds fun but how come more than half of my day is just spent on social media? It's magic right? Huh? Still sounds sarcastic… Anyway, let me check what Elon has posted on Twitter this time. Ladies and gents, or let's say online-addicted ladies and gents, I have learnt that the physical contact we spend with our physical friends is far too little than the enormous-high-quality-comfortable time we spend on social media. And actually, my imagination leads me to thinking that we might make a movement on Heaven just to be spared some minutes to check out on our friends in hell and at least check their progress. Just kidding though, the reality is, we really need to look at the future we are destined to go through and at least think if our so-called-life-partners will be advantageous to that destiny. Are we really ready to sacrifice our futures just to waste time on our so-called Life partners or will we be ready to sacrifice the social media and spend more time to nourish our physical world. I am having a feeling that probably Prince EA has posted something today on Instagram. But, do I really have to check it out? You know, this thing is quite tempting and at times it's apparently impossible to just quit it out of the blues and get outdated. Who wants to be outdated? Who? Actually it's fairly no one. It's just not that easy to forget everything and have no information about the world out there. It's quite depressing at times and far away beyond impossible. But, I do have a feeling that there is a way to change and get back to the old days when physical life was much more interesting that the online life. I have this feeling that probably we could have learnt less than what we learn today but actually accurate, true and educative knowledge. We would actively gain knowledge rather than the drastic mixture of lies and truths we get now leading us to an awesome confusion. And who knows, probably we might be able to live a life we all enjoy, live in peace and love and get the natural beauty of our beautiful planet earth. A lot has been happening to the online-addicted ladies and gents. I have been wondering how social media has made us not see the beautiful environment around us. It sounds even awkward that people selfie themselves at funerals these days. But, how long are we going to be torturing our eyes with contents from social media and still get nothing from it? This sounds ridiculous! I cannot stop writing because I feel like the devil we always speak of is actually our so-called life partners named Social Media. They come as a sheep but it's just a skin and when removed there comes a tiger and actually a Mongolian Tiger. It's fierce enough to strike the moment we fully believe it's a sheep. And yes! We have done that already and now we only have to wait for the ambush. Down within the narrow paths towards our destinies, we will be snatched like a chicken. With no one to hear our cries, we will be tortured like a roasted fish. And finally, with none to blame, we will be enslaved and killed mercilessly and Boom! Deal done! Oooh my social media, what have you done to me? - Andreaa Helpline: Be cautious with your social media platforms. Make good use of them and don’t let them exploit you more than how you exploit them. Be cautious! https://www.makeuseof.com/how-to-quit-social-media/ AndreaaWhen you hear the word addiction, your mind automatically goes to drugs or alcohol. These things are considered bad for you when consumed in abundance. However, addiction can be of other kinds too. Addiction to gambling, shopping, and binge eating are just to name a few. Today, I’m going to shed some light on the addiction to cleaning or making sure your environment is perfect at all times. Now, the addiction to cleaning is not necessarily OCD but can be a symptom of it. If you think you might suffer from it, it is best to go and get a diagnosis from a professional doctor. Cleaning is almost always considered to be a positive thing. Cleanliness helps with focus; it reduces environmental health problems and might even help you sleep better. However, sometimes the obsession with cleaning might lead you to a point where you’re not able to sleep if your shoes are not in the cupboard or you can’t focus on your studies because the books are not in order. Some reasons why people may tend to clean up a lot can include the need to feel that they’re in control or the need to see everything around them in symmetry. Most of these habits do not raise any mental health flags as personalities vary and some just like having everything clean. However, if it is hindering your daily life, it would be wise to check with a doctor. It’s a good time to see a doctor when you’re spending hours cleaning one spot over and over or you wake up in the middle of the night just to clean the kitchen shelves and do not understand the motive behind your actions. As a person, I love having everything around me spick and span. I cannot start studying/working unless I have made my bed. I cannot sleep unless all my clothes are neatly folded in the closet and my books are in their designated spots. However, on some days, I let it go. Sometimes I’m not in the mood to clean up or I just have more urgent things to do. I understand my motive behind cleaning everything. In the morning, it is to be 100% focused on my tasks and at night it’s to make sure something does not poke my eye out as I sleep. Just like personality, people have different aesthetics too. For example, some people love having their work desk overflowing with plants and pictures while others go for a minimalistic look. I personally love the idea of having two books and a clean desk to start with every day. In conclusion, the need for a clean environment is good when it's just that. However, when it’s paired with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, it might not be just wanting a clean environment anymore. If you suffer from addiction or want to talk to someone about it, contact your local addiction helpline or contact this UK-based web chat for support. Always remember, that it is never too late to ask for support. https://www.addaction.org.uk/webchat Stay safe and stay happy <3 Aiza x AizaEveryone has that moment in their life when they are given some advice by someone who cares about them and then they completely ignore that advice, only to regret it months later when it turns out to be exactly what they needed. Lord knows I've been there. So I've decided to compile some of the most amazing advice I've ever been given (and may or may not have ignored) in the hopes that it might help some of you. No.1 - You can stop anytime. What I mean by this is that you are never bound to a situation for the rest of