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Last month my family went on a trip to Colorado. We were safe and wore masks everywhere, and originally we were just going to stay in a cabin for a few days. But as the trip went on, nothing went as planned. It seemed as if it was one thing after another that was going wrong. We had to change our plans time and time again, yet we still managed to have fun.
Something you should know before we get into this is that my family has a travel curse. My aunt started it, and it’s been passed down ever since. When she went to Las Vegas, the only blizzard in the city’s history happened. When she was at Hershy’s Park the largest flood in the county’s history happened. She was at Disney World during a hurricane, and when we went to Universal Orlando the Air Conditioning in our hotel broke during humid Florida summer. When we went to St. Louis, not only did I get Strep Throat, but it was cold and ended up snowing the day we wanted to explore. So it wasn’t a surprise when our trip to Estes Park went south real quick, but it was by far the worst case of the curse we’ve had yet. So first our cabin burnt down. We were driving up to go there and we noticed a police barricade blocking our way, and when we asked they informed us that there were wildfires and it was being evacuated. We were all upset, and when my aunt called to get a refund, they refused to give it to us. We found a rundown hotel and stayed there for the night. Later that day we found out that the fires had spread and we were going to need to leave again. We found our third hotel of the day and went to see the Stanley. When we got to the Stanley everything was going great, we explored and at seven o’clock we went on our ghost tour. We were having a blast with the paranormal experiences. About halfway through I tripped down a few stars and felt something pop in my ankle, but ignored it and continued. My ankle started hurting more and more as we went on and by the end, I was limping and in pain, but brushed it off as nothing. Little did I know that I twisted my ankle, and by not letting it heal for the rest of the trip I now have a permanently messed up ankle that pops out of socket almost every day. (Yes, I got it checked out at the doctor’s and they said there’s nothing they can do at this point.) After this, we went and got supper. I’m allergic to a lot of foods and spices, and normally very careful about eating at restaurants, but at this point, it was going on nine and I was tired and hungry. I ordered a burrito bowl and didn’t check for turmeric or cayenne, and had to use my allergy meds. They also put dairy cheese in it when I specifically said to not do that because milk can kill me. So we went back to the hotel and I collapsed onto the pull out immediately. At about 8 am a cop knocked on our door and told us to evacuate. We hurriedly packed up our stuff and headed to Denver where we spent the next night. I went to pull my laptop out of my bag and looked up in horror at my aunt. I left my laptop at the hotel. We called the hotel that luckily hadn’t burnt down and they promised to send it back to my house... for the low price of $150. It was cheaper than a new laptop so we told them to send it and we would deal with the money later. Time jump, the screen was cracked beyond repair when we got home, so after replacing the screen it would have been cheaper to buy a new laptop. The last thing that happened was on our way back. The van that we were driving in is pretty old and needed a few repairs, but it had been fine on every other trip so it would be okay on this one, right? Wrong. It broke down in the middle of Kansas. And if you know anything about Kansas, there is nothing but hay there. Luckily we were able to fix it to the point where we could drive it, but we didn’t dare stop. We drove home for six straight hours waiting for disaster to strike, but luckily we made it home. Even though this sounds like a horrible trip, looking back on it I find that it was one of the best I’ve been on. When we went to that third hotel, we found elks outside that we could look at. The Stanley was an awesome experience and I was able to walk through it despite being injured. If I hadn’t had that reaction I might have found out about my turmeric allergy somewhere where I didn’t have access to my meds. If I hadn’t forgotten my laptop, I wouldn’t have found out about the bad battery in it and it would have literally exploded. And if we hadn’t broken down there, we wouldn’t have had the great conversations on our way back and the van might have crashed instead of just going a little slower. So in the end, it was all worth it and taught me to just go with the flow. -Meg
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I don’t know what it is about growing up that misses out on the part where you are magically supposed to know how to cook and eat a balanced meal every day three times a day, I must have missed that part. Even though we learned at school what a balanced meal is, it was difficult to implement that into daily life, our food was controlled by our caregivers or parents. As we grow into our teenage years we face many insecurities about our bodies especially now that social media is so accessible and beauty standards are even more unachievable, almost everyone has dieted, worried about their bodies, or developed an unhealthy relationship with food, alongside a misunderstanding on what is unhealthy.
This is why growing up I was anemic, probably vitamin deficient as well because I did not know what food I should be incorporating into my diet, alongside other financial barriers and struggles. Despite all that, my South Asian mother cooked up delicious food every day, vegetable curries, lamb, chicken rice, but sometimes the food we got every day was repetitive and did not incorporate a variety of different food groups. There usually was one big meal in the evening and the rest would have been a school meal and I would normally skip breakfast in the morning. They say breakfast is the most important part of the day and my rumbling stomach and low energy would vouch for that every morning. Skipping breakfast or meals in general is proven to be very unhealthy, I used to be distracted by hunger at school, unable to concentrate, slow metabolism because of the inconsistent meals, so do not skip meals. In fact I have several small meals throughout the day and it keeps me focused and healthy, speeding my metabolism. However, I was privileged to get home-cooked meals daily but as a family, we did not have an enriched understanding of how important it is to have a balanced meal, increase the fiber, increase vegetables and fruit every single day. At the age of 15, I became anemic and I took that incredibly lightly, I would not take my iron tablets on time until I started noticing over the years how much hair had fallen out and how pale I had gotten. I was not eating a diet with a variety of food groups, I was always trying new diets in my teenage years, porridge diet, no eating evening meal diets, which thankfully never turned into an eating disorder, but it very much could have. Now in my early 20s, I discovered I had a vitamin D deficiency and was losing hair because of it, a lot of hair, clearly indicating that I was not eating a balanced diet. This came as a shock to me because I love eating, I enjoy pretty much every vegetable and fruit but realized that my daily diet was poor, and some weeks were great but there was inconsistency. One week I would have some rice, lentils, curry, vegetable curry, mushrooms, salad, eggs, mango, apple, pineapple, and plenty of snacks. The next week I would barely eat proper meals and eat junk food or odd meals the entire week, and sometimes the bad week would extend to two or three weeks. My point is that we all need to eat foods that are suited for our own bodies, for me, I needed a diet which had tons of vitamin D and Iron, for someone else it might be different. As we grow, we have to build back our relationship with food, we have to tear apart the idea that carbs such as pasta and bread are bad for you, or you should only have portions the size of a pea or that sugar should be forbidden. Believe it or not, carbs can help you lose weight, in fact, you can eat anything if you eat it with a healthy diet. If you were to eat mostly vegetables in your diet, you could still become deficient in other things. The idea is to have balance, experiment, and stop labeling, because food impacts us all differently, it changes our bodies differently and we must stop associating negativity with food, all types of food! I came across some inspiring Tiktoks a few days ago, which speaks about diet culture and how toxic it is, it manipulates our minds into thinking something is healthy when it is no less healthy than what they say is bad for us. Take, for example, a Tiktoker going by the name @myhealthydish was doing a series called ‘Eat this not that’ she substituted peanut butter, for powdered ‘Skippy Peanut Butter’ which is made into a paste by adding almond milk, she showed the viewers the difference in fat content and why they should start eating the powdered, processed version just because it is fewer calories than normal peanut butter which is made up of peanuts and salt. The problem here is that she is villainizing ordinary foods that are not harmful to you or even seen as ‘junk food’ and making you feel bad for eating them, telling you that you should eat a processed powdered version of a more natural product made out of peanuts, just because it’s a couple of calories less. She is perpetuating diet culture, assuming that everyone should try and eat fewer calories when not everyone should, and the false idea that fewer calories equal health. So here I am, in my early 20s, discovering food through a different pair of eyes.The moment I started doing that was when my hair started falling out again and was tested for a vitamin D deficiency, I was not eating a diet that had variety, a diet in which my body could absorb different types of vitamins. I am passionate about food, I live to eat, fond of cooking and learning new recipes and yet this happened to me? Food was always on my mind, fruit, vegetables, meat, I loved them all, I am the least fussy eater you could meet, yet I was not getting the nutrients I needed until I realized change starts when I take apart the negative beliefs I had about food and guilt. So, a balanced meal for me looks something like this, chicken and rice shawarma, a chocolate cake, cut up pieces of mango, pomegranate, a green smoothie, and some water. Now, this might be too much for some people, but for me, this is a good amount that is good for my digestive system, that has different food groups, where I am not restricting sugar from my diet, I am including it in some meals and I feel full and happy and not deprived nor guilty. Another day might look like this; egg sandwich, pasta salad, two packets of crisp, chapati, chocolate, lentil curry, and rice. It is all about perspective, I am not conscious of how much I eat, I am conscious of what food will give me energy, give me vitamin D, Iron, fiber, nutrients that will make my skin and hair healthy, make me feel less tired, rather than looking at it from the restrictive point of view where I am only focused on weight loss. I just want to pay my body back for getting me up in the morning, getting me through a 12 hour night shift, supporting me when I do my daily activities, that is how I look at food now, how I can keep my body doing these lovely things it does for me and how to enjoy it in a variety of ways. Tiktok surprisingly has helped me enormously with food positivity, bringing different points of view on food portions, carbohydrates, and how I can lose healthy amounts of weight or just be healthy in general. Some Tiktokers I would recommend are: (Dietician: @hannahmagee_rd), (Body Positivity @Brittanilancaster), (Mental Health/Food Positivity: @victoriagarrick4) and plenty more that I may have forgotten to mention. Disclaimer: I am not paid to promote any of the following people I mentioned, I just enjoy their content. By Wania Syeda Understandably, saying no to an invitation feels like rejecting the person themselves. “No” morphs into a hideous word whenever we run the risk of offending someone we care about. We instead decide to accept a hiking trip or a dinner we were never truly up for from the start. But then, while we’re there, we end up wishing we were cozy at home, by ourselves, and in the worst case scenario, we feel a tinge of resentment for the moment.
