When things don't go to plan

When I wake up, I like to think my day will be grand but some days this doesn’t go to plan. Like for instance, the other day I was going to the health care clinic for an assessment. So, I thought as I’m near Greggs I would go in and get some hot tomato soup to give me some energy. 

When I went into Greggs, the woman asked what I would like and I said just some tomato soup please. So, after I paid, I made my way to the clinic with my mammy as I can’t go into my local town alone.I have very bad anxiety due to my past with bullying so I’m scared of seeing someone from my old high school in town. 

After we arrived at the health care clinic, I checked in then went to sit down to wait to be called in. When I sat down,I opened my hot soup as it was in a take-away cup so I couldn’t see what was inside. I was expecting it to be tomato soup but it was chicken soup! As I’m a vegetarian, I couldn’t eat it. 

This situation really got me down and angry. I know people make mistakes but that was going to be my go kick to start the day. During the assessment, all I could think about was the soup situation it really got to me and it made me so anxious during the assessment.

After the assessment I went back to Greggs to tell them about my soup and I was really expecting them to say “we can’t change it as you had already taken it out”. But I was totally wrong! The woman who served me before was so kind about the situation and she changed the soup for me but then also offered me a free pasty of my choice. She was so sweet and very apologetic. 

After that situation, I sat down and thought about it when I got home and just questioned myself ‘why did that bother me so much?’ I was really overthinking it and it got me feeling hot and really anxious. Normally, someone would just be like oh they gave me the wrong order, I’ll go back and complain.

My mental health hasn’t been good over the past year, I believe it has gotten worse, especially with my bulimia, it’s hard to break a routine you’ve been doing for so many years. 

My bulimia has made me start some awful behaviours like bingeing at night then not eating during the day as my parents are at home (when they are not at work ). I think I revolve my life around bulimia as that is the only thing I feel I’m in control with. 

After recapping my day, I sat down with my mammy to talk about what happened that day. She said that she thinks it’s my mind making me overthink about small incidents like this and then it brainwashes you into thinking that the day ahead will be ruined due to this situation. 

I agree with what my mammy said and so, the next day I phoned my mental health and said to them look I need this weekly therapy like I was supposed to have but I’m not receiving it. I would like a new therapist please one I could rely on, not going on the sick all the time”. 

They replied that they couldn’t give me further help as I needed to take it to the head of department. I was really upset about this and I didn’t know where I stood with my local mental health services. 

So, situations like this happen but I don’t think people realise how much it can affect people. Overthinking is one of the most common things with mental health and it needs to change!

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Mel