TEENAGERS WITH EXPERIENCE

‘Can you please repeat what you want to say again?’--- 

I have to hear this question usually every day. My words spread out when I speak fast- mainly because I am excited or nervous. At that time, no one understands my words- it’s obvious. So I don’t hold any grudges towards people if they say they didn’t understand my words or I have to explain to them again slowly. But I feel guilty or depressed inside because I can’t always make people understand my words nor I can speak slowly. There are many causes of speech impediments or disorders. I guess my one is due to respiratory weakness as I have a dust allergy for which I catch coughs and colds very often; so I can’t speak long sentences sometimes as I can’t keep my breath for long. 

When I was young, I couldn’t talk clearly because of my disorganized and misplaced teeth. Some of my cousins used to ask why I am like this. I was really sad and used to come to my mom crying. She understood my feelings and tried to talk to my dad about fixing my teeth, but he didn’t listen to my mom. He said that I was too small to get teeth braces or any other procedures. So I had to grow up listening to people talking about my unclear speech behind my back. I did get teeth braces after turning 16. After 2 years of patience, my teeth got fixed, but still, my words remained unclear as my lower jaw is slightly misplaced. I put my heart and soul to fix my speech impediment but still, I feel frustrated and insecure about what people may think about me. But I did try some tips for improving my speech-

1. Try to use small sentences or phrases by breaking up long ones. You can easily speak slowly using small sentences and it’ll be clear.

2. Some mild speech disorders can be treated with speech therapy. I didn’t do therapy because I believe I don’t have a disorder, it’s mainly due to my slightly displaced jaw.

3. Though I didn’t do therapy, I tried some breathing exercises which really helped me.
 
4. Try not to speak when you are excited or angry as it will make the sentences more unclear and you may become frustrated if anyone asks you to say the words again. Try to make yourself calm before talking to someone in excitement. 

How can you help someone with a speech impediment or communication problems?

1. Be patient and don’t rush while listening to the person. Try to focus on what the person is trying to say. 
2. While talking to someone with a speech impediment, remove distractions so that you can listen attentively.
3. Try to stay on one topic and don’t ask too many questions at once. Try to talk naturally, it will be comfortable for both of you.
4. Don’t avoid the person with communication problems. Try to make conversation with them about topics both are interested in. Because the more they practise, the more they can improve their speech. 

Resources on Speech Disorders:
The following resources may help those who are seeking more information about speech impediments.
Health Information: Information and statistics on common voice and speech disorders from the NIDCD
Speech Disorders: Information on childhood speech disorders from Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center
Speech, Language, and Swallowing: Resources about speech and language development from the ASHA

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PLEASE NOTE: You must be 18 or over to legally use a dating website or app so please bear that in mind.

Online dating has become increasingly popular in recent years and it looks like that trend is only going to continue. Gone are the days of meeting someone in a bar or through a mutual friend. It's easy to see why people turn to websites like Tinder, or Match.com. It is so easy to create a profile and it allows you to meet single people outside your circles who you may not have otherwise given a second look.

But online dating is also scary. With an estimated 323.9 million people using dating apps (source: Cloudwards.net) it can be really difficult to decide who to 'swipe left' or 'swipe right', so to speak. Not everyone on a dating site is going to be trustworthy and who they say they are and, certainly for women, unsolicited pictures (colloquially known as 'dick pics') are a common occurrence. But it’s not just women. Men can also feel concerned for their safety as women online can also be inclined to lie or make omissions about who they are and their life. So do the pros of online dating outweigh the cons and if so, how can you keep yourself safe?

I am extremely inexperienced when it comes to dating. My first and only serious relationship was when I was 15/16 years old and it really didn't end well. I had briefly considered online dating before but I had always been scared as all I’ve ever known is the horror stories you hear about catfishes and dick pics and people just looking for sex. I knew I didn’t want that so I was very reluctant to go online, despite my godmother insisting that I needed to get out there again and give dating a chance. But, despite my reservations,  I have recently taken the leap and decided to try Facebook Dating. It’s been an interesting endeavour, to say the least. I was decidedly optimistic about online dating and thought I’d met ‘the one’ the first time I matched and spoke with someone. 