Now, to the people-pleasers out there, including myself, please repeat the following sentence: saying no to our loved ones is OKAY! We may not be in the mood to hang-out as a result of work and school burn-out, sleeplessness, low mood, anxiety, depression, in other words, a product of our emotional wellness (or unwellness). These are all justifiable reasons to reject a hang-out invitation. They are just as excusable as an unanticipated fever, a dentist appointment, or an exam to study for. With that said, there is a right way and a wrong way to reject a hang-out. I rejected the wrong way. I was invited to a Zoom Party back in May. I took a couple days to respond back because I couldn’t make up my mind whether to attend the party. I wasn’t in the mood for a party that day but I thought maybe I would be interested on the day of. I texted back and said, “Yes, I’ll come!” However, the day before the costume party, I still wasn’t in the mood. Undoubtedly, I had cornered myself. We were all supposed to dress up in homemade costumes to make the event funnier. I was even less in the mood for that than to just click on “join a meeting.” The day of the Zoom event comes and STILL I didn’t want to have any part in the event. So, I never showed up. I never let her know that I couldn’t come anymore. I was extremely ashamed of myself afterwards because I didn’t have a ‘normal’ excuse except “No, thank you. Not interested.” I took some time to reflect on what I could have done the moment I was asked about the event, and here is what I noticed. I made the mistake to take a while to respond. Unless you are unavailable throughout the week (no pressure there), there is no need to wait a couple of days. We’re all aware that, when we’re at our downtime, we check our phone at least a couple hundred times a day. So, when someone invites you to a party via text or DMs, try to send a reply the same day or, at the latest, the next day; but in the case that you have not made up your mind, let them know you’ll come back to them soon. Now comes the part where you need to make a decision. Try to name every reason you might not want to accompany George and Diego to their skiing trip or might not want to watch a Star Trek movie marathon with Laura and the rest of the Pink Ladies clique. Then, name all the reasons that you’re interested in the hang-out. Which side resonates more for you? Use your gut reaction. Now once you have made sure you are not interested at all because you cannot find yourself to be in the mood to be anywhere but in the luxurious sanctuary of your home, here are a couple of sample texts or in-person phrases you can say: Hey, thank you so much for thinking of me. I won’t be able to come to the party. Maybe next time! I hope you and the squad have a fantastic time! No need for an explanation. Just quick and easy. But in the case that you would like to explain a bit more... Hey, can I have a raincheck? I need to rest at home this Saturday as I can’t find the energy in me to socialize this weekend. Will there be a next time? Hi, Laura. That sounds like fun, but I don’t feel up for human interactions this Friday. I would love to come next time, though! Let me know of any future dates of a similar or a different hangout plan! Or.. if you don’t like the idea at all of their hang-out plan.. You can say.. Hey! I like the idea of all of us spending time together but I’m not really into the idea of a costume party. I would love to come to any other kind of hang-out! Like a dinner? Or a concert? You can also suggest a hang-out, too. Hi, thank you so much for you asking! Open Mic night at Cafe du Monde sounds awesome! Unfortunately, I can’t be there this Sunday but I’m available Thursday night! We can watch that new Tom Hanks movie. What do you think? Conclusion: “No, thank you” can be simple, straightforward, and most of all, heartbreak-free. Using the every now and then uncomfortable word “no”, once you realize that all you really need in the moment is to stay home, can be a major favor for your family member, friend or acquaintance. Honest communication can flourish in the relationship, if you so wish to let them know you need a mental break from socialization. You can also be completely present for them at the next hang-out just in time for that new Tom Hanks movie. Ah, toxic friends, we’ve all had some at some point in our lives. They are the complete antithesis of friends; instead of supporting and loving you, they belittle, and abuse you instead. My experience with them is probably no different than yours, but they can leave a lasting impact on you and not in a good way. In fact, I’m going to level with you, the trauma of getting betrayed or abused by some of those so called “friends” is one that I haven’t fully recovered from yet, but, I have made some very important steps in my recovery and learned some important tips and tricks that might hopefully help you out.
My experience started when I was in 9th grade. I was looking forward to high school and having the best time ever because I had always heard that high school was this wonderful time, where you will “make more friends than ever before” and “live the good life partying and going out with your friends all the time. Using what I had learned from middle school, I went around and looked for my people. In a matter of no time, I found those people, they shared all of my interests. I grew very close to them very quickly as a result. Few months in however, things started to take a dark turn. After talking to one of my friends one day, I unknowingly offended her. In response, she began to act more like an oppressor and less like a friend. She began to constantly insult, and intimidate me, while also yelling at me spontaneously. This evolved into slander of my name towards other members of my friend group. They too began to turn against me and avoid me as a result. The mass betrayal really hurt me. What ultimately shook me to my core and scarred me was when one of those “friends” sold me out to my school counselor. My school counselor then told my parents what she told her. I was never the same since. The experience had many effects on me, some of those effects I worked passed. Others however, still affect me to this day. In the aftermath of the event, I developed a case of depression, social anxiety, low self-esteem, and a fear of opening up and being vulnerable. I was always told that I was a wonderful guy and anyone who was my friend would be lucky to have me. In my mind, how could that be if I was rejected by what I thought would be the only people at my school who could ever understand me and I could ever relate to at the time? I didn’t want to be vulnerable about my issues at the time because also in my mind, it was being vulnerable and opening up that led to me being here. Still, a part of me wanted to make friends, but, I also feared doing so cause after all, wouldn’t they just all betray me anyway? However, I still got the help that I needed because ultimately I didn’t want to live this way. So, I went to see a therapist to talk about my feelings and issues. This was very helpful as it allowed me to better understand and drop the negative feelings, and depression that I had at the time. I also tried to put myself out there, even if doing so brought me tons of pain, trauma and fear at the time. While it did lead to some people rejecting and also turning out to be bad friends, I became more willing to be open, expand my social circle once more, and make a couple new friends along the way too. One thing that also helped me tremendously on this recovery journey was putting my faith in Christ as simply doing so had a great healing effect on me. If you too have been in a situation similar to mine, my advice to you would be to turn away from those people immediately once you start to notice them treating you without respect, love, or regularly putting themselves first for real friends would never treat you like that. Trust me, you deserve better than to have people who do not respect or value you. Just like I have said at the beginning of this article though, I haven’t fully recovered from the experience yet and to this day, I still struggle with some problems related to it. For example, I start prematurely judging if someone likes me or not based on very small factors like when they text me, the pitch and tone of their voice when they talk to me, how they look at me, and many other small things. In other words, if I text you and you take hours or longer to respond, I start thinking things like “oh no, they hate me”, “I did something”, and “what possible reason could they have to hate me”. Although not as bad now, I developed a sort of dependence on the approval of others to try and remedy my pain and to “verify” that the person in question “doesn’t hate me”. Those two issues however, are currently being worked on and I have been learning to recover from them by also turning to professional help as well as friends, faces of trust, continuing to meet new people by putting myself out there, building and practicing self confidence, and trusting in/praising the lord. For you who are reading this, I hope I have been of help to you and have left behind something that you were able to relate with. Until next time!!! -Alejandro Mata Change is daunting. Always.
In this article I don’t mean to belittle your experiences or dictate your emotions. You are allowed to feel and wallow in your emotions. You are allowed to not want to adopt a glass half-full mindset. This article is just for you to read so that, a few months down the line, when you are neck-deep in this new situation, you can re-evaluate your choices. Personally, I don’t think it’s always healthy to adopt a new situation and adapt immediately. Resistance is what builds grit - it helps you determine the core of your character: what you are willing to compromise on and what you choose to fight for. It is better to really immerse yourself in emotions rather than brush them off because you are important and what you are feeling is a valid response to the situation, no matter what others might say. I’ve been to seven different schools in three wildly different countries. Making friends is difficult: finding the courage is hard; finding the motivation is even harder. Culture takes a while to get used to, making the choice to retain some freedoms and exposing yourself to public judgement takes even longer to get used to. Having stable mental health is a challenge; achieving a state open to happiness is more challenging. I know this. Let me help you through it. I’ll detail my personal plan and you can adapt it to suit your particular case. Your initial reaction is (or was - depending on when you chance upon this article) not random. You need to credit yourself as a rational being capable of complex thought. If this change saddens you, try and pinpoint the reason why - however trivial it might seem it means a lot to you so don’t bury it. If there is one person you can trust it is yourself, so be honest to yourself. You don’t have to share it, just acknowledge that it’s there.