your life. You are free to change your mind, make new decisions or stop doing something that makes you unhappy. Giving yourself permission to stop and take a step back is important to see the bigger picture and make the right decision for you. Stopping is not failing. Quitting is not a weakness. You are the one in control here and you are free to stop whenever you feel the time is right. You haven’t failed because you have stopped, you have just stopped and stopping means that you may start up again when the time is right. But it can also mean that this chapter of your life is over and you have stopped for good - but that’s okay too. No.2 - The only way to guarantee failure is by not trying at all. Everyone's a little bit scared of failure. I know I am. One of the reasons I hated maths lessons in school was because I wasn't necessarily the best at it and so I was scared of getting the answer wrong, or failing. But one thing that I have learnt is that getting something wrong does not equal failure, but giving up and not even giving it a try does. If you don't try, then you are guaranteed to fail. If you at least give it a go, there is a chance that you will get it right and even if you don't, you tried and that is the most important thing. Don't let fear stop you from succeeding because there is always a chance as long as you try. No.3 - Don't stress about what you cannot change. I can tell you 100% that I am the worst person in the world when it comes to stressing myself out and panicking about things. Not only that, but I have a persistent habit of stressing about things which absolutely are not worth stressing about. This doesn't help anyone. You can't control everything so if you are going to stress about anything, you should only stress about things you can control and things you can change, rather than things you cannot. Don't stress about if it's going to rain on your friend's wedding day - if it rains, it's going to rain and you can't change the weather. Don't stress about if there is going to be traffic on the way to school - if you're worried, just set off a little earlier. The point is that stress is pointless if you can't control the thing which you're stressed about. It won't change anything and will only harm you in the end. The saying ‘keep calm and carry on’ truly does apply in this situation. Control what you can and carry on with what you can’t. No.4 - If people don't like you for you, don't change to make them like you. Every human has an insatiable need to fit in and be liked. I'm a total people pleaser so I avoid confrontation at all costs and lie about stupid things just so that I fit in. For example, I used to tell people that I watched shows like Coronation Street or Eastenders because everybody else did and I thought it would be weird if I didn't watch those shows too. Truth is, I hate Coronation Street and Eastenders with a passion and have never watched an episode in my life and would be more than happy to never watch an episode. I used to think that lying about these things would make people like me but these lies meant that they wouldn't have liked me, but instead liked the version of me that I had created and that's not fair. You should be able to surround yourself with people who like you for being the real you and allow you to be your most authentic self. If people don't like you because of who you are, then they aren't worth it. Don't change to fit other people's perfect view. You are a pretty perfect version of what you are already. No.5 - Celebrate even the smallest achievements. One thing that I have always struggled with is thinking that something I have achieved is insignificant and unimportant or not meaningful enough to deserve celebrations or congratulations. But the truth is that even the smallest achievements are worth celebrating if it is something you have done well or something that was difficult for you to do. For example, on my hardest days when I’m feeling really down and unmotivated, it can be almost impossible to do everyday things like get out of bed, brush my hair, clean my teeth etc. These seem like easy things to everyone else, but to me, on that day, they’re near impossible. Even doing little things like that deserves to be celebrated because it was difficult for me to do, and though they’re small to everyone else, they’re big things to me. Something doesn’t have to be huge or life-changing to be recognised and acknowledged as an achievement. Anything can deserve a commemoration if it is important to you. No.6 - Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. I absolutely love this quote with every inch of my being, so much so that I have multiple plaques dotted around my house all saying the same thing; life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. What this essentially means is that you can’t spend your life waiting for the right time or the perfect time to do something because you would be waiting forever. There is never a perfect time or a right time. However, there is value in making the most of a bad situation i.e. dancing in the rain. You need to learn to take the best from a bad situation and turn it around instead of waiting for everything to get better before moving on. Life is filled with challenges and always will be. When you are facing these challenges and these difficult decisions I want you to remember that, despite everything, you can still be happy and things can still be pretty good overall. If I wanted you to take one piece of advice from this article, I think this would be my recommended one because it has helped me throughout some of the hardest times in my life. No.7 - People are far more focused on themselves than they are on you. As humans, we have this notion that everyone around us is watching us all the time and are focused on what we are doing and what we are wearing and are scrutinising our every move. One thing to remember is that they are humans too and so they are thinking the exact same things that you are thinking but about you and about themselves. They generally don’t care what you’re wearing, they’re too busy focusing on what they’re wearing to take up brain space criticising and scrutinising your fashion sense and believe me, this goes for pretty much everything. In reality, most people do not really care for you on a deep and meaningful level. They care for themselves and how other people perceive them. Honestly, humans are fairly selfish beings, even if only on a minute scale. When you live a life truly on your own terms and know that no one really cares that much about what you are doing, you will be able to enjoy your life secure in the knowledge that what you are achieving is what is important to you regardless