That was my first encounter with what I call ‘the bullshitter.’ He told me he’d never met anyone like me, never felt this way about anyone and he was falling in love with me (this was all on the first date, two days after we’d started talking, can I add.) He kept saying how he couldn’t wait to put a ring on my finger and spend his life with me. Cue two weeks later, two days before our second date, he messaged me to tell me he was getting back with his ex-girlfriend… who was also pregnant with his baby. I mean - what, wow. What am I meant to do with that?

Understandably, I was pretty cautious and nervous after that about getting too invested in anyone. I didn’t want to be let down yet again. In the past month or so, I have matched with many people and spoken with roughly half of them. Half of those I’ve clicked with and half of them either didn’t work out or didn’t even reply. I’ve been ghosted, sent unsolicited dirty messages and blocked for no reason at all among other strange interactions. I honestly considered deactivating my profile and just giving up again. 

Roughly two weeks ago, I met one of the sweetest guys I've ever encountered. He has one young daughter which is a bit scary for a 22 year old, but he is so kind and makes me feel pretty damn special - not in the way the bullshitter did though, but in a genuine way. He’s made it very clear that he’s fine with me needing to slow down and he won’t pressure me into anything that I’m not ready for or completely 100% comfortable with. It’s early days but we’ve been on three dates so far and thanks to him, I’ve regained a little bit of hope and faith in online dating. 

Just because I have met some horrible people doesn’t mean that everyone is horrible. There are some genuinely nice guys online, as proven by the latest guy I’ve met. Online dating is scary and yes, it can be really difficult to navigate like some kind of unsolvable puzzle. But I don't want you to write it off just because of the prospect of meeting someone horrible. So here are some tips from personal experience on how to keep yourself safe and enjoy the experience.

• If something feels off, trust your instinct.

Everybody has a gut instinct which is designed to protect us from harm and guide us in the right direction when making decisions. Usually, your gut instinct is right and if it’s telling you something is wrong or there is something a little bit off, you are getting that feeling for a reason. So rather than just ignoring it and brushing it off, maybe try listening to it. I sure wish I had. With the first guy I met, there was a little niggling thought in my head that it was too good to be true and that he couldn’t be as good as he seems. It turns out my mum had the same thoughts and was concerned that I’d get hurt, which in the end I did. 

• Don't share too much personal information 

This is Internet 101. Whenever you meet someone online, you have to be careful about what you share with them as not everyone is going to be who they say they are and your personal information can easily be used against you. Things like your address or where you work should be kept to yourself until you are completely sure that it is necessary and safe to share and never share things like passwords or social media logins.

• When meeting, have a friend who has your back

When I went on my first date, a friend offered to come and sit in the background to keep an eye on me and then I could let her know if I needed an out. Granted, I didn’t take her up on that but I did give her a code word that I would use if I felt uncomfortable, and then she would give me a call with an emergency that I could use to leave. If you have a friend or family member who you trust, let them know where you’re going and when and maybe organise some kind of code like I did in case things go bad.

• Be open minded when it comes to hobbies and interests 

Just because people don’t share any hobbies or interests with you doesn’t mean you won’t click. One of the guys I spoke to was interested in bottle collecting and metal detecting. Those kinds of things are not even remotely interesting to me but I really liked the guy. So be open minded and don’t just write them off because you don’t have everything in common.

• Don't put too much pressure on yourself

You don’t have to meet ‘the one’ as soon as you start online dating. I mean, I thought I had and look how that turned out for me. Don’t be afraid to move slowly, take your time and just have fun. If it’s meant to be, things will naturally progress at a pace you are comfortable with and you shouldn’t put any pressure on yourself to move on quicker than you feel ready to, and no-one else should pressure you either. 

So whilst I encourage you to enjoy the experience of online dating if you decide to try it, I’ll leave you with this thought: be careful and stay safe.

~ Kenzie x

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Periods are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. We must not only normalise the physical impact they have, but also the effect they have on mental health too. Instead of shaming others, we must focus on promoting love and support during this stressful time. Whether you are reading this and relate to menstruation affecting your mental health, or want to help those close to you, I hope I can offer some useful tips in tackling this monthly battle. 