Don’t feel pressured into adopting a happy countenance if that’s not what reflects your true feelings. You deserve to feel; to be human. I know it’s cliche, but as with everything else in life: this too shall pass. I’ll see you on the other side.
The sunkissed flower is abloom, flourishing in the soft warmth,
Pollinated by the selfless creature that flew Into an undisclosed world, beautifully unaware Of the ephemerality of her survival. Nature is innocent, its beauty raw and honest, But the power that settles over it, like a dark shadow Is waiting. While our flourishing is timeless, Nature is waiting to be tainted By misuse and the force of its inhabitants; where is our love? Kindness, dripped in sweet honey Is delicate. The dainty petals that radiate hope Droop when their sun is no longer there to protect them But to painfully tear them apart. They’re captured, one by one, Until the seeds of growth are left exposed, Bleeding until there is nothing Left to flourish. Where is our love? The shield of peace and purity Become weapons, Sharp to the touch; No longer the soft delicacy they once were. Ruin and despair, Our love vanished. Nicole I regret trying so hard –
Trying even when I knew it wasn’t going to work Trying even when I didn’t hear from you Trying even when I could feel myself crumbling. Because you weren’t trying – Not trying when the distance stretched on Not trying when the days ticked by Not trying when the image of me began to fade. So now I’m nothing more than a childhood name, A whisper of a memory. We started as something more than sisters, And now I’m nothing but a name. I regret not moving on when I left you – Not letting go when I knew it was time Not forcing myself to stop when you didn’t respond For bothering you for so long. Because you were already moving on – When I gave you one last hug When I waved goodbye When I disappeared from your sight. We started as something more than sisters And now I’m nothing but a name. Nothing but a name that you’ll forget, Nothing but a memory that will fade, Nothing but a face you’ll only see in pictures. I regret letting the doubt in– Letting myself fall to pieces Letting myself think it was my fault Letting myself cry over you. Because you weren’t crying. You were laughing, Smiling, Forgetting. We started as something more than sisters And now I’m nothing but a name. I regret so much, But I don’t regret leaving. Because now I am me, And you are you, And we’re where we’re meant to be. ~Madeline Writing to a pen-pal is like travelling to another country without leaving the front door. When I was younger, I would open up an envelope in awe and admiration that the stamp and paper had traveled all the way to the United States. Writing is another form of socialization that can keep us connected. Writing doesn't have to be strictly about letters, either. I have tried out text messages, emails, and video chat. And these methods all work out. To some, pen-pals sound like an old-fashioned concept but it isn't because people communicate with strangers from a far away distance all the time. The Internet replaced traditional correspondence. The movement of writing about our day, requiring us to slow down and reflect, is therapeutic. You can compare the habit to journaling, except you're receiving feedback. Writing is also another way to bond with someone you're already friends with or a relative you want to keep in touch with. The activity sparks rays of creativity in ourselves. It can reduce stress and anxiety, increase self-awareness, and allow a space to express our emotions and thoughts. We're frequently on our computers, cell phones, and tablets on an everyday basis. Writing letters is a way that our eyes can take a needed break from our screens; but, as mentioned earlier, letters aren't the only option.
I enjoyed writing as a kid. I kept journals that I was too much of a perfectionist about. Entries rarely ever made it out alive because I'd rip the paper up into pieces when I made a handwriting mistake. Letters and emails were appealing. I already sent lots of emails when I was 9 years old and up to classmates just for fun. Developing a friendship with a pen-pal seemed so easy because you establish from the very beginning that you’ll be friends. In 2013, I found a website called Students of the World where children and young adults publish their ads in search of a pen-pal. I had several over the years and some of them we'd send letters back and forth; but I would mostly communicate with them by email. I learned that you have to go through a couple of pen-pals before you can find one that you click with. I feel lucky that the first person I ever wrote letters to is still a close friend of mine to this day. To protect her identity, she will be called V throughout the article. I was 13 years old and V was 11 years old when we met through the website. I live in the United States while she lives in Canada. We started out by emailing each other and after a couple of months, we decided to send letters. We would go on a hiatus every now and then. V became a really good friend, nonetheless, someone who I was comfortable being myself with. We still have those months where we don't hear from each other but, after eight years, we’ve developed the trust that we’ll hear back from each other, regardless. Although some people feel that the start of a pen-pal friendship is hard, in some ways it can be easy because you have the free range to talk about almost anything, like favourite books, movies, and music. Awkwardness, however, is normal. You might feel that conversations will flow better if you choose someone you have several interests in common with. Ask questions and react to what they say so the conversation does not turn one-sided. Discuss how many times you'd like to write, email, or text. The typical is either once per day, once a week, or once a month. V and I would have no definite time. We would either email each other once every couple of days or once a week. Keep in mind that responses slow down after the first couple of weeks or months. Remember to be courteous about how long you take to respond to them back. We all get busy so do not fret if you end up having a hard time replying. Taking your time to reply is preferable over responding right away, in the case with pen-pals. The way you communicate with a pen-pal isn't the way you'd communicate with someone you see on a regular basis. Your responses are supposed to be in a lengthy written or typed format. Otherwise, if you text or email each other quickly back and forth, you're really just chit-chatting. Unless that’s something you two want. Because pen-pals are real friends, too, that require time commitment, one is enough but if you'd like one or a couple more, take a look at your current day-to-day schedule and see whether you can fit time for these friendships. As a warning, people can drop out and you may have to re-start the process of finding a pen-pal all over. You can start out with a couple, just in case. At one point, I talked with 4 pen-pals. I couldn't keep up with all of them and, eventually, nearly all of us lost touch. As a suggestion on what to talk about, share the details of the small, mundane events that happen to you. You might think they're not interesting but, no one else is in your shoes, so to others, they might be hearing a new perspective or thought that they might find cool. Follow the topics as you would a walking path. You might be led to nearly irrelevant subjects and that is what will make the conversation run smooth. Let them know what your thoughts and opinions are about the subject; do not be afraid to disagree. V came up with the brilliant suggestion to add "currents" at the end of our emails, when we got older and felt that electronic correspondence was more convenient for us. For example, we would write what our current favorite book, snack, TV show and movie was. There is no set structure to follow when writing a letter or an email, as long as it is not a couple of sentences long. You will slowly get to know the person. You do not have to write your whole biography out in your introduction. Everything else that you want your pen-pal to know about you will naturally arise in the conversation. Figure out who will write first. Ask the other person to take the lead, if you're having a tough time knowing what to say. Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all to the flow of conversations --- some of them will be deep and profound, and others will be light-hearted and funny. When writing a letter, gifts are completely optional. With that being said, for those of you who are interested in wanting to add a little extra touch, here are a couple of ideas of what you can stuff inside envelopes without it costing too much money: tiny souvenirs, a map of your town, coin currency, fun stickers, washi tape, tea, stationary material, candy, jewelry, and plant seeds. You can find further inspiration on Instagram or Pinterest. The letter does not have to look aesthetic as you might see on Instagram. Just writing with a pen and paper to send a letter can brighten your friend's day. Something important to note is safety. Get to know your pen-pal through email or DMs first. When you're first talking with the person and you notice they don't seem to talk much about themselves, take it as a warning signal. Another red flag is if they ask you too many personal questions that make you feel uneasy. Listen to your gut! If you live in the United States, you can rent a P.O. box, a mailbox at a post office if you are not comfortable with giving away your home address but would still like to write to your pen-pal. Also, you have the option of just sharing your first name or a nickname with your pen-pal, instead of them knowing your full name. With emails, use a separate one just for pen-pals. And, although this might already be obvious, do not share your number if you pick up on weird vibes. The exceptional quality about pen-pals is that you’re receiving mail, whether physical or electronic, that was specifically made with you in mind. Furthermore, you get to understand a new point of view and peek into another part of the world. Or strengthen connections with people you’re already close with in a unique, personal way. Happy Pen-Paling!
Diet culture is everywhere, both on social media and in real life. It can be harmful with all of the misinformation spread, so in this article, En will share what they’ve learnt to debunk diet culture.