of what you once thought others were thinking. No.8 - You don't need to have a plan. I think that school and society have perpetuated this idea that you have to know what you want to do at 16 and that you have to have a plan for the rest of your life. Actually, I don’t think this is true at all. I don’t see how you can be expected to have a plan for everything and for your future when you are so young. I did and, to be blunt, my plan went completely pear-shaped and I am now doing something which is completely off-piste to that plan I had at 16 years old. A plan can be useful and necessary for some things, like a birthday party or what you’re going to cook for dinner, but you absolutely do not need a plan for everything and you should not be expected to have a plan for everything either. Sometimes, being spontaneous and just following the path that life takes you can be the best thing to do for your mental health and well-being. So let the river run. No.9 - Your best is all that you can do. Here we go with yet another cliche piece of advice. I promise that there is a reason that this advice is cliche though and that’s because it is 110% true and there is no way you can deny it. If you have done your best and there was absolutely nothing more you could have done or said, then that is all you can do and you can’t blame yourself for what happens afterwards. Recently, I had a job interview for a job that I was super excited about. I really really REALLY wanted this job - and I didn’t get it. However, when I had that interview, I gave it my all. I put my best foot forward, made it insanely obvious how passionate I was about the role, gave them an extensive list of all my skills, related everything I said to a specific experience in my life and made sure to interact as much as possible with the interviewers. There was nothing more I could have done in that interview that would have made them give me the job. I gave them everything I had and came out feeling positive and knowing that I couldn’t do any more and what will be will be. Sadly, what ended up was a rejection but as I say, I did all that I could. If you do all that you can, then that’s all that anybody can ask of you and you can hold your head up high regardless of what comes next. No.10 - Push your limits but not too far. It is important to push your limits and take yourself out of your comfort zone every now and again. You won’t progress if you stay comfortable because you won’t learn to cope with the things that you aren’t comfortable with and the things which challenge you and scare you. This is something that everyone always says. But a very wise person once added something to this well-known piece of advice. Make sure to take yourself out of your comfort zone but know your limits. Whilst it is great to move away from where you feel safe and comfortable, don’t push yourself so far that it is damaging to you. There is such a thing as going too far out of your comfort zone and when you get to that place, then it is a good time to stop and turn back before you hurt yourself and end up doing more damage and causing more pain than good. Keep an eye on yourself and your limits and don't burn out. I’m sure there are lots more pieces of helpful advice out there but these are just ten of the ones which I have found to help me the most. You are now free to do with them as you please. What is the best piece of advice you have ever been given? Please make sure to let us know in the comments and share your wisdom with the community. If it only helps one person, it’s worth it. ~ Kenzie KenzieFor nearly 3 years now I’ve been suffering from Non-Epileptic Seizures. It all started back in 2018 when I was on my way back from London and woke up on a train station platform. The train staff were very comforting, letting me know what happened. What I wasn’t expecting was what the reason was for me to be lying on the train station platform. One of the kind staff said to me, “Melissa, you have had a seizure, we’ve phoned your dad and he’s on his way. We got your information from your passport and then contacted your emergency contact”. At first, I was panicking, as I’d never had a seizure before I was never known to have them. But my brother was! He was epileptic and on the way back from the station I was with my dad in the car and all these questions were going around in my head. “What has caused this seizure to happen?” “Did I knock my head hard on the floor?” - As I had an awful headache after the incident. What I didn’t realise was what effect this would have later on in my life. I would start to have daily seizures and this restricted me from working as I was working in a nightclub at the time. So, when I went to get tested, they ruled out it was epileptic seizures at first. But, a few months on, it was proven not to be epileptic seizures; it was a case of Non-Epileptic seizures. At first, I had no knowledge of what this diagnosis was but by doing my own research I have average knowledge of what it is now. Today, 3 years on I still suffer from these seizures and they have changed my life. They have caused me to go jobless and not be fit to work. That means I’m stuck at home all day every day. Also not being allowed to drive as it’s dangerous if I do so. That limited me to where I can go as I live on the outskirts of my town. But what has affected me the most is losing my friends. I’ve lost a lot of my friends due to these seizures as my friends are scared to be around me. At first, they were okay with it but as it became a regular thing they just got fed up, I guess. I was touring with my friends known as Jedward and I had a seizure just before the concert. So this leads to an ambulance being called and the decision my friends had to make, ‘Who would go with me in the ambulance?’ Luckily I felt okay after a check-up in the ambulance and I was bouncing back half an hour later just in time for the concert. It was a weird experience. Normally when I have a seizure, I have a massive headache and I’m drained but this time that wasn’t the case. After this experience, I did learn who my true friends were but I also learnt that I can’t expect everyone to wait around for me. I would want them to enjoy their time and not be in an ambulance missing the concert. 3 years ago, yes this would have upset me to see my friends leave me to go to the concert without me, but now, I see it as a positive because I’m not dragging them behind and making them miss out on a fun experience. It’s grand to realize that everything happens for a reason, you find out who your true friends are the hard way. But then again do you have to see it like that? Try to turn it into a positive so it’s good for your mindset.