Over 90% of menstruating people suffer from at least one symptom of Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), including headaches, feeling upset, anxiety, irritability, tiredness and bloating. Linked to this, Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is a health problem similar to PMS but causes more serious symptoms, like severe irritability, depression and anxiety, and these can present themselves a week or two before the period actually starts and ease two or three days after it has begun. Yet, there is still the stigma that people on their periods are overreacting and seeking attention, even though they may be having an internal war with themselves, facing a formidable opponent to their personal growth and success. 

While hormones are real chemicals that affect us, the destructive thoughts they bring do not in any way represent who we are, our intelligence, our talents and our overall mental health. It is natural to feel so emotionally distressed during menstruation that you may feel you can’t get out of bed. Hopelessness may cripple you, isolating you from the happiness you may have felt the day before and the happiness that may be found in the future. I assure you, the thoughts that are engendered during this time of the month can be soothed and there is always a way for you to prepare yourself mentally, before this self-deprecating version of yourself takes your place temporarily.

Before I began to question why I was feeling so despondent and angry during my period, I felt lonely and frustrated with the fact that I couldn’t control my emotions. This still happens now; sometimes I don’t even recognise who I am on my period. I find my thoughts being damaging towards my dreams, my regrets and my self courage. As someone who isn’t a stranger to ill-temper, I find that before, during and after my period, I react badly to those around me and I’ll admit, I say things I don’t mean and find no relief in slamming a door or two after an argument I caused to erupt. Feeling alone, I become restless, unable to sleep and losing passion for my interests. Finding control during menstruation isn’t a simple process and even after finding ways to cope, I sometimes find it impossible to counteract unhealthy thoughts. 
 
Imagine training to become an Olympic athlete, being dedicated to wake up early every morning and train, only to be told by your biggest supporter, AKA yourself, that you don’t deserve to succeed/ you can’t succeed/ you don’t want to. Not everyone has a lifelong ambition to become an athlete, but as humans, we strive to become better versions of ourselves, in whatever makes us happiest. Personally, I love to write, but I’ve found that on my period, I tend to doubt my writing ability and words I’ve written before suddenly seem worthless and terrible. I also find my brain trying to convince me I hate my favourite book and it can be difficult to find enjoyment in anything. This is reality; this is life, for a lot of us. But don’t be deterred from trying a few coping mechanisms, because I assure you, you don’t have anything to lose and some of these have really alleviated the symptoms I experience when on my period.

How to care for yourself during menstruation:

1. Be kind to yourself. Seriously, whenever you feel discomfort or the slightest bit of frustration in yourself, think: am I being kind to myself? How can I be kind to myself? Leaving tasks, sacrificing diets or simply letting yourself go from your responsibilities as a human being won’t make you suffer lifelong consequences. Whenever you can, give yourself a break, and NEVER feel guilty about doing so.
   
2. Make a ‘Comfort List.’ If you’re struggling to find happiness during your period, this can be something used to inspire your self-care. This can be anything from your favourite books and movies to your happy place(s) and your favourite snacks. I understand that your brain might try to convince you that you abhor your favourite TV series, but associating the items on the list with comfort can help to counteract this.
   
3. Find a Comfort Space. Create a mental association with this sanctuary for positive thoughts of solitude and peace. This may provide you with an escape and allow you to feel more at ease. You may be surrounded by blankets and pillows or sitting on a bench in the most tranquil part of your local park. Experiment!
   
4. Create a relaxing playlist. Chances are, with cramps and headaches, you won’t want to listen to punk rock while you’re in your comfort space. Pick the most soothing songs, ones that don’t invade your head with high pitched sounds, raging distorted guitars or cacophonous instrumentation. Find your comfort voice, one that instantly soothes those wrathful thoughts.
   
5. Forget about the past and the future. It can be incredibly difficult to drag yourself away from past regrets and trepidation about the future, even more so when you’re on your period. Try to focus on the present and connect with the atmosphere around you, or for some, it may help to transport yourself to another world, like in a fantasy novel.
   
6. Quotes! Download an app called Motivation or read some poetry. Write down the most uplifting ones in a journal for you to come back to. 
   
7. Stay away from caffeine, sugar and alcohol. These can aggravate headaches, cramps and disrupt your sleep. Drinking lots of water is so important, alongside fruit and vegetables.
   