Diet culture is all around us. Whether it’s from social media influencers or even family members, everyone will try to share everything they can about what they think they know. Diet culture is something that values weight and shape rather than health and well-being. This can be recommending restricting food, promoting weight loss products, and anything to do with pushing people to lose weight. This is seen a lot by social media influencers, specifically those who accept sponsors by weight loss companies. Please be careful with who you follow. Something you need to remember is that you don’t need to do anything for anyone other than yourself. Your size doesn’t determine your worth or beauty. Please look after yourself, make sure you eat and keep hydrated, and if you’re struggling please reach out for help. There will be helplines down the bottom of this article. Something big about diet culture is cutting food out of your diet, the most popular I see is cutting out carbs. This isn’t a ‘healthy’ diet. Your diet should consist of a balanced variety of food types, so cutting things out won’t be successful in a diet. Moderation is key. Everything’s healthy in moderation. The concept of ‘healthy’ foods isn’t too great. As I said, everything’s healthy in moderation. Pizza, fast food and burgers are normally depicted as ‘unhealthy’, when in reality they’re healthy so long as you don’t eat six a day. I ate a whole bag of sugary sweets the other day but because I don’t do that every day, I’m trying to remind myself that that’s fine because it’s not something I do often. A balanced diet is healthy, so long as you’re listening to your body and keeping everything in moderation. Going off of the whole ‘healthy’ topic, most ‘healthy’ products probably aren’t any more healthy than the normal alternative. If something says it’s low in fat, it’s probably high in sugar and vice versa. It’s always tempting to go for the healthier option when shopping, but be wary that they’re probably no different to the alternative. When eating, especially with people I don’t know too well, I often compare how much I eat to how another does. This is just a reminder that we’re all different, we all have different bodies and we’re all going to eat different amounts for that reason. As long as you listen to your bodies and eat when you’re hungry, then that’s absolutely perfect. Weight loss products promoted by influencers aren’t anything more than a toxic cash grab. They don’t work, but they will harm your body. Please stay away from these. I’ve seen a lot of people, specifically on facebook, try to sell these. Even if they’re your friends and family, don’t get them. Plus, they’re likely MLMs, which are multi-level marketing schemes, they’re a scam and often leave people in debt, so please stay away. Weight loss products, appetite suppressants and meal supplements are nothing but harmful. Please don’t try them. Measuring BMI isn’t accurate. BMI is Body Mass Index and is used by health professionals to judge weight. I used to use this as a reference but it’s by no means accurate. It doesn’t differentiate fat and muscle. Besides, every body is different. Numbers don’t mean health. Know your body, pick up on abnormalities such as fatigue, joint pains, muscle pains, anything you don’t typically experience that lasts longer than two days. Knowing your body is the healthiest thing you could do. Lastly, don’t restrict yourself. I can’t say this enough. Don’t stop eating. Eat when you feel hungry, listen to your body. Don’t cut things out of your diet to lose weight. Don’t stop eating to lose weight. Restricting yourself will only do more harm than good. If you want to lose weight, please talk to your doctor about setting a plan in place. Remember, your size and weight don’t determine your worth or beauty, nor do they determine your health. Just listen to your body. If you’re struggling with this, please reach out to someone. Please try to get some help. You’ve got this! ~ En Link to global helplines- https://checkpointorg.com/global/ Most of your adolescent life has been spent in school and from elementary to high school, you are preparing yourself for whatever comes after. But, after high school, what really is next?
A lot of people assume that there is one thing, and one thing only after high school. That would be pursuing a higher education, whether it be at a university or a community college. Whichever you choose, earning a degree is a must. Sadly, a lot of students feel pressured to go to college, and they end up going just to please others. At the beginning of senior year, most people are thrown into a hectic whirlwind of college applications, work, school, and whatever else may be going on. Throughout all the years in school, the “C” word is seen as the end goal. After spending most of your life in school, you have to attend even more school, except you have to pay for it. College is extremely expensive (at least in America) and if you are going to go, why not do it for yourself. It is better to pursue a career that you enjoy that does not require college, then put yourself in thousands of dollars in debt just to please others. When people discuss their future in education, they may panic because the adults in our lives can sometimes make it seem like college is a necessity. Is it though? College is defined as an institution one can go to when they want to pursue higher education. As you move on up in the ladder of education, it becomes stricter and they blame it on “preparing you for college”. College provides much more freedom than high school ever could. That is most likely due to the fact that this form of education is optional. The main difference between college and high school is the fact that one chooses to take part in a university. You will not see the majority of your graduating class at your school (if you choose to attend) because everyone has a choice where to go. Some choose universities out of state, and others will choose not to go. Whatever you choose for your future is right for you, you know yourself well enough to know what works and what will not. Teachers are going to promote college because they have been there; they needed to go to even teach. Many of the classes I take in high school make college seem as a necessity to life. In high school, especially during senior year, you will go to meetings that talk about college. There are incentives for those who fill out the form for financial aid, so it is easy to feel as though college is necessary. To battle this close-minded assumption, I think that schools should implicate some sort of lesson or class for those who do not plan to attend college. To be quite frank, college is a necessity for me. However, I do have a friend who has decided that college was not for her. She is very strong for going against the majority and choosing a life that does not put higher education as a priority. If I want to follow the career path of my desire, and be the best at it, college is inevitable. However it may not be for you, and that is more than okay. By taking the time to sit down and really think about your future, you are already taking steps towards it. There are too many career options out there to just have to conform to the “normal” and seek a higher education. It takes time and research to find a job that truly fits you, and does not have a prerequisite of college. High schools spend too much time advocating for college when it may not be the best option. Going to college next fall is my choice–I got to choose what college to go to and my area of study without judgement. Those who do not choose college should be able to have the same experience; they should be able to pursue their desires without feeling as though they are being judged for it. Unfortunately, many high schools do not provide an alternative for those who do not wish to attend college. By simply researching careers that do not require higher education, you would be surprised at the variety of jobs that pop up. I cannot speak from personal experience, however I can provide information that made me realize that not going to college is okay. In the list below, I have provided websites that discuss any careers one can have without going to college. · thebalancecareers.com · fairygodboss.com · nwi.com · military.com · army.mod.uk These are just a few websites that give a little more details on the careers included in the articles. These careers do not require a college degree, however you may have to attend training or an internship. I could provide many websites to direct those who choose not to pursue college, but at the end of the day it is their preference. My suggestion would be getting a mentor, a career coach and visiting job fairs whenever they come around. A career coach’s job is to find jobs that fit specifically with their client’s resume. They can be extremely helpful especially for those a little hesitant about their future. Job fairs are events that allow students to meet with professionals and establish a relationship with their possible future employers. If you do not plan to seek higher education, a job fair is the perfect place. The main issue that teenagers face is the pressure to go to college. That is extremely unfair to the kids whose creativity goes beyond higher education. It is time that we put the shame of not going to college to rest. To put it into perspective for those who think college is a necessity: why put yourself thousands of dollars in debt just to have a job that makes you unhappy? Success does not equal college, anyone can become successful with hard work and dedication. Nobody should have to pay thousands of dollars just to prove they are well–off. Different people come with different skill sets that can be put to use in a variety of careers. ~Camille Although this period is quite tough and draining, I have found that lockdown during the covid19 pandemic has given me the opportunity to discover my passion for writing. I have always known that I’ve loved writing, but since GCSEs were cancelled, I have had a lot of time to explore this part of me. Who would’ve thought that this year, instead of revising for 20+ exams, I would’ve taken a course in screenwriting and began writing a book? If you’re interested in writing but you are unsure of where to start, I’d like to share my experience and hopefully inspire you!
First of all, on a website called FutureLearn, there are many different FREE courses you can do. I have recently completed an introduction to screenwriting which was 2 weeks long and I’m now on week 3 out of 8 of a fiction course. Both courses have taught me SO much these past few weeks and they’re suitable for beginners and experienced writers alike. One thing I found especially useful in my screenwriting course was the various links to different websites to develop my skills and a list of scripts that I can read. There was even a video on how to actually write a script which was super interesting! Even if I don’t want to take up screenwriting in the future, I have learnt a lot about creating characters, dialogue and the structure of stories. If you don’t want to complete the courses or simply don’t have time, here are a few simple tips to help you get started with writing that I’ve learnt:
Finally, what often keeps people from writing a lot is fear that is holding them back. If you learn not to question yourself and just write without self-censorship then you’ll enjoy writing even more. Don’t be disheartened if you can’t find your writing style straight away. I don’t think I’ve found mine yet and that’s okay! If you find it fun, then why not? Especially during this period, if you have more free time, there is nothing to lose from it. Even if writing in your notebook isn’t something worth sharing, don’t worry, because this is something just for YOU and you’re writing with the door closed. You never have to share this with anyone, so pour your heart out. Good luck and happy writing! Futurelearn.com - A great website for free writing courses (there are courses for other subjects too, so I strongly recommend checking it out!) Jerichowriters.com- This website contains great articles for writing and it’s essential to avoid beginner’s mistakes. I hope this article has inspired you in some way and I wish you all the best with your writing journey! -Nicole Have you ever put on a mask to hide who you really were? To forget the past and hopefully gain a new name for yourself? That’s what I did for many years until I realised it was damaging for myself.