MEL‘Can you please repeat what you want to say again?’--- I have to hear this question usually every day. My words spread out when I speak fast- mainly because I am excited or nervous. At that time, no one understands my words- it’s obvious. So I don’t hold any grudges towards people if they say they didn’t understand my words or I have to explain to them again slowly. But I feel guilty or depressed inside because I can’t always make people understand my words nor I can speak slowly. There are many causes of speech impediments or disorders. I guess my one is due to respiratory weakness as I have a dust allergy for which I catch coughs and colds very often; so I can’t speak long sentences sometimes as I can’t keep my breath for long. When I was young, I couldn’t talk clearly because of my disorganized and misplaced teeth. Some of my cousins used to ask why I am like this. I was really sad and used to come to my mom crying. She understood my feelings and tried to talk to my dad about fixing my teeth, but he didn’t listen to my mom. He said that I was too small to get teeth braces or any other procedures. So I had to grow up listening to people talking about my unclear speech behind my back. I did get teeth braces after turning 16. After 2 years of patience, my teeth got fixed, but still, my words remained unclear as my lower jaw is slightly misplaced. I put my heart and soul to fix my speech impediment but still, I feel frustrated and insecure about what people may think about me. But I did try some tips for improving my speech- 1. Try to use small sentences or phrases by breaking up long ones. You can easily speak slowly using small sentences and it’ll be clear. 2. Some mild speech disorders can be treated with speech therapy. I didn’t do therapy because I believe I don’t have a disorder, it’s mainly due to my slightly displaced jaw. 3. Though I didn’t do therapy, I tried some breathing exercises which really helped me. 4. Try not to speak when you are excited or angry as it will make the sentences more unclear and you may become frustrated if anyone asks you to say the words again. Try to make yourself calm before talking to someone in excitement. How can you help someone with a speech impediment or communication problems?
Resources on Speech Disorders: The following resources may help those who are seeking more information about speech impediments. Health Information: Information and statistics on common voice and speech disorders from the NIDCD Speech Disorders: Information on childhood speech disorders from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center Speech, Language, and Swallowing: Resources about speech and language development from the ASHA AninditaPLEASE NOTE: You must be 18 or over to legally use a dating website or app so please bear that in mind. Online dating has become increasingly popular in recent years and it looks like that trend is only going to continue. Gone are the days of meeting someone in a bar or through a mutual friend. It's easy to see why people turn to websites like Tinder, or Match.com. It is so easy to create a profile and it allows you to meet single people outside your circles who you may not have otherwise given a second look. But online dating is also scary. With an estimated 323.9 million people using dating apps (source: Cloudwards.net) it can be really difficult to decide who to 'swipe left' or 'swipe right', so to speak. Not everyone on a dating site is going to be trustworthy and who they say they are and, certainly for women, unsolicited pictures (colloquially known as 'dick pics') are a common occurrence. But it’s not just women. Men can also feel concerned for their safety as women online can also be inclined to lie or make omissions about who they are and their life. So do the pros of online dating outweigh the cons and if so, how can you keep yourself safe? I am extremely inexperienced when it comes to dating. My first and only serious relationship was when I was 15/16 years old and it really didn't end well. I had briefly considered online dating before but I had always been scared as all I’ve ever known is the horror stories you hear about catfishes and dick pics and people just looking for sex. I knew I didn’t want that so I was very reluctant to go online, despite my godmother insisting that I needed to get out there again and give dating a chance. But, despite my reservations, I have recently taken the leap and decided to try Facebook Dating. It’s been an interesting endeavour, to say the least. I was decidedly optimistic about online dating and thought I’d met ‘the one’ the first time I matched and spoke with someone. That was my first encounter with what I call ‘the bullshitter.’ He told me he’d never met anyone like me, never felt this way about anyone and he was falling in love with me (this was all on the first date, two days after we’d started talking, can I add.) He kept saying how he couldn’t wait to put a ring on my finger and spend his life with me. Cue two weeks later, two days before our second date, he messaged me to tell me he was getting back with his ex-girlfriend… who was also pregnant with his baby. I mean - what, wow. What am I meant to do with that? Understandably, I was pretty cautious and nervous after that about getting too invested in anyone. I didn’t want to be let down yet again. In the past month or so, I have matched with many people and spoken with roughly half of them. Half of those I’ve clicked with and half of them either didn’t work out or didn’t even reply. I’ve been ghosted, sent unsolicited dirty messages and blocked for no reason at all among other strange interactions. I honestly considered deactivating my profile and just giving up again. Roughly two weeks ago, I met one of the sweetest guys I've ever encountered. He has one young daughter which is a bit scary for a 22 year old, but he is so kind and makes me feel pretty damn special - not in the way the bullshitter did though, but in a genuine way. He’s made it very clear that he’s fine with me needing to slow down and he won’t pressure me into anything that I’m not ready for or completely 100% comfortable with. It’s early days but we’ve been on three dates so far and thanks to him, I’ve regained a little bit of hope and faith in online dating. Just because I have met some horrible people doesn’t mean that everyone is horrible. There are some genuinely nice guys online, as proven by the latest guy I’ve met. Online dating is scary and yes, it can be really difficult to navigate like some kind of unsolvable puzzle. But I don't want you to write it off just because of the prospect of meeting someone horrible. So here are some tips from personal experience on how to keep yourself safe and enjoy the experience.