8. REST! Pain may cause sleep deprivation, so if you can’t sleep, rest your eyes or just simply give yourself a few hours to relax.
   

How you can help others:

1. Give them physical and emotional space. Don’t suffocate them with demanding questions about their mental state or force them to tell you what’s bothering them. I find that a question that really infuriates me on my period and I struggle to answer is: are you okay? How are you? What’s wrong? Instead, become more practical. What can I do to help? Is there anything I can get you? If not, solitude may be what they need. Others may prefer a non-judgemental and supportive presence without directly asking about what they’re going through.
   
2. Silent understanding and unspoken support. Don’t remind them that they’re on their period, they know! 
   
3. Rise above hurtful comments. As I’ve mentioned before, unprovoked resentment is common during menstruation. If someone close to you has said something to instigate a dispute, they most likely didn’t mean it. If you have been affected by their words, talk to them about it later or talk to someone else. An argument may be what you think they’re looking for, but below the surface, this could distress them further.
   
4. Redirect their thoughts to a safer reality. If they are comfortable in talking, don’t mention that they’re bloated or have a sudden reappearance of spots. If they express doubts or anxieties, try not to offer a cliched response. Instead, reassure them that it’s okay to take a mental day off and come back to tackle the problem when they’re themselves again.
   

I cannot stress enough the importance of understanding mental health during menstruation, as if you’re not self-aware, you may not only hurt yourself but also hurt others. If you think you have severe symptoms, please don’t hesitate to see a doctor. There are many options out there and people who can help, such as cognitive behavioural therapy and fluoxetine- an antidepressant. If you already have a mental illness, your mental health can ameliorate during your period and you should never suffer alone. Talk to a loved one and explain how you’re feeling, as even if they don’t comprehend it now, they will once you have.

We’re here at TWE to help if you ever have any concerns or doubts and honestly, contact me or anyone from the team if you ever need someone to talk to.

-Nicole 

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/

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​The word “creativity” can mean a variety of things. For some people, creativity is visual art, like painting or pottery. For others, creativity takes a less physical form through things like writing and music. From dancing, to photography, to poetry, it is clear that this word has an extremely broad definition. What things do these art forms have in common? Passion. Creativity is what drives people, giving them such an interesting emotional outlet. While this passion is usually positive, there are harsh expectations that get in the way of people expressing their creative interests. 

    It is not easy to pursue an interest when there are so many pressures to face. One of the most common issues people struggle with is the so-called “failure” to meet their own expectations. When there is a clear image in your head of what you want to express, the reality may be disappointing. Unfortunately, this fear of a mediocre outcome is what stops a lot of people from attempting to begin in the first place. 

    In addition to the internal struggles, there are plenty of external factors that contribute to the discouragement of creative hobbies. Though many do not outwardly admit it, social media plays a major role in our motivation. Sometimes it can drive people to create art only to post about it. Unfortunately, many people get too caught up in posting about their work rather than actually falling in love with it, therefore building extremely high expectations for themselves. Additionally, comparisons to other people can make it difficult to have confidence in your own work, which can also build up high expectations that may be difficult to achieve. 

    A few years ago when I was stressed with school, I used painting as a creative outlet. When I was completely invested in my work, I could release all my stress and worries onto the paper. It genuinely didn’t matter to me if the painting was messy, I was only focused on the joy of creating the piece. This delightfulness soon haltered once I started posting about it. 

    The thought of posting my work on social media created an ocean of presuppositions about when to post, what to paint, and if it even looked good enough to hit the public eye. What began as a hobby quickly transformed into a chore. As time passed, I began to realize how disappointing it was to allow my own standards to stop me from doing what I used to love. 
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After several attempts to continue my passion for art, I finally found some lasting solutions. The first being my promise that I wouldn’t paint with the intention of posting it after. Instead, I would be painting for my own validation. This helped me center my focus on the process of the piece as opposed to the outcome.  Another practice that really encouraged me to continue painting was setting realistic goals for myself. Instead of expecting to finish my work in only a few hours, I would set a goal to finish it in two or three days. That way, I could take breaks without feeling overwhelmed or guilty.​