I’ve heard many personal stories on how people looked back on their past and realised how they should have spoken to someone sooner about their problems or situations that they were going through. Many people like to use their past to teach a lesson for others so they don’t make the same mistake as they did. One of those people who I admire for sharing their story is ‘Melanie Martinez’. Melanie used to get bullied in school for having a gap in her front two teeth. But from this, she grew to write about her past and turn these songs into number one hits worldwide. Touring to different countries sharing her passion for spreading awareness on bullying. I hid from a lot of my past. I didn’t speak up about it when I should have I suffered in silence for many years until I broke. I didn’t visit the area that this all happened in for a decade because I was afraid of all the bad nightmares coming back. Those nightmares consisted of being with a group of so-called ‘friends’ in a country park. We all went down to the river which was so beautiful but it turned out to be the exact opposite for me after what happened. A decade on and we’re in lockdown, so daily walks are the only thing that I can really do. Myself and my mammy went for one of our daily walks and she wanted to go through that country park where I had not been for years. I’ll be honest, I was so scared that I would see those people again even though it was years ago, it still haunts me. But, I faced my fears of the past and jumped straight into the deep end. Walking through the country park I was picking out the areas where things happened and I felt good about it, especially being with my mammy too. I was explaining to my mammy what happened and when it happened, who it involved and that was the first time I ever came clean about everything. It’s like I faced a demon and a whole weight lifted off my shoulders. I still have some of those nightmares now, but I guess I wouldn’t be writing this article if I didn’t have them? Putting on a brave face for all those years was tough, but you can’t change the past of what happened. The one thing I’ve learnt is that you should never suffer in silence no matter what it is or what it consists of. You matter and you deserve to be heard. That’s why I’m working towards becoming a part of the mental health industry to help others who were/are in my situation be heard. I’ve dedicated my time after leaving high school to help others as that’s what my passion is. I joined TWE for the same reason - to help others worldwide be heard and be seen. So, if you have ever put on a mask to hide you really were, to forget the past and hopefully gain a new name for yourself - you matter and you deserve to be YOU! If you are experiencing bullying and you don’t know where to turn then these are some helplines and websites that can point you in the right direction of getting the help you deserve; National Bullying Helpline; 0845 22 55 787 Open 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday Bully Busters Helpline: 0800 169 6928 Shout Text Shout to 85258 Websites; https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/bullying/ http://www.bullybusters.org.uk/ https://www.childnet.com/young-people -Mel Dear Experienced Drivers from a Newly Passed Learner,
Before getting on the road, I had no idea of what to expect from you. Would you be understanding? Considerate? Impatient? Intimidating? I quickly discovered that the answer was all of the above. I started driving when I was 17 years old and was terrified. The idea of being in control of a vehicle is scary. I did not need you honking at me to get a move on just because you have been driving for forty years and can pull out of a junction with a two second gap between you and the next car. You don't know whether this is our first lesson or our fiftieth. Either way, we are going to be much more cautious than you might be. You honking at us will not make us pull out any quicker, but instead stress us out and perhaps cause us to make mistakes such as stalling or wheel spinning which will in fact mean we take longer to get out of the junction than if you'd just had an inch of patience. The speed limit is a big thing when you're learning to drive. My driving instructor used to put a huge emphasis on the words 'only if it's safe to' when regarding the speed limit. 'Drive at the speed limit, only if it's safe to.' 'Pick your speed up, if it's safe to.' You overtaking me when I'm driving at the speed limit does not help me, Karen. You are being totally irresponsible and dangerous by overtaking me at 80mph on a 60mph road. I don't want to die just because you want to get home for your Friday fish and chips. I would understand you overtaking me if I was driving at 30mph on a 60mph road, but I'm not. Please be a bit more considerate and safe, if not for yourself then for everyone else on the road. Also, only overtake when it's safe. Emphasis again on 'when it's safe.' Don't overtake me in between two bollards or on a bend - I nearly crashed, thanks to you. Driving when it's getting dark is hard enough as it is. It's more difficult to see, my depth perception is completely screwed and I'm relying on headlights and street lamps to light the way. I hated driving in the dark. It made learning hard, because I had other obstacles to compete with than just controlling a car. One of those was inconsiderate experienced drivers like you leaving your headlights on full beam as you drive towards me. It is general courtesy, experienced driver or not, to dip your headlights as you drive towards another driver. But you, no, you just happily blinded me with your lights as you drove past without a care in the world. Being blinded and being unable to see for even two seconds when you're driving is terrifying and dangerous. So for crying out loud, just dip your headlights driving towards anyone but especially a learner driver - it makes the world of difference to us. Another really irritating thing that you did when I was learning and still do now I've passed is tailgating. I noticed an increasing number of people would be so close that if I slammed my brakes on, you would slam right into the back of me within seconds, causing a massive pile up of people having to force their brakes behind you. I hated and still hate people tailgating me because there is no need. You're not going to get where you're going any quicker and you're not going to encourage me to go any quicker either. In fact, I'll probably slow down to force you to drop back - it's more self sabotage rather than gratification. You aren't helping anybody in the end, not yourself and especially not me. Just have an ounce of patience and respect. You wouldn't get all up in my face if we passed on the street so why do you decide an appropriate time to get all up in my grill is when you're driving? It's not and if you could get that in your head, the road would be a much safer place and a lot less cars would be written off. I know this letter to you has been very negative, but I do want to stress that not all of you experienced drivers are bad. Thank you to the good drivers, the kind drivers, the patient drivers. Thank you to the ones who would stop to let me pull out of a junction while the other drivers were honking behind me. Also, thank you to those who would move over on the A1 so that I could get on without having to stop on the slip road (which isn't fun, by the way.) Thank you to the people who left plenty of room behind me to keep us both safe in the case of an emergency stop. Thank you to those who are patient and forgiving, when I make mistakes or take that bit of extra caution on a road that everyone else would speed down. It means a lot to know that not all drivers are bad words. Finally, next time you're on the road and you see a car with an L plate or a P plate on the back, think back to when you were a learner and how you felt. We were all learners once and it's important to treat other learners how you would have wanted to be treated.
I have started to think about what I have learnt this year in the pandemic and that has led to me thinking about generally what else I have learnt in my 20 years on Earth. So I am going to give you the top 20 important things that I have learnt and maybe you'll be able to take something from my experience.
Not all friendships are going to last forever but the ones that do are the ones that matter. You may want to think otherwise but teenage friendships are complicated and chances are, you will lose people. While that hurts, try and remember the friends you still have and be grateful for the ones you carry into adulthood. I have lost a lot of friends in the past few years but I still have one best friend who has stuck by me throughout all the good and all the bad and I am so grateful - I don't know what I'd do without her. It doesn't matter what you're doing, all that matters is who you're doing it with. A lot of things have been cancelled this year because of the pandemic which has meant we haven't had the opportunity to do all the things we want to do. But it did teach me to treasure the moments I spend with people, whether we're just going for a walk or going to a theme park together. The people matter more than the activity so just treasure that time, whatever you're doing. If there is something you wish you could change and you can, then do. I got really down about my weight towards the end of this year because for me, 10st 5lb was the heaviest I'd ever been and I hated it. This is not to say you should hate it if you're that size or heavier but I wasn't happy and wished I could change it and lose some weight. I then realised I could by just doing a little bit of exercise everyday. Now, in the first week of December and the second week of exercise, I may still be the same weight but that weight is muscle, not fat, and I am already happier because people are noticing a difference and I know that, by sticking to this plan, I will get comfortable in my size. Your happiness should not be sacrificed for the happiness of others. Sometimes we can think that other people are more important than we are and that they deserve happiness more than we do, but that simply isn't true. You are important and deserve happiness just as much and if you are having to give up that happiness for someone else, then they aren't worth it. If you care about something, don't let anybody stop you from pursuing that. It is really important to have a passion in life and in work. Sometimes your passion can seem unrealistic and not viable but never let anybody tell you that you shouldn't do something for this reason or that reason or that you're wrong to like something. You make your own luck and I have learnt that the things that are important to me such as acting, singing, writing and photography are too important to give up. Sometimes the people around you do know what is best for you. As much as you may hate to admit it, you are sometimes wrong, whether it be people or things. The people who care about you most can often see what is wrong before you can and they will try to protect or warn you, whether you want to accept their help or not. I have had the wrong impression about a fair few people where my family have seen that the friendship wasn't healthy for me or I was being manipulated or whatever it may be. If I had listened, I may have spent a lot less time hurting and blaming myself. Not being where you want to be right now does not mean you have failed. When I was trying to find a job, I found it really difficult to be rejected from interviews constantly. It was only after speaking to a family friend that he said 'you're at the point where you're ready to move forward, but just because you're not moving right now does not mean you're stuck forever.' So just because I hadn't found a job yet didn't mean I had failed, and that's true because a month or so later I found a job that I loved and am still there now. Just because you're not quite where you want to be right now doesn't mean you're never going to get there. If your mental health is preventing you from being productive, it's okay to take a break. I think that our society can sometimes breed us to feel like we have to be working constantly. There is nothing wrong with hard work but there is a lot wrong with trying to force yourself to work hard when you aren't going to be productive. It isn't good for your mental health and it was only in this pandemic when I was really struggling that I realised it's okay to take a break and be kinder to yourself. By taking that break, you are much more likely to be more productive and get more done in the end once you've had that time to yourself. Getting enough vitamins is actually important. I know it sounds really dumb and cliche but I have learnt that vitamins are actually important, not just for you but for other people that you can help. I have tried to donate blood twice and have been unable to due to low levels of iron in my blood. So I started taking iron tablets and cod liver oil capsules and Vitamin D tablets to get my levels up and not only do these extra vitamins make me healthier and actually improve my mood, but they allow me to help others by donating my blood. I thought they were useless before and didn't really care but this year changed that. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Another cliche, yes, but often the cliches are the hardest things to learn for me. You can do anything you put your mind to and you are allowed to do whatever you want to do. When I first started learning to drive, I was told I would never pass. Three years later, I've passed and driving around like it's nobody's business. So no matter what people tell you, don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. Spend more time outside when you are able to. As with the vitamins, I've realised that spending time outside is much more important than I ever thought before. I'm a very indoor person and don't like being outside but the fact that I had to stay inside so much this year made me really appreciate the outdoors. Appreciate the flowers, appreciate the sunlight, appreciate the leaves and trees. It's also great for your mental health which is always a bonus. You are happy, you are healthy, you are loved, you are successful. This is a mantra that I learnt from Carrie Hope Fletcher that she chanted before every show when she was in Les Miserables. We as humans spend a lot of time deprecating ourselves and thinking 'I could be better at this' or 'I'm not as thin as that person' or 'that person has more friends than me.' But what I've learnt from that mantra is does it matter if you could be better at that or you're not as thin or have as many friends as that person? If you are happy, healthy, loved and successful, then nothing else is important - and you are always loved. Your worth is not determined by anybody else. Due to being bullied as a child, my self worth has always been particularly low because I had allowed myself to believe what I'd been told by other people over the years. What they told me impacted how I saw myself and what I determined I was worth. But that is not right or okay. My worth is not determined by what somebody else thinks of me or says about me or how they view me. My worth is reliant on how I think of myself, what I say about myself and how I view myself. If I think positively about myself and talk to myself positively and view myself in a positive light, then that is all that matters. I am not worth what other people think I am worth but I am worth what I think I am worth. Books can't teach you everything. I love books, truly I do, with all my heart and I love to read. But you can't learn everything from a book. Books are good for learning facts or losing yourself in a story or picking up practical skills like how to DIY. But it can't teach you how to feel in a certain situation or what an experience in your life may be like. Books are good for some things but not for everything and you need to remember that there are some things you can only learn through actually living life. You don't need to know everything about everything. Sometimes it can feel like you need to know everything there is to know in order to be a successful functioning adult but that really isn't true. There are some important practical things you need to know like how to cook or how to change the batteries in your smoke alarm, but you don't need to know everything about the Cold War or the cause of the bubonic plague. That knowledge is useless to you and just taking up space in your brain and you are completely capable of functioning without it - there is not a single adult who knows absolutely everything. Experience can be more valuable than theoretical knowledge. A question I was asked a lot when I was applying for apprenticeships two years ago was 'why do you want an apprenticeship rather than going to university?' and the answer I always gave was 'I think experience is more important than knowledge.' Back then, I didn't fully believe or understand what I meant but now I definitely do. Sometimes there are things that you have to experience in order to learn most effectively and sometimes it is better to get that experience rather than having all the theoretical knowledge but no real life evidence to back it up. Feelings are important things to feel. Feelings are complicated things and they're not always pleasant so it's far too easy to try and bury them or forget about them to stop us from feeling. After 20 years of doing that, this year I have realised that it's important that you let yourself feel in order to process what you are feeling. If you hide them, you are stuck with these feelings and you can't move on while you're trying to ignore them because ignoring them won't make them go away. You can only let them go if you work through those feelings in time by allowing yourself to feel. Listen to the cliches and take your own advice. I've spoken a lot about cliches throughout this, saying this or that is a cliche. But the thing is, they are cliches for a reason, and that is because they are important or true. The cliches are often the hardest things to take on board, particularly for me. I often find myself giving people advice and using cliches in my advice because I think it will help them but when it comes to actually helping myself, I forget my own advice or I just ignore it. It's always easier to help somebody else than it is yourself but it has helped me this year to imagine my problems are someone else's because then I can deal with them in the way in which I'd help someone else deal with them. Your feelings and experiences are valid, regardless of what other people have been through. When I used to go to therapy, I found it really difficult to feel valid and to accept some of the things that had happened to me. I felt guilty over my emotions because I thought that I shouldn't or couldn't feel a certain way because people had it so much worse than I did. My therapist used to tell me that regardless of what anybody else had been through, my experiences and emotions still affected me and were valid. Despite her telling me this four years ago, it took me until now to truly believe it. Just because other people have been through worse does not mean that what I feel isn't valid and does not undermine or lessen my experience in any way. Don't take things for granted. This may seem like an obvious thing and you might not even realise you're doing it but it's important that you are grateful for everything you are given and everything you experience. You might take it for granted that you can go to work or see your friends or go to the pub but this year we've learned that these things aren't an automatic right and we should treasure the fact we get this opportunity. Please let me know if any of these pieces of advice help you or if you have anything that you've learnt that you'd like to share. I'd love to hear it! ~ Kenzie Friendships can end for many reasons, in many ways. Sometimes, it’s a big argument, resulting in all ties being torn apart in a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes there are constant disagreements causing too much stress on both people. Whether calm or explosive, the end of a friendship hurts, but what is not often talked about is when, rather than going up in an explosion of emotion, the comforting, warm fire seems to have gone out leaving behind a cold void.
So how can you handle it when the elastic of your friendship seems to have stretched too far to ever go back to how it once was? For the duration of primary school I had a very close friend andwe had known each other since we were toddlers. We were the type of best friends who would make up handshakes, secret languages, and trade friendship bracelets. In our second to last year I made the decision to take the exam for grammar school. She was very supportive of this, but didn’t want to take it herself. When I passed the exam, we remained very close and promised we would meet up each week. We were willing to put in the effort to remain best friends, even at different schools. This worked for some time, but I began to notice how different we and our interests had become, sometimes it felt as if we were having two completely different conversations. Missing one meet up became missing two and so on. Before I knew it, we hadn’t seen each other in a year. Earlier this year we ran into each other after three years; it was an odd interaction to say the least. Where we would once barely be able to talk because we were laughing too much, now every word felt forced. Our conversation went as far as asking how school was and what GCSE options we picked, and then silence. Although a sad situation there are ways of dealing with growing apart that can make the process a little easier for everyone involved: Acknowledge the friendship for what it was – Whilst it can be sad to remember what a friendship was compared to what it may have become, you should acknowledge that it was once good. It is okay to feel upset over the loss of that, but you can be happy that you did experience such a great friendship at one point and enjoy those memories. Accept that it is not in your control – Everyone changes as they grow up, and that cannot be prevented; growing apart is out of your control and there is nobody to blame. For this reason, the first step to feeling better about it is to accept that change is constant and not something that can be stopped. Rather than looking back, look forward and have excitement for positive changes that may soon take place in your life. Appreciate what you have – When saddened by the loss of a friendship, think of your other friendships and appreciate how amazing they are, appreciate that since that friendship was once so great the chances are you will have other amazing friendships! Forgive – If you have grown apart from someone it can be easy to slip into a feeling of anger and resentment towards them or even yourself. Carrying such a negative weight with you can take its toll, and it is better for everyone involved if you accept and forgive, that way moving on will feel easier. Losing any friendship is extremely difficult, especially when it is out of your control. Often a friendship ending in an argument is easier to handle as there is someone to blame, and an obvious reason, but when it feels like your friendship is a burnt out candle, no gust of wind to be angry at, and no way of saving the wax from melting, it is difficult to get over. Hopefully, this article helps to ease the process of growing apart.
I was named Nathaniel by my parents on the day I was born. My dad’s name is Neal and my mom wanted something that was similarly related to it but not the name in its entirety. So Nathaniel was on the table. My dad suggested the names Jack, Wyatt, and Ian. Of course, these names fell through the cracks. But the way in which they did is ultimately hysterical.