So whilst I encourage you to enjoy the experience of online dating if you decide to try it, I’ll leave you with this thought: be careful and stay safe. ~ Kenzie x
When it’s coming up to Summertime we all like to have something planned. That’s when a bucket list comes into action! A bucket list is when a person makes plans that they would like to accomplish during their lifetime. Summer is about creating special memories with family and friends. But who’s to say bucket lists are just for Summer? There are four seasons every year, so we can make more bucket lists! The benefits of having a bucket list are you have something to be excited about but also you can plan it out too! Also, it can make you feel motivated that you’re going to accomplish your dream! Here are some ideas for each season! Spring Bucket List;
Summer Bucket List;
Autumn Bucket List;
Winter Bucket List;
So there are just a few ideas on how to create your seasonal bucket lists! But remember these bucket lists don’t have to be big ideas they can be little ones like helping out a neighbour or taking your family out for dinner. The things you put onto your season bucket list are your personal ideas and you can complete them anytime you want! It’s fun to create seasonal bucket lists so you can have an idea of what you would like to do in the New Year. Some of the things I’d like to complete in the New Year are;
My bucket list has helped me to grow my confidence to get out more but also have a positive look at life. My future can be filled with exploring but also discovering myself more. The importance of a bucket list is to live a life with hopes and aspirations. Whilst also reflecting on our values and goals, - Mel
Periods are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. We must not only normalise the physical impact they have, but also the effect they have on mental health too. Instead of shaming others, we must focus on promoting love and support during this stressful time. Whether you are reading this and relate to menstruation affecting your mental health, or want to help those close to you, I hope I can offer some useful tips in tackling this monthly battle.
Over 90% of menstruating people suffer from at least one symptom of Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), including headaches, feeling upset, anxiety, irritability, tiredness and bloating. Linked to this, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a health problem similar to PMS but causes more serious symptoms, like severe irritability, depression and anxiety, and these can present themselves a week or two before the period actually starts and ease two or three days after it has begun. Yet, there is still the stigma that people on their periods are overreacting and seeking attention, even though they may be having an internal war with themselves, facing a formidable opponent to their personal growth and success. While hormones are real chemicals that affect us, the destructive thoughts they bring do not in any way represent who we are, our intelligence, our talents and our overall mental health. It is natural to feel so emotionally distressed during menstruation that you may feel you can’t get out of bed. Hopelessness may cripple you, isolating you from the happiness you may have felt the day before and the happiness that may be found in the future. I assure you, the thoughts that are engendered during this time of the month can be soothed and there is always a way for you to prepare yourself mentally, before this self-deprecating version of yourself takes your place temporarily. Before I began to question why I was feeling so despondent and angry during my period, I felt lonely and frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t control my emotions. This still happens now; sometimes I don’t even recognise who I am on my period. I find my thoughts being damaging towards my dreams, my regrets and my self courage. As someone who isn’t a stranger to ill-temper, I find that before, during and after my period, I react badly to those around me and I’ll admit, I say things I don’t mean and find no relief in slamming a door or two after an argument I caused to erupt. Feeling alone, I become restless, unable to sleep and losing passion for my interests. Finding control during menstruation isn’t a simple process and even after finding ways to cope, I sometimes find it impossible to counteract unhealthy thoughts. Imagine training to become an Olympic athlete, being dedicated to wake up early every morning and train, only to be told by your biggest supporter, AKA yourself, that you don’t deserve to succeed/ you can’t succeed/ you don’t want to. Not everyone has a lifelong ambition to become an athlete, but as humans, we strive to become better versions of ourselves, in whatever makes us happiest. Personally, I love to write, but I’ve found that on my period, I tend to doubt my writing ability and words I’ve written before suddenly seem worthless and terrible. I also find my brain trying to convince me I hate my favourite book and it can be difficult to find enjoyment in anything. This is reality; this is life, for a lot of us. But don’t be deterred from trying a few coping mechanisms, because I assure you, you don’t have anything to lose and some of these have really alleviated the symptoms I experience when on my period. How to care for yourself during menstruation:
How you can help others:
I cannot stress enough the importance of understanding mental health during menstruation, as if you’re not self-aware, you may not only hurt yourself but also hurt others. If you think you have severe symptoms, please don’t hesitate to see a doctor. There are many options out there and people who can help, such as cognitive behavioural therapy and fluoxetine- an antidepressant. If you already have a mental illness, your mental health can ameliorate during your period and you should never suffer alone. Talk to a loved one and explain how you’re feeling, as even if they don’t comprehend it now, they will once you have. We’re here at TWE to help if you ever have any concerns or doubts and honestly, contact me or anyone from the team if you ever need someone to talk to. -Nicole https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/ It is fair to say that stress affects the lives of many young people today, admittedly, myself included. I say “admittedly” not because it is something to be embarrassed by, but rather because it often lies behind a tough exterior. Students in particular have to grapple with all kinds of pressures, both societal and personal. According to a survey conducted by the Union of Students in Ireland in 2019, 23.1% of female college students stated that they felt severely stressed. Being a student myself, this is something that I can relate to. In this article, I hope to share with you my experience with stress and how I manage it on a daily basis. I personally believe that stress is determined by two related factors: a desire to please people and a fear of failure. Despite being able to recount moments from my childhood in which I felt rather anxious, I think that my real battle with stress began when I entered secondary school. All of a sudden, I felt an enormous pressure to excel in my studies and became obsessed with the thought of failure. This was one of my many fears, and it still is today. I began to associate productivity with self-worth and self-esteem – if I achieved an ‘A’, then I was a capable and hard-working individual. This caused a lot of stress, and at times, the fear was so overwhelming that I would cry, procrastinate my work, and become irritable and withdrawn. I essentially set myself a standard that I could not always reach; a standard that few people can ever fully live up to. Where this stemmed from I have no idea, given the fact that I was a diligent student who was in no way headed towards the path of failure. Nevertheless, it was an experience that forced me to unpack my fears and realise my own potential. Intertwined with this was the desire to please others, namely, to confirm or deny their perception of me. This was an inner personal conflict that bred stress and made setting boundaries quite difficult. I have always struggled with saying the word “no” and tending first to my own needs. This intensified in university, following various failed attempts at finding work and the pressure that comes with exams. There were times at which I felt torn between what others expected of me, and what it was that I truly needed (a break). Even now, in my daily life, I am constantly in a tussle with stress and the feeling of inadequacy. However, rather than running away from it, I choose to confront it head-on; in fact I transform it into creativity. But how do I actually achieve this? How do I tap into my anxious thoughts and ultimately use them to my advantage? Allow me, if I may, to share with you some tips and advice on how to do this. Firstly, the biggest revelation for me was identifying my triggers. By this, I am referring to what actually prompts me to feel stressed (a fear of failure and a desire to please others). After coming to this realisation, I started filtering out certain habits from my life that were both unnecessary and stress-inducing. The biggest of these was the constant need to give an instantaneous reply to text messages (text messages that did not necessitate an urgent response). Along with this, I began practicing saying “no” to social outings and only made plans to attend them when I felt rested and mentally-relaxed. This brought freedom and serenity to me in ways for which I will forever be grateful. I began to realise that protecting my energy was vital to reducing the amount of stress that I encountered daily. I learned how to say “I cannot physically do everything at once” to myself, which in turn, led me to being both assiduous and patient. Consequently, my desire to satisfy the demands of other people gradually diminished and I created my own sense of liberation. In addition to this, I decided to undertake various activities as a means of creatively expressing my anxious thoughts. This not only served as a calming method; it also allowed me to remain centred and combat my fear of failure. Being a writer, I take comfort in putting pen to paper and jotting down my thoughts. I believe that this is one of the most cathartic acts performed by humanity. In doing so, my stress takes on many different forms, manifesting as poetry, affirmations, and journal entries. The practice of doodling can also be calming, and I strongly encourage you to try it. Likewise, sending myself an encouraging text message or typing notes in my phone is another means of relieving stress. If I am travelling somewhere that makes me feel anxious, for example, an exam centre or my place of work, I will type little notes for myself to read on the bus. A simple “you’ll be okay” can be quite soothing and make me feel as though I am capable and ready to complete the task ahead. I also, quite often, create a list on my phone of everything I get to do when I return home. This reassures me that even if the experience does not go as planned, my day can still end on a positive note. This activity, as well as the others that I mentioned, enables me to maintain hope and perseverance in the face of stress. After reflecting on my experience for the purpose of this article, I truly believe that such activities can be applied to the lives of other young adults and teenagers. And so bearing that in mind, I would like to say this to you, the reader: Stress in itself can be a wonderful gift that enables you to discover small ways to bring joy to yourself. It is a natural part of the human condition, and indeed of growing up. Do not fear it, for it can be tamed, and do not dismiss it, for it is innate. Stress is your teacher – it stimulates growth and fosters development. Rather than running from it, allow it to motivate you to finish that assignment, to attend that job interview, or to take time for yourself. Transform your stress into creativity and watch closely as it, in turn, transforms you.