I have two older siblings, my sister being eight years older than me and my brother being six years. Both of my siblings did folklórico, which is a traditional Mexican style of dance. They would go to practice, rehearse, and then of course, perform in competitions. One of these competitions just so happened to be at the Happiest Place on Earth, Disneyland. With my mom being nine months pregnant, she went to her doctor and asked if she would be ok with going to the famous amusement park. The doctor said she was cleared and good to go. Turns out, I was the one who was good to go. My siblings performed and after they changed, my parents surprised them by spending the rest of the day at the park. They didn’t know I was planning an even bigger surprise later on (10 pounds to be exact). My mom first felt like she was going into labour when she was in line for Pirates of the Caribbean. And instead of getting out of line, she decided she was going to go on it and see how she felt after. She’s a champ. After getting off the ride, my mom knew that she was definitely going through labor and because she was with my brother and sister, she knew that if she was to panic, so would they. So she guided them over to a bench and when they sat down, my mom tried to control her laboured breathing. My dad was off trying to get fast passes for Haunted Mansion and when he got back, my mom told him that it was time to go. All while this was going on, a worker was watching my mom and had called security and notified a couple of nurses about what was going on. My mom was put in a wheelchair and had her own mini parade down ‘Main Street USA’. The worker who helped my mom out of the park, his name was Nathaniel. The nurse, who was talking to my mom about her own son, was also named Nathaniel. It seemed evident enough to my parents that that’s what I was supposed to be named. Strangers call me Nathaniel. Anyone who calls me Nathaniel isn’t close to me on a personal basis. Maybe they’re my acquaintance but even then, not a very close one. Nathaniel has zero attachment. It's the base. The neutral. The grey. Not a good or terrible connotation. It’s just... there. Nothing else left about it. Which inherently isn’t a bad thing. It’s the norm. It’s a first impression. But it’s so- Boring. My name means Gift from God. My mom had two miscarriages in-between my brother’s birth and mine. So I was her gift. Granted, I know at some points that there are definitely times where I bet she wishes she kept that receipt, but that’s what happens when you have a ‘moody teen’ in high school. Especially when said high school is labeled to be prestigious. It’s hard to keep up. Not with the work, no, that for certain I’m able to compete in. More like. The weight of the name. The association. And that’s what it’s like to have your name mean Gift from God. I’ve always made friends with teachers. Something about ‘Me being such a mature young man for my age’. I don’t think that that's very true. I mean. I get the point of a kid being mature but in the end, is that what it's like to have conversations with a teacher? I think it’s more along the lines that, growing up, I never associated with kids my age. You can throw me in a room with a group of teens and I’ll make friends with ease, don’t get me wrong. It’s more of, teens are concerned with status and labels, and I’m not. I never have been. Anyways, the first teacher I ever made friends with was a woman named Miss Eno. She was a kind woman, my sister’s fourth grade teacher and, the funny thing was, she never actually taught me. I was just the cute little guy who liked candy. Which she would definitely use to dote on me. Now don’t hate me for this, but candy corn to me, at least growing up, was really good. And she always had a jar full, just for me. She was my ‘fun aunt’ for a while, until she left the school that my siblings were attending. But sometime before that, I can’t exactly pinpoint when it happened or when she started calling me this. But she started to call me Nateybugs. Nateybugs. A name that has been adopted by my family ever since. My mom started to use it at first and it moved to my dad, my sister and brother following. It’s definitely not something that I hear every day. It’s more of a loving and endearing term. I remember this one night in freshman year. I’m pretty sure I had just bombed a quiz or test or something along those lines. And the rest of the day was just bad. No other way to put it. And my parents know that I have anxiety so when I was extra jumpy at dinner that night and I didn’t really want to talk, they knew something was up. Later on that night my mom wanted to talk to me. And she called me Nateybugs. It’s not something that I was used to at this point because I was pretty sure that the name had died when we had thrown away all my old teddy bears. It warmed my heart. Nateybugs is a name reserved for family only. No one outside of my family can call me that and rightfully so. Even best friends know that it’s a family thing. I was quite the mumbler growing up. My brother would often actually shout the word at me if I ever did in front of him which honestly, didn’t really help with that. So when I couldn’t say Nathaniel, my parents decided to shorten my name to Nate. Nate is probably the thing I go by the most, which my mom is definitely not afraid to tell her she hates if you ask her. It’s simplistic. Not something that can have a double meaning. Most people call me this. People ranging from best friends to classmates to extended family members who I only see at Christmas time. They all call me Nate. I don’t know why, but I always wanted to change the status quo. Beat the norm. Because being the norm was what I lacked. Which probably explains why I was able to make friends with teachers. I wasn’t your typical kid in any format. Mostly because my personality is so wide and chaotic (in the best way, of course) that, when I was growing up, I didn’t understand certain things and most kids didn’t understand a lot of things about me. Because on the basis of just knowing somebody’s name. You don’t learn much. People who call me Nathaniel know my name, and physical traits. That’s about it. Nothing else, nothing more. People who call me Nateybugs know me the best. They are my family. They know my chaos, my intensity, my loving, my hope, my aspirations. People who call me Nate. Well, that’s where it gets spread out. Classmates who pass me in the hall and call me Nate aren’t much different than the people who call me Nathaniel. Other people who call me Nate can pick up on certain things about my personality. I’m a pretty energetic person and a lot of people can realize that by just holding a conversation with me. My best friends who call me Nate. They know everything. What inspires me, my comic book favorites, my movies, my love for Disney. And I know that a person knows me by what they call me. Earlier I mentioned I hate labels. It’s not for the usual ‘oh they’re rude’ or ‘oh they hurt my feelings’, no that’s not why. It’s because you can’t really encompass a person by just using one word. People can’t classify other people because people are complex. They have thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams. And using one word to decide that for them? And having that one word be harmful to that person especially. People can be self conscious of whatever you call them. In middle school, I was called plenty of things. But I owned them. I still do. I was called flamboyant, nerd, geek, sexuality slurs, and stuff like that. And to my credit, I owned it. I am flamboyant. I am a nerd. I am a geek. I am gay. But those things are only part of me. They don’t define me. Rather, they describe me. Labels don’t define your identity because a person’s identity is always changing and adapting and growing and it’s not a set list. You can’t point at someone and pinpoint an entire personality on them because they might not know exactly what their personality entails. Kids, teens, and even adults; we always get labeled for everything we do and those things stick to you. Life is always changing, identity is always adapting. The labels that we go by, have to be our own. We can choose who and what we want to be. And with that, what we want to be called. We set the guidelines. We set the labels. So I did. I set my labels into: Nathaniel, Nateybugs, Nate, etc. A hidden disability is an umbrella term to capture a spectrum of disabilities that mainly affect the brain. Let me tell you about how my hidden disability has not only changed how I live forever, but also has shaped me into the person I am today.
At age 16, while on holiday in Florida with my family, it took approximately seven minutes for my life to change forever: I had my first ever epileptic fit. I had never suffered any form of disorder relating to epilepsy previously and at the point I have developed the condition I will be fighting to keep it under control for the rest of my life. My first ever seizure was an interesting experience to say the least… I remember two things from the experience: arguing with the paramedics that “who is the Queen is a stupid question” and asking my Mum what theme park we were visiting that day o, yes, in short the condition does have its lighter moments. However, in retrospect this was one of the scariest moments of mine and my family’s lives. Picture the scene: you are enjoying a holiday and 24 hours later you are watching your son/baby brother being diagnosed with a condition he never knew he had and you didn’t know how to deal with. Like most disabilities, both hidden and visible, epilepsy has affected me physically. It has also taken its toll on me mentally. I cannot drink due to my medication and for many years this made me feel excluded. I thought it made my 18th birthday feel insignificant and on more than one occasion I would not be invited on nights out because I am “boring” because I don’t drink. I have also never been able to learn to drive up until this year and that was without a doubt a knock to my confidence. However, if I could go back and tell my younger self and any kids here anything, it is that you don’t need to have a drink to have fun; you just have to surround yourself with the right people. Surrounding myself with the right people means my day to day life is now incredibly boring and my condition is well under control. I have wonderful friends, family and a consultant who has struck gold with my medication… big up Dr. Steiger. I know I will never be cured and it does dawn on me from time to time that I am fighting a somewhat invisible enemy, but I like to think I embrace that. Epilepsy is a condition that can strip you of your dignity, therefore embracing what comes at you is really your only option. I have been found in some states that could be described as questionable following seizures… conditions that I am very much sure I am not allowed to talk about in this article. However, in a strange way, for me at least, the strange injuries and downright weird incidents have helped me build my character; they give me stories to tell and jokes for people to laugh at. I want people to be able to talk about my condition and it gives me great pride to be writing this article because it gives epilepsy a voice. I want people to embrace having discussions about disabilities both hidden and visible. Danny Auditions can be tricky to get through. Whether you’re going through an agency or not, making a good impression in ten minutes can be hard. If it’s for a school production, professional production or one to get into university, it’s important to get it right.
An audition will normally ask you for a monologue, if you’re auditioning for a musical they’ll normally ask for sixteen bars of music, or if you’re going for ensemble or a dance heavy show then you’ll probably be asked for a small dance routine. No matter what the production is, you’ll always need a headshot and a CV. It’s important to know what you need before going. I’ve worked on the audition table a couple of times, I’ve seen what works for casting and what doesn’t, and even learnt some tricks from people auditioning. It can be intimidating walking into a room and having five or six people sat at a table taking endless notes on your performance, and getting used to that will only come with time. Getting used to auditions will take time, but here are my tips for when you’re starting out. I want to mention that these tips can be applied to other situations too! These can be used in job interviews or in any situation that you need to be ‘formal’, so although these are aimed towards auditions you can use these tips in any situation!