“In case of a cabin pressure emergency, put on your own mask first before assisting others.” We always hear this sentence every time we take a flight. It is a good concept to apply to our lives. We need to remember the importance of helping ourselves first before helping others. Putting yourself doesn’t mean you’re choosing either your or another's life. It means putting yourself makes you function better and strengthens you to support your loved ones better. Even a therapist can ask guidance from other therapists. It doesn’t mean they’re not credible. It helps them prepare and recharge so that they can help clients as well. One way of self-help is self-love. Loving yourself is different from being a narcissist. A Narcissist needs professional guidance because Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by exaggerated feelings of self-importance. They lack empathy and therefore rarely make friends with others. Different from being narcissistic, self love is an act to appreciate and care about oneself. Self-love is a journey and everyone should have a trial and error method to find the best way to love themselves. In order to help our self, here some ideas that I’ve tried and you can apply them too: No screen day Due to online situations, life is attached to the screen. Sometimes, I’ve gotten very anxious about things on social media. I couldn’t bear to look at notifications on my social media. So, reconnecting with nature instead of the screen, would be very relaxing. Hugging someone with no context This gives me another level of satisfaction. When hugging someone, I feel calm and relax. Also, my negative emotions go away. It may be because the stress hormone is released. Meditating I’m not sure with the actual method, but it is kind of staying still and being aware of nature’s sounds. Nature’s sounds help release my anxiety and stress. Those tips may work for some people but not others. Hopefully, they can help some of you guys. Enjoy your journey to a fulfilling life! The word “creativity” can mean a variety of things. For some people, creativity is visual art, like painting or pottery. For others, creativity takes a less physical form through things like writing and music. From dancing, to photography, to poetry, it is clear that this word has an extremely broad definition. What things do these art forms have in common? Passion. Creativity is what drives people, giving them such an interesting emotional outlet. While this passion is usually positive, there are harsh expectations that get in the way of people expressing their creative interests. It is not easy to pursue an interest when there are so many pressures to face. One of the most common issues people struggle with is the so-called “failure” to meet their own expectations. When there is a clear image in your head of what you want to express, the reality may be disappointing. Unfortunately, this fear of a mediocre outcome is what stops a lot of people from attempting to begin in the first place. In addition to the internal struggles, there are plenty of external factors that contribute to the discouragement of creative hobbies. Though many do not outwardly admit it, social media plays a major role in our motivation. Sometimes it can drive people to create art only to post about it. Unfortunately, many people get too caught up in posting about their work rather than actually falling in love with it, therefore building extremely high expectations for themselves. Additionally, comparisons to other people can make it difficult to have confidence in your own work, which can also build up high expectations that may be difficult to achieve. A few years ago when I was stressed with school, I used painting as a creative outlet. When I was completely invested in my work, I could release all my stress and worries onto the paper. It genuinely didn’t matter to me if the painting was messy, I was only focused on the joy of creating the piece. This delightfulness soon haltered once I started posting about it. The thought of posting my work on social media created an ocean of presuppositions about when to post, what to paint, and if it even looked good enough to hit the public eye. What began as a hobby quickly transformed into a chore. As time passed, I began to realize how disappointing it was to allow my own standards to stop me from doing what I used to love. After several attempts to continue my passion for art, I finally found some lasting solutions. The first being my promise that I wouldn’t paint with the intention of posting it after. Instead, I would be painting for my own validation. This helped me center my focus on the process of the piece as opposed to the outcome. Another practice that really encouraged me to continue painting was setting realistic goals for myself. Instead of expecting to finish my work in only a few hours, I would set a goal to finish it in two or three days. That way, I could take breaks without feeling overwhelmed or guilty. The advice I gave doesn’t just apply to art but also to any other area of creativity! It’s always good to give yourself both time and space to focus, and breaks are a fantastic way to practice this. It is so important to be kind to yourself during the creative process. Progress is not always linear, and that’s okay! The ups and downs are part of the journey. Practicing a method of non-judgmental creativity will help everyone find a way to continue their passions! Do you have problems with studying or just need some advice in regards to studying? Well here I am to propose some options to change your study habits for the better. Study tips that I point out may not work for you or everyone else; you just need one study tip to work to increase your productivity. These tips build on note taking, time management and decreasing procrastination. Here are the benefits at a more detailed perspective.
Managing your time and trying to avoid procrastination is hard. Procrastination is the level that all students go to, some stay at that level for a while and others leave quickly. I advise you to learn that level as fast as you can. Procrastination increases mistakes, stress, mental illnesses, and more. It does not help to leave work for later when you just do not want to do it. You can start to reward yourself when doing work before the date because in psychology it is proven that positive reinforcement promotes the likelihood of that behavior of doing work earlier knowing there is a reward to stay with you. Managing your time is basically planning ahead, sometimes the plan will change, but it is just the thought of you planning what homework you will finish, when you will go to the gym, and more. Creating good habits is the most important thing. I struggled with studying growing up and I learned the hard way of the importance of efficiently studying. Only in high school did I start to take my own advice on my studying but every now and then I do procrastinate and life just becomes 100% stressful. Stress then takes over and ruins me emotionally and physically. Do not allow that to happen to you. Take the extra mile if you have to. The hardest path usually is the best outcome. Your studying habits is only something you can do and it will be hard to maintain it. But you can do it, just believe in your own judgement. Watching others studying on YouTube makes me personally feel the need to study. Sleeping well and working out makes me feel ready to take on the world. I prescribe you that, taking better care of yourself physically and mentally. Having and creating better studying habits will take time so be patient. Nobody in the world is perfect, we all struggle with things. Use your faults to bring you up and not down. Do you have a set of personalized study habits and do they work? Do you last and honestly are they worth it? That is up to you to answer since out of all the people in the world, you know yourself the best. So sit down and talk to yourself, which is not a bad thing to do from time to time. Ice cream. A treat that is loved by people all across the globe - myself included. It tastes so good, good enough to make me sick. Suddenly, I am covered in red rashes and find myself sneezing profusely. I remember my mom saying, “I told you to stay away from milk and milk based products. You don’t listen to me! “ But how do you resist something so tasty? I pondered. ”You have to resist for your own good.” This may be easier said than done. According to Mayo Clinic, an allergy is an abnormal response of our own immune system, causing our bodies to fight a peaceful substance. This can cause a variety of symptoms which can range from coughing and wheezing, to shortness of breath and digestion problems. I am lucky that my milk allergy is moderate and does not cause anaphylaxis (closing of the airway). Some people, however, aren’t as lucky. In fact, anaphylaxis is quite a common issue. Though there are parallel symptoms between a milk allergy and lactose intolerance, it is important to note that they are not the same. Each needs different routes of treatment in order for a patient to experience relief. So, how did I find out I have a milk allergy? When I was about one year old, my mom took me to a doctor as I was showing signs of breathlessness after drinking milk. They performed blood and skin tests, and determined that I had developed a milk allergy. When I first learned this, I wondered: “why did it take so long to figure it out?” It didn’t. We don’t have a fully developed immune system at birth. As it continues to grow, our systems can make mistakes and initiate fights that have no source of prior conflict, hence allergies. In my case, when I drink milk, my immune system sends out antibodies to attack the casein protein found in the substance, which creates sickness-like responses. These responses are different in each individual. How do I cope with my love for sweets and how do I manage symptoms? I rely on antihistamines or sometimes epinephrine shots. Both of these help my body to realize that there is nothing harmful to battle within it. Since you can’t be taking these drugs constantly, I avoid consuming milk at all costs. I do this by looking up the labels for each and every product I eat. Sometimes the casein protein will be found in food products that don’t list it as an ingredient. It is important to be aware of this, and consult your immunotherapist or general practitioner about any foods or drinks you are concerned about. I mainly eat soy or rice based frozen desserts, sorbets or puddings which are really good substitutes for those I can’t enjoy, like ice cream. I will admit, I give in sometimes and eat treats that contain the casein protein, but I quickly pay for it by experiencing my usual symptoms. Then as usual I have red rashes and have to take antihistamines. I have to take supplements too to fulfill my daily calcium and Vitamin-D requirements. This makes for quite the hassle. Thankfully, this allergy is well-known and science revolving around it is rapidly advancing. Soon enough, we will have better treatment. It’s just a matter of time, patience and symptom management. In the meantime, however, if you or someone you know is struggling with symptom management or resistance, please feel free to reach out to me through our TWE platforms. I would be more than happy to offer you further tips and tricks. |
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