Those are tips I’ve picked up during auditions. These help to make a good impression. Keep them in mind when you’re auditioning. Preparation for an audition can be tricky too, and even though I don’t know much about that, here are some tips I do know -
The thing to remember with auditions is that not every one is going to be a success, and that’s nothing to do with your talent. Don’t let that hinder you. It sounds cliche but it couldn’t be more true. Take every audition with a pinch of salt and let yourself learn things from them. Embrace each lesson because no two will be the same, and I guarantee you can always learn more than what you already know. The most important thing is to never give up. ~ En There is no such thing as heaven.
How can there be? Beautiful, empty words- Fruition of history and wishful belief. But I believe in Afterlife. Not in a paradise or scorching inferno; But through the sin that is Intercourse. Egg meets sperm Under a million circumstances- Under the same sun, The same moon. Passing on, The same blood. Passing on, The same basic elements- That make up life, that sustain life, That will nourish your son and mine. How will they see us? The continuance of our flesh and blood. How will they live? The angels with youthful faces and magically renewed life. When they turn their soft, smooth faces Backwards, and gaze at the path they’re on- The path we’ve carried them thus far on- What will they think? Do they see wisdom? Technology, diplomacy, discovery? Do they see chaos? War, explosions, plagues? Do they see beauty? Art, life, love? Will they even look? Everything I am doing In this life, this short, transitory life Is to redeem myself When I meet my Judgement. And that, my love, Will come through the hands of my children. Therefore you must live, Live to live on- Live to pass on- Our terrible, insignificant legacy. Jesse Figuring out how to best study and prepare yourself for assessments can be tedious and stressful. How are you supposed to study for a math test without any notes? How do you prepare for an essay whose prompt you don’t know yet? And, sometimes even more frustrating, how do you study for a test that is going to include multiple units? Finding how to study can be almost as stressful as the test itself, and if you don’t know where to start, it can seem overwhelming.
It took me a long time to figure out how best to study, especially for math which didn’t have the notes that the other classes had. Throughout middle school and the beginning of high school, I always struggled with how to study for my upcoming assessments. That stress did nothing to help my anxiety about the assessment itself, and I would always get overwhelmed when I would try to study. Usually, I would just end up rereading old notes or skimming through the study guide to see if there was anything that sounded unfamiliar. It was worse for math; I would only look over old problems before calling it quits. It wasn’t until my second year of high school that I sat myself down to really figure out how to study to give myself the best chance on my tests. I went through a lot of trial and error with different studying types before I finally figured out what works best for me. And the way I study varies for the different subjects, even different classes within the same subject. I still get anxious while studying and during the test, but I know going into my assessments that I’ve studied the best way I can. Here are studying tips that I stand by and that work the best for me:
Not all of these tips may work for you, but I’ve found that they work best for me. You may find that rewriting your notes is too tedious and frustrating, and in that case, you could try making a Quizlet out of your notes. I’ve also tried finding Kahoots or other online practice quizzes on the internet and playing those. Try new ways of testing yourself like explaining concepts to other friends who are in the class so that they can help correct you if you miss something, and give yourself the time needed to figure out what works the best for you. ~Madeline Procrastination is vilified endlessly in the media. It’s generalised to be a character trait to overcome - something which holds you back from success. I, however, don’t believe so. Sometimes procrastination has more root in an underlying fear than of simple laziness. Exam season is almost upon us and, as students, the thing we are most guilty of avoiding is revision... so I thought I would share a few tips!
Ultimately, everyone procrastinates. Guilt and anxiety will only make things worse. Instead, try and procrastinate by doing other kinda-sorta useful tasks that you need to do anyways. You’ll get through them quicker and will manage to tick a lot off of your to do list which is often all you need for a flurry of motivation. I promise you’re not alone - we’ll get through it together! Keerthi On May 29th 2020, Artemis Fowl arrived on Disney+. Although it was originally set to come out in theaters, the sudden arrival of the coronavirus pandemic forced Disney to release the movie on its platform instead.
Being a huge fan of the books after reading all of them in fifth grade, I was super excited to see all of the characters come to life, especially Artemis Fowl. I really wanted to see how the author imagined Haven City. However, I was extremely disappointed by the entire film, which was ruined, in my opinion, by the casting. Being Asian-American, I was extremely disappointed with the actor chosen to portray Domovoi Butler, the protagonist’s butler. In the books, the character was Russian-Japanese. However, he was portrayed by Nonso Anonzie, an actor of Nigerian Igbo descent. Removing the original cultural heritage of the character made me wonder if Disney cared about the equal representation of Asian Americans, Pacific Islanders and those of AAPI descent. Although Disney had a good and positive representation in Moana, why was Disney unable to do it here? Additionally, by racebending the role of Domovoi Butler, it seemed that Disney wanted to enforce harmful stereotypes of black servants and scary black men. Holly Short, an elven police officer, was whitewashed. Despite being described as a dark brown complexion, the actress of Short was white. The decision to cast Lara McDonnell seemed ignorant to whitewashing. There are many women of color who are able to portray Short; why did Disney whitewash this role? This isn’t the first time Disney has whitewashed a role; Johnny Depp was casted as a Native American in The Lone. Ranger and Tilda Swanton as the Ancient One (a Tibetan male) in Doctor Strange. These decisions seemed to make Disney appear ignorant of both stereotyping and the importance of representation. I was also disappointed with the casting of the protagonist, Artemis Fowl Jr. Fowl was portrayed by Ferdia Shaw. Shaw was a poor actor and lacked emotion when playing Fowl. It was rather displeasing to watch him and it ruined the film. For those unfamiliar with the Artemis Fowl series, such as my sister, were simply confused by the film. Josh Gad’s poor portrayal of Mulch Diggums made my sister think that he was an imitation of Hagrid from the Harry Potter franchise. The film didn’t explain many concepts to newcomers, expecting them to already understand these concepts. Additionally, the movie felt quite long and dragged on forever, making me want to switch to watch another movie instead. Overall, I definitely would not recommend watching Artemis Fowl. After watching the movie, I was extremely disappointed with Disney. The poor casting of characters and the poorly written script resulted in a film that dragged on for hours. The film definitely did leave me with a foul taste in my mouth. -Jade Our environment is changing as well as the planet’s climate. In fact, the planet’s climate problem is being fuelled by how fast our environment is worsening. Just like my last article, the definition for environmental change is as follows:
‘a change or disturbance of the environment most often caused by human influences’ (Google) What are some examples of environmental change caused by humans? You might’ve already heard of them:
These are only a few factors to our rapidly worsening environment. Some countries such as China and India are becoming overwhelmingly concerned as litter and waste is piling the streets, land and oceans, getting in the way of wildlife and marine life. As the climate crisis comes more and more into light, we now have to look at differences we can make as a society. Again, like in my last article, what could you do to do your part?:
Do you want to live in a world surrounded by rubbish and trash? Nobody has to be a ‘hippie’ to do their part in securing a clean future, so act now.
Shopping.
Some of us enjoy it, and some of us don’t. However, having a tight budget can bring the enjoyment to a screeching halt due to anxiety and stress, plus you can easily end up buying something you don’t want just because you felt pressured and could afford it. However, after going on many budgeted shopping trips I’ve identified 8 hints and tricks to leaving with clothes you really want, and avoiding wasting money.
This may seem like unnecessary hassle, however it can really help in the long run. Having durable fabrics with colours which compliment you means that they’ll last a long time and even limit your need for future shopping trips. Also, having versatile clothing which you can mix-and-match into different outfits is really helpful, as one article can be used in six different outfits, acting as six different pieces. Affordable online shops:
Esme If you could travel back in time what would you tell your younger self? Maybe you’d tell yourself to study harder for that one chemistry test. Or maybe you’d tell yourself to ask that one guy out in seventh grade.
Whatever it is, reminiscing is an important part of many of our lives. As important as it is to focus on the future, it is just as important to look back and reflect on our past. Every single day, from every single experience, we learn and grow. We learn from our mistakes and our accomplishments. We learn from our good days and our bad. We are the product of our past and what we’ve learned from it. Throughout my life, there have been many amazing milestones: my first day of middle school, my first exam, my first boyfriend, and so on. However, with these amazing milestones came the not so great ones: my first time getting bullied, my first time failing an exam, and my first heartbreak. The older that I get, the more time I spend thinking back on everything that has happened in my life - from my best wins to my biggest failures. As I look back, I can see how much I have changed as a person. In seventh grade, I was an insecure little girl that ate in the school bathroom alone everyday and cried herself to sleep every night. I have to admit, I am still not perfect or even anywhere close to it. However, I have changed and grown more than I ever thought I could and from all my experiences and everything I have learned, these are the pieces of advice that I would give myself if I could go back in time:
Life is messy and complicated. But everything that happens is a chance for us to learn and grow, which is why it is so important to be able to look back at the past and learn from experiences. Now that you know what advice I would give to myself, what are some of the things that you would tell your younger self? Have a great day! Erica xx |
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people. You can contact us via email, social media or our contact form.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |